This one is fun. :)
So someone accidentally searched my blog instead of the internet yesterday, and the search phrase was "if I were queen."
LOL! okay.... (it does, by the way, turn up some interesting results as a Google search...) :D
All questions aside as to why this person was googling that - it reminded me of a song. :) Burl Ives sang this song in an old Disney movie called So Dear To My Heart, which I am happy to tell you I just found out is being re-released on May 13th. :) The song was on a record my sister and I used to listen to, back in the days when putting on a record and lazing about on the couch listening to it was the height of indoor entertainment... It's Lavender Blue, and the first verse goes like this:
- Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, rosemary's green,
- When I am king, dilly, dilly, you shall be queen.
- Who told you so, dilly, dilly, who told you so?
- 'Twas my own heart, dilly, dilly, that told me so.
The Ordinary Princess is the story of Her Serene Royal Highness, Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne - who is given by one of her many fairy godmothers the gift of being ordinary. She is so ordinary, in fact, that not one prince can be coerced to see past it and marry her. Which really doesn't bother her all that much. :) She is, however, quite bothered by her parents' issues with all of it, and finally decides to run off. So she climbs out the window, and heads off for grand adventures in peasantry. She becomes a scullery maid in the castle of a neighboring kingdom, and meets (of course) a page boy, and the two become best of friends. But neither of them believe anything can come of it, because they both have secrets. By the end of the book, of course, all is revealed in due time, and everyone lives happily ever after, including the fairy godmother, who knew all along that true happiness comes when you are loved for simply being who you are, and not for all the frills or finery that may (or may not) accompany your lot.
This past Wednesday I led worship for an event at my church, and for various reasons I was a little nervous going in. It's what I love doing more than anything - this worship leading thing - and usually I'm ok (except for the inevitable "I think I'm going to puke" moment that happens 5 minutes before the service almost every time - which I have learned to just ride out because it'll go away as soon as the lights come up) - but this time around there were a couple of people there whose opinion matters a great deal to me, and I found myself fighting a desire to "perform" - which was really more about doing well and not screwing up than it was about acting/performing, honestly, but it didn't make the temptation to be "onstage" any less sin. I botched a few things in the first set. Pride and any possible shred of arrogance fled and got trampled in those moments. But the second half of the evening went incredibly well, and it was fun - because I gave up trying to impress anyone except Jesus, and I knew I didn't really need to impress Him. So I just played and sang my heart out...
And Friday, a good friend called to tell me (in response to my last post here) that on Wednesday, she had been praying that as I led worship that night, that I would simply be myself as I led.
God loves me.
I know that sounds a bit preschool in terms of theology, but every now and again I just get blown away by the reality of it, and find myself floored by it. On Thursday night, as I was praying with some friends, I had a picture in my mind of something that represented me and what God is doing in my life; and on Friday morning, one of the "picture of the day" gadgets on my homepage was almost exactly the same image. Someone googles "if i were queen" and I go hopping down a bunny trail that reminds me that I am loved by a King who loves me just as I am - and that all the trappings of "success" aren't worth much... and that story reminds me of some sermons I've been listening to, and what God's been doing in my heart as I've listened, and the transformation that I am undergoing, the shifting that's taking place at the core of who I am, and the refinement that is making me more like Him - and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time for the amazingness of this God we serve, and the love with which He showers us. "How great is our God..." "dilly, dilly..."
*wistful sigh* I think I'm in love... :)