on icons and idols
It's kind of amazing how easy it is for something to become an idol without a whole lot of fanfare. Oh, sure, we don't make big productions out of melting down all our jewelry into golden calves - but that doesn't mean we don't have idols. An idol is anything we look to for something when we should be looking to God. Put that logically, sounds rather silly to be an idol worshiper, doesn't it? Yet we do it anyway... and not always intentionally...
An icon, on the other hand, is something that points us to God. Iconography is something that's become a bit lost, especially in many contemporary churches, but throughout history there have been hundreds of icons that have helped God's people to remember Him. Some are still hanging in our churches - crosses, banners, paintings, statues, signs, things carved into the woodwork or the masonry of our buildings... symbols that point us to Christ.
But, as Madeleine L'Engle once warned, "An icon can far too easily become an idol. Idols always bring disaster to the idolater. An icon is an open door to the Creator; when it becomes an idol, the door slams in your face."*
I have a ritual that has served as icon in my life for the greater part of my worship leading career. (I wrote about it here.) There are two things that almost inevitably happen every time I'm about to get onstage: 1) I totally want to throw up, and 2) I take my shoes off.
The whole nerves thing - I have always dealt with that. I am totally fine as soon as the lights come up - but talk to me five minutes before a service is about to start, and I'm liable to be fighting waves of nausea. I've gotten pretty good at hiding it. And I don't always even notice it myself - it's just part of how it goes.
But the shoes.... the 2 seconds it takes me to kick off my shoes are often the holiest part of my day. It's a ritual that marks a mental shift... an "okay, here we go!" as I take a deep breath and focus for the sprint ahead. And it's as habitual as saying hello to Orion, or going back to the coffeepot for a refill... it's just something I do - it's a part of who I am.
But right now I'm questioning whether it should be.
I have an opportunity the weekend after Easter to lead worship somewhere other than where I normally lead. At my church home, it is widely known and accepted that I lead sockfoot, and it's something that honestly, most of my congregation really loves, or at least respects. But I've been asked to put my shoes on for this particular service, and I've really been struggling with that. The conversation was incredibly gracious. They know where I'm coming from; they understand that it's a serious matter and they're not taking it lightly. But because the height of the platform (which is a whole different can of worms for another day) is at eye-level to the front row, the concern is that my sockfeet might be a distraction to someone in worship, and so, out of love, and an honest desire to help people engage in worship, the church's leadership has asked me to wear shoes.
I cried off and on for about 48 hours about it. Partly because I'd been hoping against hope that God would make a way in this. And partly because I am certain that there is something to be learned from this experience, but I don't know what...
So on Wednesday this week I went shoe shopping. I bought a relatively light weight pair of tennis shoes; they're comfy. They look cool. They're beige and brown so they'll go with about 1/2 my closet. I wanted something to be special still - a pair of shoes to change into, or to wear just on Sundays - something to hold onto... to remind me of everything I usually think about before I go on stage. I seriously thought about buying a pair in several brilliant shades of green, or a pair of ridiculous flip-flops with rhinestones all over them, or something equally hideous... but that would have been following the letter rather than the spirit of the "thou shalt wear shoes" law, so I didn't. I bought respectable shoes that I would wear anywhere.
And I slipped into a ridiculous funk.
We're talking melancholy artist funk of the worst sort. The sort of funk that if it wasn't Lent would probably have involved an entire 1/2 gallon of ice cream. Instead it involved me attempting to metaphorically smash a few bricks in that wall around me, only to fail visibly and miserably. So a friend showed up with a sledgehammer to help.
I think I'm grateful. Except once I started talking about it, my friend ever so kindly suggested that perhaps I've made an idol out of this particular form of worship. He's got a point. Taking off my shoes has always been an entrance into Presence for me - but it isn't some sort of magical formula. Shoeless-ness is not equivalent to Samson's hair in terms of being some sort of power source. The ground on which I stand is holy because God is present, not because I've taken off my shoes to stand on it.
"Why would it be disobedient to lead with your shoes on?" he asked. The only reason I can think of is that I feel like it's something God's asked of me - but I don't know that there was ever a "Hap, thou shalt do this no matter what" from God... I think it was simply a resolution on my part, a habit I chose to embrace as a spiritual discipline of sorts. And yes, it's a biblical form of worship (and in my book, therefore an acceptable practice) but it isn't sin to not take my shoes off either... I don't think. It feels like it, tho. In spite of the fact that it would be sin to defy the leadership by taking my shoes off - or walking out on my commitment.
I tried to "practice" wearing my shoes at rehearsal on Thursday. I only got about 1/2 way through rehearsal before I had to take them off. All I could think about was how hot my feet were. And tonight I led at our evening service, and I left my shoes on... and it was weird. I didn't like it. I had to fight the temptation to just kick them off all night long. I could've - no one would have cared tonight. But somehow I need to learn to do this... to be able to focus and lead well with shoes on. I don't know why. And I don't want to.
God can work thru me whether I have shoes on or not. I go around proclaiming that worship and music are not the same thing, that worship is a lifestyle. So either I should never wear shoes, or I should be okay with going shoeless as a form of worship that I do not need to engage in every time I lead, any more than I need to be flat on my face or raising my hands or clapping or shouting every time I lead...
But I'm not okay with it. And I'm not sure anymore if going sockfoot is an icon or an idol. I know God will honor the fact that I'm submitting to those in leadership over me. (Objectively, anyway.) But I am still desperately... un-Happy about it.
* Penguins and Golden Calves, by Madeleine L'Engle, p.39
ten thousand angels
I'm not sure why he did it; maybe God just spoke to him (this is highly likely) - but my friend Josh dedicated a music video to me last night on iLike (which is a Facebook app for those who wondered). It hit my heart exactly where I needed it to when I watched it this morning. So thank you, Josh. And thank You, Jesus, for the reminder that while dark nights of the soul come in many shapes and sizes and are about many things, there is always morning, always a new day, always new mercy, and always You. Love truly has come for me, and He rejoices over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
It has been an angsty couple of days; lots of emotions, mostly sadness - some explicable, and some ... just there. Wrestling with more than a few things mentally, spiritually, emotionally... Some of it I will post on later this weekend, I hope (time permitting).
I am learning not to do this:
(HT: The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus)
And to maybe begin to do this a little more frequently:
(again, HT: ASBO Jesus)
and learning that I can because this song is true:
It has been an angsty couple of days; lots of emotions, mostly sadness - some explicable, and some ... just there. Wrestling with more than a few things mentally, spiritually, emotionally... Some of it I will post on later this weekend, I hope (time permitting).
I am learning not to do this:
(HT: The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus)And to maybe begin to do this a little more frequently:
(again, HT: ASBO Jesus)and learning that I can because this song is true:
Some of my favorite lines from the song*:
how long you have traveled in darkness weeping
no rest in language, no words to speak
but there in the wreckage beneath bricks and bindings
love has come, love has come for you...
everything worth keeping comes through dying
...so lift up your heart now, to this unfolding
all that has been broken will be restored
...
*This song is called Ten Thousand Angels. It was written by Sandra McCracken and is performed here by her husband, Derek Webb; I believe it's a bonus track on the latest Caedmon's Call album, Overdressed. Don't quote me on that, tho.
on being an artist
"I think that all artists, regardless of degree of talent, are a painful, paradoxical combination of certainty and uncertainty, of arrogance and humility, constantly in need of reassurance, and yet with a stubborn streak of faith in their own validity no matter what. " - Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet, Section 1.14
Yep. Pretty much.
Thank you for putting up with it... :)
Yep. Pretty much.
Thank you for putting up with it... :)
impact posts, part II
Three more to add to the list; I read them this morning and they hit me pretty hard. We're talking "oof!" as the metaphorical sound, and I'm still metaphorically re-learning to breathe again. :)
Desire - It was two things, really.
1) this quote from Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge: "There are times when my soul is being blown about with winds, and I don't even understand the nature of the warfare. If I knew where the warfare was coming from, or if I knew how to defend myself, it would be a lot easier. But I'll find myself caught in a swirl of emotions and uncertainties, and I won't know what to do next. " Yep, pretty much there. Glad I'm not the only one who's been through this...
2) a picture Jake painted: "Song of Solomon 8:5 says, "Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?" That strikes me, and I'll tell you why (surprise!). In the imagery created in that verse, I see a woman holding to her beloved, just looking to him as he moves forward. She doesn't care where she's going; she completely trusts him to lead the both of them true, and she isn't trying to influence the direction. She's just loving him, captivated by him, and willing to go wherever he leads, so long as she can stay with him. " I need to be there with Jesus right now. I so know what direction I want to go about something, and I suspect He's waiting for me to get over it, so we can just move on to what's next. And I don't think He's mad about it, per se, but I imagine He's more like: *deep sigh* "YO." I don't know. Could be wrong. It's early, I'm tired, and I've been an emotional basketcase for a couple of days.
A Great Post... - the title of which speaks for itself.... :) (And you can also find it here...)
Two things (again) - leapt out at me:
1) "Reaching the next generation means change. It means that while the message never changes, the method will. In fact, it must." I believe this with all my heart. It has always been that way. And I have discovered that it is as possible to be a stick in the mud about change as it to be so about not changing... if that makes any sense...
2) "John Wesley...when told he was no longer allowed to preach in Anglican parishes because of his contemporary style, announced: "The world is my parish". He took to the open fields were crowds came to hear him in their thousands..Wesley declared: "I love the rites and ceremonies of the (Anglican) Church. But I see, well-pleased, that our great Lord can work without them.”"
"Like Wesley, there's nothing wrong with loving our particular styles and church fashions. We all have our particular preferences. But we must never forget that God can work without them. Dare I say it, sometimes and in some circumstances God can only work without them."
I think I've probably quoted this before, but one of the Briscoes (I think it was Stuart) talks about exercising what he calls "personal deference" in worship - recognizing that just because something isn't worshipful in the slightest for you during a service, doesn't mean it's that way for everyone; in fact, what's really bothering you is probably quite worshipful for someone else, so instead of being critical, you should look about, find out who it is who's encountering God in that moment, and praise Him for working in that person's life, and allowing them a moment of worship that morning that suits their personal preference. (You might even thank God for allowing you the opportunity to think about someone other than yourself.) zing.... ouch! I'm usually (I think... I hope!) able to do this fairly well when I'm just part of a congregation... but when I'm leading? That gets a little trickier, and I'm not hitting this one out of the ballpark yet. Want to, tho. (Should probably replace the spear collection with baseball bats, then...)
We Are God's Children - I won't say much about this one. It'll speak for itself. Nice, Sara. :) I think what I loved most about it is that somehow my heart just got quiet, and added a fairly... centered ... amen to it. I don't know... maybe it's because I'm about to get a bit of help with my own laundry. :)
Desire - It was two things, really.
1) this quote from Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge: "There are times when my soul is being blown about with winds, and I don't even understand the nature of the warfare. If I knew where the warfare was coming from, or if I knew how to defend myself, it would be a lot easier. But I'll find myself caught in a swirl of emotions and uncertainties, and I won't know what to do next. " Yep, pretty much there. Glad I'm not the only one who's been through this...
2) a picture Jake painted: "Song of Solomon 8:5 says, "Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?" That strikes me, and I'll tell you why (surprise!). In the imagery created in that verse, I see a woman holding to her beloved, just looking to him as he moves forward. She doesn't care where she's going; she completely trusts him to lead the both of them true, and she isn't trying to influence the direction. She's just loving him, captivated by him, and willing to go wherever he leads, so long as she can stay with him. " I need to be there with Jesus right now. I so know what direction I want to go about something, and I suspect He's waiting for me to get over it, so we can just move on to what's next. And I don't think He's mad about it, per se, but I imagine He's more like: *deep sigh* "YO." I don't know. Could be wrong. It's early, I'm tired, and I've been an emotional basketcase for a couple of days.
A Great Post... - the title of which speaks for itself.... :) (And you can also find it here...)
Two things (again) - leapt out at me:
1) "Reaching the next generation means change. It means that while the message never changes, the method will. In fact, it must." I believe this with all my heart. It has always been that way. And I have discovered that it is as possible to be a stick in the mud about change as it to be so about not changing... if that makes any sense...
2) "John Wesley...when told he was no longer allowed to preach in Anglican parishes because of his contemporary style, announced: "The world is my parish". He took to the open fields were crowds came to hear him in their thousands..Wesley declared: "I love the rites and ceremonies of the (Anglican) Church. But I see, well-pleased, that our great Lord can work without them.”"
