i went adventuring today.
it was... fun. wet, mind you. but fun.
a few weeks ago, a good friend and i went on what we called a "pseudo-epic Sabbath adventure." it was amazing. literally one of the best days of my life. (i hope to (finally) be able to write about it soon.)
and one of the places we went that day was a neighborhood in Chi-town called "Wicker Park." it's super-trendy; known for music, fashion and art - totally my kind of place. honestly - i'm a country girl at heart, but if i were ever to live in a city, this is one of the places in which i'd be at home.
so i went back today. i had three possible destinations in mind. one of them was The Boring Store. it was one of the places my friend and i had meant to go, but they were closed by the time we got there. i thought about stopping in - i mean, it's amazing, and i really want to go - but it just didn't feel right, going without him. so i skipped it, and headed directly to one of the other places on my list: Myopic Books. so glad i did. i was literally less than a block from the store when one of the biggest storms i've seen for awhile swept through town. granted, we haven't seen a lot of storms this summer, but it was big enough that i got completely covered in dirt from the wind that whipped thru before the rain started, and i was extremely grateful to be indoors during the worst of the downpour.
and it was a lovely place to be stranded.
80,000+ titles to choose from. super-cool building - it used to be a jewelry shop, and the iron bars that used to section off part of the store are still there, and the mystery section is in the vault downstairs (sadly, it was closed today, so i didn't get to see it, but how cool is that?!). jazz music. reading nooks. did i mention 80,000+ titles to choose from? just imagine how many shelves that takes, and how lost you can get in them...
i came home with 2 "new" used treasures: A Live Coal in the Sea - a Madeleine L'Engle book I haven't read yet!! and Gluten-Free Girl - which I am totally looking forward to reading. a healthier lifestyle is on the horizon, and I think this book (and her blog) may be key to it.
the other place i meant to go (and didn't) was a coffee house called "SIP" - but as it was raining, and part of the charm is their garden, i decided to skip it. we'll save that for a day when i have a sunny afternoon to spend blogging outdoors. so i ended up at Starbucks, as usual, because i had a gift card and the chai was therefore "free" (yay!) - and because it was less than 20 yards from the parking spot i'd snagged (after much driving about).
it probably wasn't the holiest Sabbath ever. but being out of the house - out of town, even - was a very good thing after this long, long week. i needed a change of scene, and He knew it. and i'm betting the books i found will be worth the long drive. even the drive itself was worth it...
i've missed taking road trips with Jesus. so many of them lately have been so short. i am long overdue for a week-long one. maybe in September. maybe. spiritually - it's a really great idea. financially - maybe not so much.... :/
so that's one for the prayer hopper....
anyway. not much of an update, i know. but that was my day. and somehow... somehow today mattered. and i wanted to write about it. so there you are.
maybe it's just that i'm learning again to have fun by myself. so much of the past 7 months have been about learning to connect, building meaningful relationships, having (local, and deep) community again for the first time in a really long time. today i ditched that and went back to a little bit of what my old life (a more introverted, more artsy, more solitary life) was like. and it was good. not great - and not without its lonelier moments - but good. and i'm glad.
Showing posts with label simple felicity: journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: journey. Show all posts
random ramblings, vol. 12
it's been a month and a half (or more)? how did that happen (again)?
so, quickly! without further ado: random ramblings, vol. 12:
1) on the gift of this rainy Sabbath Saturday, i've spent a lovely afternoon catching up on my blog crawl. as ever, there was so much wisdom and encouragement to be found! here are just a few of the posts i'd recommend:
- for those going through a tough season in ministry and feeling the weight of their calling: Carrying My Cross, by Kathryn over at Good in Parts (i also loved her post on Mothering Sunday)
- wondering if that simple act of kindness you felt compelled toward will really matter? it will. check out this awesome video in Robb's post about Kindness
- on prayer and authenticity: hey, i'll pray for you by T at exfake.com
- on pretty-ing up the clutter (can't wait to borrow this idea for my desk!): Simple Clutter Buster: A Kids' Art Center from Wendy at The Shabby Nest
- on the creative process: 5 Brainstorming Techniques I Stole For You by Carlos Whittaker at Ragamuffin Soul
- for your theological entertainment: John vs. John: Stop the Presses: John Piper Thinks Christianity Is Masculine - John Stackhouse responds to yet another poorly argued point by John Piper (who does, by the way, love Jesus and means well, even when he (somewhat frequently) misses it, like the rest of us often do)
- for further theological entertainment: Moses Was A Wuss & Potential Viral Sensation by Aaron Earls, guest-posted on Jon Acuff's Stuff Christians Like
2) this year has been ... well, insane. as usual. in somewhat unusual ways. but its chief blessing thus far has been an absolutely unexpected and amazing friendship with an incredible man who speaks life, truth, encouragement and freedom into me on pretty much a daily basis. #blessedbeyondmeasure
in truth: i'm not entirely sure i believe him when he says he gets a great friendship out of this, too - he's sure as heck seen a lot more of my dark side than i have of his! - but i am truly grateful for the gift that his friendship has become - and it's been a gift straight from heaven, no mistake
3) for the first time in years, i am taking a road trip with Jesus AND people. lol. a few of us are heading south for the first two days of spring break to the Catalyst conference in Alpharetta, GA. can't wait - both for the fun that 28+ hours in a van with 5 soon-to-be-dearer friends will be, and for the breath of life and inspiration that the conference itself will be to our leadership team!
4) book reviews pending - i'm reading (or have read and not yet blogged about) a ton of inspirational stuff right now, and am looking forward to reviewing these books for you shortly:
Close Enough To Hear God Breathe - by Greg Paul
How I Changed My Mind About Women In Leadership - by a collection of prominent evangelicals
Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions: Exploring The Mystery of Friendship Between Men and Women - by Dan Brennan
5) Sabbath - can i just tell you how grateful i am for this day?! because i am.
6) introvert meets pastoral ministry: ugh. and ... oh, wow. at the same time. and not necessarily always in that order. had an absolutely wonderful time last night, hanging out with two of my closest friends and a new friend: a woman from my church i'd only ever talked to once, but have found in such a short span of time to be such a kindred spirit. can't wait to spend more time with her and her amazing family. (after i recover from that many hours in the presence of actual people...) ;-)
7) food. is. awesome.
there's nothing like fasting for an extended period of time to make you appreciate the nutritional gift and visible beauty that food does actually hold. i am more grateful (halfway thru this current fast) for protein, color, and taste than i have been in a very long time. looking forward to the wonderment that comes every summer during weekly trips to Stade's Farm, and to celebrating on every Sabbath Saturday the beauty of creation reflected in anything as simple and complex as the amazing meal we call "dinner"...
and there you have it. random ramblings - (almost) concluded.
except i do have one final thing to say:
8) my friend-whom-i-have-never-met, Barry, paid me the highest compliment a few weeks ago (see the comments section of his post). when i first "met" Barry, he was blogging at Honest Faith. now he blogs at Atheos (Godless). both blogs are well worth your time, regardless of what you believe.
