Solitude and silence are two disciplines that I often practice together. They can be separated, but it takes a lot of intentionality to practice silence in a group, and solitude just lends itself to being quiet. Saturdays, as my current Sabbath day, usually have a good chunk of time built in for both these disciplines, but I try to find time during the week, simply for my sanity as an introvert, to be quiet and alone, too - and one of the easiest ways I know of doing that is turning off the radio when I'm driving, and letting my car become a sanctuary of sorts. I don't always pay attention to what's happening - or what could happen - in that silence. Sometimes it is simply a refuge from the noise of life, and I don't spend my time in silence listening at all - I spend it mentally reviewing and processing through events and conversations, and forget to ask God what He thinks about any of it. But one of the most awesome things about silence is that it creates the opportunity for Him to speak with a higher probability that I'll hear it. (Which makes the discipline of practicing solitude and silence totally worth it.)
I was driving home from my Zumba class the other day in the quietness of a cold winter's night. The stars were shining; there was snow on the ground. The YMCA where I take my class is out in the middle of ... well, I'm sure it's somewhere. ;) But it means that the drive home is on a winding road through large forested properties, and it's absolutely beautiful. As I was driving home that night, I looked to my left, and there was a large log cabin-like home just visible through the snow-covered trees, with its porch lights on, and it looked so incredibly welcoming and ... well, homey.
And out of nowhere, it hit me. This deep, intense longing:
I want that.
...oh. God... I am so sorry....
And there was like this pause in the Spirit (for lack of a better way to describe it), and then He said, "... why?"
It wasn't quite an incredulous sort of question - because He's God, and He knows everything, so He couldn't be incredulous about anything - but there was very definitely an element of kind challenge and serious questioning in the tone of His question.
I had an instant answer, of course. Ruth Haley Barton says in her book, Sacred Rhythms, that our souls have no safe places to speak - that the minute they try, we meet them with instant judgment and commentary. That was very true for me in that moment.
"It's coveting, God! It's wanting something I don't have. It's discontentment with where I am in life, with what You've given me. It's sin!"
Oh, Hap.
It's not like you want that specific house. You're not asking to trade lives with those people. You don't want their lives. You want what that house represents to you: a home. marriage, kids - a family. love. blessing. prosperity. hospitality - and the ability to offer it freely. And those are actually good things to want! They are things I made you for - things that I call "good."
Wanting them is not a sin. You are not coveting - you are longing.
There's a difference.
That was hard for me to get my head around. I'm still working on it, actually. But here's the thing:
Psalm 37:4 says that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. There are two ways I've heard that interpreted. The first (and most common) is that if you make God your One Thing - if your absolute first priority in life is spending time with Him, and putting Him first in everything, then He's going to give you your heart's desires.
But here's the second (and I think possibly a more accurate) interpretation: that if you delight yourself in the Lord - if you are happy to be with Him - then He will give your heart the very desires it has.
Do you see the difference?
It's not just about getting what you want - it's about the very things you want being from Him in the first place.
I'm not sure what to think about that conversation. It's not like there's honestly much I can do about it. But it is definitely food for thought.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label simple felicity: listening for His voice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: listening for His voice. Show all posts
in the presence of true greatness
I'm not sure what I expected. The words "Global Leadership Summit" were slightly intimidating. I knew I'd hear a lot of "successful business/ministry" advice. I knew I'd glean a lot of wisdom from people smarter than I am. And I did, and it was awesome, and I have a lot to process from many of the sessions.
But there was one session I will never forget.
Mama Maggie Gobran took the stage during the first session Friday morning. She was introduced by a well-done and brief documentary that explained who she was and what she does - I'm not sure you can see it anywhere, but you can learn about her work in this article or visit her website - Stephen's Children. People began clapping as she took the stage - but then, they didn't stop.
She was given a standing ovation before she even said a word.
It was mind-blowing and overwhelming. I knew within moments that I was standing in the presence of true greatness. It resonated within my spirit: this is a woman who knows and loves God, and serves Him with real humility.
Mama Maggie has been serving the poorest of the poor in Cairo for over 20 years. Day after day, she walks the streets and garbage dumps of the city, seeking out children who need someone to look after them. She gives them so much more than food and clothing - she gives them love, dignity, and hope.
She has poured her entire life - her time, her resources, everything - into caring for the poor. It is a difficult calling, but in spite of the hardship, she would not trade it. And the secret to finding the strength to face all the heartbreak that she faces every day, and to keep on, in the hardest times, doing all that she can to make a difference? "The secret is silence," she said. "Silence your body to listen to your words. Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts. Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating. Silence your heart to listen to your spirit. Silence your spirit to listen to His Spirit."
She began her message with words from Mary's Magnificat - "He has done great things for me" - and her attitude was so authentically that of Mary's. Who am I that He would call me? I am the least of all women. But He has called, and so I say yes...
Really, words can't convey what it was like, watching Mama Maggie deliver her message so humbly and so quietly. But the point hit home. You can't do what you're called to do unless you are as deeply in God as the salt is in the ocean. You need to dissolve. And the power and the strength that you find when you do is amazing. Lose everything. On purpose. And you will find Him. It isn't easy, she confessed. But it is worth it.
Even now, trying and failing miserably to communicate the awesomeness of what I know was a life-transforming experience (tho where it will lead, I don't know!), I am close to tears (again). Simply being in the presence of someone who doesn't just believe the gospel, but lives it out was incredibly humbling. Please hear me that I am not berating myself for falling so short, but the truth is, I am. I can be so selfish and stupid, and to be near someone who was once like me - someone who loved nice clothes and traveling to Europe and all the privileges of social status - but who gave them up and found something of far more substance and value in serving others- was convicting. I'm not going to sell everything I own and move to Cairo - but there's a piece of me that wants to. ;)
I know, tho, that God is writing my story differently - at least for now - and if nothing else, hearing Mama Maggie speak has sparked in me an even deeper longing to know and be known by the God who loves all He created, and to a desire to seek more intentionally after the things He would have me do with my time daily, rather than living so much on my own agenda. Who knows what opportunities I may find to share the love of Christ, if I would only pay a little more attention, and take a little more time to listen for His voice?
I spent time yesterday in the presence of true greatness: a woman after His own heart, who would not allow a standing ovation to go to her head. Instead, it brought her to her knees. God grant that I may be that kind of woman someday.
Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me. Teach me this kind of humility; create it in me. Amen.
But there was one session I will never forget.
Mama Maggie Gobran took the stage during the first session Friday morning. She was introduced by a well-done and brief documentary that explained who she was and what she does - I'm not sure you can see it anywhere, but you can learn about her work in this article or visit her website - Stephen's Children. People began clapping as she took the stage - but then, they didn't stop.
She was given a standing ovation before she even said a word.
It was mind-blowing and overwhelming. I knew within moments that I was standing in the presence of true greatness. It resonated within my spirit: this is a woman who knows and loves God, and serves Him with real humility.
Mama Maggie has been serving the poorest of the poor in Cairo for over 20 years. Day after day, she walks the streets and garbage dumps of the city, seeking out children who need someone to look after them. She gives them so much more than food and clothing - she gives them love, dignity, and hope.
She has poured her entire life - her time, her resources, everything - into caring for the poor. It is a difficult calling, but in spite of the hardship, she would not trade it. And the secret to finding the strength to face all the heartbreak that she faces every day, and to keep on, in the hardest times, doing all that she can to make a difference? "The secret is silence," she said. "Silence your body to listen to your words. Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts. Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating. Silence your heart to listen to your spirit. Silence your spirit to listen to His Spirit."
She began her message with words from Mary's Magnificat - "He has done great things for me" - and her attitude was so authentically that of Mary's. Who am I that He would call me? I am the least of all women. But He has called, and so I say yes...
Really, words can't convey what it was like, watching Mama Maggie deliver her message so humbly and so quietly. But the point hit home. You can't do what you're called to do unless you are as deeply in God as the salt is in the ocean. You need to dissolve. And the power and the strength that you find when you do is amazing. Lose everything. On purpose. And you will find Him. It isn't easy, she confessed. But it is worth it.
Even now, trying and failing miserably to communicate the awesomeness of what I know was a life-transforming experience (tho where it will lead, I don't know!), I am close to tears (again). Simply being in the presence of someone who doesn't just believe the gospel, but lives it out was incredibly humbling. Please hear me that I am not berating myself for falling so short, but the truth is, I am. I can be so selfish and stupid, and to be near someone who was once like me - someone who loved nice clothes and traveling to Europe and all the privileges of social status - but who gave them up and found something of far more substance and value in serving others- was convicting. I'm not going to sell everything I own and move to Cairo - but there's a piece of me that wants to. ;)
I know, tho, that God is writing my story differently - at least for now - and if nothing else, hearing Mama Maggie speak has sparked in me an even deeper longing to know and be known by the God who loves all He created, and to a desire to seek more intentionally after the things He would have me do with my time daily, rather than living so much on my own agenda. Who knows what opportunities I may find to share the love of Christ, if I would only pay a little more attention, and take a little more time to listen for His voice?
I spent time yesterday in the presence of true greatness: a woman after His own heart, who would not allow a standing ovation to go to her head. Instead, it brought her to her knees. God grant that I may be that kind of woman someday.
Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me. Teach me this kind of humility; create it in me. Amen.
it's fine
every now and again, God speaks when we are not expecting it, and i'm finding that those moments in which He "interrupts" me - mid-sentence, mid-activity, mid-prayer, mid-life - are some of the sweetest, most ordinary moments of profound depth for which i could ever ask (if i ever remembered to actually ask for them).
it isn't that i'm not trying to listen. but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing. sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say. to answer a question I've asked. to speak into a situation i want resolved. instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.
and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.
i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met. (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.) i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:
"...that everything is fine like it is..."
i burst into tears. the good kind. the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes. i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."
everything is fine like it is. i don't have to change anything. i don't have to control it. i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused. i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy. everything is fine the way it is.
i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term. i am forgiven. blessed. cared for. i have rich friendships that i treasure. rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth. what He says about me is my definition. there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days). i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack. i am truly and amazingly blessed.
any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow. it is nothing of substance. not really.
everything is fine like it is.
and i am blessed.
it isn't that i'm not trying to listen. but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing. sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say. to answer a question I've asked. to speak into a situation i want resolved. instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.
and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.
i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met. (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.) i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:
"...that everything is fine like it is..."
i burst into tears. the good kind. the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes. i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."
everything is fine like it is. i don't have to change anything. i don't have to control it. i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused. i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy. everything is fine the way it is.
i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term. i am forgiven. blessed. cared for. i have rich friendships that i treasure. rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth. what He says about me is my definition. there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days). i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack. i am truly and amazingly blessed.
any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow. it is nothing of substance. not really.
everything is fine like it is.
and i am blessed.
this season
every year on the first of the year, i take some time to get quiet and listen, to read the Word and pray over my coming year, and ask God what He wants to do in it. i try not to have an agenda - not to spend too much time telling Him what i want out of the year - tho we do talk about that, too - but to really listen. and then i journal about it, so i will remember.
today i was reading through that journal and found this, for 2011:
-------------
"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1
as i read through the verses following this one today, i found myself picking out the times and seasons I'm hoping for this year:
a time to be born. a time to plant. a time to heal. a time to build. a time to laugh. a time to dance. (i'm not so sure about the whole stones thing...) a time to embrace. a time to search. a time to keep. a time to mend. a time to speak. a time to love. a time for peace.
i know we can't pick our seasons. they come to us as God wills them, and we learn and we grow through all of them. but so much of the past two years have been so hard, even in their goodness, and i would so just love a year of Jubilee. a year when debts are cancelled and work is less intense and joy and celebration abound. it would be such a gift.
....
Isaiah 61:
there are so many things in this chapter that resonate with my spirit and give me hope.
the Year of the Lord's favor brings: healing for broken hearts, freedom, release from darkness, vengeance we don't have to take (because God handles it), God's favor, comfort, beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. we go on display, showing God's splendor. things long ruined are repaired. devastation is reversed. we see and experience His faithfulness. we are saved. good things grow.
it is a beautiful season. and i think it is what You are promising me this year.
and so my word for this year is HOPE.
God, You know all the things I am hoping for.
-------------
He does.
it hasn't been QUITE the Year of Jubilee i'd hoped for thus far - but there have been amazing moments in it. new friendships. amazing conversations with some awesome women of God. bursts of sunshine every now and again between cloudy days. today i am counting my blessings - because sometimes we just need to. it's that whole "remembering the deeds of the Lord" thing from Psalm 77 again. the Israelites rehearsed the story of God's faithfulness SO many times - it's told over and over in the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms. "He came and rescued us. we walked across the sea on dry land, but Pharoah's army drowned beneath the waves. the Lord saved us!"
if God can part the sea and make the sun stand still and raise His Son (and a handful of other people too!) from the dead - then He can do anything. everything broken in this world can be set right, in time, somehow.
remembering that today gives me new hope, and makes me happy. :)
leaving the sidelines
I had an unusual dream a couple nights ago. In a lot of ways, it was just one of those standard, wow, my brain just super-imposed a lot of different things from my normal day-to-day life in a really strange way sort of dreams. But as I've been thinking it over the past couple of days, it seems to me that God was actually speaking through it.
I dreamed that a very good friend of mine from another church came to lead worship for Torch one day, but we weren't in a theatre; we were in a small stadium, complete with tiered seats, sections, and seating along the sides of the stage. Rehearsal was going well. I remember being extremely happy as conversations took place, watching friends from two distinct parts of my life connect and become friends and serve the Lord together. I also remember being extremely busy, running about, getting things done, answering questions, managing details - you know, all the stuff that usually makes up my pre-service Sunday mornings. :)
And then it was time. People were filling the seats, the lights were about to come up, and the service was about to start. The band walked onstage, and I took a seat at the side of the stage, expecting a birds' eye view, and wanting to be close to the action.
And then this gigantic tent popped up and covered the entire stage, and I couldn't see anything. I could hear the music, and I could see the packed room erupting in heart-felt worship, but I couldn't see a thing except the side of this ridiculous tent. It was so disappointing. A friend from the band came to sit with me when they were done, but she sat where she could see and we talked across a gap of a few chairs. She was sympathetic, which was nice, but it didn't help me see, or connect to anything that was going on in the room.
And then my alarm went off.
Weird, I thought - and laughed a little at some of the strange superimpositions. The tent in particular amused me because I knew where it came from in real life (it's small and plastic, lol). And I didn't really think anything of it, at first - but the dream kept re-surfacing in my head all day, and I found myself thinking about it again last night as we were praying at a leadership meeting.
And I feel like what the Lord is saying to me through it is this: I have a choice about where I sit.
How often do I choose to sit on the sidelines, watching what's going on around me, instead of getting smack in the middle of it? I'm not saying this is always a bad choice - as an introvert and a wallflower, I rather like it, and it's emotionally healthy to be there... sometimes. But how much do I miss, when I choose the sidelines? Where do I need to take a risk and sit right in the middle of things, becoming an active participant instead of a passive observer?
I'm not 100% sure what the answers to those questions are, but I think mostly it's the principle of the thing - simply being aware that, while heaven knows I'm knee-deep and in the center of a lot of things, there are probably areas where I need to step out a little more. Maybe I need to be a little more intentional about talking to people I don't know very well and asking them to tell their stories. Maybe I need to comment a little more often (instead of being a silent reader) on the amazing blogs that my friends (both those I've met and those I haven't) write. Maybe I need to be a little more proactive about just telling people how good God is, without waiting to be asked to tell my story.
Maybe? No, I do.
What about you? Where do you sit? And where do you want to?
"you'll know it when you see it"
The first day of a road trip with Jesus tends to be a long drive day. I'm eager to get wherever I'm going - only sort of but not quite thinking about the fact that the journey is the destination. I know this in my head, but I'm still going somewhere, and I want to find out where. So I press on. Sometimes pretty late at night.So I'm driving along on the highway, and I'm watching exit signs, and I notice something that amuses me... they've re-numbered their exits, but just to make sure you still know where you're going, there's a little sign under the bigger exit sign that says "Old Exit ---" with whatever number it used to be. How thoughtful! :)
I think I want to get off at Exit 47 - I'm pretty sure that's number I heard when I asked Him - so I'm watching the signs, and I go past Exit 45 - and I keep driving, thinking we're almost there - and then I see: Exit 61.
Did I miss something here?
But then I keep driving, and I realize after a while that the exit numbers are going down - 60, 59, 58, ... - I must be in another state. How did that happen? Okay, well, the numbers are going down, anyway, so we'll get to Exit 47 eventually, right?
So I keep driving. And driving. And driving. And it's past midnight and I'm tired. I see a sign for a motel that's only $30/night. I think about getting off the highway and seeing if they have any rooms. But didn't God say Exit 47? I'm not sure. And it's late. And I'm tired. But I really want to know for sure... I just feel this need to find out.
So I keep driving. And when we get to Exit 47 - there is pretty much nothing there.
Okay. So I heard wrong. This happens, especially when it involves numbers, lol. I'm okay with this, but it is now 2 am, and I am way past ready to sleep. So I start looking for signs. And at one of the next exits there is a sign that lists a couple of hotels and motels, and one of them is a name I know and trust, and I think - okay, I'll get off here. Go with what you know, right? So I did.
And found myself in the middle of nowhere.
Now one thing that is pretty great about driving through the middle of nowhere is you get a pretty good sense of the vastness of the universe and how very small you are. You also become pretty aware of how incredibly dark it is when there isn't any light. On a clear night, the stars are beautiful. But this is so not a clear night. It's raining. And I am in the middle of nowhere. And those hotels are nowhere to be found. Except the sign said to go this way....
So I keep driving, and praying, and wondering if I'm totally nuts, and I decide I will give this five more minutes. I am not sure that I've gotten this right, but I am sure that He has someplace for me to stay tonight. But how will I know?
"You'll know it when you see it."
And then, all of a sudden, I am in civilization. I am, in fact, in Geneva, New York.
I started to laugh. I couldn't help it.