"Like Wesley, there's nothing wrong with loving our particular styles and church fashions. We all have our particular preferences. But we must never forget that God can work without them. Dare I say it, sometimes and in some circumstances God can only work without them."
I think I've probably quoted this before, but one of the Briscoes (I think it was Stuart) talks about exercising what he calls "personal deference" in worship - recognizing that just because something isn't worshipful in the slightest for you during a service, doesn't mean it's that way for everyone; in fact, what's really bothering you is probably quite worshipful for someone else, so instead of being critical, you should look about, find out who it is who's encountering God in that moment, and praise Him for working in that person's life, and allowing them a moment of worship that morning that suits their personal preference. (You might even thank God for allowing you the opportunity to think about someone other than yourself.) zing.... ouch! I'm usually (I think... I hope!) able to do this fairly well when I'm just part of a congregation... but when I'm leading? That gets a little trickier, and I'm not hitting this one out of the ballpark yet. Want to, tho. (Should probably replace the spear collection with baseball bats, then...)
We Are God's Children - I won't say much about this one. It'll speak for itself. Nice, Sara. :) I think what I loved most about it is that somehow my heart just got quiet, and added a fairly... centered ... amen to it. I don't know... maybe it's because I'm about to get a bit of help with my own laundry. :)
i will not throw spears....
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
(...um.... is archery an option?!) (just kidding!! . . . . mostly. . .)
Back in September, Linda wrote a post entitled The Horrible Art of Javelin Throwing. It was about a book she'd read - one I'd read in the past as well - and it got me thinking that it was probably high time I went and got myself a copy. (I'd read it on loan from a friend.) So sometime this year I finally did; it came a few weeks ago, and I thought as I opened the box, I have a friend I should give this to... and then I thought, no fair! I just got it. I want to at least read it first!!! So I kept it. And read it on the train on the way into the City yesterday. Got almost all the way through it; finished the last three chapters on the way home, and had a good cry the rest of the way. Yes, on the train. (Hey, what's the use of living near a big city if you can't provide as much people-watching entertainment to others as they provide for you?)
The book is called A Tale of Three Kings, by Gene Edwards, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. It isn't necessarily theologically nor historically accurate straight through, but the message of the book is priceless. It's billed by Edwards himself as a book that should be read by Christians who are suffering at the hands of other Christians. Which says something, right there.
It's the story of three kings: Saul, David, Absalom - and how they related to each other. The book extols David's brokenness - and his humility in allowing God to teach him that brokenness. It also warns against the foolishness of an unbroken life, as demonstrated in the various prideful and arrogant attitudes displayed by Saul and Absalom. Much of the book cut me to the core, in terms of convicting me about my own heart towards a couple of people, and how completely self-centered I can be in general.
God sent Samuel to anoint David king years before David set foot in the palace. When David did go to the palace, it was as a giant-killer and a musician, not as king... but David waited. He didn't plot, he didn't plan, he did not usurp authority and take the kingdom by force. He waited on the Lord. He trusted that if God had anointed him king over Israel, God could make him king of Israel. Over the years he spent in Saul's service, the king went mad, became incredibly jealous of David, and began to throw spears at him, trying to kill him. What do you do when someone throws spears at you? Well, you've got a couple of options - you can duck and see what happens next, you can run as far and as fast as possible, or you can rip the freaking spear out of the wall next to your head and throw it back.
David chose to duck. (He was pretty quick on his feet.) He also acted as if it hadn't happened. Forgiveness on a very literal level. "Spear? What spear? Hey, I wrote this new song yesterday, want to hear it?"
Why did he do it? Well, Saul was God's anointed king at the time. He was David's king. You don't kill your king; you shut up and do what he says. So that's what David did. And it's what we're to do. Edwards suggests that we should always ask ourselves, when we find ourselves the target of an authority-bearing spear, "Is this the Lord's anointed?" Only God knows, and time will tell, he says. But you still need to ask, and you still need to act as if the answer is yes. "Asking this question may not seem difficult," he writes, "but it is. Especially when you are crying very hard...and dodging spears... and being tempted to throw one back...and being encouraged by others to do just that. And all your rationality and sanity and logic and intelligence and common sense agree. But in the midst of your tears and your frustration, remember that you know only the question, and not the answer." (p. 22)
So David did not throw spears, and he did not run until Saul forced him to. He did not take advantage of any opportunity to take the kingdom by force, and he wept when Saul died. Then he stepped into the role God had called him to years before. And years later, when his son rose up against him and staged a rebellion, David walked away from the city, because he knew something that few around him understood. Edwards puts these words in his mouth: "The kingdom is not that valuable. Let him have it, if that be the Lord's will... God put me here. It is not my responsibility to take, or keep, authority... If He chooses, God can protect and keep the kingdom even now. After all, it is His kingdom." (p. 78)
I am in a situation right now that is breaking my heart, but I will not engage in the horrible art of javelin throwing. I refuse. I would rather stand here and get nailed with spear after spear until I literally shatter than actually act on my stubborn, selfish, hell-bent pride and fight back.
"The throne is not mine. Not to have, not to take, not to protect, and not to keep." (p. 98)
God can have it. He can take it. He can protect it. And He can keep it.
I really don't have to do anything... except maybe this:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:43-48 (NKJV)
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
i will not throw spears...
(...um.... is archery an option?!) (just kidding!! . . . . mostly. . .)
Back in September, Linda wrote a post entitled The Horrible Art of Javelin Throwing. It was about a book she'd read - one I'd read in the past as well - and it got me thinking that it was probably high time I went and got myself a copy. (I'd read it on loan from a friend.) So sometime this year I finally did; it came a few weeks ago, and I thought as I opened the box, I have a friend I should give this to... and then I thought, no fair! I just got it. I want to at least read it first!!! So I kept it. And read it on the train on the way into the City yesterday. Got almost all the way through it; finished the last three chapters on the way home, and had a good cry the rest of the way. Yes, on the train. (Hey, what's the use of living near a big city if you can't provide as much people-watching entertainment to others as they provide for you?)
The book is called A Tale of Three Kings, by Gene Edwards, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. It isn't necessarily theologically nor historically accurate straight through, but the message of the book is priceless. It's billed by Edwards himself as a book that should be read by Christians who are suffering at the hands of other Christians. Which says something, right there.
It's the story of three kings: Saul, David, Absalom - and how they related to each other. The book extols David's brokenness - and his humility in allowing God to teach him that brokenness. It also warns against the foolishness of an unbroken life, as demonstrated in the various prideful and arrogant attitudes displayed by Saul and Absalom. Much of the book cut me to the core, in terms of convicting me about my own heart towards a couple of people, and how completely self-centered I can be in general.
God sent Samuel to anoint David king years before David set foot in the palace. When David did go to the palace, it was as a giant-killer and a musician, not as king... but David waited. He didn't plot, he didn't plan, he did not usurp authority and take the kingdom by force. He waited on the Lord. He trusted that if God had anointed him king over Israel, God could make him king of Israel. Over the years he spent in Saul's service, the king went mad, became incredibly jealous of David, and began to throw spears at him, trying to kill him. What do you do when someone throws spears at you? Well, you've got a couple of options - you can duck and see what happens next, you can run as far and as fast as possible, or you can rip the freaking spear out of the wall next to your head and throw it back.
David chose to duck. (He was pretty quick on his feet.) He also acted as if it hadn't happened. Forgiveness on a very literal level. "Spear? What spear? Hey, I wrote this new song yesterday, want to hear it?"
Why did he do it? Well, Saul was God's anointed king at the time. He was David's king. You don't kill your king; you shut up and do what he says. So that's what David did. And it's what we're to do. Edwards suggests that we should always ask ourselves, when we find ourselves the target of an authority-bearing spear, "Is this the Lord's anointed?" Only God knows, and time will tell, he says. But you still need to ask, and you still need to act as if the answer is yes. "Asking this question may not seem difficult," he writes, "but it is. Especially when you are crying very hard...and dodging spears... and being tempted to throw one back...and being encouraged by others to do just that. And all your rationality and sanity and logic and intelligence and common sense agree. But in the midst of your tears and your frustration, remember that you know only the question, and not the answer." (p. 22)
So David did not throw spears, and he did not run until Saul forced him to. He did not take advantage of any opportunity to take the kingdom by force, and he wept when Saul died. Then he stepped into the role God had called him to years before. And years later, when his son rose up against him and staged a rebellion, David walked away from the city, because he knew something that few around him understood. Edwards puts these words in his mouth: "The kingdom is not that valuable. Let him have it, if that be the Lord's will... God put me here. It is not my responsibility to take, or keep, authority... If He chooses, God can protect and keep the kingdom even now. After all, it is His kingdom." (p. 78)
I am in a situation right now that is breaking my heart, but I will not engage in the horrible art of javelin throwing. I refuse. I would rather stand here and get nailed with spear after spear until I literally shatter than actually act on my stubborn, selfish, hell-bent pride and fight back.
"The throne is not mine. Not to have, not to take, not to protect, and not to keep." (p. 98)
God can have it. He can take it. He can protect it. And He can keep it.
I really don't have to do anything... except maybe this:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:43-48 (NKJV)
impact posts
Tag, I'm it....
Mike tagged me in a meme ages ago, and I'm just now getting around to it... what can I say, I'm a bit of a slacker sometimes. (just ask the drain in my shower, which is now finally over its identity crisis and behaving like a drain instead of a stopper, allowing water to, you know, drain again...)
Here, forthwith, are the rules:
1. List at least two posts (with links) that have resonated with you. Do not include your own posts!
2. Give a brief explanation why you like the post.
3. Tag four other people.
Here, forthwith, are the posts:
Funniest Worship Leading Blooper Ever - no matter how badly it went, it could always have been worse... no explanation needed, really. just go see for yourself.
Sometimes - Jon's cartoons are always thought provoking, and I often find them at quite opportune moments. :) This one really spoke to my heart tonight actually - both on its own, because I find it very true of myself at the moment - and because of the conversations. Something really cool, and well... this, actually, happened at ASBO Jesus this year, and I love it.
Two posts I re-read periodically because they're just that good - and because they have spoken so much truth and hope into my life (Rach, I am so blessed to know you!): Give Me This Mountain and God Is Good....And I Believe It!!
There are, of course, about a zillion others. Hit almost anything on my blogroll, and you're bound to turn up something pretty sweet.
So here, forthwith, are my tags:
1. Jake - because you need to post something, brother... the song wasn't that fun....
2. Rob - because he's always reading something interesting
3. Ruth - because she's my kindred spirit
4. Valorosa - because you finally commented, and are (forthwith) tagable :) plus i think you're fun, and i've seen you around any number of blogs i also (silently) frequent, so i know you'll have some great posts towards which to point us! :)
Mike tagged me in a meme ages ago, and I'm just now getting around to it... what can I say, I'm a bit of a slacker sometimes. (just ask the drain in my shower, which is now finally over its identity crisis and behaving like a drain instead of a stopper, allowing water to, you know, drain again...)
Here, forthwith, are the rules:
1. List at least two posts (with links) that have resonated with you. Do not include your own posts!
2. Give a brief explanation why you like the post.
3. Tag four other people.
Here, forthwith, are the posts:
Funniest Worship Leading Blooper Ever - no matter how badly it went, it could always have been worse... no explanation needed, really. just go see for yourself.
Sometimes - Jon's cartoons are always thought provoking, and I often find them at quite opportune moments. :) This one really spoke to my heart tonight actually - both on its own, because I find it very true of myself at the moment - and because of the conversations. Something really cool, and well... this, actually, happened at ASBO Jesus this year, and I love it.
Two posts I re-read periodically because they're just that good - and because they have spoken so much truth and hope into my life (Rach, I am so blessed to know you!): Give Me This Mountain and God Is Good....And I Believe It!!
There are, of course, about a zillion others. Hit almost anything on my blogroll, and you're bound to turn up something pretty sweet.
So here, forthwith, are my tags:
1. Jake - because you need to post something, brother... the song wasn't that fun....
2. Rob - because he's always reading something interesting
3. Ruth - because she's my kindred spirit
4. Valorosa - because you finally commented, and are (forthwith) tagable :) plus i think you're fun, and i've seen you around any number of blogs i also (silently) frequent, so i know you'll have some great posts towards which to point us! :)
the praises of men
thoughts on honor and reputation
Mike, over at Simply A Night Owl, recently quoted Abraham Lincoln, who said this: "Character is like a tree and reputation is like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." That stuck with me, and I've been kicking it around in my head for a couple of days now.