so, quickly! without further ado: random ramblings, vol. 12:
1) on the gift of this rainy Sabbath Saturday, i've spent a lovely afternoon catching up on my blog crawl. as ever, there was so much wisdom and encouragement to be found! here are just a few of the posts i'd recommend:
- for those going through a tough season in ministry and feeling the weight of their calling: Carrying My Cross, by Kathryn over at Good in Parts (i also loved her post on Mothering Sunday)
- wondering if that simple act of kindness you felt compelled toward will really matter? it will. check out this awesome video in Robb's post about Kindness
- on prayer and authenticity: hey, i'll pray for you by T at exfake.com
- on pretty-ing up the clutter (can't wait to borrow this idea for my desk!): Simple Clutter Buster: A Kids' Art Center from Wendy at The Shabby Nest
- on the creative process: 5 Brainstorming Techniques I Stole For You by Carlos Whittaker at Ragamuffin Soul
- for your theological entertainment: John vs. John: Stop the Presses: John Piper Thinks Christianity Is Masculine - John Stackhouse responds to yet another poorly argued point by John Piper (who does, by the way, love Jesus and means well, even when he (somewhat frequently) misses it, like the rest of us often do)
- for further theological entertainment: Moses Was A Wuss & Potential Viral Sensation by Aaron Earls, guest-posted on Jon Acuff's Stuff Christians Like
2) this year has been ... well, insane. as usual. in somewhat unusual ways. but its chief blessing thus far has been an absolutely unexpected and amazing friendship with an incredible man who speaks life, truth, encouragement and freedom into me on pretty much a daily basis. #blessedbeyondmeasure
in truth: i'm not entirely sure i believe him when he says he gets a great friendship out of this, too - he's sure as heck seen a lot more of my dark side than i have of his! - but i am truly grateful for the gift that his friendship has become - and it's been a gift straight from heaven, no mistake
3) for the first time in years, i am taking a road trip with Jesus AND people. lol. a few of us are heading south for the first two days of spring break to the Catalyst conference in Alpharetta, GA. can't wait - both for the fun that 28+ hours in a van with 5 soon-to-be-dearer friends will be, and for the breath of life and inspiration that the conference itself will be to our leadership team!
4) book reviews pending - i'm reading (or have read and not yet blogged about) a ton of inspirational stuff right now, and am looking forward to reviewing these books for you shortly:
Close Enough To Hear God Breathe - by Greg Paul
How I Changed My Mind About Women In Leadership - by a collection of prominent evangelicals
Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions: Exploring The Mystery of Friendship Between Men and Women - by Dan Brennan
5) Sabbath - can i just tell you how grateful i am for this day?! because i am.
6) introvert meets pastoral ministry: ugh. and ... oh, wow. at the same time. and not necessarily always in that order. had an absolutely wonderful time last night, hanging out with two of my closest friends and a new friend: a woman from my church i'd only ever talked to once, but have found in such a short span of time to be such a kindred spirit. can't wait to spend more time with her and her amazing family. (after i recover from that many hours in the presence of actual people...) ;-)
7) food. is. awesome.
there's nothing like fasting for an extended period of time to make you appreciate the nutritional gift and visible beauty that food does actually hold. i am more grateful (halfway thru this current fast) for protein, color, and taste than i have been in a very long time. looking forward to the wonderment that comes every summer during weekly trips to Stade's Farm, and to celebrating on every Sabbath Saturday the beauty of creation reflected in anything as simple and complex as the amazing meal we call "dinner"...
and there you have it. random ramblings - (almost) concluded.
except i do have one final thing to say:
8) my friend-whom-i-have-never-met, Barry, paid me the highest compliment a few weeks ago (see the comments section of his post). when i first "met" Barry, he was blogging at Honest Faith. now he blogs at Atheos (Godless). both blogs are well worth your time, regardless of what you believe.
Farewell, Guinevere
I'll never forget the first time I saw a musical production of Camelot. From that moment on, I was absolutely hooked. I read every King Arthur book I could get my hands on. (The Once and Future King is still one of my all-time favorites). I memorized all of the songs from the musical, and wished I'd been born twenty years sooner, so I could have seen Julie Andrews and Richard Burton bring down the house at the Majestic. First Knight became one my top ten favorite movies (and still is). There's just something about Camelot... its magic and mystery, its idealism and foundation on justice and love...
But here's the thing about Guinevere. As a teenager, I thought she was pretty amazing - and she is rather interesting in terms of being a complex character in a story - but the older I get, the more I've come to the conclusion that regardless of the circumstances that led her to the choices she made, she was an idiot. (Sorry, Gwen. But really? Lancelot was a dumb decision.)
There's this song by the Eli Young Band called Guinevere, and I've had it stuck in my head all week long, ever since about 2 minutes before someone asked me on Sunday (or maybe it was Monday?) if I had an anthem - a song that was central to and/or helping me thru the season I'm in. All artists need their art to express and clarify and sometimes even teach them truth, and I am no different. There have almost always been songs that I've turned to, and if I can't find a song that says what I need to say, then I write one. So when a song shows up on repeat in my head, I've learned to pay attention.
But here's the thing about Guinevere. As a teenager, I thought she was pretty amazing - and she is rather interesting in terms of being a complex character in a story - but the older I get, the more I've come to the conclusion that regardless of the circumstances that led her to the choices she made, she was an idiot. (Sorry, Gwen. But really? Lancelot was a dumb decision.)
There's this song by the Eli Young Band called Guinevere, and I've had it stuck in my head all week long, ever since about 2 minutes before someone asked me on Sunday (or maybe it was Monday?) if I had an anthem - a song that was central to and/or helping me thru the season I'm in. All artists need their art to express and clarify and sometimes even teach them truth, and I am no different. There have almost always been songs that I've turned to, and if I can't find a song that says what I need to say, then I write one. So when a song shows up on repeat in my head, I've learned to pay attention.
Here's what I've learned from four days of sitting with this song:
1) I've changed. And this is a really good thing. There was a day when the girl in this song and I had far more in common than we do now, and it is the healing grace of God that's brought me this far. That's just awesome.
2) Un-forgiveness is no longer my main issue. I've learned so much about the true meaning of forgiveness over the past 15 years, and even when I do become angry with someone (and remember: anger is almost always a secondary emotion - meant to protect us from hurt or fear) - I'm pretty quick now to try to see the situation from their perspective, to remember that I'm human too, and to not hold (whatever it is) against them. The practicalities of working thru tough situations - now that can still be challenging (I really dislike conflict!) - but I've made a lot of progress, and I am celebrating that. I'm sure there's still a lot of room to grow here - and probably always will be - but progress is definitely worth celebrating.
3) Healing takes time. This whole idea of trying to "find something quicker than Heaven, to make the damage of [our] days disappear" - isn't it so true of us? We want a quick fix - we just want to be better. Open-heart surgery and months of recovery are not on our agenda. When we're hurting, we just want to stop hurting, and we forget that healing is a process - sometimes a very long and slow one. There are things we can do towards it, but like Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, we cannot un-dragon ourselves. We need Heaven to do that, and it's probably going to hurt like anything when He does. And sometimes it just takes a really long time. I am tempted, often, to be exasperated by my own inability to heal completely. Something comes up and it turns out to be tied to something I thought I'd worked through and gotten past and it turns out there's another round of un-dragon-ing fun to go, and I just get mad at myself about it, instead of recognizing that (sigh) this part of the journey is just not yet over. But Heaven knows (far better than I do) how and when to heal me, and His ways are perfect.
4) Running. I'm still incredibly inclined to do that, emotionally. I'm ... working on it. In the most recent situation in which I've found myself tempted to run... I chose not to. Mostly because God said, "No." And I'm finding that being "still here" is... okay. If slightly terrifying. Because rejection remains possible. And that would suck. But not running is ... well, better. And an adventure worth its inherent risks.
So... farewell, Guinevere. No more running, no more trying to fix myself. Not as a way of life - tho I'm sure I will probably try to do both again at some point... (sigh)
Nevertheless, I think... I think I'd rather just stay in Camelot.
random ramblings, vol. 11
It's been awhile, so here we are. Random Ramblings - vol. 11. :)
1) For all my friends who are moms, or who are wondering what life will be like if and when they are moms: this article is for you. There is no "right" way (in terms of working or staying at home); it's all hard. So thanks for doing what you do the way you do it. All of our daughters, sisters, cousins, etc. will benefit from watching you navigate life with the grace (and sometimes lack thereof) with which you do. You are gutsy, women of God. And we're blessed to know you. Thanks for living your life so boldly and transparently.
2) Sunshine is... lovely. Especially at the end of January in the Midwest. Check out these awesome reflections from my friend Arman at The Edge of Clarity - inspired by the sun, and by the Son.