"Geneva" is the name of a camp that I used to go to for 4-5 hour personal retreats every now and again. The first time I went, a friend of mine had booked me a day there because, he said, I needed to get away and do business with the Lord, and he was right - I did - and tho I didn't know it at the time, that day was the first step on a trajectory toward a deeper relationship with the Lord. My "Geneva days" (as I have continued to call them, in spite of the fact that I no longer go to that camp to take them) have become sacred, holy days of rest and communion with God. So of course I was in Geneva, New York for the first night of my trip. Of course.
It was so like Him.
expectancy, hope, and anticipation
how do those three words make you feel? expectant? hopeful? anticipatory? :)
maybe they create for you this feeling like something is about to happen - something incredible, something amazing. it's just around the corner, over there, and you can hardly wait to see what it is...
i've been thinking a lot about expectations this week, as i've watched a lot of mine fall flat. i had a plan for this week - and it involved getting a lot of stuff done that i haven't gotten done that i've wanted to get done for awhile. and the only thing i can check off my list is that i moved a lot of stuff out of my room in anticipation of finishing that painting project i began a couple of months ago - and it's now sitting in the hallway, and if i don't paint today or tomorrow, i'm going to have to move it all back in without painting.
there was this one thing that had to get done this week - and it will get done - but i underestimated how much time it was going to take. by a lot. and as day after day passed by this week, and it became more and more evident what a project this one task was going to be, i watched my dreams of getting "so much done" fall, one dream at a time. and i wrestled with so much disappointment. i mean, it was depressing really, to have this amazing expectation of all that i was going to accomplish come face-to-face with the reality that most of it wasn't going to happen at all.
and i almost missed what God is doing in the middle of it. teaching me patience. showing me the weight of the expectations i put on myself that aren't necessarily His. reminding me that while having goals and plans and agendas and whatnot can be a wise way to live, that only the plans of the Lord succeed, and i would be wise to ask Him about them before i try to live them out.
i was up at 4:30am today. no idea why. i'm tired. but i am so much more at rest internally than i have been for most of this week. i spent some time on the front porch swing with my Bible and a cup of coffee, and i could hear His call to come and rest.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to Me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." (Isaiah 55:1-2)
and then:
"Is it because there is no God in Israel?" (2 Kings 1)
It's quite the story, 2 Kings 1 - one of those stories that makes it impossible for me to understand how anyone could think the Bible is boring. I mean, have you read it? If this was a movie, it would be an incredible scene. I've linked to the whole story above, and would encourage you to read it, as I am about to leave out a lot of detail. But the short version is this: King Ahaziah's fallen thru a lattice and broken his leg, and he thinks it's a good idea to send off to some other country's god to see if he'll survive it. Probably not the smartest thing the guy ever did. So God sends Elijah to meet the messengers, and Elijah says something to the effect of, "Is it because there is no God in Israel that you're doing this?" Seriously, people... And the messengers go back and tell the king, and the king sends for Elijah, and Elijah reiterates the message to his face.
I can't take credit for these insights - I heard a sermon Tim Brown preached on this years ago, and it's stuck with me - but they came home this morning as I read the story. Typically in the Bible, when something shows up three times in succession it's kind of a flag to say, "hey, pay attention, this is important!" So here it is three times in one chapter: "Is it because there is no God in Israel...?" And in the NKJV, there's a slight variation on the third question: in verse 16, Elijah asks the king, "Is it because there is no God in Israel, to inquire of His word?"
And that, Tim said, is what the story is trying to teach us. That when we have something for which we want an answer, we are to inquire of His Word. Which for us, I think, means both reading His written Word and inquiring of the Living Word, Jesus, as well. I hadn't done that about my plans for this week. And how dangerously close I come some days to not doing that about my plans for my life. I settle in, expecting things to go according to my expectations, and when they aren't met, I am disappointed. How much better could this go if I really sought the Lord and inquired of His Word?
And so I turn and repent of not having asked, and thank Him for the lesson, and His patience in teaching it. And I begin this day anew with these words, prayed by the saints for ages past:
"In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation." (Psalm 5:3) I wait in expectation for what You have to say about this day and all it will hold.
And while I may not listen perfectly, I will be trying to listen. And the hope and anticipation for what might come of living this day His way rather than according to my plans fills my soul, and I can almost see it - just over there, around that corner - there is something incredibly good. I can hardly wait to see what it is...
waiting for the light to change...
I had an interesting experience this evening ...er...morning... on my way home from Stephie's. Those of you who know me well know that I have a tendency to not really pay attention to where I'm going when I'm driving, particularly if I'm thinking about something. I had rather a lot I was thinking about - all at the same time - lost track of where I was, and turned a bit too soon. I noticed as soon as I was halfway around the corner that it was the wrong road, and thought shoot. what have I done? I was now headed in completely the opposite direction of home, and I rather wanted to get there.
And God said, "Hap, sometimes life is like this. You think you're headed one way, and then the road will take an unexpected turn. You're still going where you're going - you are just getting there a different way."
I wanted to turn around and go back the way I'd come; I was pretty sure the way I'd meant to go home was quicker, as it led, you know... home. As opposed to the opposite direction. But God said, "No. I have something for you on this road."
So I kept driving. Looking at the clock. Wondering what on earth I was doing, driving the "wrong" way at 12:30am and wondering if this really was God, or if I was being an idiot. Finally I came to the intersection towards the end of this road where I could turn onto the road that would take me home. And the light was red.
Now the interesting thing about this particular intersection is that there's train tracks that run through it, so you have to stop on this side of the train tracks before you get to the actual intersection. So here I am, sitting at a red light behind empty train tracks, looking yards ahead to the intersection I need to turn left through, and watching the occasional car go through it... and the light I am facing stays red.
For a really, really, really long time.
I started to get a little impatient. I started to get a little annoyed. And the guy behind me started to honk at me. At which point I said, out loud (because, of course, talking to the people in other cars that annoy you is ever so helpful), "The light is red! It's not like I can do anything about it! Seriously...." And I gave up. And sat there, while people around me got antsy.
And then the light turned green.
And it seemed to me, right then, to be the perfect metaphor for my life. In so many areas, I feel like I was headed one way, and ended up taking a "wrong" turn somewhere (a turn that may not have been as wrong as I'd thought) - but now I am sitting at a ridiculously long red light, wondering what in the world I am doing here anyway, and waiting for the light to change - yet somehow still certain that in spite of the oddness of this moment, it is, for some reason, exactly where I should be just now...
I don't know what to make of that.
But here I sit. Waiting for the light to change.
And I imagine that as I wait here, the Light will change me.
And God said, "Hap, sometimes life is like this. You think you're headed one way, and then the road will take an unexpected turn. You're still going where you're going - you are just getting there a different way."
I wanted to turn around and go back the way I'd come; I was pretty sure the way I'd meant to go home was quicker, as it led, you know... home. As opposed to the opposite direction. But God said, "No. I have something for you on this road."
So I kept driving. Looking at the clock. Wondering what on earth I was doing, driving the "wrong" way at 12:30am and wondering if this really was God, or if I was being an idiot. Finally I came to the intersection towards the end of this road where I could turn onto the road that would take me home. And the light was red.
Now the interesting thing about this particular intersection is that there's train tracks that run through it, so you have to stop on this side of the train tracks before you get to the actual intersection. So here I am, sitting at a red light behind empty train tracks, looking yards ahead to the intersection I need to turn left through, and watching the occasional car go through it... and the light I am facing stays red.
For a really, really, really long time.
I started to get a little impatient. I started to get a little annoyed. And the guy behind me started to honk at me. At which point I said, out loud (because, of course, talking to the people in other cars that annoy you is ever so helpful), "The light is red! It's not like I can do anything about it! Seriously...." And I gave up. And sat there, while people around me got antsy.
And then the light turned green.
And it seemed to me, right then, to be the perfect metaphor for my life. In so many areas, I feel like I was headed one way, and ended up taking a "wrong" turn somewhere (a turn that may not have been as wrong as I'd thought) - but now I am sitting at a ridiculously long red light, wondering what in the world I am doing here anyway, and waiting for the light to change - yet somehow still certain that in spite of the oddness of this moment, it is, for some reason, exactly where I should be just now...
I don't know what to make of that.
But here I sit. Waiting for the light to change.
And I imagine that as I wait here, the Light will change me.
singing this love song
Day 5. I woke up later than usual in a little motel called The Welsh in Wall, South Dakota. (And no, I did not go to Wall Drug although it was right across the street. I didn't know I was supposed to. Tho its apparent fame does explain all the billboards for it on the interstate.) :P
Getting to the Welsh had been quite the journey the night before. I was exhausted, but I felt God urging me to press on closer to home that night. I wanted to stop in Wyoming, but felt He said to keep going into South Dakota. I kept driving, hearing "not yet." "5 more minutes." "1 more exit." Milestones, all of them, not destinations. Driving thru Rapid City, "See? And you said you would never make it this far." There were times when this conversation felt extremely frustrating, and at one point I was seriously questioning whether any of this was really God talking, or if I was having a conversation with my perfectionist, over-achieving self and if, really, I should have stopped hours earlier... and I drove past a billboard that said, "I am the Good Shepherd." And I had to laugh. "My sheep know my voice, Hap." So I kept driving.
"Almost there. You'll know it when you see it."