It reminded me of something Rob (over at The Spyglass) said in one of his political posts that I actually read and sort of understood - applauding anyone really, for "caring about the reality of honor so much that you're willing to let your reputation swing in the wind." He goes on to say, "As the sci-fi/fantasy author Lois McMaster Bujold has one of her characters say, "Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself. Guard your honor; let your reputation fall where it may."
Reputation. Oh, my goodness... How often do we inadvertently get caught up in our concern for our reputation?
Jake quoted Rick Joyner from his book, The Prophetic Ministry, to me the other day as we were chatting: "If we are to accomplish the purposes of God, we must come to the level of maturity where "the love of Christ controls us" (2 Cor 5:14). Love does not take into account wrongs suffered and is not motivated by rejection, which drives us to retaliation or trying to prove ourselves."
To which I said, "Huh. I never thought about trying to prove myself being a reaction to rejection... tho i suppose that makes sense... preservation against it and all that... Part of this whole "being way too concerned with my reputation" thing that God's been driving home for months now is an almost desperate need to be understood- i knew both things existed, but i didn't realize they were connected until just now..." And I don't think I really had.
But it's true - I so just want people to "get" me, and it drives me crazy when I think they don't.
But reputation is just smoke and mirrors - illusion, subjective. And while I want people to think well of me, I need to become okay with the possibility that they won't. Not all people thought well of Jesus - but He didn't live for the praises of men, although He certainly deserved them. He lived for God's honor and glory, and that is how I want to live. It is how I want to be known by God - as a woman of honor and integrity, as someone who puts Him first, before anything or anyone else. And while I would love for the reputational shadow I cast to be representative of the honorable tree I would like to be (Psalm 1, Jeremiah 17:7-8) - I'd rather just be the tree... standing strong, being steady no matter what winds, storms, or whatnot may come, bringing God all the honor and glory due His Name for Who He is. I need to be living for His opinion of me, and not anyone else's. Until I really start doing that, I'm not going to be able to kick this fear of failure thing I've been wrestling with for years, and writing about since December.
So again I say, "Oh, Lord, help!" and "Thank You for grace."
Amen.
Mike, over at Simply A Night Owl, recently quoted Abraham Lincoln, who said this: "Character is like a tree and reputation is like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." That stuck with me, and I've been kicking it around in my head for a couple of days now.
It reminded me of something Rob (over at The Spyglass) said in one of his political posts that I actually read and sort of understood - applauding anyone really, for "caring about the reality of honor so much that you're willing to let your reputation swing in the wind." He goes on to say, "As the sci-fi/fantasy author Lois McMaster Bujold has one of her characters say, "Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself. Guard your honor; let your reputation fall where it may."
Reputation. Oh, my goodness... How often do we inadvertently get caught up in our concern for our reputation?
Jake quoted Rick Joyner from his book, The Prophetic Ministry, to me the other day as we were chatting: "If we are to accomplish the purposes of God, we must come to the level of maturity where "the love of Christ controls us" (2 Cor 5:14). Love does not take into account wrongs suffered and is not motivated by rejection, which drives us to retaliation or trying to prove ourselves."
To which I said, "Huh. I never thought about trying to prove myself being a reaction to rejection... tho i suppose that makes sense... preservation against it and all that... Part of this whole "being way too concerned with my reputation" thing that God's been driving home for months now is an almost desperate need to be understood- i knew both things existed, but i didn't realize they were connected until just now..." And I don't think I really had.
But it's true - I so just want people to "get" me, and it drives me crazy when I think they don't.
But reputation is just smoke and mirrors - illusion, subjective. And while I want people to think well of me, I need to become okay with the possibility that they won't. Not all people thought well of Jesus - but He didn't live for the praises of men, although He certainly deserved them. He lived for God's honor and glory, and that is how I want to live. It is how I want to be known by God - as a woman of honor and integrity, as someone who puts Him first, before anything or anyone else. And while I would love for the reputational shadow I cast to be representative of the honorable tree I would like to be (Psalm 1, Jeremiah 17:7-8) - I'd rather just be the tree... standing strong, being steady no matter what winds, storms, or whatnot may come, bringing God all the honor and glory due His Name for Who He is. I need to be living for His opinion of me, and not anyone else's. Until I really start doing that, I'm not going to be able to kick this fear of failure thing I've been wrestling with for years, and writing about since December.
So again I say, "Oh, Lord, help!" and "Thank You for grace."
Amen.
the road
Years ago when I first started training to be a worship leader, my mentor gave me a copy of this quote. One of his mentors gave it to him, and he's had it posted on his wall in every office he's had since. I don't have an office, but I have it posted where I can see it, and someday it will be front and center on my desk. So without further ado:
The Road to Spiritual Authority and Leadership
"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heartsearching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageous sacrifice of every idol, a bold uncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by an eternal, unfaltering looking unto Jesus crucified. It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, by counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader who would not be merely a nominal but a real spiritual leader of men, a leader whose power is recognized and felt in heaven, on earth, and in hell." - Samuel Brengle, Salvation Army
I got thinking about all that last night, in a conversation with a friend who's just feeling the weight of his call right now. Following Jesus and living into our calling is the most adventurous, fun, joy-filled, exciting thing we can do... and at times it is really hard. You're responsible for what you know - and to whom much is given, much will be expected. It's part and parcel of how it all works. And it's a joy and a privilege to be entrusted with much, but it also comes with a good deal of responsibility, and there are just days we don't wear it lightly. (And sometimes I wonder if, on the days when I do wear it lightly, I'm being flippant or simply unobservant.)
I am not looking back - at least not in a way that would get me turned into a pillar of salt. (I don't think.) But I have found myself, in a couple of situations recently where people were praying over me and my calling, shrinking back a bit as they prayed boldly, honestly admitting that I'm not sure I can do this... It is a road I want to take - a road I've been asking to take for quite some time - and now that it's here... I'm afraid.
I am not so afraid that I don't have what it takes. I've seen how God's gifted me, and I've seen how He's blessed what I'm doing.... this is the call. But I'm afraid of getting caught up in that. I'm afraid of being too focused on my call and not focused enough on Him who called me. I'm afraid of letting the praises of men take precedence over the opinion of my King... I'm afraid of allowing my motivation to be wanting people to like me rather than resting in the fact that He loves me...
Which I suppose, as long as I don't let it paralyze me, might actually be healthy. (I am still not quite sure about this.) But maybe if I'm afraid of all that, I won't allow myself to end up there.
If God launches me onto any kind of platform from which I can share the gospel and declare the greatness of His Name, I don't want it to be because I planned and strategized how to get there, or because anyone else did. I want it to be because I've been face down, sold out, and totally committed, and He knows I can be trusted with it. And I want it to be because it cost me something to get there - so that I will never forget that it is not about me, for even a second.
The Road to Spiritual Authority and Leadership
"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heartsearching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageous sacrifice of every idol, a bold uncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by an eternal, unfaltering looking unto Jesus crucified. It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, by counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader who would not be merely a nominal but a real spiritual leader of men, a leader whose power is recognized and felt in heaven, on earth, and in hell." - Samuel Brengle, Salvation Army
I got thinking about all that last night, in a conversation with a friend who's just feeling the weight of his call right now. Following Jesus and living into our calling is the most adventurous, fun, joy-filled, exciting thing we can do... and at times it is really hard. You're responsible for what you know - and to whom much is given, much will be expected. It's part and parcel of how it all works. And it's a joy and a privilege to be entrusted with much, but it also comes with a good deal of responsibility, and there are just days we don't wear it lightly. (And sometimes I wonder if, on the days when I do wear it lightly, I'm being flippant or simply unobservant.)
I am not looking back - at least not in a way that would get me turned into a pillar of salt. (I don't think.) But I have found myself, in a couple of situations recently where people were praying over me and my calling, shrinking back a bit as they prayed boldly, honestly admitting that I'm not sure I can do this... It is a road I want to take - a road I've been asking to take for quite some time - and now that it's here... I'm afraid.
I am not so afraid that I don't have what it takes. I've seen how God's gifted me, and I've seen how He's blessed what I'm doing.... this is the call. But I'm afraid of getting caught up in that. I'm afraid of being too focused on my call and not focused enough on Him who called me. I'm afraid of letting the praises of men take precedence over the opinion of my King... I'm afraid of allowing my motivation to be wanting people to like me rather than resting in the fact that He loves me...
Which I suppose, as long as I don't let it paralyze me, might actually be healthy. (I am still not quite sure about this.) But maybe if I'm afraid of all that, I won't allow myself to end up there.
If God launches me onto any kind of platform from which I can share the gospel and declare the greatness of His Name, I don't want it to be because I planned and strategized how to get there, or because anyone else did. I want it to be because I've been face down, sold out, and totally committed, and He knows I can be trusted with it. And I want it to be because it cost me something to get there - so that I will never forget that it is not about me, for even a second.
a happy day
Today was a good day. :)
It is the 17th anniversary of the day I became a follower of Jesus. Wow.... 17 years. In so many ways it still feels like yesterday... 'course, in light of eternity, it kind of was...
I led worship this weekend at my church, and it was just sweet - not just worship in general, tho it truly was - but to be leading worship - to be doing something I am so confident I am called to do on a day this special.... it was just sweet. Add in 4 hours in a coffee shop, several conversations with good friends, the sunshine this morning and 50 degree weather after weeks of bitter cold, and I would have chalked it up to a good day as is....
Orion has always been my favorite constellation. Ever since I was a kid and learned how to see him up there, I have always (fancifully) thought of him as my protector. I no longer see it quite that way - he is an icon now - a reminder in the heavens that I have a Protector... but I still say hi. :) So I paused on my front walk on the way in tonight, and turned to say hi to Orion while loitering in the spring breeze... and there was a sky-wide arc of white misty cloud right over Orion's head that looked ever so much like a rainbow.... and I heard God's whisper to my heart: "I promise."
*happy sigh* and He's to be taken at His word....
It was a good day.
Happy Anniversary, Jesus. And thank You for this wonderful gift of life with You. Amen.
It is the 17th anniversary of the day I became a follower of Jesus. Wow.... 17 years. In so many ways it still feels like yesterday... 'course, in light of eternity, it kind of was...
I led worship this weekend at my church, and it was just sweet - not just worship in general, tho it truly was - but to be leading worship - to be doing something I am so confident I am called to do on a day this special.... it was just sweet. Add in 4 hours in a coffee shop, several conversations with good friends, the sunshine this morning and 50 degree weather after weeks of bitter cold, and I would have chalked it up to a good day as is....
Orion has always been my favorite constellation. Ever since I was a kid and learned how to see him up there, I have always (fancifully) thought of him as my protector. I no longer see it quite that way - he is an icon now - a reminder in the heavens that I have a Protector... but I still say hi. :) So I paused on my front walk on the way in tonight, and turned to say hi to Orion while loitering in the spring breeze... and there was a sky-wide arc of white misty cloud right over Orion's head that looked ever so much like a rainbow.... and I heard God's whisper to my heart: "I promise."
*happy sigh* and He's to be taken at His word....
It was a good day.
Happy Anniversary, Jesus. And thank You for this wonderful gift of life with You. Amen.
steady
An Encounter with Two Very Different Sorts of Lions
There is nothing but the quiet hush of snow still falling in the middle of nowhere... it is beautiful. Peaceful. Trees laden with two inches of pure white, branches stretching to a dark sky. This should be a holy moment. It should...
But it isn't. At least... not at first.
I am driving along on my way to and from church, and on both trips I have the exact same experience. I don't know how else to explain it than this:
1 Peter 5:7-11:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (NIV)
I am trying to do this:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (v.7, NIV)
It ends up being more of a wallowing in the anxieties than a casting of them. Exit: self-control and alertness. Enter: panic, and a very snarly wildcat that has some very vocal opinions of a few people it knows wouldn't like it and more than a few lies it would like me to believe.
Resistance? "Oh, God, please help me." It is the best I can manage.
And there are the trees. Standing tall. Rooted deeply. Covered in pure white snow. Surrounded by quietness. And I hear God whisper... "Steady."
What is that supposed to mean? I am sure it is meant to be comforting, tho I do not understand. I cling to it. Try to ignore the snarling. Keep driving. Get where I'm going. Melt down for a couple of minutes (I'm a girl, I'm entitled). Take a deep breath and get on with what's next...