3) I am so grateful for the myriad of voices that have shaped my faith and helped me to find my own voice. Shout-outs today to Nancy Beach, Bill Hybels, Madeleine L'Engle, Sarah Ban Breathnach, and Matt McMann, for being 5 of the best coaches ever. Even when they didn't know they were coaching me.
4) While I recognize that the whole image/exercise thing can be an idol (thanks, J-squared - I do need to watch it) - I am very, very grateful for Zumba these days. There's a piece of me that thinks (during every class): "Good Christian girls do NOT dance like this..." - but I love it, nonetheless. (Tho you may note that I have not yet announced to my class that I am on staff at a church...lol. Hm. Maybe I should! They might actually come, then...)
What I love most about Zumba is that you can't do it well without at least pretending to be confident - and as you pretend, somehow you cross over to actually being confident. Zumba is ridiculously sexy. As a single woman, I feel quasi-ridiculous dancing like that. And I'm quite grateful that my class is mostly women - well, and Pete. (A very nice, pot-bellied, and older gentleman who shows up in a sweatsuit, which is not standard Zumba attire. I have no idea why he comes to Zumba, but he makes me smile.) I walk out of every class feeling better, and better about myself. And today - Barry, you'd be so proud - I was in the front row. :) And I didn't mind!!! This is progress. Lol.
5) I've been thinking a lot about vision lately. Re-reading Andy Stanley's Visioneering. Reflecting on the verse in Scripture that says that without vision, people perish (Proverbs 29:18, KJV). I've let a lot of things steal my joy and my vision lately. It's time to redefine it.
6) Last year I went on a retreat at the beginning of February last year that redefined a lot of things for me, particularly the definition and practice of Sabbath-keeping. I'm very sorry to say I've lost sight - no, not sight. practice - of that particular vision - but I am nonetheless dedicated to reclaiming it. Most definitely looking forward to this year's retreat at the end of February, and the redefinition of this year's path forward that will inevitably come.
7) I was talking earlier this week with my absolute BFF, Sara - and I just have to say: there's something incredibly awesome about knowing someone who's known you for more than 1/2 of your life, has seen you at your absolute worst (and oh, heck, yes, she has!!!) - and knowing that they still love you. In spite of that fact that you (and I quote) "attract drama." lol. okay. so I do. but someday it will be worth writing about. ;) And in the meantime, even if I do not provide legitimate literarily resourceful material... It's still awesome knowing that someone can see past all my failings to what I will be in Him someday. I love that, actually. :)
And there you are. Random Ramblings, vol. 11.
:)
1) For all my friends who are moms, or who are wondering what life will be like if and when they are moms: this article is for you. There is no "right" way (in terms of working or staying at home); it's all hard. So thanks for doing what you do the way you do it. All of our daughters, sisters, cousins, etc. will benefit from watching you navigate life with the grace (and sometimes lack thereof) with which you do. You are gutsy, women of God. And we're blessed to know you. Thanks for living your life so boldly and transparently.
2) Sunshine is... lovely. Especially at the end of January in the Midwest. Check out these awesome reflections from my friend Arman at The Edge of Clarity - inspired by the sun, and by the Son.
3) I am so grateful for the myriad of voices that have shaped my faith and helped me to find my own voice. Shout-outs today to Nancy Beach, Bill Hybels, Madeleine L'Engle, Sarah Ban Breathnach, and Matt McMann, for being 5 of the best coaches ever. Even when they didn't know they were coaching me.
4) While I recognize that the whole image/exercise thing can be an idol (thanks, J-squared - I do need to watch it) - I am very, very grateful for Zumba these days. There's a piece of me that thinks (during every class): "Good Christian girls do NOT dance like this..." - but I love it, nonetheless. (Tho you may note that I have not yet announced to my class that I am on staff at a church...lol. Hm. Maybe I should! They might actually come, then...)
What I love most about Zumba is that you can't do it well without at least pretending to be confident - and as you pretend, somehow you cross over to actually being confident. Zumba is ridiculously sexy. As a single woman, I feel quasi-ridiculous dancing like that. And I'm quite grateful that my class is mostly women - well, and Pete. (A very nice, pot-bellied, and older gentleman who shows up in a sweatsuit, which is not standard Zumba attire. I have no idea why he comes to Zumba, but he makes me smile.) I walk out of every class feeling better, and better about myself. And today - Barry, you'd be so proud - I was in the front row. :) And I didn't mind!!! This is progress. Lol.
5) I've been thinking a lot about vision lately. Re-reading Andy Stanley's Visioneering. Reflecting on the verse in Scripture that says that without vision, people perish (Proverbs 29:18, KJV). I've let a lot of things steal my joy and my vision lately. It's time to redefine it.
6) Last year I went on a retreat at the beginning of February last year that redefined a lot of things for me, particularly the definition and practice of Sabbath-keeping. I'm very sorry to say I've lost sight - no, not sight. practice - of that particular vision - but I am nonetheless dedicated to reclaiming it. Most definitely looking forward to this year's retreat at the end of February, and the redefinition of this year's path forward that will inevitably come.
7) I was talking earlier this week with my absolute BFF, Sara - and I just have to say: there's something incredibly awesome about knowing someone who's known you for more than 1/2 of your life, has seen you at your absolute worst (and oh, heck, yes, she has!!!) - and knowing that they still love you. In spite of that fact that you (and I quote) "attract drama." lol. okay. so I do. but someday it will be worth writing about. ;) And in the meantime, even if I do not provide legitimate literarily resourceful material... It's still awesome knowing that someone can see past all my failings to what I will be in Him someday. I love that, actually. :)
And there you are. Random Ramblings, vol. 11.
:)
importance
"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." - Luke 2:19
Every now and again, God sends someone into my life who, for whatever reason, just seems to know what to say. Some say that's the prophetic in action. I don't care what you call it - I'm just glad it happens.
I woke up early yesterday, and one of the first things I read was an email from... well, a friend, for sure - but an unexpected one. I'm not even 100% sure how we went from being people who knew the same people at church to being friends, but we're definitely there - and this morning's email was proof positive.
They were just two words in the middle of a letter, but they shaped my entire day: "You're important."
Whoa.
Can I just tell you, I really can't honestly remember the last time anyone said anything even remotely like that to me?
Importance.
From a traditional religious perspective, that word carries all kinds of danger and warning with it. The Pharisees and Sadducees - they were important, right? (Mild sarcasm alert:) So by all means, belittle yourself, so you won't be caught in that trap.
And yet...
Jesus spent His entire time here on earth walking among and ministering to "the least of these." Women, children, lepers - you name them - if they were outcasts of society, you could bet Jesus was spending time with them. And He wasn't just around - He was doing things. Like healing them. Defending them. Telling the self-righteous, arrogant people who knew how to "get it right" and therefore felt justified in judging others to take a flying leap, and to look in a mirror on the way. He gave dignity and hope to everyone He encountered (well... except maybe to the self-righteous, who didn't think they needed it).
Dignity. Hope. Importance.
I'm not sure it was possible to know Jesus and not feel valued. (Sidenote: I think even the people He yelled at were people He valued. He wanted them to get their heads out of their rule books and change their attitudes so they could actually see and know God. Even when they killed Him, His heart toward them was compassionate and forgiving...)
Maybe it's just because we don't want to risk being Pharisees, or maybe it's because no one thinks to remind us and so we forget, but I think it's possible that we don't always really understand that we're important. The Bible tells us that God knows how much hair we have (which is really impressive, when you think about it), that He knows the plans He has for us (do you know how many people there are on the planet?), that we're a part of what He's doing in the world to draw all people to Himself; theologians call mankind "the pinnacle of creation." And it's easy for me to look at other people and see their value, to see someone hurting or stressed out and take an extra 5 minutes to say, "Hey, you're not alone in this. I'm with you. I'm praying for you." But for whatever reason, I'm somewhat floored when someone does the same thing for me. I get it that "people" are valuable to God; but I don't think I always get it that I'm actually one of them.