"I have no idea what I'm looking for, Lord."
"I know. Kind of fun, isn't it?"
pause. "Well, yes, actually..."
More driving. Looking for a sign (literal or metaphorical). Nothing, for a long time. And then, just as I was about to hit the proverbial wall, there were the signs. "Wall, South Dakota." Ha ha. So I stopped, and spent the night rooming in one of the coziest little motels I've ever seen. My room would have fit perfectly in any secluded retreat center, it was so peacefully and artfully decorated - I felt I'd come home.
As I was leaving in the morning, God said, "Hap, no matter what happens today, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me." okay... So, you would think that after the four days of incredible rest I had been experiencing that quiet trust would come easily. Apparently not. I started to worry... what if my car broke down in the middle of nowhere? what if I got in an accident? what if something happened to someone I cared about and I was stuck two days from home still and couldn't get to them? what if, what if, what if.... and God let me get away with that all the way to Minnesota. Even stopping at Al's (where the coffee is still 5 cents!) for lunch did not alleviate my concerns for long. (should I even be here? maybe i should have kept going...) I was second-guessing everything I did, and I was tired, and cranky, and... oh. I am so sorry, Lord. I haven't really trusted You today.
"Sometimes 'what happens' to you is emotional, too, Hap. No matter what, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me."
Got it. (Minnesota, already a beautiful state to drive through, was an even more pleasant drive after that.) :) And the first part of Wisconsin... and then I started thinking about finding a place to stop. I wanted to rest, journal, maybe take a walk somewhere and watch the sunset. I just wanted to be with God, somewhere other than my car.
And I couldn't find anywhere to stay. Every place I stopped was either sketchy, too expensive, or booked. And then I was close to the Dells and it was a Thursday night, so there was no point in stopping - and then I was past them - and then I was just a few short hours from home, so what was the point in spending that kind of money when I could just go home? So I drove through the night and got home sometime between 2 and 3 am. It was craziness. But it was also kind of fun...
And God sustained me. And at the end of that very long day, I went to sleep, praising Him for His goodness and for bringing me home.
That night I was driving through South Dakota, before I found a place to stay, when I was so exhausted but felt God urging me to keep going... He said, "Do you feel me sustaining you?" and I did. I really did... I could feel the strength and the ability to simply keep going that He was giving me. And what I think He said then is this: "I'm going to give you rest this year - more periods of longer rest than you might imagine at this point - but there will be seasons where you will have to plow a little harder, too. In those times, because you have been at rest, you will be able to run hard and be at rest internally - you will feel Me sustaining you. Even when you are very tired, remember, I will sustain you."
How could I have forgotten so quickly? And yet... the object lesson stuck with me once I realized on that last day what I'd done.
The entire trip (and this is only the briefest account of it!) felt like one great metaphor for life and this journey I - we - are on. It was about being at rest, learning to hear His voice, living out of that place of abiding in His presence even when things are busy and/or uncertain, trusting Him, following Him. It was about learning how to allow the Lord to sustain me, rather than trying to do it myself.
Years ago, one of the chaplains at Hope preached on a verse from the psalms, and I can't find it this morning, but it says, "I lie down, I sleep, I wake again; the Lord sustains me." And he talked about the connection between the two parts of that verse - the pattern of daily living and God's sustaining power in all of it... and I love that. In music when you sustain a note, you hold it out; you make it last longer... in life, when God sustains us, the sound - the chord - the melody of our lives is held - and I suspect that if we truly lived in a pattern of rest and activity, allowing the Lord to sustain us, that our lives would truly sing a love song to His heart that the world could not help but notice. It's what I want for my life, anyway. So be at rest, o my soul. Amen.
Getting to the Welsh had been quite the journey the night before. I was exhausted, but I felt God urging me to press on closer to home that night. I wanted to stop in Wyoming, but felt He said to keep going into South Dakota. I kept driving, hearing "not yet." "5 more minutes." "1 more exit." Milestones, all of them, not destinations. Driving thru Rapid City, "See? And you said you would never make it this far." There were times when this conversation felt extremely frustrating, and at one point I was seriously questioning whether any of this was really God talking, or if I was having a conversation with my perfectionist, over-achieving self and if, really, I should have stopped hours earlier... and I drove past a billboard that said, "I am the Good Shepherd." And I had to laugh. "My sheep know my voice, Hap." So I kept driving.
"Almost there. You'll know it when you see it."
"I have no idea what I'm looking for, Lord."
"I know. Kind of fun, isn't it?"
pause. "Well, yes, actually..."
More driving. Looking for a sign (literal or metaphorical). Nothing, for a long time. And then, just as I was about to hit the proverbial wall, there were the signs. "Wall, South Dakota." Ha ha. So I stopped, and spent the night rooming in one of the coziest little motels I've ever seen. My room would have fit perfectly in any secluded retreat center, it was so peacefully and artfully decorated - I felt I'd come home.
As I was leaving in the morning, God said, "Hap, no matter what happens today, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me." okay... So, you would think that after the four days of incredible rest I had been experiencing that quiet trust would come easily. Apparently not. I started to worry... what if my car broke down in the middle of nowhere? what if I got in an accident? what if something happened to someone I cared about and I was stuck two days from home still and couldn't get to them? what if, what if, what if.... and God let me get away with that all the way to Minnesota. Even stopping at Al's (where the coffee is still 5 cents!) for lunch did not alleviate my concerns for long. (should I even be here? maybe i should have kept going...) I was second-guessing everything I did, and I was tired, and cranky, and... oh. I am so sorry, Lord. I haven't really trusted You today.
"Sometimes 'what happens' to you is emotional, too, Hap. No matter what, I want you to trust Me, and I want you to praise Me."
Got it. (Minnesota, already a beautiful state to drive through, was an even more pleasant drive after that.) :) And the first part of Wisconsin... and then I started thinking about finding a place to stop. I wanted to rest, journal, maybe take a walk somewhere and watch the sunset. I just wanted to be with God, somewhere other than my car.
And I couldn't find anywhere to stay. Every place I stopped was either sketchy, too expensive, or booked. And then I was close to the Dells and it was a Thursday night, so there was no point in stopping - and then I was past them - and then I was just a few short hours from home, so what was the point in spending that kind of money when I could just go home? So I drove through the night and got home sometime between 2 and 3 am. It was craziness. But it was also kind of fun...
And God sustained me. And at the end of that very long day, I went to sleep, praising Him for His goodness and for bringing me home.
That night I was driving through South Dakota, before I found a place to stay, when I was so exhausted but felt God urging me to keep going... He said, "Do you feel me sustaining you?" and I did. I really did... I could feel the strength and the ability to simply keep going that He was giving me. And what I think He said then is this: "I'm going to give you rest this year - more periods of longer rest than you might imagine at this point - but there will be seasons where you will have to plow a little harder, too. In those times, because you have been at rest, you will be able to run hard and be at rest internally - you will feel Me sustaining you. Even when you are very tired, remember, I will sustain you."
How could I have forgotten so quickly? And yet... the object lesson stuck with me once I realized on that last day what I'd done.
The entire trip (and this is only the briefest account of it!) felt like one great metaphor for life and this journey I - we - are on. It was about being at rest, learning to hear His voice, living out of that place of abiding in His presence even when things are busy and/or uncertain, trusting Him, following Him. It was about learning how to allow the Lord to sustain me, rather than trying to do it myself.
Years ago, one of the chaplains at Hope preached on a verse from the psalms, and I can't find it this morning, but it says, "I lie down, I sleep, I wake again; the Lord sustains me." And he talked about the connection between the two parts of that verse - the pattern of daily living and God's sustaining power in all of it... and I love that. In music when you sustain a note, you hold it out; you make it last longer... in life, when God sustains us, the sound - the chord - the melody of our lives is held - and I suspect that if we truly lived in a pattern of rest and activity, allowing the Lord to sustain us, that our lives would truly sing a love song to His heart that the world could not help but notice. It's what I want for my life, anyway. So be at rest, o my soul. Amen.
finding a home, part the second
It was mid-afternoon when I left the Norris Geyser basin and hit the road again. I drove past Old Faithful - thought about stopping to see it, and decided that it was more important to find a place to stay first; I could always come back. This was before I realized how long I'd be in the car looking for a place to stay...
The thing about Yellowstone is that it's about 40 miles between every major intersection - lots of really cool sights along the road on both sides, mind you - and the speed limit is understandably fairly mild (in comparison to the highways in the surrounding states!) - so it took awhile to get where I was going... When I first looked at the map, and prayed, asking God where I should stay, I felt a pull toward Lewis Lake... so I headed there.
It was worth the drive. Isn't this beautiful?! I could've stayed here for hours, and I would have given a lot to sit on this shore and watch the sun go down - or come up. :) There was just one small problem with my grand plan to camp by this lake...
Several feet of snow.
Yep. Middle of June, and the campground was completely snowed under. Time for Plan B... (God, I thought You said something about this lake? Did I miss something? I mean, it's beautiful, and I want to come back here tomorrow, but oh my goodness... I really thought... wow. Now what?) So I looked at the map, and started driving to the nearest campsite... which was over half an hour away... and it was late afternoon already.