Rachel posted this a few days ago - a different analogy of maybe a somewhat similar situation, in terms of all hell breaking loose, tho in my case it is much more mental. Ruth commented on her post and reminded us of Jeremiah 17:7-8, which says: "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Two days later, God's word to me, "Steady...", in light of those verses, makes much sense. And it makes me laugh that v.10 (NIV) says that God will make us "strong, firm, and steadfast..." Steady...
The NKJV (v.10) says, "May the God of all grace....perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." Settle... I like that. I need that, internally. Praise God, I've found a bit of that since the drive... I honestly suspect someone was praying for me even that night, because I could tell you exactly the moment when I started to feel settled...
I've been thinking a lot lately about these verses from Ephesians - mostly because I'm going to be preaching on them (and probably tying them into my failure issues - preach what you know, right?) and praying through this particular experience, I think they really apply:
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19
Rooted and established in love... like a tree. If my roots go deep, if I'm established in God's love, that wildcat can roar all it wants to, and it won't matter. I'm standing tall, arms stretched against the darkness, worshiping my Maker, and totally clothed in white.
1 Peter 5:8-11 (The Message): "Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does."
"It won't be long before this generous God...will have you put together and on your feet for good... He gets the last word."
I love it that God's roar is so loud... and all He whispered was, "Steady..."
There is nothing but the quiet hush of snow still falling in the middle of nowhere... it is beautiful. Peaceful. Trees laden with two inches of pure white, branches stretching to a dark sky. This should be a holy moment. It should...
But it isn't. At least... not at first.
I am driving along on my way to and from church, and on both trips I have the exact same experience. I don't know how else to explain it than this:
1 Peter 5:7-11:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (NIV)
I am trying to do this:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (v.7, NIV)
It ends up being more of a wallowing in the anxieties than a casting of them. Exit: self-control and alertness. Enter: panic, and a very snarly wildcat that has some very vocal opinions of a few people it knows wouldn't like it and more than a few lies it would like me to believe.
Resistance? "Oh, God, please help me." It is the best I can manage.
And there are the trees. Standing tall. Rooted deeply. Covered in pure white snow. Surrounded by quietness. And I hear God whisper... "Steady."
What is that supposed to mean? I am sure it is meant to be comforting, tho I do not understand. I cling to it. Try to ignore the snarling. Keep driving. Get where I'm going. Melt down for a couple of minutes (I'm a girl, I'm entitled). Take a deep breath and get on with what's next...
Rachel posted this a few days ago - a different analogy of maybe a somewhat similar situation, in terms of all hell breaking loose, tho in my case it is much more mental. Ruth commented on her post and reminded us of Jeremiah 17:7-8, which says: "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Two days later, God's word to me, "Steady...", in light of those verses, makes much sense. And it makes me laugh that v.10 (NIV) says that God will make us "strong, firm, and steadfast..." Steady...
The NKJV (v.10) says, "May the God of all grace....perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." Settle... I like that. I need that, internally. Praise God, I've found a bit of that since the drive... I honestly suspect someone was praying for me even that night, because I could tell you exactly the moment when I started to feel settled...
I've been thinking a lot lately about these verses from Ephesians - mostly because I'm going to be preaching on them (and probably tying them into my failure issues - preach what you know, right?) and praying through this particular experience, I think they really apply:
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19
Rooted and established in love... like a tree. If my roots go deep, if I'm established in God's love, that wildcat can roar all it wants to, and it won't matter. I'm standing tall, arms stretched against the darkness, worshiping my Maker, and totally clothed in white.
1 Peter 5:8-11 (The Message): "Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does."
"It won't be long before this generous God...will have you put together and on your feet for good... He gets the last word."
I love it that God's roar is so loud... and all He whispered was, "Steady..."
accept my heart
One of my favorite things to do is read thru hymnbooks. Quirky? Yes. But there it is. I also really enjoy re-writing hymns - we're doing what I think is a pretty fun version of Just As I Am at Torch these days; of course, I'm biased, since I wrote it. :) As I was looking for a hymn to rewrite, I stumbled across this one, and I love the words:
My God, Accept My Heart This Day
words by Matthew Bridges (1800-1894) / original tune by William James (1726-1800)
My God, accept my heart this day, and make it always thine,
That I from Thee no more may stray, no more from Thee decline.
Before the cross of Him who died, behold, I prostrate fall
Let every sin be crucified, let Christ be all in all.
Anoint me with Thy heavenly grace, adopt me for Thine own,
That I may see Thy glorious face, and worship at Thy throne.
Let every thought, and work, and word, to Thee be ever given;
Then life shall be Thy service, Lord, and death the gate of heaven.
Granted, the theology of that last verse is a little questionable (death will be the gate of heaven by grace, not by works, and one could argue that we're already living into that not-yet reality tho we're still here now...) but hey, it's hard to rhyme much with "given." :)
I really love that first verse, because it gets at a reality I don't always live into - that our acceptance is based on God's favor and not our own merit - and is guaranteed because He said it was. Not straying, not declining - left to our devices, we would stray and decline, no matter how much willpower we put into it (I dislike that intensely about myself) - but by grace, we are empowered to live in a way that keeps us on God's narrow way.
We sang a song last night that I've loved for ages - Steve Fee's Madly - and the chorus says, "I'm madly in love with you." I sang it pretty objectively. I am madly in love with God - I wouldn't be walking this walk if I wasn't - but I didn't feel like I was madly in love... but I suppose we don't, always - feel it, that is. Doesn't make it less true, tho... I'm pretty sure.
(HT: ASBO Jesus)
Sometimes it amazes me that we can very authentically say all three of those things at the same time... but I love it that we can...
My God, Accept My Heart This Day
words by Matthew Bridges (1800-1894) / original tune by William James (1726-1800)
My God, accept my heart this day, and make it always thine,
That I from Thee no more may stray, no more from Thee decline.
Before the cross of Him who died, behold, I prostrate fall
Let every sin be crucified, let Christ be all in all.
Anoint me with Thy heavenly grace, adopt me for Thine own,
That I may see Thy glorious face, and worship at Thy throne.
Let every thought, and work, and word, to Thee be ever given;
Then life shall be Thy service, Lord, and death the gate of heaven.
Granted, the theology of that last verse is a little questionable (death will be the gate of heaven by grace, not by works, and one could argue that we're already living into that not-yet reality tho we're still here now...) but hey, it's hard to rhyme much with "given." :)
I really love that first verse, because it gets at a reality I don't always live into - that our acceptance is based on God's favor and not our own merit - and is guaranteed because He said it was. Not straying, not declining - left to our devices, we would stray and decline, no matter how much willpower we put into it (I dislike that intensely about myself) - but by grace, we are empowered to live in a way that keeps us on God's narrow way.
We sang a song last night that I've loved for ages - Steve Fee's Madly - and the chorus says, "I'm madly in love with you." I sang it pretty objectively. I am madly in love with God - I wouldn't be walking this walk if I wasn't - but I didn't feel like I was madly in love... but I suppose we don't, always - feel it, that is. Doesn't make it less true, tho... I'm pretty sure.
(HT: ASBO Jesus)
Sometimes it amazes me that we can very authentically say all three of those things at the same time... but I love it that we can...
the bucket list, addendum
I left a couple items off the list by accident:
11. I want to open for Chris Tomlin. Even just once. :)
12. I want to be the voice of a main character in one of the animated Barbie movies. (Laugh if you will, but The 12 Dancing Princesses and The Island Princess are great movies, in spite of their minor script issues...) :)
11. I want to open for Chris Tomlin. Even just once. :)
12. I want to be the voice of a main character in one of the animated Barbie movies. (Laugh if you will, but The 12 Dancing Princesses and The Island Princess are great movies, in spite of their minor script issues...) :)
tra-la-la, la-la-la... oooh! see the bunnies....
Rabbit trail!
This one is fun. :)
So someone accidentally searched my blog instead of the internet yesterday, and the search phrase was "if I were queen."
LOL! okay.... (it does, by the way, turn up some interesting results as a Google search...) :D
All questions aside as to why this person was googling that - it reminded me of a song. :) Burl Ives sang this song in an old Disney movie called So Dear To My Heart, which I am happy to tell you I just found out is being re-released on May 13th. :) The song was on a record my sister and I used to listen to, back in the days when putting on a record and lazing about on the couch listening to it was the height of indoor entertainment... It's Lavender Blue, and the first verse goes like this:
The Ordinary Princess is the story of Her Serene Royal Highness, Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne - who is given by one of her many fairy godmothers the gift of being ordinary. She is so ordinary, in fact, that not one prince can be coerced to see past it and marry her. Which really doesn't bother her all that much. :) She is, however, quite bothered by her parents' issues with all of it, and finally decides to run off. So she climbs out the window, and heads off for grand adventures in peasantry. She becomes a scullery maid in the castle of a neighboring kingdom, and meets (of course) a page boy, and the two become best of friends. But neither of them believe anything can come of it, because they both have secrets. By the end of the book, of course, all is revealed in due time, and everyone lives happily ever after, including the fairy godmother, who knew all along that true happiness comes when you are loved for simply being who you are, and not for all the frills or finery that may (or may not) accompany your lot.
This past Wednesday I led worship for an event at my church, and for various reasons I was a little nervous going in. It's what I love doing more than anything - this worship leading thing - and usually I'm ok (except for the inevitable "I think I'm going to puke" moment that happens 5 minutes before the service almost every time - which I have learned to just ride out because it'll go away as soon as the lights come up) - but this time around there were a couple of people there whose opinion matters a great deal to me, and I found myself fighting a desire to "perform" - which was really more about doing well and not screwing up than it was about acting/performing, honestly, but it didn't make the temptation to be "onstage" any less sin. I botched a few things in the first set. Pride and any possible shred of arrogance fled and got trampled in those moments. But the second half of the evening went incredibly well, and it was fun - because I gave up trying to impress anyone except Jesus, and I knew I didn't really need to impress Him. So I just played and sang my heart out...
And Friday, a good friend called to tell me (in response to my last post here) that on Wednesday, she had been praying that as I led worship that night, that I would simply be myself as I led.
God loves me.
I know that sounds a bit preschool in terms of theology, but every now and again I just get blown away by the reality of it, and find myself floored by it. On Thursday night, as I was praying with some friends, I had a picture in my mind of something that represented me and what God is doing in my life; and on Friday morning, one of the "picture of the day" gadgets on my homepage was almost exactly the same image. Someone googles "if i were queen" and I go hopping down a bunny trail that reminds me that I am loved by a King who loves me just as I am - and that all the trappings of "success" aren't worth much... and that story reminds me of some sermons I've been listening to, and what God's been doing in my heart as I've listened, and the transformation that I am undergoing, the shifting that's taking place at the core of who I am, and the refinement that is making me more like Him - and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time for the amazingness of this God we serve, and the love with which He showers us. "How great is our God..." "dilly, dilly..."
*wistful sigh* I think I'm in love... :)
This one is fun. :)
So someone accidentally searched my blog instead of the internet yesterday, and the search phrase was "if I were queen."
LOL! okay.... (it does, by the way, turn up some interesting results as a Google search...) :D
All questions aside as to why this person was googling that - it reminded me of a song. :) Burl Ives sang this song in an old Disney movie called So Dear To My Heart, which I am happy to tell you I just found out is being re-released on May 13th. :) The song was on a record my sister and I used to listen to, back in the days when putting on a record and lazing about on the couch listening to it was the height of indoor entertainment... It's Lavender Blue, and the first verse goes like this:
- Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, rosemary's green,
- When I am king, dilly, dilly, you shall be queen.
- Who told you so, dilly, dilly, who told you so?
- 'Twas my own heart, dilly, dilly, that told me so.
The Ordinary Princess is the story of Her Serene Royal Highness, Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne - who is given by one of her many fairy godmothers the gift of being ordinary. She is so ordinary, in fact, that not one prince can be coerced to see past it and marry her. Which really doesn't bother her all that much. :) She is, however, quite bothered by her parents' issues with all of it, and finally decides to run off. So she climbs out the window, and heads off for grand adventures in peasantry. She becomes a scullery maid in the castle of a neighboring kingdom, and meets (of course) a page boy, and the two become best of friends. But neither of them believe anything can come of it, because they both have secrets. By the end of the book, of course, all is revealed in due time, and everyone lives happily ever after, including the fairy godmother, who knew all along that true happiness comes when you are loved for simply being who you are, and not for all the frills or finery that may (or may not) accompany your lot.