So those two words yesterday were life to my soul. I carried them around all day - listening to God whisper their truth to my heart. I'm ... important. Not in some puffed up, obnoxious way - but in a quiet, loved-deeply and individually valued-by-God way. I think if you'd asked me if I knew I was important to Him, I would have said yes in a heart-beat, but yesterday I realized that I tend to measure my value by what I do. I have people in my life who are awesome about saying "thank you" and "great job" - but so often it's about what I've done, and not who I am. And I guess that's what was so life-giving about hearing those words from my friend. Those words, in their original context, weren't about what I could do. They were about me.
It was pretty amazing.
And I love how God took those two little words and turned them into a day-long conversation. I think it was Rob Harrison who once reminded me that even Karl Barth could sum up all his theology by saying, "Jesus loves me, this I know." Sometimes I think we really do just have to ditch all the complicated whatnot of our lives and go back to that, and like Mary, just treasure that truth, and ponder it in our hearts.
So if you've been in a season lately where you've just felt devalued, or if you feel as if you are valued more for your usefulness than for who you are, I'd encourage you: Remember that you're important. Before He created you, He knew you (Psalm 51). You were born on purpose, with purpose, yes - but the point is, you were born. The God of the universe thought you up, and made you - and He loves you tremendously. Just for who you are. As you are. With no conditions or escape clauses, no opting out, and no regrets.
Jesus loves you, this I know - for the Bible tells me so. And He is with you, always. Whatever this day may bring.
Every now and again, God sends someone into my life who, for whatever reason, just seems to know what to say. Some say that's the prophetic in action. I don't care what you call it - I'm just glad it happens.
I woke up early yesterday, and one of the first things I read was an email from... well, a friend, for sure - but an unexpected one. I'm not even 100% sure how we went from being people who knew the same people at church to being friends, but we're definitely there - and this morning's email was proof positive.
They were just two words in the middle of a letter, but they shaped my entire day: "You're important."
Whoa.
Can I just tell you, I really can't honestly remember the last time anyone said anything even remotely like that to me?
Importance.
From a traditional religious perspective, that word carries all kinds of danger and warning with it. The Pharisees and Sadducees - they were important, right? (Mild sarcasm alert:) So by all means, belittle yourself, so you won't be caught in that trap.
And yet...
Jesus spent His entire time here on earth walking among and ministering to "the least of these." Women, children, lepers - you name them - if they were outcasts of society, you could bet Jesus was spending time with them. And He wasn't just around - He was doing things. Like healing them. Defending them. Telling the self-righteous, arrogant people who knew how to "get it right" and therefore felt justified in judging others to take a flying leap, and to look in a mirror on the way. He gave dignity and hope to everyone He encountered (well... except maybe to the self-righteous, who didn't think they needed it).
Dignity. Hope. Importance.
I'm not sure it was possible to know Jesus and not feel valued. (Sidenote: I think even the people He yelled at were people He valued. He wanted them to get their heads out of their rule books and change their attitudes so they could actually see and know God. Even when they killed Him, His heart toward them was compassionate and forgiving...)
Maybe it's just because we don't want to risk being Pharisees, or maybe it's because no one thinks to remind us and so we forget, but I think it's possible that we don't always really understand that we're important. The Bible tells us that God knows how much hair we have (which is really impressive, when you think about it), that He knows the plans He has for us (do you know how many people there are on the planet?), that we're a part of what He's doing in the world to draw all people to Himself; theologians call mankind "the pinnacle of creation." And it's easy for me to look at other people and see their value, to see someone hurting or stressed out and take an extra 5 minutes to say, "Hey, you're not alone in this. I'm with you. I'm praying for you." But for whatever reason, I'm somewhat floored when someone does the same thing for me. I get it that "people" are valuable to God; but I don't think I always get it that I'm actually one of them.
So those two words yesterday were life to my soul. I carried them around all day - listening to God whisper their truth to my heart. I'm ... important. Not in some puffed up, obnoxious way - but in a quiet, loved-deeply and individually valued-by-God way. I think if you'd asked me if I knew I was important to Him, I would have said yes in a heart-beat, but yesterday I realized that I tend to measure my value by what I do. I have people in my life who are awesome about saying "thank you" and "great job" - but so often it's about what I've done, and not who I am. And I guess that's what was so life-giving about hearing those words from my friend. Those words, in their original context, weren't about what I could do. They were about me.
It was pretty amazing.
And I love how God took those two little words and turned them into a day-long conversation. I think it was Rob Harrison who once reminded me that even Karl Barth could sum up all his theology by saying, "Jesus loves me, this I know." Sometimes I think we really do just have to ditch all the complicated whatnot of our lives and go back to that, and like Mary, just treasure that truth, and ponder it in our hearts.
So if you've been in a season lately where you've just felt devalued, or if you feel as if you are valued more for your usefulness than for who you are, I'd encourage you: Remember that you're important. Before He created you, He knew you (Psalm 51). You were born on purpose, with purpose, yes - but the point is, you were born. The God of the universe thought you up, and made you - and He loves you tremendously. Just for who you are. As you are. With no conditions or escape clauses, no opting out, and no regrets.
Jesus loves you, this I know - for the Bible tells me so. And He is with you, always. Whatever this day may bring.
monkeys, purpose and hope for the future
I guess it isn't often you think of monkeys and hope in the same 2 seconds, but trust me, there's logic to it. :)
First, my apologies to Thomas Nelson and Women of Faith for the ridiculous delay in posting. I initially wanted to take a couple of days to process and actually have something substantial to say, aside from "It was awesome!" (which it was) - and then my grandmother passed away and there was the flurry of the unexpected trip out east for the funeral, and the craziness of trying to catch up on work, and the odd paralyzation of my usual bent towards productivity that came with all the emotions involved with all of that - and I've just been procrastinating. I don't really have an excuse at this point. Just... I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you for a life-changing weekend.
The Women of Faith conference was exactly what I thought it would be. I met with God. He had some things to say that I needed to hear. It was fun - I laughed a lot. And I came away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.
I also came away feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, emotionally speaking anyway. Friday was awesome - it was relatively light-hearted most of the day (tho definitely not without depth), and fabulous to just be away. We had seats in the second row, and were seven feet from Natalie Grant at one point. It was pretty amazing. And then Saturday - wow. Saturday was one big long emotional haul. I could write for days about everything we saw and heard, but honestly - to all the ladies who read my blog, I will just recommend that you go. Listen to the stories these women have to tell. You won't regret it.
But here are my three big takeaways:
1) Without a doubt, my two favorite speakers over the weekend were Sheila Walsh and Henry Cloud. Henry was a very good sport about being one of the only men in the building. They tag-teamed beautifully all day on Friday, and I learned a lot from both of them. Henry asked an unusual question during one of his talks, tho: "Who's your monkey?" - and it really made me think.
The premise of his question is that in stress-test experiments with monkeys, a monkey who has company during the stress-test will inevitably be less affected by the stressors in his/her environment than the monkey who is left alone in a room with those same stressful factors. And so it is with people. We're wired for community - we need it to survive. Something that's come to mind often since that weekend is that, while Adam (before the Fall) walked and talked with God all the time, God still looked at him and said, "It isn't good for man to be alone." I find that interesting, in the context of American Christianity, where we're so fond of saying that Jesus is enough. He is - and yet. I haven't come to any conclusions about that, except that I want to study this idea more, and read a bunch of commentaries on the subject, and see what smarter people than I am have to say about it. And in the meantime, I think Henry Cloud is right - we all need a monkey. Sometimes we need twenty.
And so I've taken a good long look at the relationships in my life, and realized that I've been incredibly blessed with very good friends, several of whom have stepped up in some pretty awesome ways over the past few weeks and just been there to cry with me as I've been grieving. It's been pretty amazing, and I've felt far less alone these past few weeks.
