i went adventuring today.
it was... fun. wet, mind you. but fun.
a few weeks ago, a good friend and i went on what we called a "pseudo-epic Sabbath adventure." it was amazing. literally one of the best days of my life. (i hope to (finally) be able to write about it soon.)
and one of the places we went that day was a neighborhood in Chi-town called "Wicker Park." it's super-trendy; known for music, fashion and art - totally my kind of place. honestly - i'm a country girl at heart, but if i were ever to live in a city, this is one of the places in which i'd be at home.
so i went back today. i had three possible destinations in mind. one of them was The Boring Store. it was one of the places my friend and i had meant to go, but they were closed by the time we got there. i thought about stopping in - i mean, it's amazing, and i really want to go - but it just didn't feel right, going without him. so i skipped it, and headed directly to one of the other places on my list: Myopic Books. so glad i did. i was literally less than a block from the store when one of the biggest storms i've seen for awhile swept through town. granted, we haven't seen a lot of storms this summer, but it was big enough that i got completely covered in dirt from the wind that whipped thru before the rain started, and i was extremely grateful to be indoors during the worst of the downpour.
and it was a lovely place to be stranded.
80,000+ titles to choose from. super-cool building - it used to be a jewelry shop, and the iron bars that used to section off part of the store are still there, and the mystery section is in the vault downstairs (sadly, it was closed today, so i didn't get to see it, but how cool is that?!). jazz music. reading nooks. did i mention 80,000+ titles to choose from? just imagine how many shelves that takes, and how lost you can get in them...
i came home with 2 "new" used treasures: A Live Coal in the Sea - a Madeleine L'Engle book I haven't read yet!! and Gluten-Free Girl - which I am totally looking forward to reading. a healthier lifestyle is on the horizon, and I think this book (and her blog) may be key to it.
the other place i meant to go (and didn't) was a coffee house called "SIP" - but as it was raining, and part of the charm is their garden, i decided to skip it. we'll save that for a day when i have a sunny afternoon to spend blogging outdoors. so i ended up at Starbucks, as usual, because i had a gift card and the chai was therefore "free" (yay!) - and because it was less than 20 yards from the parking spot i'd snagged (after much driving about).
it probably wasn't the holiest Sabbath ever. but being out of the house - out of town, even - was a very good thing after this long, long week. i needed a change of scene, and He knew it. and i'm betting the books i found will be worth the long drive. even the drive itself was worth it...
i've missed taking road trips with Jesus. so many of them lately have been so short. i am long overdue for a week-long one. maybe in September. maybe. spiritually - it's a really great idea. financially - maybe not so much.... :/
so that's one for the prayer hopper....
anyway. not much of an update, i know. but that was my day. and somehow... somehow today mattered. and i wanted to write about it. so there you are.
maybe it's just that i'm learning again to have fun by myself. so much of the past 7 months have been about learning to connect, building meaningful relationships, having (local, and deep) community again for the first time in a really long time. today i ditched that and went back to a little bit of what my old life (a more introverted, more artsy, more solitary life) was like. and it was good. not great - and not without its lonelier moments - but good. and i'm glad.
Showing posts with label simple felicity: sabbath rest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: sabbath rest. Show all posts
Book Review: Sabbath by Dan B. Allender
Dan B. Allender's book on Sabbath explores the Biblical mandate for Sabbath-keeping by looking at the biblical text themselves, exploring some of the history around how God's people have traditionally and creatively celebrated the Sabbath over time, and sharing his own experience with the discipline/joy of keeping the Sabbath. His mission from the very beginning of the book is to dispel both the rule-bound, legalistic perspective and the laissez-faire, "oh-that's-just-the-Old-Covenant" perspective on the Fourth Commandment, and to transform them into a new, joyful anticipation of what the Jews have long referred to as "the Queen of days." (And he succeeded.)
I was encouraged by literally every chapter in the book to rethink my perspective on Sabbath, and to see it not just as a day of rest in which I do absolutely nothing except whatever I feel like doing or as a day off to catch up on housework and run errands, but as a day during which God's kingdom come and coming can and should be experienced more fully. I've taken Allender up on a number of his challenges over the past few months: I've taken a walk with an "enemy" - I've stopped completely retreating from the world and begun to invite people over for dinner - and I've started to plan a little more carefully for the day. Sabbath is no longer just a stopping place at the end of a long week for me, but a deliberate pause in which to celebrate with Him and spend quality time in His word and with His people, enjoying creation, freedom, and time - and looking forward to eternity.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who's willing to have their life - and perspective - rocked a bit. My response to this book was to literally change the way I structure my time - and it's been an incredibly life-giving change.
Disclosure in agreement with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising": I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
random ramblings, vol. 10
I'm cleaning my house tonight. (Can you tell?) lol. Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities, particularly for hours on end (which is what truly cleaning my apartment would entail at this point) - so while I'm procrastinating (something I'm quite talented at doing), here are seven more random ramblings from Happyland:
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
random ramblings, vol. 9
it's late, but one mocha coconut frappuccino six hours ago might seem to be responsible for that. (there are definitely drawbacks to living largely decaffeinated.) which could have been item number one for this week's edition of random ramblings, but it isn't. (you just get that pointer for free.) ;) so without further ado - MORE random ramblings:
1) i've lately become completely addicted to YA fiction. there are some really good books out there right now. if i ever have the privilege of having daughters, a book i read this week (which i am ashamed to say i almost didn't bring home because of the cover picture - it's a little scary) will be assigned reading during their teenage years. written by a children's librarian (who are, btw, some of the most under-appreciated but most influential teachers of any child's life), this book is a MUST-READ for any girl junior-high or older AND their moms. set in feudal times and dealing with the fantasy world of mermaids vs/and islanders, it subtly but powerfully deals with coming-of-age issues, managing peer pressure, the importance of character over popularity, and self-esteem. all while creating an incredibly believable, historically accurate picture of the feudal system. it was amazing. and the cause of a very short night of sleep this week. i've GOT to stop picking up new stories at night....
(like that's going to happen...)
2) Madeleine L'Engle is still my hero. i'm reading Walking On Water this week, and again, learning so much from her about my faith, art, their interplay, and myself. i cannot wait to spend countless hours in eternity talking with this amazing saint, and am so grateful to her for her transparency and wisdom in all her books, both fiction and non-fiction. her writing and what i've learned from it is part of why i dare to write anything at all, ever. i would have given so much for one meal with her at Crosswicks. someday...
3) i am a horrible correspondent. this is something with which i am slowly coming to terms. i currently have at least EIGHT people who are waiting for long newsy letters. (some of you are among them.) they're coming, really. REALLY. it's just that i can't write shallow personal letters. i suck at them. (and it takes a lot of emotional energy - and time - to produce a non-shallow letter.) so when it finally shows up in your inbox, brace yourself. and schedule at least 1/2 an hour to read it. :) (and if you're not on that list and want one, please leave a comment with your email address. i suggest using the so-and-so (at) such-and-such (dot) com methodology, to avoid spam from web-crawling whatnot. i will add you to the list.) ;) For those of you who ARE on the list already - I promise, I haven't forgotten!!!
4) have i mentioned lately that i'm glad it's summer? there are so many things i am grateful for with the advent of summer:
- a slower pace of life (Thank You, JESUS!!!!)
- sunshine (why do i live in the mid-west again? oh, right. summer)
- road-trips. most notably to Michigan and BFFs in Indiana. plus a variety of others.
