It has always seemed incredibly ironic to me that while fasting, of all the spiritual disciplines, drop-kicks me into dependence on God faster than anything else, it does, at the same time, bring out the absolute worst in me.
I suppose it's fitting - fasting being a physically cleansing activity - that it seems to do the same thing spiritually, but good golly gosh - it's neither pleasant nor pretty.
Two unexpected things (both related to finances) have happened in the past twenty-four hours that have shaken my trust - and showed some serious flaws in its foundation. It seems I've been building my trust on the wrong things again, instead of on the solid rock of God's Word and character. To say that God is faithful and in the next breath freak out about something that may or may not happen is to build on sand. To choose the easy way (depending on credit) at the cost of integrity (even if no one would ever know) is again to build on sand. And houses built on sand can't stand.
Today had some really tough moments. Moments when the fruits of the Spirit were scarcely visible and the muck of my sin, pride, and extreme lack of faith dominated the scene. It was horrible. I cried - a lot. I cried because I felt abandoned and unheard, because I could not see how God would come through. I cried because the consequences of past sin (in regard to how I've handled/viewed my finances) justly affect my present reality even though those wrong choices are covered by grace, and it feels unfair, although it isn't. And I cried because I know that God is faithful and true to His word and His promises, because I know that trying harder isn't what earns grace - that you can't earn it; it's a gift, and you have to receive it, and that sometimes life is just life and you can't control it and it is - somehow - all going to be okay, and that accusing God of not caring enough about you to give you what you want is one of the dumbest ideas ever.
And God, in His goodness and His grace, waited until I was done with my fit, and then spoke quietly: "Go buy yourself some Cadbury eggs."
Permission to splurge. To do something kind for myself.
To stop dwelling in the negative, and to choose hope.
So I bought the eggs.
They are sitting here on my table - Easter eggs: a symbol of life - and better still, chocolate, which inevitably makes me happy. They remind me that the God of the Universe, who knows the deepest cries of people who live in far worse circumstances than I do, heard my cry and answered in a way that He knew I'd understand. He knows me. He sees. He hears. He cares.
And He waited until the muck of my sin was out in the open and then patiently began cleaning it up. "You can't control everything. But there are things that you can." So I folded my laundry and did the dishes. Sorted thru the junk mail and recycled a ton of clutter. And caught up on a few of Andy Stanley's leadership podcasts - including one on Integrity (from July 2012).
A woman of integrity doesn't take the easy way out. She does what is right, and God blesses it. By the end of the podcast, I had chosen not to take the easy way. And within minutes, a solution to one of the problems presented itself. Whoa. The other one (if it even exists) is more complicated. It'll take time. But it is not impossible - not for God.
And I don't have to see how He will be faithful to know that He will be.
Ironic, that I could forget that, while practicing a spiritual discipline that is meant to bring me closer to Him. And yet - in the end, I guess it did. And I shed some things along the way that will leave my spirit lighter, provided I don't try to pick them up again.
Andy Stanley tells of a prayer he's prayed daily for years, and I think it's one worth adding to my personal liturgy: "Lord, give me the wisdom to know what it right, and the courage to do what is right, even when it's hard."
It just goes so much better that way.
And this Cadbury egg I'm having for dessert? It's seriously sweet.
Related posts:
Fasting Makes Me Grumpy - February 2008
Fasting, Repentance, and Freedom - February 2008
Lenten Journeys: Learning to Breathe - February 2010
Showing posts with label simple felicity: lent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: lent. Show all posts
waking up
It's been an incredible journey, writing a daily devotional. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit... I'm on Day 29, and wondering what on earth I will do will all my free time after Lent. (j/k....mostly.) ;)
Some of these evenings, tho, have turned into really sweet times of worship and study, and I wanted to share a glimpse into my quiet time tonight, simply because it was so powerful for me - and because I think it might encourage you.
The epistle reading for tomorrow is the beginning of Romans 8. For the devotional study, I'm mostly using the new NIV translation, but every now and again, I like to look into other translations, because reading something that means the same thing but is phrased slightly differently can help me understand it a little more fully. Tonight I turned to the Message paraphrase. I actually started reading a little further back in Romans 7, and I love the imagery that Peterson uses to explain this crazy relationship between the now and the not yet of having victory over sin and death and yet struggling with it still on a daily basis. And as I read, I was reminded of a song - and a video.
As the Creative Experience Director for my church, one of the most fun parts of my job is spending hours on the internet, looking for videos that will complement the worship service we're designing. I believe that there are times when the creative artistry of music and video and poetry can express far more than mere words ever could, and every now and again, I come across a video that completely captures my attention, and to which I come back, again and again. This is one of them. It encourages us to put our hope in Christ - for it is He who has won the victory over sin and death - and in Him, that victory is ours as well.
Sometimes we just need to wake up enough to remember it.
So here's the Scripture: Romans 7:21-8:11 - and the video is below. But seriously, start with the Scripture. :) And have an awesome few moments of worship!