2) One of the themes I heard in every talk throughout the weekend is that God has a purpose in every thing He allows into our lives, good, bad or indifferent. Each woman who took the stage (and both of the men as well) had stories to tell about some of the tough places they've been - and the way God worked through those situations to bring them to a place of healing and wholeness and then used their stories to impact hundreds of thousands of people every year, giving them hope for their own situations.
and 3) This very fact gave me hope for my own future - that all I've been through, all I'll go through - will somehow bring Him glory. I've felt a number of my dreams start to die these past few years; there are so many obstacles, so many things that just haven't worked out the way I thought they would, so many reasons why "I can't" seems the logical conclusion - and yet. And yet. Just because a dream lies fallow for a very long time doesn't mean there's no life in it. Hearing the stories of ordinary women who have been given extraordinary opportunities to share their stories with the world, and to impact the world for the kingdom of God on an international level gave me hope that God can use my stories to change lives as well. That is no small thing. It's extremely humbling, actually. But it's exciting, too - and leaves me wondering - what's next?
And glad for a handful of monkeys who will be there to see it.
First, my apologies to Thomas Nelson and Women of Faith for the ridiculous delay in posting. I initially wanted to take a couple of days to process and actually have something substantial to say, aside from "It was awesome!" (which it was) - and then my grandmother passed away and there was the flurry of the unexpected trip out east for the funeral, and the craziness of trying to catch up on work, and the odd paralyzation of my usual bent towards productivity that came with all the emotions involved with all of that - and I've just been procrastinating. I don't really have an excuse at this point. Just... I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you for a life-changing weekend.
The Women of Faith conference was exactly what I thought it would be. I met with God. He had some things to say that I needed to hear. It was fun - I laughed a lot. And I came away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.
I also came away feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, emotionally speaking anyway. Friday was awesome - it was relatively light-hearted most of the day (tho definitely not without depth), and fabulous to just be away. We had seats in the second row, and were seven feet from Natalie Grant at one point. It was pretty amazing. And then Saturday - wow. Saturday was one big long emotional haul. I could write for days about everything we saw and heard, but honestly - to all the ladies who read my blog, I will just recommend that you go. Listen to the stories these women have to tell. You won't regret it.
But here are my three big takeaways:
1) Without a doubt, my two favorite speakers over the weekend were Sheila Walsh and Henry Cloud. Henry was a very good sport about being one of the only men in the building. They tag-teamed beautifully all day on Friday, and I learned a lot from both of them. Henry asked an unusual question during one of his talks, tho: "Who's your monkey?" - and it really made me think.
The premise of his question is that in stress-test experiments with monkeys, a monkey who has company during the stress-test will inevitably be less affected by the stressors in his/her environment than the monkey who is left alone in a room with those same stressful factors. And so it is with people. We're wired for community - we need it to survive. Something that's come to mind often since that weekend is that, while Adam (before the Fall) walked and talked with God all the time, God still looked at him and said, "It isn't good for man to be alone." I find that interesting, in the context of American Christianity, where we're so fond of saying that Jesus is enough. He is - and yet. I haven't come to any conclusions about that, except that I want to study this idea more, and read a bunch of commentaries on the subject, and see what smarter people than I am have to say about it. And in the meantime, I think Henry Cloud is right - we all need a monkey. Sometimes we need twenty.
And so I've taken a good long look at the relationships in my life, and realized that I've been incredibly blessed with very good friends, several of whom have stepped up in some pretty awesome ways over the past few weeks and just been there to cry with me as I've been grieving. It's been pretty amazing, and I've felt far less alone these past few weeks.
2) One of the themes I heard in every talk throughout the weekend is that God has a purpose in every thing He allows into our lives, good, bad or indifferent. Each woman who took the stage (and both of the men as well) had stories to tell about some of the tough places they've been - and the way God worked through those situations to bring them to a place of healing and wholeness and then used their stories to impact hundreds of thousands of people every year, giving them hope for their own situations.
and 3) This very fact gave me hope for my own future - that all I've been through, all I'll go through - will somehow bring Him glory. I've felt a number of my dreams start to die these past few years; there are so many obstacles, so many things that just haven't worked out the way I thought they would, so many reasons why "I can't" seems the logical conclusion - and yet. And yet. Just because a dream lies fallow for a very long time doesn't mean there's no life in it. Hearing the stories of ordinary women who have been given extraordinary opportunities to share their stories with the world, and to impact the world for the kingdom of God on an international level gave me hope that God can use my stories to change lives as well. That is no small thing. It's extremely humbling, actually. But it's exciting, too - and leaves me wondering - what's next?
And glad for a handful of monkeys who will be there to see it.
anticipation
At long last, everything that absolutely had to get done is done, and I am finally free to pack. At 7:30am tomorrow morning, my dear friend Mackenzie and I are hitting the road for a 2-day retreat from our lives, and attending the Women of Faith conference in Milwaukee. (For more about what that is, please see my earlier post.) I can't wait!!!
I've been to two other Women of Faith conferences over the years; the 2nd one I will never forget, because it involved a road-trip to Nashville on the heels of a tornado! We weren't even sure when we left Michigan that we could even get there - but we did, and the conference went on, and we survived our hotel experience by candlelight. It was awesome. ;)
Because of my prior experiences, there are three things I know I can expect over the next 2 days:
1) I am going to meet with God, and He'll have some things to say that I'll need to hear.
2) It will be FUN. I am going to laugh - a lot.
3) I will come away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.
So, thanks, Women of Faith, and Thomas Nelson Publishers, for making it possible for me to go. You couldn't have known it 2 months ago when you picked me, but I really need this weekend. I have no idea yet what God will do in it, but I know He has it perfectly planned. And I can't wait to tell you all about it.
I've been to two other Women of Faith conferences over the years; the 2nd one I will never forget, because it involved a road-trip to Nashville on the heels of a tornado! We weren't even sure when we left Michigan that we could even get there - but we did, and the conference went on, and we survived our hotel experience by candlelight. It was awesome. ;)
Because of my prior experiences, there are three things I know I can expect over the next 2 days:
1) I am going to meet with God, and He'll have some things to say that I'll need to hear.
2) It will be FUN. I am going to laugh - a lot.
3) I will come away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.
So, thanks, Women of Faith, and Thomas Nelson Publishers, for making it possible for me to go. You couldn't have known it 2 months ago when you picked me, but I really need this weekend. I have no idea yet what God will do in it, but I know He has it perfectly planned. And I can't wait to tell you all about it.
Book Review: Sabbath by Dan B. Allender
Dan B. Allender's book on Sabbath explores the Biblical mandate for Sabbath-keeping by looking at the biblical text themselves, exploring some of the history around how God's people have traditionally and creatively celebrated the Sabbath over time, and sharing his own experience with the discipline/joy of keeping the Sabbath. His mission from the very beginning of the book is to dispel both the rule-bound, legalistic perspective and the laissez-faire, "oh-that's-just-the-Old-Covenant" perspective on the Fourth Commandment, and to transform them into a new, joyful anticipation of what the Jews have long referred to as "the Queen of days." (And he succeeded.)
I was encouraged by literally every chapter in the book to rethink my perspective on Sabbath, and to see it not just as a day of rest in which I do absolutely nothing except whatever I feel like doing or as a day off to catch up on housework and run errands, but as a day during which God's kingdom come and coming can and should be experienced more fully. I've taken Allender up on a number of his challenges over the past few months: I've taken a walk with an "enemy" - I've stopped completely retreating from the world and begun to invite people over for dinner - and I've started to plan a little more carefully for the day. Sabbath is no longer just a stopping place at the end of a long week for me, but a deliberate pause in which to celebrate with Him and spend quality time in His word and with His people, enjoying creation, freedom, and time - and looking forward to eternity.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who's willing to have their life - and perspective - rocked a bit. My response to this book was to literally change the way I structure my time - and it's been an incredibly life-giving change.