This past Wednesday I led worship for an event at my church, and for various reasons I was a little nervous going in. It's what I love doing more than anything - this worship leading thing - and usually I'm ok (except for the inevitable "I think I'm going to puke" moment that happens 5 minutes before the service almost every time - which I have learned to just ride out because it'll go away as soon as the lights come up) - but this time around there were a couple of people there whose opinion matters a great deal to me, and I found myself fighting a desire to "perform" - which was really more about doing well and not screwing up than it was about acting/performing, honestly, but it didn't make the temptation to be "onstage" any less sin. I botched a few things in the first set. Pride and any possible shred of arrogance fled and got trampled in those moments. But the second half of the evening went incredibly well, and it was fun - because I gave up trying to impress anyone except Jesus, and I knew I didn't really need to impress Him. So I just played and sang my heart out...
And Friday, a good friend called to tell me (in response to my last post here) that on Wednesday, she had been praying that as I led worship that night, that I would simply be myself as I led.
God loves me.
I know that sounds a bit preschool in terms of theology, but every now and again I just get blown away by the reality of it, and find myself floored by it. On Thursday night, as I was praying with some friends, I had a picture in my mind of something that represented me and what God is doing in my life; and on Friday morning, one of the "picture of the day" gadgets on my homepage was almost exactly the same image. Someone googles "if i were queen" and I go hopping down a bunny trail that reminds me that I am loved by a King who loves me just as I am - and that all the trappings of "success" aren't worth much... and that story reminds me of some sermons I've been listening to, and what God's been doing in my heart as I've listened, and the transformation that I am undergoing, the shifting that's taking place at the core of who I am, and the refinement that is making me more like Him - and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time for the amazingness of this God we serve, and the love with which He showers us. "How great is our God..." "dilly, dilly..."
*wistful sigh* I think I'm in love... :)
fasting, repentance and freedom
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken. - Isaiah 58:6-14
The first time I fasted was about a year after I came to the Lord... so I was probably, I don't know, 17? Young, anyway. :) I didn't have a clue what I was doing or why I was doing it - the camp where I'd come to Christ held a few retreat weekends throughout the year, and they'd asked us to fast at least a meal that weekend - I (in a fit of maturity, I'm sure) decided to fast the first one and get it over with. (Just kidding... I think...) :) I'm honestly not sure now what the motivation was exactly, but there I was, at the first dinner of the weekend, smelling all that good food and listening to all my friends catch up on the past couple of months' news - and I was "starving." So I went and camped out on the stairs around the corner with my Bible and looked up fasting, trying to figure this thing out...
And God gave me His vision for my future.
I read Isaiah 58 that day, and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. Do this. This is who I'm making you to be. These are the things that are to mark your life... I'm sure those weren't His exact words, but that was the jist of it.
And in the 17 years I've been chasing Jesus, I have never forgotten it. It's always been there, in the back of my head, as some future thing...
Sometimes I am so incredibly daft...
This Lenten fast I've been doing has largely been an act of obedience - I knew I was supposed to do it. I know on a practical level that it will help me physically and bring healing, as I stop eating foods that harm and start eating foods that heal. I know that there are things that fasting has always done in the lives of God's people - biblically, fasts are ordered for purification, repentance, and discernment.* Lenten fasts in particular tend to be for repentance...** tho I wasn't sure what I was repenting for aside from eating a whole lot of junk and thereby choosing to be less than whole on purpose. I suppose on some level I was fasting for all three things - I have been in the midst of what feels like one of the most major shifts I've ever been through over the past four or five months, and while I have ideas of what He's doing and where this process is going, I've been wanting more clarity, and longing for holiness more than ever as I've taken one faltering step after another down this path on which I currently find myself (as the ground continues to heave unpredictably, and I still distrust my ability to walk it even when the ground is behaving...).
When God first gave me this passage as a calling, I thought of it mostly in terms of how I would live in regards to other people, and I did not anticipate this verse being true of me:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
And yet, last night, this is exactly what happened...tho it is my sense that it was only the... well, beginning isn't quite the right word, because it began awhile ago, but it's not the end either... hm... it was only a step, then - but it was a significant one for all that. Some things have happened over the course of my life that have been terribly unjust. Because of those things, I learned some patterns of thought that were neither healthy nor true. I became intellectually and emotionally bound by them, and the harshness of the judgment with which I have learned to look at myself has yoked me to an unrealistic standard - and worse, an even more unrealistic expectation of how to achieve it. I have been wrestling for weeks now with three major issues: my temper, my rebelliousness, and my issues with failure/perfectionism. They tie into everything - and I have been increasingly convicted of my need to surrender those things to the Lord - and, true to form, I've tried to do it on my own. *sigh* what was that about being daft?
And last night, as someone prayed over me, I realized that a) there's been a spiritual component to those three struggles that I have not acknowledged, and over which God alone has authority; and b) that I cannot on my own overcome them - that what I need is the Holy Spirit at work in my heart and mind to transform me into His image. Jesus said to be perfect (Matthew 5:48) and then He sent us a Counselor to aid us in that task. I have been treating my life, and even holiness, as a project at which I can succeed or fail on my own - and yes, I bear responsibility - but surrender is ultimately the key to getting anywhere, and all I've surrendered to is a false belief that I am going to mess it up...
The chains have been loosened - I felt them start to slip last night. The cords have been untied - truth is unknotting the veil of deception through which I've been seeing for far too long. I am slightly more free today - and the yoke is about to get smashed.
It is going to be a good day.
*Mudhouse Sabbath, by Lauren Winner - p. 86
** p. 85
prophetic ponderings
I don't know where you all come down on the myriad issues and questions about the prophetic. To sum up where I'm coming from, I would define prophecy as encouragement and exhortation, its purpose being to build up the church and/or individual believers within the church. Along with that, I believe that God can and does speak through visions and dreams, and through words of wisdom and knowledge (when He tells someone something very specific about either the present or the future, either for themselves, or someone else), etc. That said, in spite of all I've seen, I am still also pretty skeptical about all of it.
Which makes it tricky.
I've seen the prophetic do some pretty amazing things in terms of building up people's faith, and encouraging them in dark times. I've also seen it misused, misinterpreted, etc., causing great harm. Not irreperable, necessarily, but unnecessary...
So what do you do when you feel like God's told you something? A few months ago, I had an extremely strong impression about something. But other voices - respected voices - had other opinions and so I stayed silent. Mistake? I don't know. I'm not sure I would have been heard. I am sure my motivation would have come under question. And so I said nothing. As it turned out my impressions were - for the most part - correct. I did pray about it - which is the first and foremost thing we're to do with anything we hear from the Lord - continuing in conversation with Him - but was it the only thing to do? I don't know.
There are two situations that have arisen over the past two weeks in which my very strong impressions and the respected voices differ. What do I do?!?! Pray, pray, pray - yes. But silence matters as much as its lack. What's the proverb? oooh - there's three of them (i doubt that's coincidence):
Proverbs 11:14 - For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure.
Proverbs 15:22 - Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 24:5-6 - A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength; for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.
and then there's this:
Proverbs 24:7 - Wisdom is too high for a fool; in the assembly at the gate he has nothing to say.
Is he a fool because he has nothing to say? Or is he speechless because he's an idiot, and he just doesn't understand anything?
Either way, I'd far rather be an adviser than a fool - but I don't want to be a foolish adviser, either. *sigh*
Which makes it tricky.
I've seen the prophetic do some pretty amazing things in terms of building up people's faith, and encouraging them in dark times. I've also seen it misused, misinterpreted, etc., causing great harm. Not irreperable, necessarily, but unnecessary...
So what do you do when you feel like God's told you something? A few months ago, I had an extremely strong impression about something. But other voices - respected voices - had other opinions and so I stayed silent. Mistake? I don't know. I'm not sure I would have been heard. I am sure my motivation would have come under question. And so I said nothing. As it turned out my impressions were - for the most part - correct. I did pray about it - which is the first and foremost thing we're to do with anything we hear from the Lord - continuing in conversation with Him - but was it the only thing to do? I don't know.
There are two situations that have arisen over the past two weeks in which my very strong impressions and the respected voices differ. What do I do?!?! Pray, pray, pray - yes. But silence matters as much as its lack. What's the proverb? oooh - there's three of them (i doubt that's coincidence):
Proverbs 11:14 - For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure.
Proverbs 15:22 - Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 24:5-6 - A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength; for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.
and then there's this:
Proverbs 24:7 - Wisdom is too high for a fool; in the assembly at the gate he has nothing to say.
Is he a fool because he has nothing to say? Or is he speechless because he's an idiot, and he just doesn't understand anything?
Either way, I'd far rather be an adviser than a fool - but I don't want to be a foolish adviser, either. *sigh*
splagchnizomai
and no, i have no idea how to pronounce that. :)
It's a Koine Greek word that means "compassion." And it's used in Matthew 14 like this:
"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
It's incredible when you think about it. Jesus' cousin John, the man God had sent as "the voice crying in the wilderness" to "prepare the way of the Lord" - had just been beheaded. And Matthew tells us that when Jesus heard about it, "He withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place." The Bible doesn't tell us what Jesus thought or what He said, but it tells us what He did - and I think it's a safe bet to infer that He probably experienced quite the range of emotions that day. He needed to be alone... and yet the crowds were still there. They found out where He was and they followed Him. And He had compassion on them. Chances are good He was in a world of hurt that day - but He stepped out of it to minister to others, putting off His own need for retreat and not dealing with His own hurt until later in the evening.
If that isn't a picture of self-sacrificial love, I don't know what is.
Joanna Weaver says, "...Jesus didn't respond to people out of duty; He ministered to them because He felt their distress...He laid aside His hurt so He could pick up their pain. He laid aside His wishes so He could become their one Desire. He laid aside His agenda so He could meet all of their needs. And that is the essence of ministry that goes out of its way. It puts self aside and reaches out in true compassion."*
I need to learn splagchnizomai. I need to learn a compassion that comes from so deep within me that it can't help but rise up and get to work on behalf of others, regardless of what's happening in my own life. I need to learn that other-focused love that automatically views the needs of others as so much more critical than my own. I need humility, honestly, and I need my pride to suffer.
In our devotional time before church tonight, our text was Micah 6:8, and as our director talked about what it means to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God, I was incredibly convicted. Loving mercy means that even when someone doesn't deserve mercy, you still extend it. Mercy can't be deserved - it exists because it's needed... and it cannot be earned. It's a gift of grace. And a humble heart before the Lord loves to love as He loves... which involves, at times, great personal cost. A complete lack of return on the investment.
How often do I love someone only because I expect that love to be returned? How often do I invest in a relationship simply because I think there's something in it for me? And I hope in asking those questions I am not berating myself for selfishness and failure, but rather just looking at my heart with sober judgment and realizing that there are times when my motivations are simply wrong. Times when I've tried to control people (consciously or subconsciously) in an effort to make things turn out the way I want them to. Times when I've been too focused on my own pain to see someone else's. Times when I've been so caught up in my own agenda that I've missed opportunities to speak life and light into others' lives - and missed God's agenda for me entirely....
Except there's grace. And foreknowledge. And mercy. And His agenda continues to be making me more like Him. Because when He looks at me, He looks at me with splagchnizomai.
Gesundheit.
*Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World, by Joanna Weaver, p. 91
It's a Koine Greek word that means "compassion." And it's used in Matthew 14 like this:
"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
It's incredible when you think about it. Jesus' cousin John, the man God had sent as "the voice crying in the wilderness" to "prepare the way of the Lord" - had just been beheaded. And Matthew tells us that when Jesus heard about it, "He withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place." The Bible doesn't tell us what Jesus thought or what He said, but it tells us what He did - and I think it's a safe bet to infer that He probably experienced quite the range of emotions that day. He needed to be alone... and yet the crowds were still there. They found out where He was and they followed Him. And He had compassion on them. Chances are good He was in a world of hurt that day - but He stepped out of it to minister to others, putting off His own need for retreat and not dealing with His own hurt until later in the evening.
If that isn't a picture of self-sacrificial love, I don't know what is.