5) Sabbath. on-going learning process. on-going revelation. on-going quest. i began a new phase of it today. one of the dimensions of Sabbath which i find to be sorely lacking but incredibly important to/in my life is the dimension of community. the Sabbath was meant to be celebrated together. and to that end, hospitality - which is one of my gifts, but one i do not engage enough - is something i need/want to amp up, especially on Saturdays (my current Sabbath day). so, unto that end - i am investing in new dishes. i know that might sound silly, but the truth of the matter is, a well-set table isn't snobbery to me - it's investment. it's visible proof to my dinner guests that "i'm glad you're here." i'm not going all-out right away - but once a month, i've given myself permission to ditch a few more pieces of the $2 dishes i once owned (but of which i have now succeeded in breaking the majority) in favor of slightly more pricey dinner dishes. i bought 4 dinner plates today. June's purchase will be 4 dessert plates. July's: a 2-tier serving dish. etc. until i have beautiful place-settings and serving dishes for four. (which is all my current table can seat - down the road, that will change, too, i hope!!!) and in the meantime, i intend to (at least once a month) have people over for dinner. which requires cleaning my apartment. which is also on the task list for this weekend. ;)
6) i'm pretty sure that frappuccino is finally wearing off... (yay! just in time for Saturday....) ;)
7) if financial stewardship has EVER been something with which you've wrestled (or especially if it's something you wrestle with now), PLEASE: check out Andy Stanley's podcasts for "Balanced" - via Northpoint Ministries (dot) org. (also available on iTunes). Andy's wisdom is straight from the Lord and from His Word - and most definitely worth pursuing.
So there you have it. Random Ramblings, vol. 9. and on that note - good night! :)
1) i've lately become completely addicted to YA fiction. there are some really good books out there right now. if i ever have the privilege of having daughters, a book i read this week (which i am ashamed to say i almost didn't bring home because of the cover picture - it's a little scary) will be assigned reading during their teenage years. written by a children's librarian (who are, btw, some of the most under-appreciated but most influential teachers of any child's life), this book is a MUST-READ for any girl junior-high or older AND their moms. set in feudal times and dealing with the fantasy world of mermaids vs/and islanders, it subtly but powerfully deals with coming-of-age issues, managing peer pressure, the importance of character over popularity, and self-esteem. all while creating an incredibly believable, historically accurate picture of the feudal system. it was amazing. and the cause of a very short night of sleep this week. i've GOT to stop picking up new stories at night....
(like that's going to happen...)
2) Madeleine L'Engle is still my hero. i'm reading Walking On Water this week, and again, learning so much from her about my faith, art, their interplay, and myself. i cannot wait to spend countless hours in eternity talking with this amazing saint, and am so grateful to her for her transparency and wisdom in all her books, both fiction and non-fiction. her writing and what i've learned from it is part of why i dare to write anything at all, ever. i would have given so much for one meal with her at Crosswicks. someday...
3) i am a horrible correspondent. this is something with which i am slowly coming to terms. i currently have at least EIGHT people who are waiting for long newsy letters. (some of you are among them.) they're coming, really. REALLY. it's just that i can't write shallow personal letters. i suck at them. (and it takes a lot of emotional energy - and time - to produce a non-shallow letter.) so when it finally shows up in your inbox, brace yourself. and schedule at least 1/2 an hour to read it. :) (and if you're not on that list and want one, please leave a comment with your email address. i suggest using the so-and-so (at) such-and-such (dot) com methodology, to avoid spam from web-crawling whatnot. i will add you to the list.) ;) For those of you who ARE on the list already - I promise, I haven't forgotten!!!
4) have i mentioned lately that i'm glad it's summer? there are so many things i am grateful for with the advent of summer:
- a slower pace of life (Thank You, JESUS!!!!)
- sunshine (why do i live in the mid-west again? oh, right. summer)
- road-trips. most notably to Michigan and BFFs in Indiana. plus a variety of others.
5) Sabbath. on-going learning process. on-going revelation. on-going quest. i began a new phase of it today. one of the dimensions of Sabbath which i find to be sorely lacking but incredibly important to/in my life is the dimension of community. the Sabbath was meant to be celebrated together. and to that end, hospitality - which is one of my gifts, but one i do not engage enough - is something i need/want to amp up, especially on Saturdays (my current Sabbath day). so, unto that end - i am investing in new dishes. i know that might sound silly, but the truth of the matter is, a well-set table isn't snobbery to me - it's investment. it's visible proof to my dinner guests that "i'm glad you're here." i'm not going all-out right away - but once a month, i've given myself permission to ditch a few more pieces of the $2 dishes i once owned (but of which i have now succeeded in breaking the majority) in favor of slightly more pricey dinner dishes. i bought 4 dinner plates today. June's purchase will be 4 dessert plates. July's: a 2-tier serving dish. etc. until i have beautiful place-settings and serving dishes for four. (which is all my current table can seat - down the road, that will change, too, i hope!!!) and in the meantime, i intend to (at least once a month) have people over for dinner. which requires cleaning my apartment. which is also on the task list for this weekend. ;)
6) i'm pretty sure that frappuccino is finally wearing off... (yay! just in time for Saturday....) ;)
7) if financial stewardship has EVER been something with which you've wrestled (or especially if it's something you wrestle with now), PLEASE: check out Andy Stanley's podcasts for "Balanced" - via Northpoint Ministries (dot) org. (also available on iTunes). Andy's wisdom is straight from the Lord and from His Word - and most definitely worth pursuing.
So there you have it. Random Ramblings, vol. 9. and on that note - good night! :)
random ramblings, vol. 8
How is it possible that it's been a month since I've written anything? I knew it had been awhile, but wow. The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy - lots of demands on my time at work (and outside of work!), with very little down time that has corresponded with coherency. But that season is almost over. Three more weeks, and summer officially begins. My days will still be full, but not quite so crazily paced, and I am grateful for the coming respite. In the meantime, another edition of random ramblings:
1) It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day. Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing. I like "Twice the Appeal." Hoping he wins. :)
2) I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana. It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup. Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy. Ah.....
3) My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend. Yay!
4) I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight. I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry. I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.
5) Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk. There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration. Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet. The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks. Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go. But more on that in another post...
6) I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously. I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down. It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well. It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.
7) All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect. I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories. A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order. It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to. (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.) Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered. I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare. For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been. (Though both would have been awesome.) ;)
1) It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day. Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing. I like "Twice the Appeal." Hoping he wins. :)
2) I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana. It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup. Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy. Ah.....
3) My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend. Yay!
4) I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight. I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry. I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.
5) Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk. There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration. Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet. The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks. Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go. But more on that in another post...
6) I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously. I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down. It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well. It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.
7) All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect. I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories. A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order. It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to. (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.) Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered. I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare. For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been. (Though both would have been awesome.) ;)
random ramblings, vol. 7
This poor blog has been so neglected of late... Time for a little bit of rambling, I think! Maybe a few updates too. So without further ado:
1. I haven't actually not been blogging. I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point. :) Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing. Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!
2. I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment. Actually, craving might be an understatement...
3. The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well. I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring. But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog. If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.
4. Spring is finally springing. Can I just tell you how happy this makes me? I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.
5. After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up! :) There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!
6. I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down. It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story. The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever. I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon! The ending was terrible. Not unexpected - but still. I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened. :(
7. I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. Definitely looking forward to reading it this week! I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first. And that was the end of that plan... :)
1. I haven't actually not been blogging. I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point. :) Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing. Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!
2. I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment. Actually, craving might be an understatement...
3. The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well. I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring. But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog. If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.
4. Spring is finally springing. Can I just tell you how happy this makes me? I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.
5. After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up! :) There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!
6. I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down. It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story. The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever. I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon! The ending was terrible. Not unexpected - but still. I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened. :(
7. I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. Definitely looking forward to reading it this week! I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first. And that was the end of that plan... :)
the fine art of procrastipreparation
It occurred to me a few days ago that it's almost Lent. How did that happen?! Where have the past two months gone?! Wasn't it just Christmas? My tree is still up...
One of the things I'm trying to focus on as I slowly shift into a new way of viewing the Sabbath and adjusting my life to make it a more central practice is preparation. This can be... challenging. Procrastination is something at which I am relatively talented, and it extends to everything from doing my dishes and shredding my junk mail to writing sermons and catching up on correspondence. Being prepared - ahead of time?! - takes a little forethought.
Grocery shopping has generally become something relegated to Saturdays. I confess that since last Lent's discipline of using up the food in my cupboards before buying more, I have become very lax in my attitude and practice towards groceries. I have slipped back into "go to the store and get dinner" mode, instead of planning ahead to what I will eat later this week and shopping for it ahead of time. Cravings often dictate my shopping, rather than discipline. I am not okay with this. I have been - but I'm not. Especially in light of Lent, and in light of longing to experience true Sabbath rest and joy more fully.