Stop #1 - the campground at Grant Village. "I'm sorry, we're full. And I know all the hotels and lodges in the entire park are booked for tonight. But check with lodging... they should be able to tell you if there's been any cancellations or if there's a site somewhere open..." All day long, I thought I knew where I was going; I thought God said He had this. What was I going to do?!
The thing about Yellowstone is that it's about 40 miles between every major intersection - lots of really cool sights along the road on both sides, mind you - and the speed limit is understandably fairly mild (in comparison to the highways in the surrounding states!) - so it took awhile to get where I was going... When I first looked at the map, and prayed, asking God where I should stay, I felt a pull toward Lewis Lake... so I headed there.
It was worth the drive. Isn't this beautiful?! I could've stayed here for hours, and I would have given a lot to sit on this shore and watch the sun go down - or come up. :) There was just one small problem with my grand plan to camp by this lake...
Several feet of snow.
Yep. Middle of June, and the campground was completely snowed under. Time for Plan B... (God, I thought You said something about this lake? Did I miss something? I mean, it's beautiful, and I want to come back here tomorrow, but oh my goodness... I really thought... wow. Now what?) So I looked at the map, and started driving to the nearest campsite... which was over half an hour away... and it was late afternoon already.
Stop #1 - the campground at Grant Village. "I'm sorry, we're full. And I know all the hotels and lodges in the entire park are booked for tonight. But check with lodging... they should be able to tell you if there's been any cancellations or if there's a site somewhere open..." All day long, I thought I knew where I was going; I thought God said He had this. What was I going to do?!
Stop #2 - Lodging. "Nope, we're full, but we can make some phone calls and see if anybody's got anything. Don't try here, or here... or here, they're full... what about? no, they're full, too. Ah, excellent - there's three sites left in Canyon. But they said you'd have to call and make a reservation." They call the central desk which may possibly be in Texas... they can't get thru. "We'll try again in a few." They look for other numbers. They are very helpful, but not overly efficient - of course, it's the end of the day, and they have beds to go home to... and I have an attitude. What is wrong with me? Get a grip, Hap. God said He had this. "Ah, we're thru -- aaaannd, we're on hold." More people come around. "Still nothing? Hm. Well, look on this map. See here, just outside the park? You could camp here for free. I mean, you'd have to dig a pit toilet, and there's no lights or anything - it's just a field. And there's probably a lot of bears about, but at least it's someplace..."
(This is my first camping experience on my own. I'd rather not be eaten by a bear. That would sort of suck. Kind of like getting trampled by a bison. "What did you do on your summer vacation?" "Um...." yeah... I think I'd like to stay in the Park.)
"Well, what about over here?" the same girl helpfully suggests. "I've never seen bears over there. Same thing - no toilets, just a field - it's not a campground or anything, but there's no sign that says you can't camp there, so I'm sure it would be fine. And if you're scared of bears, that's the end of the park to head for. I've not seen very many over there, just a lot of moose..."
At which point, someone else looks at her, and says, "Will you shut up? You're scaring her!"
And I start to hyperventilate.
I'm not kidding, I actually at that point in time started to have a panic attack. I haven't had one that bad in over a year - and I've never had them often or anything - but in high stress situations they can happen, and it happened then. The room started to close in, and I could barely breathe, much less stand up, and I wasn't sure if I was going to pass out or throw up. So I said, "excuse me, I need to sit down!" and concentrated on breathing and prayed hard for the grace to get thru this, and asked God to please help. "I need to go sleep, God. I'm exhausted."
And He came through. I got a reservation - at that point, probably the last site in the park, and drove the 40 minutes up to Canyon Campground. Checked in, signed the disclaimer about the bears.
me (to the elderly gentleman who checked me in): "Um... really? there's bears?"
the man: "Nah. I mean we saw a lot of them a week ago, but now that there's people around all the time, they don't really bother you all that much."
me: (heaving a sigh of relief and speaking without thinking) "oh good. because this is the first time i've ever camped by myself and that would really suck."
the man: (blinks in surprise, grins) "yeah. that would suck."
So he explained in great detail about how to minimize the chances of a bear visiting you. And I drove to my campsite. I pulled into the parking space and just sat there, looking at it. Yep. This is it. "You have got to be kidding." I think I actually said that out loud...
This isn't even all the snow...
I had two options. I could set up my tent over there and tromp thru a snow drift (in which, when I did tromp through it, I sank in up to my knee - and I was wearing shorts. It was cold...) to get out and to the road. (I was fortuitously very close to the rest rooms.) Or I could set up in the just enough space between snow banks at the very edge of the campsite. Close to the road (less likely to be pestered by bears, i hoped). It was rather scrunched - but the firepit was too wet to build a fire in anyway, and i wasn't going to eat at the table... so I got to work. And a very nice man from Minnesota named Scott watched me with a bit of amusement and then came over to help me set up my tent. "Are you sure you want it here?" "Yep." And I explained about the bears. "Well, if they bother you, we're right over there." "Oh, don't worry. You'll hear me!"
So, this is the view from the front door of my tent. That, right there, all that water - we nicknamed that "the little Yellowstone River." "You can tell all your friends you survived bears and camped by a river," said Scott. "And a bison," I added.
That night, I crawled into my tent around 8:00 or so, completely exhausted - and faced my faithlessness. "I told you I had it." "I know, Lord. I should have trusted You. Um. It's going to be 28 degrees tonight." "You'll be fine." "Ok..."
And I met with God. I read the Word, I journalled a bit, I started a book that I think may literally be life-changing... and for a couple of hours that soggy little patch of ground became incredibly holy. And I was home.
finding a home, part the first
Day 3. I looked at the atlas that morning, and I thought, okay. I can spend another 6-8 hours in the car and drive all the way from Billings to Glacier, have a day there, and a three-day drive back... OR I can drive 4-5 hours from here to Yellowstone and have 2 days there, and only 2.5 days to drive back.... hm. God, would it be alright? And what I felt from the Lord in that moment was pretty much something along the lines of, "Hap, I don't really care where we are. This is about you and me being together. Yellowstone is fine. Let's go."
So I went to Yellowstone National Park. I took the interstate a ways across Montana, stopped in the last "big" town for gas and coffee just in case - and hit the back roads towards Yellowstone. The drive in was stunning -I got stopped for construction but actually enjoyed it, as I was in a pretty spot overlooking a river that you could actually hear if you listened over the construction noises. And there were any number of what you could actually call "vistas" and not be the slightest bit cheesy... And then there was the Park itself.
Lol... the first thing I noticed is that there are an extraordinary number of bison in Yellowstone National Park. It actually became laughable by the end of the trip, how many completely unconcerned bison there are in the world...I stopped and hiked the Norris Geyser basin. That was fun. It was so good to be out of the car!!! Unfortunately not all my pictures turned out very well... but there are a few things I remember distinctly from that bit of my trip:
1) a jackrabbit (it was enormous) bounding thru the brush on the side of the trail that totally freaked me out (because i was alone and because of the bison and the new possibility that it might (because of my current location) be a bear... ("ooo, see the bunnies" has new connotations now...lol)
2) wildflowers growing at the edges of extremely hot pools of water - what incredible tenacity in the midst of such barrenness! (i want to be like that... which, oddly enough, reminds me of one of my favorite songs, and when i went just now to read the lyrics, they totally floored me... but... well, that's a whole different post someday, i think!)
3) what happened at the Steamboat geyser...
and someday, it will all be made new... someday, we'll be home - and we'll live on the earth as it was always meant to be... i wonder what it will really be like...
Jon Birch has a post up that sparked some conversation on this very subject...
listening for God (or how to outrun a bison)
So the second day was a looooong drive. I spent a good portion of the day in North Dakota, and learned a couple of things:
1) it is very important (judging from the number of billboards i saw proclaiming such) to "stop aquatic hitchhikers." (?!?!)
2) North Dakota is home to the largest metal sculpture in America. (I did not stop to see it.)
I did, however, after driving for hours, get off at Exit 1, because there was a sign for a rest stop with a scenic overlook, and yesterday's had been so amazing. So I took the exit ramp, and turned at the end of it - directly into Theodore Roosevelt National Park! (who knew?) ok, maybe if I'd been looking at the atlas, i wouldn't have been quite so surprised. :)
The view was absolutely incredible. The colors, the play of light and shadow - it was breathtaking. Maybe even more so because I hadn't expected to see it - I had no clue that I would turn a corner to a view like that...
1) it is very important (judging from the number of billboards i saw proclaiming such) to "stop aquatic hitchhikers." (?!?!)
2) North Dakota is home to the largest metal sculpture in America. (I did not stop to see it.)
I did, however, after driving for hours, get off at Exit 1, because there was a sign for a rest stop with a scenic overlook, and yesterday's had been so amazing. So I took the exit ramp, and turned at the end of it - directly into Theodore Roosevelt National Park! (who knew?) ok, maybe if I'd been looking at the atlas, i wouldn't have been quite so surprised. :)
The view was absolutely incredible. The colors, the play of light and shadow - it was breathtaking. Maybe even more so because I hadn't expected to see it - I had no clue that I would turn a corner to a view like that...I spent a good half hour just wandering, looking out over the Painted Canyon, taking pictures, listening to a ranger talk about the canyon with a group of tourists. And then I found a trail. I'd been in the car for two days. Who wouldn't go exploring in a place like this?