Disclosure in agreement with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising": I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
random ramblings, vol. 10
I'm cleaning my house tonight. (Can you tell?) lol. Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities, particularly for hours on end (which is what truly cleaning my apartment would entail at this point) - so while I'm procrastinating (something I'm quite talented at doing), here are seven more random ramblings from Happyland:
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
this season
every year on the first of the year, i take some time to get quiet and listen, to read the Word and pray over my coming year, and ask God what He wants to do in it. i try not to have an agenda - not to spend too much time telling Him what i want out of the year - tho we do talk about that, too - but to really listen. and then i journal about it, so i will remember.
today i was reading through that journal and found this, for 2011:
-------------
"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1
as i read through the verses following this one today, i found myself picking out the times and seasons I'm hoping for this year:
a time to be born. a time to plant. a time to heal. a time to build. a time to laugh. a time to dance. (i'm not so sure about the whole stones thing...) a time to embrace. a time to search. a time to keep. a time to mend. a time to speak. a time to love. a time for peace.
i know we can't pick our seasons. they come to us as God wills them, and we learn and we grow through all of them. but so much of the past two years have been so hard, even in their goodness, and i would so just love a year of Jubilee. a year when debts are cancelled and work is less intense and joy and celebration abound. it would be such a gift.
....
Isaiah 61:
there are so many things in this chapter that resonate with my spirit and give me hope.
the Year of the Lord's favor brings: healing for broken hearts, freedom, release from darkness, vengeance we don't have to take (because God handles it), God's favor, comfort, beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. we go on display, showing God's splendor. things long ruined are repaired. devastation is reversed. we see and experience His faithfulness. we are saved. good things grow.
it is a beautiful season. and i think it is what You are promising me this year.
and so my word for this year is HOPE.
God, You know all the things I am hoping for.
-------------
He does.
it hasn't been QUITE the Year of Jubilee i'd hoped for thus far - but there have been amazing moments in it. new friendships. amazing conversations with some awesome women of God. bursts of sunshine every now and again between cloudy days. today i am counting my blessings - because sometimes we just need to. it's that whole "remembering the deeds of the Lord" thing from Psalm 77 again. the Israelites rehearsed the story of God's faithfulness SO many times - it's told over and over in the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms. "He came and rescued us. we walked across the sea on dry land, but Pharoah's army drowned beneath the waves. the Lord saved us!"
if God can part the sea and make the sun stand still and raise His Son (and a handful of other people too!) from the dead - then He can do anything. everything broken in this world can be set right, in time, somehow.
remembering that today gives me new hope, and makes me happy. :)
walking towards spring
Today was an incredible day. Good friends, good stories, good food - beautiful weather (warm and sunny!) - a 15-mile trek thru a nature preserve on my bike, and a 2-mile walk. I am rested for the first time in I'm not really sure how long. And it feels amazing. I can tell I am still not yet where I need/want to be - but a day off was a great step in the right direction.
Her words gave me so much peace and consolation, knowing that it's true: in the midst of all the sorrow and heartache of the past few months, God has been at work - and I don't know what He's doing, but I know that He's good and that He knows what He's doing. I don't have to figure it all out. I just have to stand still in the middle of this field that is my life and look around to see what's here, and where new life might spring into being any moment.
It was a long, hard winter. Juggling two jobs that hit busy seasons at the same time was no easy task, but the real truth is that in addition to that, there's just been a lot of "hard stuff". Things I can't really talk about. Things I can't do anything about. Things that weren't my fault, but affected me deeply....
It's been a long, hard season, and I feel battered and bruised - and exhausted to the core.
It's been a long, hard season, and I feel battered and bruised - and exhausted to the core.
But I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, who was sharing a little about the metaphorical winter season she's been in - watching objectively as God has blessed her family amazingly, yet feeling very disconnected, and wanting to feel the joy she thought she should - and she said something incredibly profound. It was something to the effect of: "I was looking out my window the other day, and there's this field that in the summer, you can't really see much of except for the trees, but right now, you can see everything. And it occurred to me that this is what God is doing, even if I don't understand it right now. We need these winter seasons in order to see anything clearly. He's as much at work now as He is in any other season, and what He's doing will bear fruit later on."
Her words gave me so much peace and consolation, knowing that it's true: in the midst of all the sorrow and heartache of the past few months, God has been at work - and I don't know what He's doing, but I know that He's good and that He knows what He's doing. I don't have to figure it all out. I just have to stand still in the middle of this field that is my life and look around to see what's here, and where new life might spring into being any moment.
It can be hard to imagine in the winter of our souls that spring will ever come. But I drove through vibrant green tunnels of trees over the roads near my house today, and realized that life has come back to the world around me suddenly, and enthusiastically, and that the same thing will happen to my soul, maybe when I least expect it. And being at rest today, caring for my soul by feeding it with things that make me whole and happy, I saw glimpses of the summer to come. And it is going to be glorious.
So I will keep on walking towards spring, choosing to hope even when I feel completely hopeless - because I'm not. My hope rests in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who designed all seasons, and is no stranger to the one I'm in.
And I will continue to rejoice in every single glorious, sunny day that comes my way. :)
random ramblings, vol. 8
How is it possible that it's been a month since I've written anything? I knew it had been awhile, but wow. The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy - lots of demands on my time at work (and outside of work!), with very little down time that has corresponded with coherency. But that season is almost over. Three more weeks, and summer officially begins. My days will still be full, but not quite so crazily paced, and I am grateful for the coming respite. In the meantime, another edition of random ramblings:
1) It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day. Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing. I like "Twice the Appeal." Hoping he wins. :)
2) I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana. It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup. Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy. Ah.....
3) My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend. Yay!
4) I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight. I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry. I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.
5) Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk. There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration. Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet. The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks. Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go. But more on that in another post...
6) I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously. I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down. It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well. It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.
7) All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect. I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories. A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order. It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to. (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.) Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered. I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare. For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been. (Though both would have been awesome.) ;)
1) It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day. Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing. I like "Twice the Appeal." Hoping he wins. :)
2) I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana. It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup. Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy. Ah.....
3) My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend. Yay!
4) I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight. I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry. I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.
5) Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk. There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration. Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet. The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks. Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go. But more on that in another post...
6) I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously. I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down. It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well. It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.
7) All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect. I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories. A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order. It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to. (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.) Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered. I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare. For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been. (Though both would have been awesome.) ;)
lenten journeys: grace
It never ceases to amaze me how different my experience of Lent is from year to year. Last year's journey was very definitely about stewardship, discipline and self-control. This year? This year seems to be mostly about grace.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
joy in the wilderness: a closer look at Lent
Forty days is a long time.
Almost 6 weeks.
But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.
There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about. But then there are seasons like these:
- "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah
- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses
- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot
- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah
- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead
And then there was Jesus:
"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)
"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)
Forty days can be amazingly significant.
For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent. Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday. It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.
6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. 6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. (etc.) - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.
The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent. If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it. Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.
Fasting alone isn't enough. It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity. But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead... Well. Just imagine what could happen. (Read Isaiah 58!)
The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.
Are you willing to journey with Him through them? Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it? And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace? Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...
----
If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday. We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day. To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.
(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)
Almost 6 weeks.
But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.
There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about. But then there are seasons like these:
- "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah
- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses
- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot
- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah
- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead
And then there was Jesus:
"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)
"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)
Forty days can be amazingly significant.
For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent. Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday. It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.
6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. 6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. (etc.) - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.
The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent. If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it. Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.
Fasting alone isn't enough. It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity. But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead... Well. Just imagine what could happen. (Read Isaiah 58!)
The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.
Are you willing to journey with Him through them? Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it? And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace? Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...