Since my Sabbath is on Saturday, I need to find a way to do my shopping on another day. My goal is to have my first Sabbath meal (Friday night) ready and waiting at the end of the day - no preparation required, just coming home and sinking into Sabbath the way you sink into slumber at the end of a good (but long) journey - with joy, relief, celebration, anticipation, and contentment. This past weekend, it just barely happened. I gave up my plans to make a big long trip to the grocery store at which I really ought to be shopping, and spent a lot more money at a closer store buying mostly just what I needed. Dinner went in the crock pot at 11:00am - it was ready by 7:30pm. An hour late, but hey, it's a start, right? ;-) And it was amazing. But shopping on Friday morning felt like the fine art of procrastipreparation. I knew all week I need to shop. I could have dragged myself off the couch and to the store in the middle of the week, but I didn't. I was tired, and I was lazy.
This week, I will not procrastinate in my preparations. I'm actually putting it on the calendar. Tuesday, 7pm: Go grocery shopping. With a list.
Why start with food, on this journey towards keeping the Sabbath better? Well, Sabbath is a celebration - a celebration of the goodness of creation, the creativity of our amazing God, and the beauty of redemption. All good celebrations should involve some sort of a feast - and on the Sabbath, traditionally celebrated by God's people as the "queen" of all days - we should be eating the best meals of the week. Healthful, extravagant, shared.
I'm working on building a balanced schedule of sharing that first Sabbath meal with friends versus simply sharing it with Jesus. And with Lent coming up, it's time (again) to give up all those foods that don't help me at all and to move into a more healthful style of living anyway. So here's to giving up the fine art of procrastipreparation in favor of planning for the Sabbath, and a more healthy lifestyle in general.
One of the things I'm trying to focus on as I slowly shift into a new way of viewing the Sabbath and adjusting my life to make it a more central practice is preparation. This can be... challenging. Procrastination is something at which I am relatively talented, and it extends to everything from doing my dishes and shredding my junk mail to writing sermons and catching up on correspondence. Being prepared - ahead of time?! - takes a little forethought.
Grocery shopping has generally become something relegated to Saturdays. I confess that since last Lent's discipline of using up the food in my cupboards before buying more, I have become very lax in my attitude and practice towards groceries. I have slipped back into "go to the store and get dinner" mode, instead of planning ahead to what I will eat later this week and shopping for it ahead of time. Cravings often dictate my shopping, rather than discipline. I am not okay with this. I have been - but I'm not. Especially in light of Lent, and in light of longing to experience true Sabbath rest and joy more fully.
Since my Sabbath is on Saturday, I need to find a way to do my shopping on another day. My goal is to have my first Sabbath meal (Friday night) ready and waiting at the end of the day - no preparation required, just coming home and sinking into Sabbath the way you sink into slumber at the end of a good (but long) journey - with joy, relief, celebration, anticipation, and contentment. This past weekend, it just barely happened. I gave up my plans to make a big long trip to the grocery store at which I really ought to be shopping, and spent a lot more money at a closer store buying mostly just what I needed. Dinner went in the crock pot at 11:00am - it was ready by 7:30pm. An hour late, but hey, it's a start, right? ;-) And it was amazing. But shopping on Friday morning felt like the fine art of procrastipreparation. I knew all week I need to shop. I could have dragged myself off the couch and to the store in the middle of the week, but I didn't. I was tired, and I was lazy.
This week, I will not procrastinate in my preparations. I'm actually putting it on the calendar. Tuesday, 7pm: Go grocery shopping. With a list.
Why start with food, on this journey towards keeping the Sabbath better? Well, Sabbath is a celebration - a celebration of the goodness of creation, the creativity of our amazing God, and the beauty of redemption. All good celebrations should involve some sort of a feast - and on the Sabbath, traditionally celebrated by God's people as the "queen" of all days - we should be eating the best meals of the week. Healthful, extravagant, shared.
I'm working on building a balanced schedule of sharing that first Sabbath meal with friends versus simply sharing it with Jesus. And with Lent coming up, it's time (again) to give up all those foods that don't help me at all and to move into a more healthful style of living anyway. So here's to giving up the fine art of procrastipreparation in favor of planning for the Sabbath, and a more healthy lifestyle in general.
an adjective-defying experience
i realize there's a bit of irony in using the compound adjective "adjective-defying" to describe my experience this weekend... but i'm not sure there really is just one word that would work. "awesome" doesn't quite touch it - tho it's close.
i went "home" this weekend. home to a place where i now know very few people, home to a place that still brings me so much comfort and safety just by being in it. i cheered (literally, out loud) when i crossed the Michigan border, and i kid you not, at one point about an hour later, i suddenly realized that i'd been grinning like an idiot for awhile... :)
i spent two glorious days in a luxury, eco-friendly hotel.
i ate - and ate - and ate! - amazing food: scrambled eggs, bacon, roasted potatoes, rye toast, flatbread pizza LOADED with feta and kalamata olives, chicken corn chowder, minestrone, fish and chips.
i had red wine and orange juice and hot buttered rum (my favorite espresso drink at the best coffee shop in the world). i had an amazing cup of french-press coffee.
i spent time with two dear friends i haven't seen in years.
i worshiped with them and with some other friends at a church that has grown astronomically since the last time i was there.
i listened to beautiful music - classical, pop, worship, Irish (in the Irish pub where i had the fish and chips), and folk.
and i read. an entire book. cover to cover. and it changed my life. is changing. will change.
there are no words that could ever completely describe these two days spent doing all these amazing, blessed and life-altering things with the Lord - but here are a few that just begin to get at it:
beautiful. wonderful. tough. amazing. unexpected. lovely. abundant. peaceful. right. true. dangerous. blessed. intimate. challenging. restful. pure. long. short. (far too short.) lonely. communal. lush. restorative. informative. formative. social. sweet. transformative.
i'm sure there are others that describe it as well.
i hope to be able to unpack some of it over the next few weeks. stay tuned.
and in the meantime: go buy yourself a copy of Dan Allender's Sabbath... i won't tell you that it will change your life. but it did change mine. and it's a good book.
random ramblings, vol. 6
It's been awhile since I've written a rambling post, so since I'm procrastinating on any number of other things I ought to be doing, here you are. :) Seven random facts that have relatively nothing to do with anything.
1. Today was one of the most decidedly non-Sabbathy Sabbaths I've had in a really long time. I'm actually strangely glad to say that - mostly because it means that I've had a Sabbath on a weekly basis for a while now. But I'm feeling it this evening, the lack of Sabbath. I had literally a dozen errands to run today, things I just haven't had time to do; I managed to fit in nine of them before deciding the other three could wait. And actually, now that I've said that, I can't even remember what one of the remaining three was.... Anyway. All of that is to say that life has been incredibly fast-paced of late. Which makes me really happy about Random Rambling #2.
2. I'm going on vacation. :) Totally impromptu (well, somewhat planned, as I made reservations two days ago, but still... it wasn't on the calendar until last week!). It's just for a weekend, but I can't wait. Two days, mostly me and Jesus, in one of my favorite places. I have a rare Sunday off from Torch next week, and I'm looking forward to spending time in worship with some dear friends I haven't seen in far too long.
3. You know you're involved in church service planning when you evaluate the risk of buying a movie you've never seen before by factoring in whether or not the production company is included under your church's CVLI license... just in case there's a sermon illustration in there somewhere.
4. I haven't seen "Ladies in Lavender" or "A Room with a View" in far too long. I should fix that...
5. I have entirely too many unread books on my shelves. I wish I had time to fix that, too....
6. I'm looking for a really good Lenten devotional guide. Does anyone have one to recommend?
7. I'm sorry to say that my kitchen table is, once again, cluttered with unopened mail, mostly of the unwanted variety. I'm hoping to get to it tomorrow, but the good news is, I have a good friend coming over on Thursday, which will necessitate cleaning before then. :) One of these days, I really am going to get a handle on this.... And okay, I will just confess. I started a new box for that sort of thing somewhere around Christmas. But it is GOING DOWN by the end of February. Really. Mostly because I need that box for other things...