I will say this: there was a sign. It said all the usual things about drinking enough water and wearing proper footwear. It also said that bison are dangerous and that one ought to keep one's distance, and to never approach wildlife, even if it appears friendly.
I looked at the trail, and I looked at my tevas (the flip flop variety). I thought, "that doesn't look very difficult, and well - I can always come back for my hiking boots if it's too tricky." I wasn't thirsty, and the trail sign said it was only a mile loop trail. I'd be fine without water for a mile. So off I went. Enjoying the scenery, the sudden absence of tourists (no one else seemed to want to take the trail), snapping pictures of canyon flora... I heard someone at the top of the trail call to what I assumed was his family, "Hey! There's a buffalo down there at the end of the trail." Oh cool, I thought. God, it would be really cool to see a bison out here in the wild. I kept hiking through the bushes, and then the trail split. One way led back into the brush. The other led out onto a flat ridge and then down into the canyon a bit further. I opted for wide open spaces.
The view from that ledge was amazing, and I stood there for a minute, enjoying the sunshine and the beauty of God's creation, noticing the interesting hoof-shaped tracks in the dirt, and thought, wow, that's odd. i thought that sign said "no horses..."
The view from that ledge was amazing, and I stood there for a minute, enjoying the sunshine and the beauty of God's creation, noticing the interesting hoof-shaped tracks in the dirt, and thought, wow, that's odd. i thought that sign said "no horses..."And then the Holy Spirit said something to the effect of, "Hap, turn around and go back. NOW." And I felt this odd sort of panic - not fear-driven, just a very strong internal insistence that I should turn around and go back. So I did, and I'm doing my usual internal questioning routine, "ok, was that really God, or did I just panic because I was out on this ledge on my own, and I'm a dork?" And I was about to arrive at the conclusion that I'm a dork (which is entirely possible) when I looked up, and I kid you not, probably less than 30 yards away, was a bison. I'm not sure which one of us was more surprised - it, or me - but it certainly noticed my existence, and started trotting my way.
I'm not sure I have ever run so fast in my life. I literally sprinted up the canyon wall. I did, however, stop once - ostensibly to see if it was still following me (it was) and to take its picture. (I'd never seen a bison outside of a zoo, and I had no idea I'd see about 2 dozen more the next day. Plus I knew I would need one to properly illustrate this story.) So here you are:
BISON IN PICTURE IS CLOSER THAN HE APPEARS...
early-morning watchfulness
I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I have put my hope in Your Word.
My eyes stay open through the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on Your promises.
- Psalm 119: 147-148
I woke up at 3:30am this morning. I have no idea why. I woke up with the words to song a friend and I are writing in my head, and I can't exactly go work on it, as it's a piano song, and everyone else in the house is still asleep. So I've just been laying in bed, praying and thinking, and wondering what's up with this... not feeling particularly a direction towards anything except just being with Jesus. So it's me, Jesus, a little Josh Schicker music in the background, and a partially blank screen.. Anything could happen now... lol.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope,
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
- Psalm 130:5-7
There are so many things in life we wait for. At breakfast with some dear young friends, about a week or so ago, I told a pre-schooler she needed to wait a minute for something. Her older brother at the wise old age of six observed very profoundly, "There are a lot of waits in life." I totally cracked up. If he only knew! "Why, yes, there are, dear." "You know, like for birthdays and Christmas and things." lol... yes, those are really hard to wait for. Tho I don't mind waiting for the next birthday as much as I maybe once did....it can take a little longer to get here; I'm okay with that...
What are you waiting for? And what do you do while you wait? There are a lot of things I'm waiting for, have been waiting for, still am waiting for, may wait till kingdom come for... waiting is kind of a theme in my life, and probably always will be... it's just life. But waiting was never meant to be like waiting at the bus stop, twiddling your fingers, waiting for the bus to show up, totally wasting time, unproductive. Waiting is time, time to be spent doing something. But what?
I would propose that we are to be waiting on the Lord, and that it's an incredibly active thing. It's getting in the Word, spending time in His presence, getting to know Him better, becoming more like Him. Waiting is a season of preparation for something else. There's a very real sense in which we will always be waiting, in this life anyway, because this life is the prologue to a very beautiful story - it may even be just the first paragraph...
I've felt a pull of late to just get away and get quiet. A lot of stuff in my life is just getting put aside right now, and it may not always be that way, but I have been so busy these past few months that I think somewhere along the way, I lost a part of myself without realizing I'd done it... I'm not sure how to explain that well - I was still me - but I wasn't... centered. Whole. Completely healthy. I got thoroughly tired. And I didn't have time. So there are things now with which I am - at least for now - just done. School. 4 more classes to go, and I'll get to them eventually. Just not now. And I stepped down from leading worship at my church. That one surprised even me... But I felt the most glorious freedom even as I did it. I'm not going to not lead worship - I'm still at Torch, and probably will be for awhile. I actually have more time to pour into that now, and I'm so glad for that.
And what to do with the rest of the time that is suddenly free? Well, I'm going to paint. Finish a couple of art projects I've had going for a year. Write. Read. Watch movies. Hang out with my friends, and maybe make some new ones. Bike. Journal. Breathe. And get away with the Lord to just sit at His feet and listen to His voice. He's taught me so much already this year about hearing Him - and the fact that I actually do - and now I just want to hear what He has to say, and follow His lead - wherever that may be. I've had this unshakable sense for a few months now that there is something new, just around the corner... tho I have no idea what it is.
"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." - John 3:8
That's kind of an exciting way to live, don't you think? :) I have no idea what's next... so I'm just going to wait for it.
I have put my hope in Your Word.
My eyes stay open through the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on Your promises.
- Psalm 119: 147-148
I woke up at 3:30am this morning. I have no idea why. I woke up with the words to song a friend and I are writing in my head, and I can't exactly go work on it, as it's a piano song, and everyone else in the house is still asleep. So I've just been laying in bed, praying and thinking, and wondering what's up with this... not feeling particularly a direction towards anything except just being with Jesus. So it's me, Jesus, a little Josh Schicker music in the background, and a partially blank screen.. Anything could happen now... lol.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope,
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
- Psalm 130:5-7
There are so many things in life we wait for. At breakfast with some dear young friends, about a week or so ago, I told a pre-schooler she needed to wait a minute for something. Her older brother at the wise old age of six observed very profoundly, "There are a lot of waits in life." I totally cracked up. If he only knew! "Why, yes, there are, dear." "You know, like for birthdays and Christmas and things." lol... yes, those are really hard to wait for. Tho I don't mind waiting for the next birthday as much as I maybe once did....it can take a little longer to get here; I'm okay with that...
What are you waiting for? And what do you do while you wait? There are a lot of things I'm waiting for, have been waiting for, still am waiting for, may wait till kingdom come for... waiting is kind of a theme in my life, and probably always will be... it's just life. But waiting was never meant to be like waiting at the bus stop, twiddling your fingers, waiting for the bus to show up, totally wasting time, unproductive. Waiting is time, time to be spent doing something. But what?
I would propose that we are to be waiting on the Lord, and that it's an incredibly active thing. It's getting in the Word, spending time in His presence, getting to know Him better, becoming more like Him. Waiting is a season of preparation for something else. There's a very real sense in which we will always be waiting, in this life anyway, because this life is the prologue to a very beautiful story - it may even be just the first paragraph...
I've felt a pull of late to just get away and get quiet. A lot of stuff in my life is just getting put aside right now, and it may not always be that way, but I have been so busy these past few months that I think somewhere along the way, I lost a part of myself without realizing I'd done it... I'm not sure how to explain that well - I was still me - but I wasn't... centered. Whole. Completely healthy. I got thoroughly tired. And I didn't have time. So there are things now with which I am - at least for now - just done. School. 4 more classes to go, and I'll get to them eventually. Just not now. And I stepped down from leading worship at my church. That one surprised even me... But I felt the most glorious freedom even as I did it. I'm not going to not lead worship - I'm still at Torch, and probably will be for awhile. I actually have more time to pour into that now, and I'm so glad for that.
And what to do with the rest of the time that is suddenly free? Well, I'm going to paint. Finish a couple of art projects I've had going for a year. Write. Read. Watch movies. Hang out with my friends, and maybe make some new ones. Bike. Journal. Breathe. And get away with the Lord to just sit at His feet and listen to His voice. He's taught me so much already this year about hearing Him - and the fact that I actually do - and now I just want to hear what He has to say, and follow His lead - wherever that may be. I've had this unshakable sense for a few months now that there is something new, just around the corner... tho I have no idea what it is.
"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." - John 3:8
That's kind of an exciting way to live, don't you think? :) I have no idea what's next... so I'm just going to wait for it.
with a little bit of sheepishness...
So around 2:30am on Saturday, I was still up, watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, until I realized what time it was, and thought, "what am I doing?!" As I was praying before falling asleep, I believe God said something rather specific. I wrote it down in my journal, and labeled it "A Bit of Mentalness."