Blessings,
Hap
Some of these evenings, tho, have turned into really sweet times of worship and study, and I wanted to share a glimpse into my quiet time tonight, simply because it was so powerful for me - and because I think it might encourage you.
The epistle reading for tomorrow is the beginning of Romans 8. For the devotional study, I'm mostly using the new NIV translation, but every now and again, I like to look into other translations, because reading something that means the same thing but is phrased slightly differently can help me understand it a little more fully. Tonight I turned to the Message paraphrase. I actually started reading a little further back in Romans 7, and I love the imagery that Peterson uses to explain this crazy relationship between the now and the not yet of having victory over sin and death and yet struggling with it still on a daily basis. And as I read, I was reminded of a song - and a video.
As the Creative Experience Director for my church, one of the most fun parts of my job is spending hours on the internet, looking for videos that will complement the worship service we're designing. I believe that there are times when the creative artistry of music and video and poetry can express far more than mere words ever could, and every now and again, I come across a video that completely captures my attention, and to which I come back, again and again. This is one of them. It encourages us to put our hope in Christ - for it is He who has won the victory over sin and death - and in Him, that victory is ours as well.
Sometimes we just need to wake up enough to remember it.
So here's the Scripture: Romans 7:21-8:11 - and the video is below. But seriously, start with the Scripture. :) And have an awesome few moments of worship!
Blessings,
Hap
lenten journeys: grace
It never ceases to amaze me how different my experience of Lent is from year to year. Last year's journey was very definitely about stewardship, discipline and self-control. This year? This year seems to be mostly about grace.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
random ramblings, vol. 7
This poor blog has been so neglected of late... Time for a little bit of rambling, I think! Maybe a few updates too. So without further ado:
1. I haven't actually not been blogging. I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point. :) Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing. Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!
2. I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment. Actually, craving might be an understatement...
3. The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well. I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring. But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog. If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.
4. Spring is finally springing. Can I just tell you how happy this makes me? I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.
5. After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up! :) There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!
6. I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down. It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story. The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever. I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon! The ending was terrible. Not unexpected - but still. I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened. :(
7. I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. Definitely looking forward to reading it this week! I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first. And that was the end of that plan... :)
1. I haven't actually not been blogging. I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point. :) Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing. Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!
2. I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment. Actually, craving might be an understatement...
3. The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well. I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring. But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog. If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.
4. Spring is finally springing. Can I just tell you how happy this makes me? I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.
5. After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up! :) There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!
6. I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down. It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story. The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever. I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon! The ending was terrible. Not unexpected - but still. I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened. :(
7. I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. Definitely looking forward to reading it this week! I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first. And that was the end of that plan... :)
joy in the wilderness: a closer look at Lent
Forty days is a long time.
Almost 6 weeks.
But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.
There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about. But then there are seasons like these:
- "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah
- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses
- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot
- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah
- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead
And then there was Jesus:
"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)
"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)
Forty days can be amazingly significant.
For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent. Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday. It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.
6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. 6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. (etc.) - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.
The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent. If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it. Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.
Fasting alone isn't enough. It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity. But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead... Well. Just imagine what could happen. (Read Isaiah 58!)
The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.
Are you willing to journey with Him through them? Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it? And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace? Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...
----
If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday. We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day. To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.
(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)
Almost 6 weeks.
But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.
There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about. But then there are seasons like these:
- "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah
- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses
- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot
- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah
- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead
And then there was Jesus:
"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)
"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)
Forty days can be amazingly significant.
For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent. Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday. It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.
6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. 6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. (etc.) - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.
The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent. If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it. Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.
Fasting alone isn't enough. It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity. But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead... Well. Just imagine what could happen. (Read Isaiah 58!)
The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.
Are you willing to journey with Him through them? Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it? And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace? Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...
----
If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday. We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day. To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.
(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)
lenten journeys: rediscovering sabbath rest
Over the past couple of years, the rhythm of my life has changed frequently. A little less than two years ago, I was leading worship at another church on Sundays. A year ago, I wasn't going to church at all. Now I'm... well, I don't really have a title, but I do stuff for Torch.
Finding Sabbath rest in the varied rhythms of each of these three seasons has looked a little different. Two years ago, I think I sort of took a Sabbath on Saturdays, and once a month, tried to take a whole afternoon as a "Geneva Day." Last year, being temporarily "unchurched," I generally had all day Sunday, and was pretty serious about making that a Sabbath day. Now, being very churched on Sundays (and often several evenings per week), I've been pretty disciplined about taking a Sabbath from Friday night to Saturday night. I don't do it perfectly. Occasionally I sneak in a few emails and whatnot - but I do try really hard to make sure I have a large chunk of time that I'm not doing church stuff, and am intentionally resting, reading, reflecting, relaxing, etc. I spend time with friends, I watch movies, I cook dinner. It's nice.