So there you have it. Seven random ramblings. Merry Christmas.
I suppose one of these days I should also take down my tree.....
1. Today was one of the most decidedly non-Sabbathy Sabbaths I've had in a really long time. I'm actually strangely glad to say that - mostly because it means that I've had a Sabbath on a weekly basis for a while now. But I'm feeling it this evening, the lack of Sabbath. I had literally a dozen errands to run today, things I just haven't had time to do; I managed to fit in nine of them before deciding the other three could wait. And actually, now that I've said that, I can't even remember what one of the remaining three was.... Anyway. All of that is to say that life has been incredibly fast-paced of late. Which makes me really happy about Random Rambling #2.
2. I'm going on vacation. :) Totally impromptu (well, somewhat planned, as I made reservations two days ago, but still... it wasn't on the calendar until last week!). It's just for a weekend, but I can't wait. Two days, mostly me and Jesus, in one of my favorite places. I have a rare Sunday off from Torch next week, and I'm looking forward to spending time in worship with some dear friends I haven't seen in far too long.
3. You know you're involved in church service planning when you evaluate the risk of buying a movie you've never seen before by factoring in whether or not the production company is included under your church's CVLI license... just in case there's a sermon illustration in there somewhere.
4. I haven't seen "Ladies in Lavender" or "A Room with a View" in far too long. I should fix that...
5. I have entirely too many unread books on my shelves. I wish I had time to fix that, too....
6. I'm looking for a really good Lenten devotional guide. Does anyone have one to recommend?
7. I'm sorry to say that my kitchen table is, once again, cluttered with unopened mail, mostly of the unwanted variety. I'm hoping to get to it tomorrow, but the good news is, I have a good friend coming over on Thursday, which will necessitate cleaning before then. :) One of these days, I really am going to get a handle on this.... And okay, I will just confess. I started a new box for that sort of thing somewhere around Christmas. But it is GOING DOWN by the end of February. Really. Mostly because I need that box for other things...
So there you have it. Seven random ramblings. Merry Christmas.
I suppose one of these days I should also take down my tree.....
on seeking peace
All week long, the Spirit has been whispering the same half of a verse, over and over again, to my soul: "Seek peace and pursue it." (Psalm 34:14b)
Seek peace and pursue it. Seek peace and pursue it.
I've been trying. In this week of Advent Peace, I've been pursuing peace as if it were the elusive White Stag of Narnia. Every now and again, I've glimpsed it. I've found it in some unlikely places: Christmas shopping, driving around in my car, cleaning the house, charting Christmas carols. I've found it in likely places, too: the quiet moments when I've paused to worship, decorating Christmas cookies with our Tuesday night Advent group, having dinner with one of my best friends. But then something would happen, and I would find myself wondering where that peace had gone.
Seek peace and pursue it.
I will not go into the details of why this week was so incredibly difficult. I will simply say that I am so glad for the respite that this morning brought. Saturday is my Sabbath day - a day to worship and rest and simply be. For the first time since last Saturday, I did not roll out of bed with a task list. There are things to do today - grocery shopping for the holiday dinner I'm cooking tomorrow, Christmas shopping, etc. - but they can happen whenever I get to them, and it doesn't really matter to anyone else. Today there are no pressures, no demands, no responsibilities. Today I am free to finish decorating my tree, and to be my introverted self. Today... I can rest.
I am so glad God built Sabbath into our lives. He knew how desperately we would need it. A day to stop. Breathe. Remember Him. Reorient. Reprioritize. Oh, wait - life isn't actually about all that stuff that seemed so important last week. It's about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. Right. Okay, let's try that, then.
And again, I find myself so grateful for Advent, and a week that forced me, by its liturgical rhythms, to remember peace. I needed the daily reminder to be a shalom-bringer, and to look for the ways in which God was at work in the seeming chaos that was this week. I needed that constant whisper: "seek peace and pursue it."
One of the things I am learning (again) is that peace and rest go hand-in-hand. It is possible to be at peace in the midst of insanely busy seasons, to be internally at rest in the midst of complete craziness. I don't always live that way - and at the end of weeks like this past one, I am extremely grateful for mercy and grace and the promise of a new day! But if God tells us to seek peace and pursue it, it is because peace is something we need... and it is because peace is something that will be found for the seeking.
Our responsibility is not to "achieve" peace somehow - but to simply pursue it. And as we seek it, peace will come. For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14), and it is His promise that if we seek Him, He will be found (1 Chronicles 28:9).
There is so much comfort and joy in that. So God rest ye merry, friends - as we, with Hope and Peace, lean into Joy this coming week.
Seek peace and pursue it. Seek peace and pursue it.
I've been trying. In this week of Advent Peace, I've been pursuing peace as if it were the elusive White Stag of Narnia. Every now and again, I've glimpsed it. I've found it in some unlikely places: Christmas shopping, driving around in my car, cleaning the house, charting Christmas carols. I've found it in likely places, too: the quiet moments when I've paused to worship, decorating Christmas cookies with our Tuesday night Advent group, having dinner with one of my best friends. But then something would happen, and I would find myself wondering where that peace had gone.
Seek peace and pursue it.
I will not go into the details of why this week was so incredibly difficult. I will simply say that I am so glad for the respite that this morning brought. Saturday is my Sabbath day - a day to worship and rest and simply be. For the first time since last Saturday, I did not roll out of bed with a task list. There are things to do today - grocery shopping for the holiday dinner I'm cooking tomorrow, Christmas shopping, etc. - but they can happen whenever I get to them, and it doesn't really matter to anyone else. Today there are no pressures, no demands, no responsibilities. Today I am free to finish decorating my tree, and to be my introverted self. Today... I can rest.
I am so glad God built Sabbath into our lives. He knew how desperately we would need it. A day to stop. Breathe. Remember Him. Reorient. Reprioritize. Oh, wait - life isn't actually about all that stuff that seemed so important last week. It's about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. Right. Okay, let's try that, then.
And again, I find myself so grateful for Advent, and a week that forced me, by its liturgical rhythms, to remember peace. I needed the daily reminder to be a shalom-bringer, and to look for the ways in which God was at work in the seeming chaos that was this week. I needed that constant whisper: "seek peace and pursue it."
One of the things I am learning (again) is that peace and rest go hand-in-hand. It is possible to be at peace in the midst of insanely busy seasons, to be internally at rest in the midst of complete craziness. I don't always live that way - and at the end of weeks like this past one, I am extremely grateful for mercy and grace and the promise of a new day! But if God tells us to seek peace and pursue it, it is because peace is something we need... and it is because peace is something that will be found for the seeking.
Our responsibility is not to "achieve" peace somehow - but to simply pursue it. And as we seek it, peace will come. For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14), and it is His promise that if we seek Him, He will be found (1 Chronicles 28:9).
There is so much comfort and joy in that. So God rest ye merry, friends - as we, with Hope and Peace, lean into Joy this coming week.
lenten journeys: rediscovering sabbath rest
Over the past couple of years, the rhythm of my life has changed frequently. A little less than two years ago, I was leading worship at another church on Sundays. A year ago, I wasn't going to church at all. Now I'm... well, I don't really have a title, but I do stuff for Torch.
Finding Sabbath rest in the varied rhythms of each of these three seasons has looked a little different. Two years ago, I think I sort of took a Sabbath on Saturdays, and once a month, tried to take a whole afternoon as a "Geneva Day." Last year, being temporarily "unchurched," I generally had all day Sunday, and was pretty serious about making that a Sabbath day. Now, being very churched on Sundays (and often several evenings per week), I've been pretty disciplined about taking a Sabbath from Friday night to Saturday night. I don't do it perfectly. Occasionally I sneak in a few emails and whatnot - but I do try really hard to make sure I have a large chunk of time that I'm not doing church stuff, and am intentionally resting, reading, reflecting, relaxing, etc. I spend time with friends, I watch movies, I cook dinner. It's nice.