I want it to be true. I want to believe God said what I thought He said. Yet it seems so... improbable, if not impossible.
But there it is.
And then there's this:
As I was praying on Saturday, and again on Sunday, while walking into church to lead worship this weekend, God told me very specifically that I was going to break a guitar string at the end of the last song during the last service. And sure enough...
All I could do at that point was just grin, and finish the last few bars of the song.
And He whispered to my heart: "Hap... My sheep know My voice."
So time will tell... but I'm hanging on to Psalm 27:14 with a relatively ludicrous amount of joy and looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings. I think the next three months are going to be a lot of fun. A friend of mine reminded me last night of something I wrote on his magnetic wall a few months ago: "a merry season is near, though to get there the way may not always be easy. believe it." (hey, you do what you can with refrigerator magnets.)
looking forward to... well, Christmas. :) (and now i want peppermint pie.... sigh ... 9 more months. i can wait. really.)
I want it to be true. I want to believe God said what I thought He said. Yet it seems so... improbable, if not impossible.
But there it is.
And then there's this:
As I was praying on Saturday, and again on Sunday, while walking into church to lead worship this weekend, God told me very specifically that I was going to break a guitar string at the end of the last song during the last service. And sure enough...
All I could do at that point was just grin, and finish the last few bars of the song.
And He whispered to my heart: "Hap... My sheep know My voice."
So time will tell... but I'm hanging on to Psalm 27:14 with a relatively ludicrous amount of joy and looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings. I think the next three months are going to be a lot of fun. A friend of mine reminded me last night of something I wrote on his magnetic wall a few months ago: "a merry season is near, though to get there the way may not always be easy. believe it." (hey, you do what you can with refrigerator magnets.)
looking forward to... well, Christmas. :) (and now i want peppermint pie.... sigh ... 9 more months. i can wait. really.)
it matters
At some point I should really dig in and argue this from the Word, but for today I am simply going to state to an indifferent world that will probably never read this: "It matters!!!"
I had a really major decision to make at the end of last year (doesn't that make it sound so far away? yah, it was like a month ago...) :) So I did what you do when you have a major decision to make. I prayed. I fasted. I waited on the Lord. I sought wise counsel. (I may have gone overboard with that bit, but I appreciated the international response.) :) And it all lined up, and I learned a lot about who God is and who He's called me to be and what He's called me to do with my life - and came away from the whole process with a lot of really good questions to think over, a little more wisdom, and a solid direction in which to head off. All in all it was a terrific, though emotional experience. It was a major decision - we're talking life-altering, changing the trajectory of the object in motion (which means it's going to hit a different target) - and it was a decision that affected a lot of people. It wasn't like making a decision about what you have for lunch - tho anyone who's had food poisoning will tell you those decisions matter too! :) This mattered....
And someone told me it didn't. Man, has that been bugging me. I don't know why. I wish I could have just written it off as bad advice, but I haven't. So maybe just venting about it will help? :) The thing is, I know that there are times and moments in our lives when it really doesn't matter what we choose, and that some of those decisions are life-altering. Years ago that feel like yesterday, I quit my job and moved to Colorado to be an assistant chaplain at a camp in the mountains. I won't go into detail about what made it not the greatest experience in the world, but I will say that it was hard. It was really hard. And I was miserable, and I didn't know what to do. So I sought counsel, and across the board, the advice was: "God can use you and teach you a lot if you choose to stay. It will be hard, but it will be good. But if you choose to come home, no one will think you're a failure. Just choose." And as I prayed and hiked, the sense really was, "Hap, this is your decision. You tell Me what you want to do." So I went home. In some ways I regret it some days - but really, I don't. I'd like to go back now that I'm older and have that job again for a summer. Maybe someday. :) I feel a lot more... equipped ... to do that job now. Yay, there's something happy about getting old... :)
But this time - this decision - it wasn't like that. There was a very definite right and wrong path and I almost took the wrong one, the safe one, the one that would have been just okay, but that would not have led to everything God wants to lead me to - except that God sent the proverbial neon signs to say, "No. This is the way. Walk in it." And it mattered. It mattered to me, it mattered to a lot of people, and it mattered to my destiny. I can't tell you why I know that to be true. I just do.
"It doesn't matter. Do what you want, and God will bless it." What??? Even in the moments when that might be true, I'm not sure it's the kind of philosophy on which I want to build my life or by which I want to make decisions. It's a shaky foundation that if you take it to its logical conclusions gives you the right to be master and commander of your own fate and to do whatever you feel like doing whenever you feel like doing it....yikes.
No. It matters. Even on those occasions when God says, "choose" - it still matters.
I had a really major decision to make at the end of last year (doesn't that make it sound so far away? yah, it was like a month ago...) :) So I did what you do when you have a major decision to make. I prayed. I fasted. I waited on the Lord. I sought wise counsel. (I may have gone overboard with that bit, but I appreciated the international response.) :) And it all lined up, and I learned a lot about who God is and who He's called me to be and what He's called me to do with my life - and came away from the whole process with a lot of really good questions to think over, a little more wisdom, and a solid direction in which to head off. All in all it was a terrific, though emotional experience. It was a major decision - we're talking life-altering, changing the trajectory of the object in motion (which means it's going to hit a different target) - and it was a decision that affected a lot of people. It wasn't like making a decision about what you have for lunch - tho anyone who's had food poisoning will tell you those decisions matter too! :) This mattered....
And someone told me it didn't. Man, has that been bugging me. I don't know why. I wish I could have just written it off as bad advice, but I haven't. So maybe just venting about it will help? :) The thing is, I know that there are times and moments in our lives when it really doesn't matter what we choose, and that some of those decisions are life-altering. Years ago that feel like yesterday, I quit my job and moved to Colorado to be an assistant chaplain at a camp in the mountains. I won't go into detail about what made it not the greatest experience in the world, but I will say that it was hard. It was really hard. And I was miserable, and I didn't know what to do. So I sought counsel, and across the board, the advice was: "God can use you and teach you a lot if you choose to stay. It will be hard, but it will be good. But if you choose to come home, no one will think you're a failure. Just choose." And as I prayed and hiked, the sense really was, "Hap, this is your decision. You tell Me what you want to do." So I went home. In some ways I regret it some days - but really, I don't. I'd like to go back now that I'm older and have that job again for a summer. Maybe someday. :) I feel a lot more... equipped ... to do that job now. Yay, there's something happy about getting old... :)
But this time - this decision - it wasn't like that. There was a very definite right and wrong path and I almost took the wrong one, the safe one, the one that would have been just okay, but that would not have led to everything God wants to lead me to - except that God sent the proverbial neon signs to say, "No. This is the way. Walk in it." And it mattered. It mattered to me, it mattered to a lot of people, and it mattered to my destiny. I can't tell you why I know that to be true. I just do.
"It doesn't matter. Do what you want, and God will bless it." What??? Even in the moments when that might be true, I'm not sure it's the kind of philosophy on which I want to build my life or by which I want to make decisions. It's a shaky foundation that if you take it to its logical conclusions gives you the right to be master and commander of your own fate and to do whatever you feel like doing whenever you feel like doing it....yikes.
No. It matters. Even on those occasions when God says, "choose" - it still matters.
going up to the mountain
This is what Isaiah son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem: "In the last days, the mountain of the Lord's temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and all nations will stream to it. Many peoples will come and say, 'Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways, so that we may walk in His paths.' The law will go out from Zion, the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He will judge between nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore. Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the Lord." - Isaiah 2:1-5
Sometime last summer, I came across a link somewhere to the Emergent Village podcast for Christmas 2006. I don't remember where I found it, or why I downloaded it, but I did. You can find it here, tho! And while it's a couple of weeks past Christmas, I would still recommend giving it a listen if you get a chance. There's a second part, located here - I haven't had a chance to get to that one yet, and I won't let myself listen to it till I finish my homework. Which means I might get to it sometime next year.... :) (just kidding)
All of what I've heard thus far has been inspiring, but the last 18-20 minutes of Part I were excellent. It's a sermon from Tim Keel, pastor of a church called Jacob's Well, about Advent, and preparing our hearts. He preached out of Isaiah 2, and what he had to say was terrific. I will try to recap the bit that got me thinking, but he said it ever so much better than I will...
Verse 3: "'Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways, so that we may walk in in His paths." "So that..." These are words worth paying attention to. How often I forget that there's a point to all that God asks of us! And how often I go about things so totally backwards...
As I listened to Tim teach on this verse, I became aware of something unhealthy in the way that I sometimes function ... it seems that I expect myself to simply be able to walk in God's paths and forget on a routine basis that it's sitting at His feet and letting Him teach me that enables me to walk in the first place. And I wonder why I burn out and get frazzled.... duh, Hap. Did you take time to listen today?
Well, yes. Today I did. But I don't always. This needs to change. Isaiah says there will be a day when we will go to the mountain of the Lord and He will teach us... and later in the Book, Jesus tells Martha, who is busy doing all sorts of things for Him (that need doing!), that Mary has chosen what is better... Listening to the Lord is important; time spent with Him is essential. It's not that all the doing isn't important - but there's something better, something that needs to precede and feed and become part of the doing... we need to go the mountain; we need to be trained in God's ways so that we can walk in them.