----
If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday. We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day. To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.
(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)
an adjective-defying experience
i realize there's a bit of irony in using the compound adjective "adjective-defying" to describe my experience this weekend... but i'm not sure there really is just one word that would work. "awesome" doesn't quite touch it - tho it's close.
i went "home" this weekend. home to a place where i now know very few people, home to a place that still brings me so much comfort and safety just by being in it. i cheered (literally, out loud) when i crossed the Michigan border, and i kid you not, at one point about an hour later, i suddenly realized that i'd been grinning like an idiot for awhile... :)
i spent two glorious days in a luxury, eco-friendly hotel.
i ate - and ate - and ate! - amazing food: scrambled eggs, bacon, roasted potatoes, rye toast, flatbread pizza LOADED with feta and kalamata olives, chicken corn chowder, minestrone, fish and chips.
i had red wine and orange juice and hot buttered rum (my favorite espresso drink at the best coffee shop in the world). i had an amazing cup of french-press coffee.
i spent time with two dear friends i haven't seen in years.
i worshiped with them and with some other friends at a church that has grown astronomically since the last time i was there.
i listened to beautiful music - classical, pop, worship, Irish (in the Irish pub where i had the fish and chips), and folk.
and i read. an entire book. cover to cover. and it changed my life. is changing. will change.
there are no words that could ever completely describe these two days spent doing all these amazing, blessed and life-altering things with the Lord - but here are a few that just begin to get at it:
beautiful. wonderful. tough. amazing. unexpected. lovely. abundant. peaceful. right. true. dangerous. blessed. intimate. challenging. restful. pure. long. short. (far too short.) lonely. communal. lush. restorative. informative. formative. social. sweet. transformative.
i'm sure there are others that describe it as well.
i hope to be able to unpack some of it over the next few weeks. stay tuned.
and in the meantime: go buy yourself a copy of Dan Allender's Sabbath... i won't tell you that it will change your life. but it did change mine. and it's a good book.
full circle
It's been an amazing journey these past few years. In May of 2007, I spent a few hours in the seminary library, studying commentaries for fun, and wrestling with a certain but still somewhat ambiguous calling - coming to terms with my inner Donna Reed and realizing that in spite of my hesitancy to find out what it was, God's call on my life was much different than I'd dared to dream. In July of 2008, I preached my first official sermon on a Monday night at a young adult group - using a sermon illustration that has become Torch quasi-legend. (Remember that time I got chased by a buffalo? lol. So does everybody else...)
And today? Today I am headed back to the library to begin research for my first ever Sunday morning sermon.
(AHHHHH!!!!!!) I am excited and terrified all at once.
It's a little surreal, looking back, and still feeling a tiny shred of that old reluctance to step out - but feeling at the same time, in spite of that little bit of sheer terror, so incredibly confident that God has called me to do this.
Nonetheless, I am very grateful that I have a month to write, re-write, and re-write again. :)
Wish me luck! Or better yet - pray that I get out of the way and am quiet enough to hear what He's speaking thru the text, and can relay it effectively. :)
Thanks!
And today? Today I am headed back to the library to begin research for my first ever Sunday morning sermon.
(AHHHHH!!!!!!) I am excited and terrified all at once.
It's a little surreal, looking back, and still feeling a tiny shred of that old reluctance to step out - but feeling at the same time, in spite of that little bit of sheer terror, so incredibly confident that God has called me to do this.
Nonetheless, I am very grateful that I have a month to write, re-write, and re-write again. :)
Wish me luck! Or better yet - pray that I get out of the way and am quiet enough to hear what He's speaking thru the text, and can relay it effectively. :)
Thanks!
Epiphany
The church in which I grew up did actually celebrate Epiphany. No matter what night of the week it was, we went to church on January 6th. The sanctuary was still decked out in all its Christmas splendor, and the candles were lit in the stained glass windows. The service was quiet, reflective, beautiful. It was about journey, discovery, revelation, seeking, and finding. And it was one of the avenues by which God taught me to seek Him.
Much of the church calendar is simply a journey through the Scriptures, with pauses for reflection, repentance and celebration at appropriate moments. Today, Epiphany, is a reflective celebration day, and centers around the story of the wise men from the east who came to worship Jesus.
Reading their story again tonight, I was awestruck. These men - however many there actually were - travelled a really long way to give Jesus some rather unusual presents. They came, they worshiped - and then they went home.
(I wonder what they talked about - or if they even talked at all - on the way home...)
There is so much to learn from these wise men. They were God-seekers; they were people who paid attention to the signs of the times. They were faithful, determined, persistent. And they were worshipers.
There may have been days when they were tired - desperately tired - but they kept on, and they reached their goal. They sought Him - and found Him - and worshiped Him.
May we do the same this year.
Amen.
Much of the church calendar is simply a journey through the Scriptures, with pauses for reflection, repentance and celebration at appropriate moments. Today, Epiphany, is a reflective celebration day, and centers around the story of the wise men from the east who came to worship Jesus.
Reading their story again tonight, I was awestruck. These men - however many there actually were - travelled a really long way to give Jesus some rather unusual presents. They came, they worshiped - and then they went home.
(I wonder what they talked about - or if they even talked at all - on the way home...)
There is so much to learn from these wise men. They were God-seekers; they were people who paid attention to the signs of the times. They were faithful, determined, persistent. And they were worshipers.
There may have been days when they were tired - desperately tired - but they kept on, and they reached their goal. They sought Him - and found Him - and worshiped Him.
May we do the same this year.
Amen.
Christmastide reflections
It is four o'clock in the morning on the sixth day of Christmas, and I am up - against my will and against my better judgment. I can't sleep, and I can't figure out why - but as I've been sitting here, reading, thinking, trying to get past my frustration, I have realized some things.
Christmas, as I've shared before, has always been my favorite time of year. Even before I truly understood the gift that this holiday is, there was something about the lights and the quietness and the colors and the smells and the hope (even on an ocean coast) of snow - that was simply magical. Mysterious. Right. It was special; it was different; it was something I waited for all year.
I was so hopeful this year that the magic and the mystery would still capture my soul - and it has, in moments, here and there. But the pervading sense of joy and peace and happiness that filled my soul on December 23rd has gotten lost somewhere in the craziness of the past few days. The rest of the world has moved on past Christmas, and to a degree, I feel like I've been moving on right along with it.
But I'm not of that world, and as I've come in the past half hour to realize all the ways in which I've forgotten that this week, I have made a decision. I refuse to be swept by that tide any longer. It is Christmastide yet, and it is only half over. There is still waiting and watching to be done. There is still worship to offer. Praise to bring.
And so here I am, at what is now almost five o'clock in the morning, watching and praying, enjoying the lights on my tree and a cup of chai, and thanking God that He's stopped me in my tracks for this moment. I am, at last, putting down all the things that have distracted me all week, and am instead kneeling in my heart beside a manger, in awe of the tiny, quiet, perfect miracle that was actually the beginning of the greatest thing that has ever happened in the whole world. The very Son of God was born - to us, the Scripture says.
To us. For us. With us.
He was here.
He is here.
...and He is coming back.
In this quiet moment, there is nothing more real or more true, and I am filled with gratitude and wonder.
Merry Christmas, friends.
Christmas, as I've shared before, has always been my favorite time of year. Even before I truly understood the gift that this holiday is, there was something about the lights and the quietness and the colors and the smells and the hope (even on an ocean coast) of snow - that was simply magical. Mysterious. Right. It was special; it was different; it was something I waited for all year.
I was so hopeful this year that the magic and the mystery would still capture my soul - and it has, in moments, here and there. But the pervading sense of joy and peace and happiness that filled my soul on December 23rd has gotten lost somewhere in the craziness of the past few days. The rest of the world has moved on past Christmas, and to a degree, I feel like I've been moving on right along with it.