Joanna Weaver says, "...Jesus didn't respond to people out of duty; He ministered to them because He felt their distress...He laid aside His hurt so He could pick up their pain. He laid aside His wishes so He could become their one Desire. He laid aside His agenda so He could meet all of their needs. And that is the essence of ministry that goes out of its way. It puts self aside and reaches out in true compassion."*
I need to learn splagchnizomai. I need to learn a compassion that comes from so deep within me that it can't help but rise up and get to work on behalf of others, regardless of what's happening in my own life. I need to learn that other-focused love that automatically views the needs of others as so much more critical than my own. I need humility, honestly, and I need my pride to suffer.
In our devotional time before church tonight, our text was Micah 6:8, and as our director talked about what it means to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God, I was incredibly convicted. Loving mercy means that even when someone doesn't deserve mercy, you still extend it. Mercy can't be deserved - it exists because it's needed... and it cannot be earned. It's a gift of grace. And a humble heart before the Lord loves to love as He loves... which involves, at times, great personal cost. A complete lack of return on the investment.
How often do I love someone only because I expect that love to be returned? How often do I invest in a relationship simply because I think there's something in it for me? And I hope in asking those questions I am not berating myself for selfishness and failure, but rather just looking at my heart with sober judgment and realizing that there are times when my motivations are simply wrong. Times when I've tried to control people (consciously or subconsciously) in an effort to make things turn out the way I want them to. Times when I've been too focused on my own pain to see someone else's. Times when I've been so caught up in my own agenda that I've missed opportunities to speak life and light into others' lives - and missed God's agenda for me entirely....
Except there's grace. And foreknowledge. And mercy. And His agenda continues to be making me more like Him. Because when He looks at me, He looks at me with splagchnizomai.
Gesundheit.
*Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World, by Joanna Weaver, p. 91
taking a breather
I won't post the cartoon here (largely because I'm entirely too lazy right now to do it) but there is some excellent discussion on ASBO Jesus this week on post 374. No offense to Jon, but sometimes the conversations that get going as a result of his cartoons are even better than the original cartoon! This is definitely one of those, in my estimation anyway.
There are so many things I could pull out of that conversation and talk about - but one comment in particular struck me: Sas said, when Jesus couldn’t cope, he went off and had a rest, came back to it…
I'm not coping well. There's nothing awful, I'm just really stressed and overtired. Still learning to say Kaddish, but it's not the focus; there's no time to focus on much of anything. So since I don't have time to do it - I'm taking a breather. It's been on the calendar for a couple of months now anyway, but the timing's worked out well. Tomorrow morning it's just me and Jesus for about 4 hours, and I'm so looking forward to it. No agenda - well, I don't have one anyway. I often find He has one. :) Can hardly wait. And on that note - I'm going to bed. At nine o'clock on a Friday night. Because I can.
G'nite.
There are so many things I could pull out of that conversation and talk about - but one comment in particular struck me: Sas said, when Jesus couldn’t cope, he went off and had a rest, came back to it…
I'm not coping well. There's nothing awful, I'm just really stressed and overtired. Still learning to say Kaddish, but it's not the focus; there's no time to focus on much of anything. So since I don't have time to do it - I'm taking a breather. It's been on the calendar for a couple of months now anyway, but the timing's worked out well. Tomorrow morning it's just me and Jesus for about 4 hours, and I'm so looking forward to it. No agenda - well, I don't have one anyway. I often find He has one. :) Can hardly wait. And on that note - I'm going to bed. At nine o'clock on a Friday night. Because I can.
G'nite.
three things
Three things have happenened in the past few days for which I am incredibly grateful, and on the verge of tears:
1) my mechanic gave me my car back - for free. (and it works!)
2) someone anonymously left me an extremely cool gift. (if it was you - thank you. and that feels so inadequate.) i am humbled beyond belief to be so deeply loved by a God who knows every need even before i call... (Isaiah 65:24) and to be so loved by a friend...
and 3) last night, a relationship that's been through a pretty major rift took a step towards being better. i wouldn't have dreamed that possible 24 hours ago. but i am glad to have my friend back.
1) my mechanic gave me my car back - for free. (and it works!)
2) someone anonymously left me an extremely cool gift. (if it was you - thank you. and that feels so inadequate.) i am humbled beyond belief to be so deeply loved by a God who knows every need even before i call... (Isaiah 65:24) and to be so loved by a friend...
and 3) last night, a relationship that's been through a pretty major rift took a step towards being better. i wouldn't have dreamed that possible 24 hours ago. but i am glad to have my friend back.
Lenten praxis
All I know about Lent in two words: "not much." For more than you may ever have wanted to know, feel free to check out this article. But for what it's worth - here is what I do know about it and why my praxis is what it is:
Lent is the season lasting the 40 (or 47, depending how you count it) days before Easter. From Ash Wednesday to Easter, the liturgical calendar marks this season as a time of mourning and remembrance of the passion of Christ. The Scripture readings for many traditional churches during this season will often focus on the last days of Christ and the events leading up to his crucifixion. It's a season of testing, a season of trial, a season of waiting, and a season of preparation. But we are blessed because even as we live through the darkest days of the Story, we know the ending.
There will be the strange and wonderful beauty of Maundy Thursday, as we partake at the Lord's table and remember the Last Supper and the confusion of the disciples as they try to understand and begin to grapple with what He's been telling them. There will be the awfulness of Good Friday - the darkness and disillusionment that accompanies the liberation of the world. There will be the silence of Saturday - the waiting for... what? And the glorious and joyous celebration of Easter and a new dawn, as we celebrate His resurrection and the new life we have because of Him, singing at the top of our lungs, "Christ the Lord is Risen Today; Alleluia!!!!"
Lent is the waiting, the preparation, the meditation... on all of that.
I am sorry to say that my church doesn't celebrate it either. I believe it is their very deep loss.
40 days. It's a significant number. Israel spent 40 years in a desert; Jesus spent 40 days there too. Moses spent 40 days on the mountain of the Lord; Elijah took 40 days to get there. Jonah gave Nineveh 40 days to repent. The tie-ins and the symbolism are worth an entire book, so I won't even begin to touch it here. (Lent, by the way, doesn't count Sundays.) So for 40 days we walk through a season that is inevitably sad - a season in which we remember our sin that separated us from Him and our need for His death and resurrection - and yet also a season in which we remember with deep and solemn gratitude the great love that drove Him to the cross for us.... and then, on Easter, we - like Miriam on the far side of the Red Sea - dance for joy and sing of what He's done.
Fasting is a traditional practice during Lent. I believe its roots are generally Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox - not all Protestant churches that observe Lent encourage it. The idea, I think, is to give something up - either a vice (which we ought not to have anyway, but do) or something we enjoy. (For me, a daily trip to the coffee shop would fall under both those categories!) It's an act of love - an act of worship, an act of gratitude - "because of all You gave up for me, I will give this up for You, Lord..." In some circles, it is observed as an act of penitence - a price voluntarily paid as an outward symbol of our inner repentance. (I'm okay with the symbolic part of that, but the debt for our sin has already been paid, so theologically that gets a little sticky.)
The first time I ever really registered Lent as a season to be observed was when the church I attended in high school began a series of Lenten suppers. We met for dinner on Tuesday nights, had some kind of soup, watched a video or read a chapter of a book, and spent an hour discussing it after dinner. They are memories I treasure for many reasons, and were the doorway for me into understanding the importance of remembrance. It wasn't until later in my walk that I began to observe the practice of "giving something up for Lent" - and there are times I will confess when it's been because I felt I "should" and not because I wanted to - but now it is actually a part of the praxis of my faith that I look forward to because of what it will teach me every year.
Last year I wasn't at all well as we headed into Lent, and I felt the Lord call me to a 40-day fast from meat and bread. It was hard. I was hungry a lot, especially at first. There were times it was frustrating - to be somewhere, watching people eat pizza and have to say, "oh, no - thanks, tho" - when really, I wanted a piece. :) But the fast brought me both better health and a deeper understanding of my need for and dependence on the Lord - and those are both things I need again now. Fasting accomplishes a lot of things in us, both physically and spiritually (more on that in another post later this week, probably) - and I think it can accomplish quite a bit as a tool of intercession, tho I do not entirely understand how or why that works - and one of the things it does for me is to increase my hunger for God's presence. I have been waiting for Lent, and preparing for it this year, and I am glad that it's here, in spite of the difficulties that come with the extremely restricted diet I've chosen/felt led to for this particular fast. I am looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do in and through this season. And I am looking forward to Easter, and the promise of new life and resurrection at the far end of so much struggle and darkness and sadness. It has been a long year, these past 12 months. There is much I regret... much I can no longer do anything about, much I cannot change, much said that I cannot take back. There is also much I can do to make this next year better. And it starts with seeking Him.
It will be an excellent 40 day sojourn. And I am hoping that as I walk in the desert, the rebelliousness in me will die the certain death it was promised. That the seeking of the Lord's voice I will do will result in hearing Him speak quietly on the mountain on which I also want to spend this time. That I will come to repentance where I need to. And that at the far end of this hike, I will find Him, not just waiting for me, but also to have been with me. through it all. And I know that He has been, is, and will be.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite parts of the liturgy my church used growing up, every Sunday:
Leader: The Lord be with you.
People: And also with you.
May the Lord be with you, this day and always. Happy Sunday, everyone.
Lent is the season lasting the 40 (or 47, depending how you count it) days before Easter. From Ash Wednesday to Easter, the liturgical calendar marks this season as a time of mourning and remembrance of the passion of Christ. The Scripture readings for many traditional churches during this season will often focus on the last days of Christ and the events leading up to his crucifixion. It's a season of testing, a season of trial, a season of waiting, and a season of preparation. But we are blessed because even as we live through the darkest days of the Story, we know the ending.
There will be the strange and wonderful beauty of Maundy Thursday, as we partake at the Lord's table and remember the Last Supper and the confusion of the disciples as they try to understand and begin to grapple with what He's been telling them. There will be the awfulness of Good Friday - the darkness and disillusionment that accompanies the liberation of the world. There will be the silence of Saturday - the waiting for... what? And the glorious and joyous celebration of Easter and a new dawn, as we celebrate His resurrection and the new life we have because of Him, singing at the top of our lungs, "Christ the Lord is Risen Today; Alleluia!!!!"
Lent is the waiting, the preparation, the meditation... on all of that.
I am sorry to say that my church doesn't celebrate it either. I believe it is their very deep loss.
40 days. It's a significant number. Israel spent 40 years in a desert; Jesus spent 40 days there too. Moses spent 40 days on the mountain of the Lord; Elijah took 40 days to get there. Jonah gave Nineveh 40 days to repent. The tie-ins and the symbolism are worth an entire book, so I won't even begin to touch it here. (Lent, by the way, doesn't count Sundays.) So for 40 days we walk through a season that is inevitably sad - a season in which we remember our sin that separated us from Him and our need for His death and resurrection - and yet also a season in which we remember with deep and solemn gratitude the great love that drove Him to the cross for us.... and then, on Easter, we - like Miriam on the far side of the Red Sea - dance for joy and sing of what He's done.
Fasting is a traditional practice during Lent. I believe its roots are generally Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox - not all Protestant churches that observe Lent encourage it. The idea, I think, is to give something up - either a vice (which we ought not to have anyway, but do) or something we enjoy. (For me, a daily trip to the coffee shop would fall under both those categories!) It's an act of love - an act of worship, an act of gratitude - "because of all You gave up for me, I will give this up for You, Lord..." In some circles, it is observed as an act of penitence - a price voluntarily paid as an outward symbol of our inner repentance. (I'm okay with the symbolic part of that, but the debt for our sin has already been paid, so theologically that gets a little sticky.)
The first time I ever really registered Lent as a season to be observed was when the church I attended in high school began a series of Lenten suppers. We met for dinner on Tuesday nights, had some kind of soup, watched a video or read a chapter of a book, and spent an hour discussing it after dinner. They are memories I treasure for many reasons, and were the doorway for me into understanding the importance of remembrance. It wasn't until later in my walk that I began to observe the practice of "giving something up for Lent" - and there are times I will confess when it's been because I felt I "should" and not because I wanted to - but now it is actually a part of the praxis of my faith that I look forward to because of what it will teach me every year.