Yesterday... yesterday, I did not do that. Yesterday I woke up, turned on the computer, and started catching up on a lot of administrative whatnot that I've been putting off, partly because I knew it was going to time-consuming and I didn't have time to get it done, and partly because I tend to procrastinate. I spent probably a good eight hours of my day yesterday getting stuff done that I needed to get done. I also talked to my mom, and watched the Olympics, and had dinner. I'd been up late on Friday, and toward evening, I began to get a little crabby because I was tired, but I caught a second wind and got back to work, and the evening ended up being really fun, rehearsing for what turned out to be a really good service this morning, and building a slideshow. It was fun and creative, worshipful even, and I went to bed tired, but happy - and feeling rested.
How did that happen? Is it possible that, while not keeping the Sabbath as I usually do, I didn't completely break it either? I'm not sure. There are all kinds of legalistic arguments running through my head on both sides of the issue. But here's what I know: I had a lot of stuff hanging over my head that really needed to get done, and it's done now, and I can relax and not worry about it anymore. I had an early and busy, but super-worshipful and fun day today, and then I got to come home and watch a movie and have some tea and blog for awhile, and today - for all that I "worked" in the morning" has been a super-restful day, at least internally. Yes, I'm tired. I can also go to bed early, because all my stuff is done.
So which day was my Sabbath? Yesterday, when I stayed home and got stuff done, but didn't have to go anywhere and was able to spend half the day in my pjs drinking tea and being productive? Or today, when I had to be out the door early and serve at my church, but spent quality time with people and had some down-time too?
I have no idea. Maybe they were both a bit of Sabbath and a bit not. But as I wrestled with guilt over not being lazy yesterday, I went back to what Jesus said to the Pharisees about Sabbath-keeping. No, my inbox wasn't a sheep in a pit that needed to be rescued. But honestly - I kind of felt like a sheep in a pit, and that pit is way less deep now than it was at midnight on Friday. I'm not intending to make a habit out of making Saturdays my catch-up days. As a matter of fact, next Saturday I am sleeping in, going to the grocery store (with a list), and meeting my friend Eric for coffee at a book store. (And by "coffee", I mean a soy chai tea latte.)
But for this week - well, as Jesus reminded the Pharisees, the Levites broke a lot of Sabbath laws. They had to, to do their jobs. God knew how much I needed a day just to plow through and get my stuff done, and while far from lazy, it was a really good day - and so was today.
lenten journeys: learning to breathe
Today is the first day of Lent, and as usual, I'm a little reflective. This is the beginning of a long season. 40 days (47 if you count Sundays) until we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus - one of the absolute best parts of the amazing Story we live in. I am looking forward to Holy Week! But between now and then.... 47 days.
Julie wrote a beautiful post this week about Lent and her journey with the practice of "giving something up" for Lent. Giving something up is, as she says, about sacrifice - but you're not supposed to do it just for the sake of doing it. The point is to allow the discipline of sacrificing something to be a tool in God's hands, to allow Him to transform you. It was a timely reminder as I begin my own Lenten journey: I am not giving up coffee and junk food and all the other various and sundry things I feel led to cut out of my diet just for the sake of doing it - nor even for the sake of becoming more healthy, tho that will likely happen. I am giving them up because the very act of doing so will teach me discipline and self-control and point me to Jesus, and in His presence, I will be changed for the better. I will become more of the person He means me to be. I will learn some things along this stretch of the road that, while it's possible I could learn elsewhere, I am choosing to learn here.
Lent often feels a little desert-like. I had a dream the other night, and in it was this vast desert-scape: mesas painted glorious shades of reds and browns and khakis, and tufts of dying grass. It was beautiful and barren. And I heard Him say, "I am the one who speaks life to the desert." And then I sensed, rather than saw, that it was all about to change. The desert was about to become a lush valley, full of trees in bloom and rushing streams. It was just about to happen...
And I believe this is part of what my journey this Lenten season will be - watching God speak life into me. It begins, I discovered this morning, with learning to breathe (again). Breathing out my contrition. Breathing in His mercy. Breathing out my frustration with how packed my schedule is right now. Breathing in His ability to walk with me through it and lead me to still waters, even in the midst of it all. Breathing out my whacked perspectives. Breathing in His wisdom. And sometimes - simply sitting still in the middle of all the chaos for 20 seconds and remembering to breathe. God once hovered over the chaos of the deep - and spoke life into it. So I pray with the words of this hymn:
Hover oe'r me, Holy Spirit,
Bathe my trembling heart and brow;
Fill me with Thy Hallowed Presence
Come, oh, come and fill me now.
Fill me now, fill me now,
Holy Spirit, fill me now.
Fill me with Thy Hallowed Presence,
Come, oh, come, and fill me now.
- Elwood H. Stokes, 1879
(c. Public Domain)
Come, oh, come, and fill me now. Amen.
*sidenote: courtesy of The Upper Room and The Uncluttered Heart, I found The Awkward Season this morning. I'll be using this as my devotional for Lent this year, if anyone wants to join me. (some of my thoughts here were sparked by her post this morning.)
timing is everything
So I will grant you that driving until almost 3 am was probably not the brightest thing I could possibly have done, but being in Geneva - an appropriate first stop - put me on a path that led me through the right places at the right times on Day 2. If i'd stopped driving four hours earlier on Day 1, I would have hit Vermont and New Hampshire in the dark, and missed everything.
I took the highway most of the way to New England, but about 2/3 of the way through New York, I got off the toll road and onto the back roads, and it was the best decision I ever made. And this, too, is life. Sometimes getting out of the fast lane and taking a more leisurely pace through life is exactly the best thing.
No, I didn't take a GPS. But I did take an outdated atlas. :) So I figured out - as I went - which roads to look for and how to get across each state - and the road I took out of New York and into Vermont led me straight through the Green Mountain National Forest.
It was as beautiful as I'd always heard it would be.
There's a spot on the side of the road where, on a clear day, you can see for 100 miles. It wasn't a clear day, but since (true to form) someone had built a store across the street, I stopped. I got maple syrup and maple sugar candy (and one piece did actually make it all the way home!) and a couple of post-cards that I will probably never actually get around to mailing. And I just stood there - in the rain - and looked.
And as I drove through the mountains, and simply soaked in the beauty of God's creativity displayed in the trees and rocks and skies around me, I felt myself slowly becoming myself again. Recklessly and ontologically me. At least for a couple of hours. I caught myself smiling for no reason at all. Came close to almost thinking nothing at all.
It was heavenly, resting while driving. And this is why I do it. I do love to travel, tho 12-14 hours a day in my car does feel like overdoing it a bit. But the peace that comes in those moments when it's just me and God and we're not working on anything or talking thru any issues, but just resting in the fact that He loves me and I love Him, and I'm in awe again of the God who paints with this kind of passion and creativity - it's totally worth it.
"you'll know it when you see it"
The first day of a road trip with Jesus tends to be a long drive day. I'm eager to get wherever I'm going - only sort of but not quite thinking about the fact that the journey is the destination. I know this in my head, but I'm still going somewhere, and I want to find out where. So I press on. Sometimes pretty late at night.So I'm driving along on the highway, and I'm watching exit signs, and I notice something that amuses me... they've re-numbered their exits, but just to make sure you still know where you're going, there's a little sign under the bigger exit sign that says "Old Exit ---" with whatever number it used to be. How thoughtful! :)
I think I want to get off at Exit 47 - I'm pretty sure that's number I heard when I asked Him - so I'm watching the signs, and I go past Exit 45 - and I keep driving, thinking we're almost there - and then I see: Exit 61.
Did I miss something here?
But then I keep driving, and I realize after a while that the exit numbers are going down - 60, 59, 58, ... - I must be in another state. How did that happen? Okay, well, the numbers are going down, anyway, so we'll get to Exit 47 eventually, right?
So I keep driving. And driving. And driving. And it's past midnight and I'm tired. I see a sign for a motel that's only $30/night. I think about getting off the highway and seeing if they have any rooms. But didn't God say Exit 47? I'm not sure. And it's late. And I'm tired. But I really want to know for sure... I just feel this need to find out.
