My dear friend-whom-i've-never-met (Linda), over at faintnot's frenzy, has written an absolutely brilliant post on worship. You should go read all of it, both for her thoughts on worship and to hear her story, but here's part of my favorite part of what she said:
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
I broke a toe leading worship this weekend. No, seriously, I think I did. And the awesome part: I was sitting down. What are the odds?
I have this weird quirk - I used to mock (in love and good fun, of course) an old friend of mine for a very similar quirk - and I am now paying for it. (There is justice...) :) When I'm playing guitar, I can't dance around, but as a worshiper I just tend to move a lot, so I've developed this sort of stomp thing I do with my left leg when I'm leading. Most of the time, this works out just fine, and it's not even all that distracting because I lead sockfoot, so it's not like there's this loud thumping or anything from the stage... but this weekend... well, apparently I do the stomp thing a bit when I'm sitting down too, and I must've hit the rung of the barstool on which I was sitting at just the right angle, because my second toe and the entire top of my foot are a series of absolutely glorious shades of black and blues, purples, and greens. I didn't even notice when I did it. (I noticed when I stood up to head off the stage, tho!)
It hurts a bit. Not much, but a bit. And I find it rather ... ironic.
We launched a new sermon series this weekend entitled "Greatness: Discovering Your Incredible Potential" - a seven-week series on the life of John the Baptist. Jesus called John the greatest man that ever lived - on his absolute worst day. (The story is in Matthew 11:1-11.) Our pastor's message was excellent, tho extremely...lengthy. And it blew me away how the songs I'd chosen actually had some of the exact phrases he used in his message. It was pretty cool. I planned it two weeks ago, and I designed the set to point to God's greatness. They were songs that recognized our ... gift... for screwing things up, for failing. Songs that recognized our need for grace. And songs that said thank you for this amazing grace and expressed a heart-felt desire to have our lives reflect His glory to a world that needs to see it.
The pastor concluded his message by reminding us that if we're willing to simply lay down our lives, and say, "here I am, Lord - take my life, and make of it what You will" - the potential for what God can do with that kind of surrendered life is simply incredible.
So here I am, limping into a tomorrow that has limitless potential... and Monday happens. The fever I had all weekend comes back. It's a long day. I could use a nap, but don't get to take one. I go to leave for our young adults group, and my car absolutely refuses to start. A friend kindly loans me hers, and I go to church, and I fall apart on the first person I see because I don't know what to do about the car and the concurrent lack of finances and it's the third time in four weeks it'll be in the shop (hence the current financial issue). I hit a "God, how much do you think I can take?!" moment. And the worship set tonight ended with "Jesus, Lover of My Soul."
This is the song with which I spent the first of what I've come to call my "Geneva" days. A "Geneva Day" is a day away, dedicated to the Lord, solely His to do with as He likes. I was supposed to sing this song for church one weekend years ago, and I nailed it vocally in rehearsal, but there was something missing. Matt asked me, "Do you mean it when you sing it?" and I was forced to admit that no, I didn't. Not really. I meant it, but.... I believed it, but.... So I went away for a day, and asked God to help me mean it. I learned a lot about surrender that day.
Our pastor this weekend challenged us to stop believing God only up to a point. To lay aside our "practical atheism" and truly trust God with our entire lives - and to see what God would do with our surrendered hearts.
Well, the chorus of the song says that it's all about Jesus, His glory, and His fame, and that it's not about me, as if He should do things my way... and that's where I get stuck so often - in that I really do think God should do things my way, as if I actually know better than He does. (Whatever...) I know He knows better. And so I will say with Job, in the face of things far less dire than what he faced, that "though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." (Job 13:15) And I will sing again, that He alone is God, and I surrender to His ways.
Even when they include brokenness. (Literal and metaphorical.) Even when they include the going-wrong-nesses I feel I'd be better off without. I will remember the deeds of the Lord (Psalm 77). (Again.) I will take heart, because I know it gets better. (I've read the end of the Book.) :) And I will worship. Because (and thank you, Linda, for these words):
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
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