Last year I wasn't at all well as we headed into Lent, and I felt the Lord call me to a 40-day fast from meat and bread. It was hard. I was hungry a lot, especially at first. There were times it was frustrating - to be somewhere, watching people eat pizza and have to say, "oh, no - thanks, tho" - when really, I wanted a piece. :) But the fast brought me both better health and a deeper understanding of my need for and dependence on the Lord - and those are both things I need again now. Fasting accomplishes a lot of things in us, both physically and spiritually (more on that in another post later this week, probably) - and I think it can accomplish quite a bit as a tool of intercession, tho I do not entirely understand how or why that works - and one of the things it does for me is to increase my hunger for God's presence. I have been waiting for Lent, and preparing for it this year, and I am glad that it's here, in spite of the difficulties that come with the extremely restricted diet I've chosen/felt led to for this particular fast. I am looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do in and through this season. And I am looking forward to Easter, and the promise of new life and resurrection at the far end of so much struggle and darkness and sadness. It has been a long year, these past 12 months. There is much I regret... much I can no longer do anything about, much I cannot change, much said that I cannot take back. There is also much I can do to make this next year better. And it starts with seeking Him.
It will be an excellent 40 day sojourn. And I am hoping that as I walk in the desert, the rebelliousness in me will die the certain death it was promised. That the seeking of the Lord's voice I will do will result in hearing Him speak quietly on the mountain on which I also want to spend this time. That I will come to repentance where I need to. And that at the far end of this hike, I will find Him, not just waiting for me, but also to have been with me. through it all. And I know that He has been, is, and will be.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite parts of the liturgy my church used growing up, every Sunday:
Leader: The Lord be with you.
People: And also with you.
May the Lord be with you, this day and always. Happy Sunday, everyone.
fasting makes me grumpy
I discovered something today. It wasn't even necessarily something new - just a new phraseology that made me see it a little differently, I guess. I was standing in the laundry room, leaning against the door and praying - somewhat frantically I might add - and that prayer went something along these lines:
"I can't. God, I just... I can't. I can't do this. I need your help. I am starving, I am tired, I have a million things to do, and I have no patience. I really need you to help me. I'm sorry, God, I know You're really busy and You have a billion things to do..."
And I heard His whisper: "Never feel guilty for needing me, Hap..."
You know, I hadn't really registered - until I said it out loud just that way - that I really do. That my perfectionist, "be all things to all people" thing that I struggle with so much (and yes, I know that's a wrong application of Paul's words, but I still find myself doing it) has actually led me to feel guilty for doing exactly what He said to do - approaching His throne of grace with confidence so as to find mercy in my time of need... (Hebrews 4:15-16)
*sigh* more places to grow, I guess. I seem to be finding an awful lot of them lately.
Fasting, for instance. In reading the Sermon on the Mount for class this semester, I've been thinking about that a lot... and I know what Jesus says about it has so much to do with our religious attitudes, but I just find myself wondering... what am I supposed to do with the fact that when I do fast, I just tend to be a whole lot more irritable? Is the process of being disciplined about doing it anyway going to eventually eek that irritability out of me? I doubt it... tho who knows, maybe it could... and is breaking a fast that God called me to wrong if I'm doing it because I'm realizing that I can't do everything and be everything all at once, and that simply eating something will improve my attitude immensely? I'm not sure... and find myself not knowing whether to feel like a failure or not... :P
answer: err on the side of "not" and just trust mercy...?
"I can't. God, I just... I can't. I can't do this. I need your help. I am starving, I am tired, I have a million things to do, and I have no patience. I really need you to help me. I'm sorry, God, I know You're really busy and You have a billion things to do..."
And I heard His whisper: "Never feel guilty for needing me, Hap..."
You know, I hadn't really registered - until I said it out loud just that way - that I really do. That my perfectionist, "be all things to all people" thing that I struggle with so much (and yes, I know that's a wrong application of Paul's words, but I still find myself doing it) has actually led me to feel guilty for doing exactly what He said to do - approaching His throne of grace with confidence so as to find mercy in my time of need... (Hebrews 4:15-16)
*sigh* more places to grow, I guess. I seem to be finding an awful lot of them lately.
Fasting, for instance. In reading the Sermon on the Mount for class this semester, I've been thinking about that a lot... and I know what Jesus says about it has so much to do with our religious attitudes, but I just find myself wondering... what am I supposed to do with the fact that when I do fast, I just tend to be a whole lot more irritable? Is the process of being disciplined about doing it anyway going to eventually eek that irritability out of me? I doubt it... tho who knows, maybe it could... and is breaking a fast that God called me to wrong if I'm doing it because I'm realizing that I can't do everything and be everything all at once, and that simply eating something will improve my attitude immensely? I'm not sure... and find myself not knowing whether to feel like a failure or not... :P
answer: err on the side of "not" and just trust mercy...?
it's all about You...
My dear friend-whom-i've-never-met (Linda), over at faintnot's frenzy, has written an absolutely brilliant post on worship. You should go read all of it, both for her thoughts on worship and to hear her story, but here's part of my favorite part of what she said:
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
I broke a toe leading worship this weekend. No, seriously, I think I did. And the awesome part: I was sitting down. What are the odds?
I have this weird quirk - I used to mock (in love and good fun, of course) an old friend of mine for a very similar quirk - and I am now paying for it. (There is justice...) :) When I'm playing guitar, I can't dance around, but as a worshiper I just tend to move a lot, so I've developed this sort of stomp thing I do with my left leg when I'm leading. Most of the time, this works out just fine, and it's not even all that distracting because I lead sockfoot, so it's not like there's this loud thumping or anything from the stage... but this weekend... well, apparently I do the stomp thing a bit when I'm sitting down too, and I must've hit the rung of the barstool on which I was sitting at just the right angle, because my second toe and the entire top of my foot are a series of absolutely glorious shades of black and blues, purples, and greens. I didn't even notice when I did it. (I noticed when I stood up to head off the stage, tho!)
It hurts a bit. Not much, but a bit. And I find it rather ... ironic.
We launched a new sermon series this weekend entitled "Greatness: Discovering Your Incredible Potential" - a seven-week series on the life of John the Baptist. Jesus called John the greatest man that ever lived - on his absolute worst day. (The story is in Matthew 11:1-11.) Our pastor's message was excellent, tho extremely...lengthy. And it blew me away how the songs I'd chosen actually had some of the exact phrases he used in his message. It was pretty cool. I planned it two weeks ago, and I designed the set to point to God's greatness. They were songs that recognized our ... gift... for screwing things up, for failing. Songs that recognized our need for grace. And songs that said thank you for this amazing grace and expressed a heart-felt desire to have our lives reflect His glory to a world that needs to see it.
The pastor concluded his message by reminding us that if we're willing to simply lay down our lives, and say, "here I am, Lord - take my life, and make of it what You will" - the potential for what God can do with that kind of surrendered life is simply incredible.
So here I am, limping into a tomorrow that has limitless potential... and Monday happens. The fever I had all weekend comes back. It's a long day. I could use a nap, but don't get to take one. I go to leave for our young adults group, and my car absolutely refuses to start. A friend kindly loans me hers, and I go to church, and I fall apart on the first person I see because I don't know what to do about the car and the concurrent lack of finances and it's the third time in four weeks it'll be in the shop (hence the current financial issue). I hit a "God, how much do you think I can take?!" moment. And the worship set tonight ended with "Jesus, Lover of My Soul."
This is the song with which I spent the first of what I've come to call my "Geneva" days. A "Geneva Day" is a day away, dedicated to the Lord, solely His to do with as He likes. I was supposed to sing this song for church one weekend years ago, and I nailed it vocally in rehearsal, but there was something missing. Matt asked me, "Do you mean it when you sing it?" and I was forced to admit that no, I didn't. Not really. I meant it, but.... I believed it, but.... So I went away for a day, and asked God to help me mean it. I learned a lot about surrender that day.
Our pastor this weekend challenged us to stop believing God only up to a point. To lay aside our "practical atheism" and truly trust God with our entire lives - and to see what God would do with our surrendered hearts.
Well, the chorus of the song says that it's all about Jesus, His glory, and His fame, and that it's not about me, as if He should do things my way... and that's where I get stuck so often - in that I really do think God should do things my way, as if I actually know better than He does. (Whatever...) I know He knows better. And so I will say with Job, in the face of things far less dire than what he faced, that "though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." (Job 13:15) And I will sing again, that He alone is God, and I surrender to His ways.
Even when they include brokenness. (Literal and metaphorical.) Even when they include the going-wrong-nesses I feel I'd be better off without. I will remember the deeds of the Lord (Psalm 77). (Again.) I will take heart, because I know it gets better. (I've read the end of the Book.) :) And I will worship. Because (and thank you, Linda, for these words):
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
I broke a toe leading worship this weekend. No, seriously, I think I did. And the awesome part: I was sitting down. What are the odds?
I have this weird quirk - I used to mock (in love and good fun, of course) an old friend of mine for a very similar quirk - and I am now paying for it. (There is justice...) :) When I'm playing guitar, I can't dance around, but as a worshiper I just tend to move a lot, so I've developed this sort of stomp thing I do with my left leg when I'm leading. Most of the time, this works out just fine, and it's not even all that distracting because I lead sockfoot, so it's not like there's this loud thumping or anything from the stage... but this weekend... well, apparently I do the stomp thing a bit when I'm sitting down too, and I must've hit the rung of the barstool on which I was sitting at just the right angle, because my second toe and the entire top of my foot are a series of absolutely glorious shades of black and blues, purples, and greens. I didn't even notice when I did it. (I noticed when I stood up to head off the stage, tho!)
It hurts a bit. Not much, but a bit. And I find it rather ... ironic.
We launched a new sermon series this weekend entitled "Greatness: Discovering Your Incredible Potential" - a seven-week series on the life of John the Baptist. Jesus called John the greatest man that ever lived - on his absolute worst day. (The story is in Matthew 11:1-11.) Our pastor's message was excellent, tho extremely...lengthy. And it blew me away how the songs I'd chosen actually had some of the exact phrases he used in his message. It was pretty cool. I planned it two weeks ago, and I designed the set to point to God's greatness. They were songs that recognized our ... gift... for screwing things up, for failing. Songs that recognized our need for grace. And songs that said thank you for this amazing grace and expressed a heart-felt desire to have our lives reflect His glory to a world that needs to see it.
The pastor concluded his message by reminding us that if we're willing to simply lay down our lives, and say, "here I am, Lord - take my life, and make of it what You will" - the potential for what God can do with that kind of surrendered life is simply incredible.
So here I am, limping into a tomorrow that has limitless potential... and Monday happens. The fever I had all weekend comes back. It's a long day. I could use a nap, but don't get to take one. I go to leave for our young adults group, and my car absolutely refuses to start. A friend kindly loans me hers, and I go to church, and I fall apart on the first person I see because I don't know what to do about the car and the concurrent lack of finances and it's the third time in four weeks it'll be in the shop (hence the current financial issue). I hit a "God, how much do you think I can take?!" moment. And the worship set tonight ended with "Jesus, Lover of My Soul."
This is the song with which I spent the first of what I've come to call my "Geneva" days. A "Geneva Day" is a day away, dedicated to the Lord, solely His to do with as He likes. I was supposed to sing this song for church one weekend years ago, and I nailed it vocally in rehearsal, but there was something missing. Matt asked me, "Do you mean it when you sing it?" and I was forced to admit that no, I didn't. Not really. I meant it, but.... I believed it, but.... So I went away for a day, and asked God to help me mean it. I learned a lot about surrender that day.
Our pastor this weekend challenged us to stop believing God only up to a point. To lay aside our "practical atheism" and truly trust God with our entire lives - and to see what God would do with our surrendered hearts.
Well, the chorus of the song says that it's all about Jesus, His glory, and His fame, and that it's not about me, as if He should do things my way... and that's where I get stuck so often - in that I really do think God should do things my way, as if I actually know better than He does. (Whatever...) I know He knows better. And so I will say with Job, in the face of things far less dire than what he faced, that "though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." (Job 13:15) And I will sing again, that He alone is God, and I surrender to His ways.
Even when they include brokenness. (Literal and metaphorical.) Even when they include the going-wrong-nesses I feel I'd be better off without. I will remember the deeds of the Lord (Psalm 77). (Again.) I will take heart, because I know it gets better. (I've read the end of the Book.) :) And I will worship. Because (and thank you, Linda, for these words):
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
on navigating "The Minefield Of Caddishness"
or: "How to Become a Good BCW" - Step 1
lol... this is awesome....
It's the video guidebook we've all been waiting for...
(Mike, this is for you - in response to - or maybe the prequel to? - "The Man Song")
lol... this is awesome....
It's the video guidebook we've all been waiting for...