So I keep driving. And when we get to Exit 47 - there is pretty much nothing there.
Okay. So I heard wrong. This happens, especially when it involves numbers, lol. I'm okay with this, but it is now 2 am, and I am way past ready to sleep. So I start looking for signs. And at one of the next exits there is a sign that lists a couple of hotels and motels, and one of them is a name I know and trust, and I think - okay, I'll get off here. Go with what you know, right? So I did.
And found myself in the middle of nowhere.
Now one thing that is pretty great about driving through the middle of nowhere is you get a pretty good sense of the vastness of the universe and how very small you are. You also become pretty aware of how incredibly dark it is when there isn't any light. On a clear night, the stars are beautiful. But this is so not a clear night. It's raining. And I am in the middle of nowhere. And those hotels are nowhere to be found. Except the sign said to go this way....
So I keep driving, and praying, and wondering if I'm totally nuts, and I decide I will give this five more minutes. I am not sure that I've gotten this right, but I am sure that He has someplace for me to stay tonight. But how will I know?
"You'll know it when you see it."
And then, all of a sudden, I am in civilization. I am, in fact, in Geneva, New York.
I started to laugh. I couldn't help it.
"Geneva" is the name of a camp that I used to go to for 4-5 hour personal retreats every now and again. The first time I went, a friend of mine had booked me a day there because, he said, I needed to get away and do business with the Lord, and he was right - I did - and tho I didn't know it at the time, that day was the first step on a trajectory toward a deeper relationship with the Lord. My "Geneva days" (as I have continued to call them, in spite of the fact that I no longer go to that camp to take them) have become sacred, holy days of rest and communion with God. So of course I was in Geneva, New York for the first night of my trip. Of course.
It was so like Him.
icons, advent, chocolate, and rest
a fellow blogger posted a brief history of the "christian fish" earlier this week, and wondered how other people felt about Christian symbols in general, and i've been thinking about icons ever since.
i'll admit to being extremely influenced by Madeleine L'Engle's perspective on icons - her thoughts on the subject in A Circle of Quiet make much sense to me. it was Madeleine who helped me to understand the difference between icons and idols. an idol is something other than God that you worship, in and of itself. an icon points you to God. icons can become idols if we become too attached to them - if you were around for the battle of the shoes (about a year and a half ago), you know that i've wrestled with that. but the possibility that an icon can become an idol doesn't make an icon bad. in fact, i'd argue that we need them, whether or not we're aware that we need - or have - them, because without them, we are far too prone to get bogged down in the specific details of our lives and forget the bigger picture in which we live.
i love it when i see a fish on the back of someone's car. i love it more when i see a cross at the top of a church steeple, or on the back wall of an altar. or a Bible in the front seat of someone's car or in their briefcase. these symbols are icons - momentary and solid reminders that we are not alone - that there is a God who loves and saves us and is intimately involved in the details of our lives. reminders that we have an international family whose experiences, while different than ours in some ways, are nevertheless common to man - we are all, together, sinful, fallen, in need of grace. and we can all, together, find it.
there are words that are icons for me. hope. mercy. grace. peace. love. joy. freedom. there are paintings, poems, songs, books, people. doorways into God's presence.
liturgy is one of them. and i miss it.
i read Anne Lamott's Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith this week. there's a chapter where she talks about waiting and advent and the darkness that there is before Christ's coming, and it got me thinking about Christmas (which is what, like 12 weeks away now?!). and how Christmas itself is a doorway into something greater - Christ came, yes - and He is coming again. Christmas remembers, and reaches forward into future hope. and Advent is the path to Christmas.
traditionally, Advent is the four weeks prior to Christmas. realistically, Advent is a way of life. it's an active waiting, in expectation of what God will do, with peace, hope, love and joy - in the face of all that isn't any of those things. it is so much more than four weeks - tho we take four weeks to remember it.
i love that in some countries Advent calendars are made with chocolate behind all the little calendar doors. chocolate is an icon, too - a reminder that some things do always make you feel better. (Jesus and chocolate, right?)
so i am off to a day of actively waiting on the Lord: chocolate bar in hand; Bible, journal, pen; hope, peace, love, and joy seemingly elusive at times, but always there. there were too many details, too many distractions, too many things this week that cluttered the smaller picture and took my vision away from the bigger and better one. time to realign. to be in Sabbath rest.
and this very rest itself points me to Jesus. how good He was to tell us we would need this.
curious...
My alarm went off at 5:30am. On a Saturday! There's a workshop on spiritual disciplines at my church today, and it's one of a series of classes that everyone's going thru, and I was supposed to go.... so I got up. Made some coffee, read for a bit, got ready to go. And then didn't.
I'm not sure why. It just feels a little off to go - like maybe there's something else this day holds that I'm supposed to do or say or experience that I wouldn't if I were at the workshop. I have no idea. But here I am, up and dressed and raring to go at 7:47am on my one day to sleep in, and I have no idea why. :)
It's kind of fun, actually.
And at the end of the day, this may actually be about rest. I didn't have a very busy week, but I am very tired at the end of it. And I have a mountain of art projects to get to, some of which have deadlines. So maybe today will simply be a day of quiet creativity. Or maybe quiet conversations - with Jesus, with friends, with my heart. I don't know. But I am looking forward to finding out. And relaxing into a day upon which there are suddenly no expectations except Presence and Providence. It feels... nice. :)
finding vision - part I
Yep. It's another multi-part post. :)
I'm in this... I don't know what you'd call it... book club? class? ... THING. That'll work... It's a core group of people from Torch who are getting together once a month to talk through concepts found in some of the books we're reading. Last month's book was Visioneering, by Andy Stanley - and it was excellent. To help us think about what we're reading, our pastor gives us what he calls an application guide (and I call homework) and one of the questions he asked last month was really good.
The last question on the guide was, "What's your life vision?" to which I answered, "I DON'T KNOW" and that I'd get back to him on that - it occured to me today that I should probably get around to it - so, since I still don't know, I was re-reading the rest of what I'd written, and thought I'd share this bit.
So here's the question:
What are the top seven values that shape how you (will) live?
1. TRUTH - 2 Timothy 2:15 - "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." I want how I live to honor Him, and to teach (by both word (what I teach - written and spoken) and deed (how I live)) His truth.
2. HUMILITY - Micah 6:8 - "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." I want to live the balance between justice and mercy well, which something you must have humility to do.
3. JUSTICE/RIGHTEOUSNESS - Isaiah 56:1 - "This is what the Lord says, "Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed." I want to be known as someone who will always do the right thing, and who knows instinctively what that is, even in complicated, messy situations.
4. FREEDOM - Isaiah 58:6 - "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?" I want to be a yoke-breaker, through fasting and intercession, both private (prayer-closet) and public (praying over people).
5. *SABBATH* - Isaiah 56:2 and 58:13 - I want to learn what this means. I'm not in a place yet where I would die for this - but i think it's God who keeps bringing it up, and it seems to tie in with how I am supposed to structure my life in order to achieve what He wants to do through me. I don't get it yet, but I want to... so this is a "should" - but I want it to be a "would" - and not to impress anybody but because I think it's what God wants for me... Isaiah 56:2 - "Blessed is the man who does this, the man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil. Isaiah 58:13 - "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight, and the Lord's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words...."
6. YIELDEDNESS - John 3: 8 - "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." Wherever. Whenever. Whatever. I want to be when and where He wants me, doing whatever He wants me to do at any given moment.
7. HOSPITALITY - 1 Peter 4:8-10 - "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."
Romans 12:10-13 - "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality."
I want to live hospitably - as a person of invitation - regardless of my personal circumstances. No matter how in need I am, there will always be something to share. "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you..." (Acts 3:6) etc. Hospitality involves so much more than just having people over for dinner, tho I want that to be a part of my life as well - it's inviting people into your life AS IS.
That last one is tricky sometimes. In spite of all I've written/thought on the subject over the past couple of years, I still find myself trying to clean up both my house and my act...