Yesterday... yesterday, I did not do that. Yesterday I woke up, turned on the computer, and started catching up on a lot of administrative whatnot that I've been putting off, partly because I knew it was going to time-consuming and I didn't have time to get it done, and partly because I tend to procrastinate. I spent probably a good eight hours of my day yesterday getting stuff done that I needed to get done. I also talked to my mom, and watched the Olympics, and had dinner. I'd been up late on Friday, and toward evening, I began to get a little crabby because I was tired, but I caught a second wind and got back to work, and the evening ended up being really fun, rehearsing for what turned out to be a really good service this morning, and building a slideshow. It was fun and creative, worshipful even, and I went to bed tired, but happy - and feeling rested.
How did that happen? Is it possible that, while not keeping the Sabbath as I usually do, I didn't completely break it either? I'm not sure. There are all kinds of legalistic arguments running through my head on both sides of the issue. But here's what I know: I had a lot of stuff hanging over my head that really needed to get done, and it's done now, and I can relax and not worry about it anymore. I had an early and busy, but super-worshipful and fun day today, and then I got to come home and watch a movie and have some tea and blog for awhile, and today - for all that I "worked" in the morning" has been a super-restful day, at least internally. Yes, I'm tired. I can also go to bed early, because all my stuff is done.
So which day was my Sabbath? Yesterday, when I stayed home and got stuff done, but didn't have to go anywhere and was able to spend half the day in my pjs drinking tea and being productive? Or today, when I had to be out the door early and serve at my church, but spent quality time with people and had some down-time too?
I have no idea. Maybe they were both a bit of Sabbath and a bit not. But as I wrestled with guilt over not being lazy yesterday, I went back to what Jesus said to the Pharisees about Sabbath-keeping. No, my inbox wasn't a sheep in a pit that needed to be rescued. But honestly - I kind of felt like a sheep in a pit, and that pit is way less deep now than it was at midnight on Friday. I'm not intending to make a habit out of making Saturdays my catch-up days. As a matter of fact, next Saturday I am sleeping in, going to the grocery store (with a list), and meeting my friend Eric for coffee at a book store. (And by "coffee", I mean a soy chai tea latte.)
But for this week - well, as Jesus reminded the Pharisees, the Levites broke a lot of Sabbath laws. They had to, to do their jobs. God knew how much I needed a day just to plow through and get my stuff done, and while far from lazy, it was a really good day - and so was today.
lenten journeys: learning to breathe
Today is the first day of Lent, and as usual, I'm a little reflective. This is the beginning of a long season. 40 days (47 if you count Sundays) until we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus - one of the absolute best parts of the amazing Story we live in. I am looking forward to Holy Week! But between now and then.... 47 days.
Julie wrote a beautiful post this week about Lent and her journey with the practice of "giving something up" for Lent. Giving something up is, as she says, about sacrifice - but you're not supposed to do it just for the sake of doing it. The point is to allow the discipline of sacrificing something to be a tool in God's hands, to allow Him to transform you. It was a timely reminder as I begin my own Lenten journey: I am not giving up coffee and junk food and all the other various and sundry things I feel led to cut out of my diet just for the sake of doing it - nor even for the sake of becoming more healthy, tho that will likely happen. I am giving them up because the very act of doing so will teach me discipline and self-control and point me to Jesus, and in His presence, I will be changed for the better. I will become more of the person He means me to be. I will learn some things along this stretch of the road that, while it's possible I could learn elsewhere, I am choosing to learn here.
Lent often feels a little desert-like. I had a dream the other night, and in it was this vast desert-scape: mesas painted glorious shades of reds and browns and khakis, and tufts of dying grass. It was beautiful and barren. And I heard Him say, "I am the one who speaks life to the desert." And then I sensed, rather than saw, that it was all about to change. The desert was about to become a lush valley, full of trees in bloom and rushing streams. It was just about to happen...
And I believe this is part of what my journey this Lenten season will be - watching God speak life into me. It begins, I discovered this morning, with learning to breathe (again). Breathing out my contrition. Breathing in His mercy. Breathing out my frustration with how packed my schedule is right now. Breathing in His ability to walk with me through it and lead me to still waters, even in the midst of it all. Breathing out my whacked perspectives. Breathing in His wisdom. And sometimes - simply sitting still in the middle of all the chaos for 20 seconds and remembering to breathe. God once hovered over the chaos of the deep - and spoke life into it. So I pray with the words of this hymn:
Hover oe'r me, Holy Spirit,
Bathe my trembling heart and brow;
Fill me with Thy Hallowed Presence
Come, oh, come and fill me now.
Fill me now, fill me now,
Holy Spirit, fill me now.
Fill me with Thy Hallowed Presence,
Come, oh, come, and fill me now.
- Elwood H. Stokes, 1879
(c. Public Domain)
Come, oh, come, and fill me now. Amen.
*sidenote: courtesy of The Upper Room and The Uncluttered Heart, I found The Awkward Season this morning. I'll be using this as my devotional for Lent this year, if anyone wants to join me. (some of my thoughts here were sparked by her post this morning.)
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