(Mike, this is for you - in response to - or maybe the prequel to? - "The Man Song")
for Jacob so loved Rachel...
I woke up today thinking about Jacob and Rachel - twice, actually. (I took a nap today, and it was heavenly... tho I am still oddly tired.) I find myself hesitant to say that I feel like God was trying to speak something in my half-conscious almost-but-not-quite awake-ness... and yet, I think He was. Is... :) I'm still not really awake, I don't think. I had a really high fever yesterday, and took the day off today to sleep and rest and maybe try to clean up a bit of the chili from earlier this week, and I am still very tired... but it feels... significant... that Jacob and Rachel were on my mind so randomly, and so persistently.
So the one thing I've done today aside from procrastinating on the internet is reading their story in a couple of different versions. I really liked Walter Wangerin's re-telling of the story in The Book of God. It's a longer story, and there's a lot you could unpack from it, but the part of their story I am mostly thinking about today is in Genesis 29:1-30. Somewhere over the course of time, I got the story a bit muddled in my head... I thought that Jacob waited 14 years for Rachel. But he didn't. He worked for 7 years, spent a week with Leah, and then got Rachel - and worked for another 7 years after that. I find this... disturbing. I know culturally it was totally acceptable, but poor Leah...
But here's something about Jacob: he didn't take Rachel and run.
That seems significant. Particularly because Jacob was once known to be a bit of a rat. What did those 7 years of laboring for Rachel teach him? And how did getting Leah affect him? And what possesses a man to stay put and keep working for something he already has?
I haven't done the research; I can't tell you if it's an appropriate lesson to take from the text or not, or even what exactly the lesson is, but I feel like that last question touches on what God was trying to get at with me while I was half-dreaming their story twice today. (And trust me, if it happens a third time I will be taking this very seriously!) What is it that we're willing to do for what we really want? And are we willing to keep working for what we already have? (And what does that mean exactly?!)
Genesis 29:20 - So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. (NKJV)
Matthew Henry comments: "If we know how to value the happiness of heaven, the sufferings of this present time will be as nothing to us in comparison of it. An age of work will be but as a few days to those that love God and long for Christ's appearing."
Galatians 6:9 - "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
That's true on any number of levels - both in terms of how it affects others around us, and in terms of our own journeys...
I don't know where I'm going with this. I think I need to drag myself to the grocery store in search of real food... the snacking just isn't helping the mental sluggishness. In the meantime...
Insights, anyone? :)
So the one thing I've done today aside from procrastinating on the internet is reading their story in a couple of different versions. I really liked Walter Wangerin's re-telling of the story in The Book of God. It's a longer story, and there's a lot you could unpack from it, but the part of their story I am mostly thinking about today is in Genesis 29:1-30. Somewhere over the course of time, I got the story a bit muddled in my head... I thought that Jacob waited 14 years for Rachel. But he didn't. He worked for 7 years, spent a week with Leah, and then got Rachel - and worked for another 7 years after that. I find this... disturbing. I know culturally it was totally acceptable, but poor Leah...
But here's something about Jacob: he didn't take Rachel and run.
That seems significant. Particularly because Jacob was once known to be a bit of a rat. What did those 7 years of laboring for Rachel teach him? And how did getting Leah affect him? And what possesses a man to stay put and keep working for something he already has?
I haven't done the research; I can't tell you if it's an appropriate lesson to take from the text or not, or even what exactly the lesson is, but I feel like that last question touches on what God was trying to get at with me while I was half-dreaming their story twice today. (And trust me, if it happens a third time I will be taking this very seriously!) What is it that we're willing to do for what we really want? And are we willing to keep working for what we already have? (And what does that mean exactly?!)
Genesis 29:20 - So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. (NKJV)
Matthew Henry comments: "If we know how to value the happiness of heaven, the sufferings of this present time will be as nothing to us in comparison of it. An age of work will be but as a few days to those that love God and long for Christ's appearing."
Galatians 6:9 - "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
That's true on any number of levels - both in terms of how it affects others around us, and in terms of our own journeys...
I don't know where I'm going with this. I think I need to drag myself to the grocery store in search of real food... the snacking just isn't helping the mental sluggishness. In the meantime...
Insights, anyone? :)
123 meme
Ha - just when you think you got tagged for an "easy" meme. :)
Erin over at Decompressing Faith tagged me in a meme called 123. The rules are.... "simple":
Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.
LOL. Erin hasn't seen my room.
Do you know how complicated it was to determine which book was physically the closest?
It turned out to be the Book of Common Prayer, which was about 2 feet closer (being next to my bed) than Lincoln's Word Commentary on Ephesians that was on my bed and didn't have 8 sentences on page 123. I need to warn you, tho - the 3 sentences in question on page 123 in the Book of Common Prayer, while God's Word (and therefore living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)) were somewhat... spirit dampening, I guess, I don't know. They just made me sad:
And they took counsel, and bought with them a potter's field to bury strangers in. Wherefore the field is called Acheldema, that is, the field of blood, until this day. Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremie the Prophet, saying, And they took thirty silver plates, the price of him that was valued, whom they bought of the children of Israel, and gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord appointed me.
Elizabethan English. *wry grin* Gotta love it.
"the price of Him that was valued." Does anyone else see the irony in that phraseology? How could anyone put a price on the greatest treasure ever?
I tag:
Jake at Funky Homily (you can put it on your other blog, but it needs a cooler name...)
Rachel at Just Something I Was Thinking About
Kathryn at Good In Parts
Hanan at Scribbles from the Journey
and Jemila at Quirky Grace
Erin over at Decompressing Faith tagged me in a meme called 123. The rules are.... "simple":
Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.
LOL. Erin hasn't seen my room.
Do you know how complicated it was to determine which book was physically the closest?
It turned out to be the Book of Common Prayer, which was about 2 feet closer (being next to my bed) than Lincoln's Word Commentary on Ephesians that was on my bed and didn't have 8 sentences on page 123. I need to warn you, tho - the 3 sentences in question on page 123 in the Book of Common Prayer, while God's Word (and therefore living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)) were somewhat... spirit dampening, I guess, I don't know. They just made me sad:
And they took counsel, and bought with them a potter's field to bury strangers in. Wherefore the field is called Acheldema, that is, the field of blood, until this day. Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremie the Prophet, saying, And they took thirty silver plates, the price of him that was valued, whom they bought of the children of Israel, and gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord appointed me.
Elizabethan English. *wry grin* Gotta love it.
"the price of Him that was valued." Does anyone else see the irony in that phraseology? How could anyone put a price on the greatest treasure ever?
I tag:
Jake at Funky Homily (you can put it on your other blog, but it needs a cooler name...)
Rachel at Just Something I Was Thinking About
Kathryn at Good In Parts
Hanan at Scribbles from the Journey
and Jemila at Quirky Grace
the bucket list
One of my silent readers, whom I have sneakily tracked down - (not really - I just followed a link one day, landed on his blog, and found the Shift on his blogroll - nice picture, by the way, John) - has posted what he refers to as "The Bucket List." Apparently there's a new kick going around because of the movie by that name for people to write their own lists... a "bucket list" (in case you didn't know) is a list of things you want to do before you, um... kick the proverbial bucket.
So just for fun, here's mine:
(and somebody ask me when I'm 80 if I've done it all) :)
1. I want to learn to fly a plane - one of the old-fashioned puddle-jumper type bi-planes. Not because I really want to be an African bush pilot per se, but because at some point when I'm in Africa (or anywhere really) and the stakes are high, time is pressing, and our pilot is nowhere to be found, or sick, or wounded - I want to be the one person in our small crew who can say, "oh, it's okay - I'll fly the plane" and wow everyone with my amazing secret talent as I rescue us from what might have been certain death. (lol... whatever. I just like to fly and I think it would be fun.)
2. I want to write a book. Maybe a story, maybe just a "here's what I've learned in my life" sort of a book... I don't know. I just want to write... something.
3. I want to see the world. Africa (especially South Africa). India. Italy - 6 weeks, at least. I want to go to Tuscany on my honeymoon. (I want to have a honeymoon... someday.) Austria - 3 weeks in Vienna. Switzerland. Germany - again, especially Berlin. London. Wales. Belfast. New Zealand. Australia to visit Rachel and Heather. I want to go back to Albania, even just for a visit. Stratford-von-Avon - in England and Canada. Prince Edward Island. Hawaii.
4. I want to own a horse. Just for awhile. And go riding every day. For maybe a year.
5. I want to own a house with a wood-burning fireplace, and comfy couches, and have friends over all the time.
6. I want to own a house with 17 bedrooms. And for all my kids to have friends that pretty much live with us. (and that don't mind cleaning all the bathrooms a house that big would have to have)
7. I want to adopt a dozen kids. Emotionally, if not legally. :)
8. I want to take 6 months off from my entire life and just travel. (This is different from #3 because I'd envisioned that as periodic vacations. This would be more of a "get in the car or hop in the plane and just go, and figure out where I'm going when I get there" sort of a thing. Could be cross-country, could be world travel, who knows?)
9. I want to bike across Montana.
10. I want to die knowing that I didn't waste this life. That I lived every moment I possibly could to the fullest. That I did what I needed to do, spent time where I needed to spend it, and knew who I needed to know - for their sakes and for mine. And that grace covered everything at which I failed. (That, at least, I know will get checked off the bucket list. Thank you, Jesus.)
There's probably more, but I think that's a good start, anyway. :)
So just for fun, here's mine:
(and somebody ask me when I'm 80 if I've done it all) :)
1. I want to learn to fly a plane - one of the old-fashioned puddle-jumper type bi-planes. Not because I really want to be an African bush pilot per se, but because at some point when I'm in Africa (or anywhere really) and the stakes are high, time is pressing, and our pilot is nowhere to be found, or sick, or wounded - I want to be the one person in our small crew who can say, "oh, it's okay - I'll fly the plane" and wow everyone with my amazing secret talent as I rescue us from what might have been certain death. (lol... whatever. I just like to fly and I think it would be fun.)
2. I want to write a book. Maybe a story, maybe just a "here's what I've learned in my life" sort of a book... I don't know. I just want to write... something.
3. I want to see the world. Africa (especially South Africa). India. Italy - 6 weeks, at least. I want to go to Tuscany on my honeymoon. (I want to have a honeymoon... someday.) Austria - 3 weeks in Vienna. Switzerland. Germany - again, especially Berlin. London. Wales. Belfast. New Zealand. Australia to visit Rachel and Heather. I want to go back to Albania, even just for a visit. Stratford-von-Avon - in England and Canada. Prince Edward Island. Hawaii.
4. I want to own a horse. Just for awhile. And go riding every day. For maybe a year.
5. I want to own a house with a wood-burning fireplace, and comfy couches, and have friends over all the time.
6. I want to own a house with 17 bedrooms. And for all my kids to have friends that pretty much live with us. (and that don't mind cleaning all the bathrooms a house that big would have to have)
7. I want to adopt a dozen kids. Emotionally, if not legally. :)
8. I want to take 6 months off from my entire life and just travel. (This is different from #3 because I'd envisioned that as periodic vacations. This would be more of a "get in the car or hop in the plane and just go, and figure out where I'm going when I get there" sort of a thing. Could be cross-country, could be world travel, who knows?)
9. I want to bike across Montana.
10. I want to die knowing that I didn't waste this life. That I lived every moment I possibly could to the fullest. That I did what I needed to do, spent time where I needed to spend it, and knew who I needed to know - for their sakes and for mine. And that grace covered everything at which I failed. (That, at least, I know will get checked off the bucket list. Thank you, Jesus.)
There's probably more, but I think that's a good start, anyway. :)
and hope does not disappoint us
For those of you who have NOT yet discovered The Thinklings...
Bill has posted the absolutely most coolest definition of "hope" that I have ever seen.
The whole blog's quality, and I would urge you to check it out. But definitely go read about hope, and let it sink into your soul. I am certainly trying to. By now, you've probably figured out that I pretty much need it. :)
HT: ASBO Jesus
Romans 5:1-5.... check out the Message version, especially. It's just cool...
Bill has posted the absolutely most coolest definition of "hope" that I have ever seen.
The whole blog's quality, and I would urge you to check it out. But definitely go read about hope, and let it sink into your soul. I am certainly trying to. By now, you've probably figured out that I pretty much need it. :)
HT: ASBO JesusRomans 5:1-5.... check out the Message version, especially. It's just cool...
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