So what about you? This isn't a meme (unless you want it to be). :) But what do you value? I'd love to know.
I'm in this... I don't know what you'd call it... book club? class? ... THING. That'll work... It's a core group of people from Torch who are getting together once a month to talk through concepts found in some of the books we're reading. Last month's book was Visioneering, by Andy Stanley - and it was excellent. To help us think about what we're reading, our pastor gives us what he calls an application guide (and I call homework) and one of the questions he asked last month was really good.
The last question on the guide was, "What's your life vision?" to which I answered, "I DON'T KNOW" and that I'd get back to him on that - it occured to me today that I should probably get around to it - so, since I still don't know, I was re-reading the rest of what I'd written, and thought I'd share this bit.
So here's the question:
What are the top seven values that shape how you (will) live?
1. TRUTH - 2 Timothy 2:15 - "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." I want how I live to honor Him, and to teach (by both word (what I teach - written and spoken) and deed (how I live)) His truth.
2. HUMILITY - Micah 6:8 - "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." I want to live the balance between justice and mercy well, which something you must have humility to do.
3. JUSTICE/RIGHTEOUSNESS - Isaiah 56:1 - "This is what the Lord says, "Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed." I want to be known as someone who will always do the right thing, and who knows instinctively what that is, even in complicated, messy situations.
4. FREEDOM - Isaiah 58:6 - "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?" I want to be a yoke-breaker, through fasting and intercession, both private (prayer-closet) and public (praying over people).
5. *SABBATH* - Isaiah 56:2 and 58:13 - I want to learn what this means. I'm not in a place yet where I would die for this - but i think it's God who keeps bringing it up, and it seems to tie in with how I am supposed to structure my life in order to achieve what He wants to do through me. I don't get it yet, but I want to... so this is a "should" - but I want it to be a "would" - and not to impress anybody but because I think it's what God wants for me... Isaiah 56:2 - "Blessed is the man who does this, the man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil. Isaiah 58:13 - "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight, and the Lord's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words...."
6. YIELDEDNESS - John 3: 8 - "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." Wherever. Whenever. Whatever. I want to be when and where He wants me, doing whatever He wants me to do at any given moment.
7. HOSPITALITY - 1 Peter 4:8-10 - "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."
Romans 12:10-13 - "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality."
I want to live hospitably - as a person of invitation - regardless of my personal circumstances. No matter how in need I am, there will always be something to share. "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you..." (Acts 3:6) etc. Hospitality involves so much more than just having people over for dinner, tho I want that to be a part of my life as well - it's inviting people into your life AS IS.
That last one is tricky sometimes. In spite of all I've written/thought on the subject over the past couple of years, I still find myself trying to clean up both my house and my act...
So what about you? This isn't a meme (unless you want it to be). :) But what do you value? I'd love to know.
encountering Judas
It was the last thing I expected when I curled up in bed with a cup of tea and a good book, for my monthly "morning with Jesus." I call them Geneva days (because my first few were at a camp by that name), and I love them. They are mornings I set aside (actually written in on the calendar) to meet with the Lord with no agenda of my own. Sometimes that's hard - there are things I want to talk about, and oftentimes I find myself discussing those with Him anyway - but I do my best to let Him set the agenda for the day. Last Saturday I pulled out Having A Mary Heart in A Martha World, and finally (9 months later) finished it - it seemed like the thing to do that morning, and Joanna Weaver's discussion of one of the Mary stories hit me in a way I hadn't expected.
Mary, shortly before Jesus was crucified, came to him with one of the most valuable things she had - an alabaster jar of pure nard - and poured it over his feet, which she then wiped with her hair. It was an act of pure devotion and worship - and it drove Judas crazy. That perfume was worth more than a year's wages, and it seemed like such a waste to him, to "throw away" something so valuable in such a ridiculous fashion. He claimed it could have been sold and the money used to feed the poor. I won't question his motivation. But he had an agenda, and a world-view so contrary to Mary's - that he couldn't even begin to understand what would possess her to do such a thing.
You know, if you'd asked me before which character in the story I most identified with, I might have said Mary. Extravagant worship of that sort is something I want to offer the Lord. But as Weaver drew the contrasts between the heart attitudes of Judas and Mary, I began to notice something a little disturbing - I have, at times, as much potential to go his way as I do hers.
Ouch.
God, forbid that I should ever get so caught up in my own ideas about how things are supposed to go that I miss Your plan entirely. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Amen.
Mary, shortly before Jesus was crucified, came to him with one of the most valuable things she had - an alabaster jar of pure nard - and poured it over his feet, which she then wiped with her hair. It was an act of pure devotion and worship - and it drove Judas crazy. That perfume was worth more than a year's wages, and it seemed like such a waste to him, to "throw away" something so valuable in such a ridiculous fashion. He claimed it could have been sold and the money used to feed the poor. I won't question his motivation. But he had an agenda, and a world-view so contrary to Mary's - that he couldn't even begin to understand what would possess her to do such a thing.
You know, if you'd asked me before which character in the story I most identified with, I might have said Mary. Extravagant worship of that sort is something I want to offer the Lord. But as Weaver drew the contrasts between the heart attitudes of Judas and Mary, I began to notice something a little disturbing - I have, at times, as much potential to go his way as I do hers.
Ouch.
God, forbid that I should ever get so caught up in my own ideas about how things are supposed to go that I miss Your plan entirely. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Amen.
"pop!"
HT: ASBO JesusExercising grace. Sometimes it's ridiculously difficult, especially when you find you need to exercise it toward yourself, do you know what I mean? There are times when I find it so much easier to extend grace to someone else for their faults and failures than I do to myself, but it's such a double-standard. God's grace to me is just as effective and just as much a gift as it is to anyone else, so why do I hold myself to a higher standard than that to which I hold others? Is it some sort of backwards pride? An "I'm better than you, so I have to act like it" thing? Dear Lord, I hope not... but the fact is, I am a perfectionist, and I want to do, think, and say everything right all the time, and never fail... (which sounds ridiculous when you put it like that, but there it is...)
And I'm really lousy at it. In fact, you could term it... (feigned gasp) failure....
Lord, have mercy. And please make me more like You. Amen.
--------------
I've found myself with a lot of head chatter this week. I think a lot (you've probably noticed that by now) and there's usually something (or many things) flow-charting in my head - but there are times when pretty much all you can term it is "chatter" - an endless stream of negative self-talk that does no good, and nine times out of ten turns out to be a pack of lies from the pit of hell... And it's so easy to get discouraged by that sometimes.
But God, in his mercy, has been really cool about helping me to notice more quickly of late when it is that I'm starting to get caught up in that sort of mind-set and the emotional tangle that comes with it... and I've got a new tactic that helps me to laugh it off a bit. I have a very young friend who cannot say her "st" sound yet, so when she says "stop!" it comes out "pop!" (It totally cracks me up.) A few weeks ago, she actually said it to me about something, and I looked back at her in astonishment and said, without thinking, "No, you pop!" And we both started laughing, and now it's a joke... but sometimes, when I find myself getting all internally angsty, I will take a deep breath and tell myself to "Just pop!" And it makes me smile, every time. Which is a very good start to being far less angsty... (yay!)
singing this love song
Day 5. I woke up later than usual in a little motel called The Welsh in Wall, South Dakota. (And no, I did not go to Wall Drug although it was right across the street. I didn't know I was supposed to. Tho its apparent fame does explain all the billboards for it on the interstate.) :P
Getting to the Welsh had been quite the journey the night before. I was exhausted, but I felt God urging me to press on closer to home that night. I wanted to stop in Wyoming, but felt He said to keep going into South Dakota. I kept driving, hearing "not yet." "5 more minutes." "1 more exit." Milestones, all of them, not destinations. Driving thru Rapid City, "See? And you said you would never make it this far." There were times when this conversation felt extremely frustrating, and at one point I was seriously questioning whether any of this was really God talking, or if I was having a conversation with my perfectionist, over-achieving self and if, really, I should have stopped hours earlier... and I drove past a billboard that said, "I am the Good Shepherd." And I had to laugh. "My sheep know my voice, Hap." So I kept driving.