But I'm not of that world, and as I've come in the past half hour to realize all the ways in which I've forgotten that this week, I have made a decision. I refuse to be swept by that tide any longer. It is Christmastide yet, and it is only half over. There is still waiting and watching to be done. There is still worship to offer. Praise to bring.
And so here I am, at what is now almost five o'clock in the morning, watching and praying, enjoying the lights on my tree and a cup of chai, and thanking God that He's stopped me in my tracks for this moment. I am, at last, putting down all the things that have distracted me all week, and am instead kneeling in my heart beside a manger, in awe of the tiny, quiet, perfect miracle that was actually the beginning of the greatest thing that has ever happened in the whole world. The very Son of God was born - to us, the Scripture says.
To us. For us. With us.
He was here.
He is here.
...and He is coming back.
In this quiet moment, there is nothing more real or more true, and I am filled with gratitude and wonder.
Merry Christmas, friends.
waiting. quietly, but with great joy...
It's almost here!
Tomorrow is the first day of Advent, and I have been waiting for this moment for almost two months. No, actually, more like eleven and a half months.... I love Advent.
Some of my best childhood memories are centered around Advent. Decorating the banisters of our New England church sanctuary with real evergreens and red ribbons and candles and a Christmas tree so tall you could barely see the top from the floor. Replacing the green banners of Ordinary Time on the pulpit with the rich purple hues of Advent. Taking a break for soup and crackers with the church family, and eating out of the church's fine china dishes. (Washing and drying all those dishes after lunch!) Making wreaths to take home and hang on our doors. Waking up every morning to open the next little door on the Advent calendar that hung on the cabinet in the kitchen. Watching the colored lights twinkle in our tree. Setting up the Nativity scene on the bookshelf. Putting out our Christmas decorations. Listening to Kenny and Dolly and Amy Grant and Alabama and Bing Crosby and Manheim Steamroller and countless others sing Christmas carols, back in the days when we had actual records and cassette tapes. Wrapping Christmas presents. Popping popcorn and watching Christmas movies. Lighting a candle every Sunday on the altar at church, marking one more theme celebrated, one week closer to Christmas. Wondering why the third candle is pink.
And FINALLY - Christmas Eve. Dressing up, leaving home in the dark. Caroling outside the church for an hour before service for the people passing by and coming to church. Caroling some more indoors. The beauty of the Christmas story read aloud. Hearing a soloist sing "O Holy Night" and hoping that someday I'd get to sing it (one day, finally, I did). Lighting the Christ candle, and then passing the light of Christ's love from candle to candle through our historic church sanctuary and singing Silent Night together acapella. Watching the familiar faces of friends and family shine with the mystery and beauty of it all as we ended our service in quietness, peace, and candlelit wonder.
And now that I'm older, this season has become even more special than the magical memories it held in my childhood. For now I understand, in a way I didn't then, what this season is really all about.
Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joy, hope, peace, love, wonder - and waiting, expectantly, for something to happen. It's the pathway, the journey to Christmas. And with Christmas, comes radiant, amazing, overwhelming love - in the form of a baby boy, born in a stable. The very Son of God, laid in a manger, here to experience all that we do - and to make a way back to God for us.
God waited a long time to send His Son. He waited for the perfect moment. But while He was waiting, He did some things. He wrote it in the stars, that this baby was coming. Remember the Magi, following that star? Think about the fact that light takes time to travel, and that what you see in the sky is actually something that happened a really, really, REALLY long time ago - and think for a moment: God put a star in the heavens that would point the way to His Son AGES before His Son would be born. Does the wonder of it floor you, even just a little bit? He also promised us that a Saviour would come - His prophets foretold His coming, and His people waited, too. And then, finally - He came. And He is coming again.
For these four weeks of Advent we wait. We remember. We hope, dream, imagine, wonder, experience the mystery that is the gift of God's Son, born in the city of David: Christ the Lord. We sing special songs - songs we sing once a year. We celebrate. We give gifts that echo, tho they could never compare with, the Gift that we've been given. We light candles.
We wait. Quietly, but with great joy.
Last year for Advent, my friend Amanda and I did a devotional study together with a book and a website called The Uncluttered Heart, by Beth A. Richardson. We loved it so much that we've invited our church family to go through it with us this year. Nineteen people have signed up so far! We are super-excited about this. :)
And if you want to join us, we'd love that, too. The Uncluttered Heart website has all the info you need to get started.
Hope to see you there!
and Happy Advent-Eve. :)
Tomorrow is the first day of Advent, and I have been waiting for this moment for almost two months. No, actually, more like eleven and a half months.... I love Advent.
Some of my best childhood memories are centered around Advent. Decorating the banisters of our New England church sanctuary with real evergreens and red ribbons and candles and a Christmas tree so tall you could barely see the top from the floor. Replacing the green banners of Ordinary Time on the pulpit with the rich purple hues of Advent. Taking a break for soup and crackers with the church family, and eating out of the church's fine china dishes. (Washing and drying all those dishes after lunch!) Making wreaths to take home and hang on our doors. Waking up every morning to open the next little door on the Advent calendar that hung on the cabinet in the kitchen. Watching the colored lights twinkle in our tree. Setting up the Nativity scene on the bookshelf. Putting out our Christmas decorations. Listening to Kenny and Dolly and Amy Grant and Alabama and Bing Crosby and Manheim Steamroller and countless others sing Christmas carols, back in the days when we had actual records and cassette tapes. Wrapping Christmas presents. Popping popcorn and watching Christmas movies. Lighting a candle every Sunday on the altar at church, marking one more theme celebrated, one week closer to Christmas. Wondering why the third candle is pink.
And FINALLY - Christmas Eve. Dressing up, leaving home in the dark. Caroling outside the church for an hour before service for the people passing by and coming to church. Caroling some more indoors. The beauty of the Christmas story read aloud. Hearing a soloist sing "O Holy Night" and hoping that someday I'd get to sing it (one day, finally, I did). Lighting the Christ candle, and then passing the light of Christ's love from candle to candle through our historic church sanctuary and singing Silent Night together acapella. Watching the familiar faces of friends and family shine with the mystery and beauty of it all as we ended our service in quietness, peace, and candlelit wonder.
And now that I'm older, this season has become even more special than the magical memories it held in my childhood. For now I understand, in a way I didn't then, what this season is really all about.
Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joy, hope, peace, love, wonder - and waiting, expectantly, for something to happen. It's the pathway, the journey to Christmas. And with Christmas, comes radiant, amazing, overwhelming love - in the form of a baby boy, born in a stable. The very Son of God, laid in a manger, here to experience all that we do - and to make a way back to God for us.
God waited a long time to send His Son. He waited for the perfect moment. But while He was waiting, He did some things. He wrote it in the stars, that this baby was coming. Remember the Magi, following that star? Think about the fact that light takes time to travel, and that what you see in the sky is actually something that happened a really, really, REALLY long time ago - and think for a moment: God put a star in the heavens that would point the way to His Son AGES before His Son would be born. Does the wonder of it floor you, even just a little bit? He also promised us that a Saviour would come - His prophets foretold His coming, and His people waited, too. And then, finally - He came. And He is coming again.
For these four weeks of Advent we wait. We remember. We hope, dream, imagine, wonder, experience the mystery that is the gift of God's Son, born in the city of David: Christ the Lord. We sing special songs - songs we sing once a year. We celebrate. We give gifts that echo, tho they could never compare with, the Gift that we've been given. We light candles.
We wait. Quietly, but with great joy.
Last year for Advent, my friend Amanda and I did a devotional study together with a book and a website called The Uncluttered Heart, by Beth A. Richardson. We loved it so much that we've invited our church family to go through it with us this year. Nineteen people have signed up so far! We are super-excited about this. :)
And if you want to join us, we'd love that, too. The Uncluttered Heart website has all the info you need to get started.
Hope to see you there!
and Happy Advent-Eve. :)
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