Tim Keel illustrated it by talking about some of the greatest baseball players in history. He said, they don't just walk up to the plate, swing the bat, and hit the ball out of the park. They've trained. They've swung that bat thousands of times, they've prepared, they've practiced, they've done the work it takes to be good at hitting that ball when it comes over the plate so that in the moment, when it's critical that they hit it, it's almost second nature. They just do it.
How much more so can it be with us. The more time we spend with Jesus and the more we learn from Him, the more like Him we will become - and one day, we will no longer need to ask, "what would Jesus do in this moment?" It will simply be second nature to us to behave as He would. The reality of the world - before the nations go to the mountain - is that people are training for war; they are training to fight (v.5). But once we go to the mountain, that changes, and no longer do we train to fight, but rather - we train to follow. And I wonder, with the whole "now and not yet", "kingdom come and kingdom coming" thing - while it's true that there will be a day when He comes back and the nations really do go to the mountain, if maybe it hasn't already started? I don't know...just late night - oh! not late - well, tired, end-of-the-day thoughts, then. :)
At any rate... I love it that God is so willing to teach us His ways so that we can walk in them.
Sometime last summer, I came across a link somewhere to the Emergent Village podcast for Christmas 2006. I don't remember where I found it, or why I downloaded it, but I did. You can find it here, tho! And while it's a couple of weeks past Christmas, I would still recommend giving it a listen if you get a chance. There's a second part, located here - I haven't had a chance to get to that one yet, and I won't let myself listen to it till I finish my homework. Which means I might get to it sometime next year.... :) (just kidding)
All of what I've heard thus far has been inspiring, but the last 18-20 minutes of Part I were excellent. It's a sermon from Tim Keel, pastor of a church called Jacob's Well, about Advent, and preparing our hearts. He preached out of Isaiah 2, and what he had to say was terrific. I will try to recap the bit that got me thinking, but he said it ever so much better than I will...
Verse 3: "'Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways, so that we may walk in in His paths." "So that..." These are words worth paying attention to. How often I forget that there's a point to all that God asks of us! And how often I go about things so totally backwards...
As I listened to Tim teach on this verse, I became aware of something unhealthy in the way that I sometimes function ... it seems that I expect myself to simply be able to walk in God's paths and forget on a routine basis that it's sitting at His feet and letting Him teach me that enables me to walk in the first place. And I wonder why I burn out and get frazzled.... duh, Hap. Did you take time to listen today?
Well, yes. Today I did. But I don't always. This needs to change. Isaiah says there will be a day when we will go to the mountain of the Lord and He will teach us... and later in the Book, Jesus tells Martha, who is busy doing all sorts of things for Him (that need doing!), that Mary has chosen what is better... Listening to the Lord is important; time spent with Him is essential. It's not that all the doing isn't important - but there's something better, something that needs to precede and feed and become part of the doing... we need to go the mountain; we need to be trained in God's ways so that we can walk in them.
Tim Keel illustrated it by talking about some of the greatest baseball players in history. He said, they don't just walk up to the plate, swing the bat, and hit the ball out of the park. They've trained. They've swung that bat thousands of times, they've prepared, they've practiced, they've done the work it takes to be good at hitting that ball when it comes over the plate so that in the moment, when it's critical that they hit it, it's almost second nature. They just do it.
How much more so can it be with us. The more time we spend with Jesus and the more we learn from Him, the more like Him we will become - and one day, we will no longer need to ask, "what would Jesus do in this moment?" It will simply be second nature to us to behave as He would. The reality of the world - before the nations go to the mountain - is that people are training for war; they are training to fight (v.5). But once we go to the mountain, that changes, and no longer do we train to fight, but rather - we train to follow. And I wonder, with the whole "now and not yet", "kingdom come and kingdom coming" thing - while it's true that there will be a day when He comes back and the nations really do go to the mountain, if maybe it hasn't already started? I don't know...just late night - oh! not late - well, tired, end-of-the-day thoughts, then. :)
At any rate... I love it that God is so willing to teach us His ways so that we can walk in them.
stand at the crossroads: a New Year's resolution
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' - Jeremiah 6:16
Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to my first post and my first meme of the year. It's called "Stand At The Crossroads" - a fairly short title for a slightly longer point. :)
It's New Year's Day - the day we all think about making "New Year's Resolutions" (at least here in the States, anyway) - and often we make them, even though most of us know full well that we will likely not keep them. Nor remember them in a month. I do not want to do that this year.
I have some married friends who sit down together at the beginning of the year and map out their financial plan for the year - a plan that involves far more than just finances, but also all of their hopes and dreams, both long- and short-term. I think this is wise. And I have, over the past few years, started my own New Year's Day tradition: I carve out 4-5 hours just to chill with Jesus. I pray, journal, read, study, exist, drink good coffee, and generally just try to submit my life (again) to the Lord. The conversation usually revolves around a few recurring themes: finances, time management, priorities, relationships, devotional life. This year I have also prayed over and asked myself a different question. And it is the question I pose to you as our first meme of the year:
What three things would you like to see God accomplish in your life this year?
(Note that I said God, not you.) :)
Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to my first post and my first meme of the year. It's called "Stand At The Crossroads" - a fairly short title for a slightly longer point. :)
It's New Year's Day - the day we all think about making "New Year's Resolutions" (at least here in the States, anyway) - and often we make them, even though most of us know full well that we will likely not keep them. Nor remember them in a month. I do not want to do that this year.
I have some married friends who sit down together at the beginning of the year and map out their financial plan for the year - a plan that involves far more than just finances, but also all of their hopes and dreams, both long- and short-term. I think this is wise. And I have, over the past few years, started my own New Year's Day tradition: I carve out 4-5 hours just to chill with Jesus. I pray, journal, read, study, exist, drink good coffee, and generally just try to submit my life (again) to the Lord. The conversation usually revolves around a few recurring themes: finances, time management, priorities, relationships, devotional life. This year I have also prayed over and asked myself a different question. And it is the question I pose to you as our first meme of the year:
What three things would you like to see God accomplish in your life this year?
(Note that I said God, not you.) :)
So go stand at the crossroads - and see what He says. Then tell us about it! :)
I suppose it's only fair to share my own answer first:
1) I would like to see God's hand at work in the development of my character. I want to become a more humble person, more caring, more compassionate, more honest, more trustworthy, a better friend, a kinder person - more like Jesus. I want to love God and my neighbor not because I "have to" or because it's right, but because it's an honest extension of who I am. I cannot become those things on my own. I need Him to refine me.
2) I want to recognize God's voice more clearly and more readily. To do this I need to spend more time in worship, more time in His Word, and more time in His Presence. I need Him to teach me how to hear His voice.
3) I want the Lord to teach me how to trust Him more deeply than I already do. I am aware that this means He will likely lead me into (or allow) circumstances that will require me to trust Him. Remind me I said this, but I'm okay with that, if it means that I truly learn to trust Him for everything I need, materially, emotionally, spiritually - everything.
So what about you? What do you want to see God do in your life this year? I tag everyone who reads this blog, including those of you who read it a lot and never say anything. I want to know who you are and how to pray for you this year! You take the time to read what I have to say, and I'm so honored. Please allow me the privilege of praying for you by name this year. :)
The rules to joining in a meme are simple:
1. Answer the question, either on your own blog or in the comments section here if you don't have a blog.
2. Tag whomever else you want (this means they get to answer the question too).
3. Then come and post a comment at the end of this post to let me know you've participated and where to find your response! (and please encourage anyone you tag to do the same)
And here's where it gets really fun - let's check back in every few months and see how we're doing! :) Or better yet - what God is doing in and through us!
Happy New Year, everyone! :)
I suppose it's only fair to share my own answer first:
1) I would like to see God's hand at work in the development of my character. I want to become a more humble person, more caring, more compassionate, more honest, more trustworthy, a better friend, a kinder person - more like Jesus. I want to love God and my neighbor not because I "have to" or because it's right, but because it's an honest extension of who I am. I cannot become those things on my own. I need Him to refine me.
2) I want to recognize God's voice more clearly and more readily. To do this I need to spend more time in worship, more time in His Word, and more time in His Presence. I need Him to teach me how to hear His voice.
3) I want the Lord to teach me how to trust Him more deeply than I already do. I am aware that this means He will likely lead me into (or allow) circumstances that will require me to trust Him. Remind me I said this, but I'm okay with that, if it means that I truly learn to trust Him for everything I need, materially, emotionally, spiritually - everything.
So what about you? What do you want to see God do in your life this year? I tag everyone who reads this blog, including those of you who read it a lot and never say anything. I want to know who you are and how to pray for you this year! You take the time to read what I have to say, and I'm so honored. Please allow me the privilege of praying for you by name this year. :)
The rules to joining in a meme are simple:
1. Answer the question, either on your own blog or in the comments section here if you don't have a blog.
2. Tag whomever else you want (this means they get to answer the question too).
3. Then come and post a comment at the end of this post to let me know you've participated and where to find your response! (and please encourage anyone you tag to do the same)
And here's where it gets really fun - let's check back in every few months and see how we're doing! :) Or better yet - what God is doing in and through us!
Happy New Year, everyone! :)
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