"Almost there. You'll know it when you see it."
"I have no idea what I'm looking for, Lord."
"I know. Kind of fun, isn't it?"
pause. "Well, yes, actually..."
More driving. Looking for a sign (literal or metaphorical). Nothing, for a long time. And then, just as I was about to hit the proverbial wall, there were the signs. "Wall, South Dakota." Ha ha. So I stopped, and spent the night rooming in one of the coziest little motels I've ever seen. My room would have fit perfectly in any secluded retreat center, it was so peacefully and artfully decorated - I felt I'd come home.
As I was leaving in the morning, God said, "Hap, no matter what happens today, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me." okay... So, you would think that after the four days of incredible rest I had been experiencing that quiet trust would come easily. Apparently not. I started to worry... what if my car broke down in the middle of nowhere? what if I got in an accident? what if something happened to someone I cared about and I was stuck two days from home still and couldn't get to them? what if, what if, what if.... and God let me get away with that all the way to Minnesota. Even stopping at Al's (where the coffee is still 5 cents!) for lunch did not alleviate my concerns for long. (should I even be here? maybe i should have kept going...) I was second-guessing everything I did, and I was tired, and cranky, and... oh. I am so sorry, Lord. I haven't really trusted You today.
"Sometimes 'what happens' to you is emotional, too, Hap. No matter what, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me."
Got it. (Minnesota, already a beautiful state to drive through, was an even more pleasant drive after that.) :) And the first part of Wisconsin... and then I started thinking about finding a place to stop. I wanted to rest, journal, maybe take a walk somewhere and watch the sunset. I just wanted to be with God, somewhere other than my car.
And I couldn't find anywhere to stay. Every place I stopped was either sketchy, too expensive, or booked. And then I was close to the Dells and it was a Thursday night, so there was no point in stopping - and then I was past them - and then I was just a few short hours from home, so what was the point in spending that kind of money when I could just go home? So I drove through the night and got home sometime between 2 and 3 am. It was craziness. But it was also kind of fun...
And God sustained me. And at the end of that very long day, I went to sleep, praising Him for His goodness and for bringing me home.
That night I was driving through South Dakota, before I found a place to stay, when I was so exhausted but felt God urging me to keep going... He said, "Do you feel me sustaining you?" and I did. I really did... I could feel the strength and the ability to simply keep going that He was giving me. And what I think He said then is this: "I'm going to give you rest this year - more periods of longer rest than you might imagine at this point - but there will be seasons where you will have to plow a little harder, too. In those times, because you have been at rest, you will be able to run hard and be at rest internally - you will feel Me sustaining you. Even when you are very tired, remember, I will sustain you."
How could I have forgotten so quickly? And yet... the object lesson stuck with me once I realized on that last day what I'd done.
The entire trip (and this is only the briefest account of it!) felt like one great metaphor for life and this journey I - we - are on. It was about being at rest, learning to hear His voice, living out of that place of abiding in His presence even when things are busy and/or uncertain, trusting Him, following Him. It was about learning how to allow the Lord to sustain me, rather than trying to do it myself.
Years ago, one of the chaplains at Hope preached on a verse from the psalms, and I can't find it this morning, but it says, "I lie down, I sleep, I wake again; the Lord sustains me." And he talked about the connection between the two parts of that verse - the pattern of daily living and God's sustaining power in all of it... and I love that. In music when you sustain a note, you hold it out; you make it last longer... in life, when God sustains us, the sound - the chord - the melody of our lives is held - and I suspect that if we truly lived in a pattern of rest and activity, allowing the Lord to sustain us, that our lives would truly sing a love song to His heart that the world could not help but notice. It's what I want for my life, anyway. So be at rest, o my soul. Amen.
Getting to the Welsh had been quite the journey the night before. I was exhausted, but I felt God urging me to press on closer to home that night. I wanted to stop in Wyoming, but felt He said to keep going into South Dakota. I kept driving, hearing "not yet." "5 more minutes." "1 more exit." Milestones, all of them, not destinations. Driving thru Rapid City, "See? And you said you would never make it this far." There were times when this conversation felt extremely frustrating, and at one point I was seriously questioning whether any of this was really God talking, or if I was having a conversation with my perfectionist, over-achieving self and if, really, I should have stopped hours earlier... and I drove past a billboard that said, "I am the Good Shepherd." And I had to laugh. "My sheep know my voice, Hap." So I kept driving.
"Almost there. You'll know it when you see it."
"I have no idea what I'm looking for, Lord."
"I know. Kind of fun, isn't it?"
pause. "Well, yes, actually..."
More driving. Looking for a sign (literal or metaphorical). Nothing, for a long time. And then, just as I was about to hit the proverbial wall, there were the signs. "Wall, South Dakota." Ha ha. So I stopped, and spent the night rooming in one of the coziest little motels I've ever seen. My room would have fit perfectly in any secluded retreat center, it was so peacefully and artfully decorated - I felt I'd come home.
As I was leaving in the morning, God said, "Hap, no matter what happens today, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me." okay... So, you would think that after the four days of incredible rest I had been experiencing that quiet trust would come easily. Apparently not. I started to worry... what if my car broke down in the middle of nowhere? what if I got in an accident? what if something happened to someone I cared about and I was stuck two days from home still and couldn't get to them? what if, what if, what if.... and God let me get away with that all the way to Minnesota. Even stopping at Al's (where the coffee is still 5 cents!) for lunch did not alleviate my concerns for long. (should I even be here? maybe i should have kept going...) I was second-guessing everything I did, and I was tired, and cranky, and... oh. I am so sorry, Lord. I haven't really trusted You today.
"Sometimes 'what happens' to you is emotional, too, Hap. No matter what, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me."
Got it. (Minnesota, already a beautiful state to drive through, was an even more pleasant drive after that.) :) And the first part of Wisconsin... and then I started thinking about finding a place to stop. I wanted to rest, journal, maybe take a walk somewhere and watch the sunset. I just wanted to be with God, somewhere other than my car.
And I couldn't find anywhere to stay. Every place I stopped was either sketchy, too expensive, or booked. And then I was close to the Dells and it was a Thursday night, so there was no point in stopping - and then I was past them - and then I was just a few short hours from home, so what was the point in spending that kind of money when I could just go home? So I drove through the night and got home sometime between 2 and 3 am. It was craziness. But it was also kind of fun...
And God sustained me. And at the end of that very long day, I went to sleep, praising Him for His goodness and for bringing me home.
That night I was driving through South Dakota, before I found a place to stay, when I was so exhausted but felt God urging me to keep going... He said, "Do you feel me sustaining you?" and I did. I really did... I could feel the strength and the ability to simply keep going that He was giving me. And what I think He said then is this: "I'm going to give you rest this year - more periods of longer rest than you might imagine at this point - but there will be seasons where you will have to plow a little harder, too. In those times, because you have been at rest, you will be able to run hard and be at rest internally - you will feel Me sustaining you. Even when you are very tired, remember, I will sustain you."
How could I have forgotten so quickly? And yet... the object lesson stuck with me once I realized on that last day what I'd done.
The entire trip (and this is only the briefest account of it!) felt like one great metaphor for life and this journey I - we - are on. It was about being at rest, learning to hear His voice, living out of that place of abiding in His presence even when things are busy and/or uncertain, trusting Him, following Him. It was about learning how to allow the Lord to sustain me, rather than trying to do it myself.
Years ago, one of the chaplains at Hope preached on a verse from the psalms, and I can't find it this morning, but it says, "I lie down, I sleep, I wake again; the Lord sustains me." And he talked about the connection between the two parts of that verse - the pattern of daily living and God's sustaining power in all of it... and I love that. In music when you sustain a note, you hold it out; you make it last longer... in life, when God sustains us, the sound - the chord - the melody of our lives is held - and I suspect that if we truly lived in a pattern of rest and activity, allowing the Lord to sustain us, that our lives would truly sing a love song to His heart that the world could not help but notice. It's what I want for my life, anyway. So be at rest, o my soul. Amen.
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