Showing posts with label simple felicity: music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: music. Show all posts
random ramblings, vol. 10
I'm cleaning my house tonight. (Can you tell?) lol. Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities, particularly for hours on end (which is what truly cleaning my apartment would entail at this point) - so while I'm procrastinating (something I'm quite talented at doing), here are seven more random ramblings from Happyland:
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).
2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:
Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer
3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.
4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.
I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.
Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)
5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.
6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?
7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)
why i love music
music just says things you can't really say with words. sometimes Latin helps. and an international choir. and technology. but mostly it's the music. this ... is just achingly, prophetically... beautiful.
random ramblings, vol. 2
Hello, blogosphere! So much I want to write about, so little time to actually do it this week...
1) This is actually not due to the "normally" busy schedule I tend to keep. This week has its own particular brand of insanity, as it is the week before Sacred Space. Sacred Space, for lack of a better explanation, is a multi-station, interactive worship event, and one of my favoritest things ever. Pictures to come, post-event - they will explain much better than I ever could.
2) I've been thinking a lot about persevering prayer lately. I have always loved the image in Revelation (I forget the reference, but I will try to look it up later) about how the prayers of the saints are like incense that fills up a censer in heaven, and when it is full, it tips, and the answer comes pouring down to earth. I poured a lot of incense into a particular censer last year, and I remember the day it just felt finished... but lately, I've been feeling like I need to pour in a little bit more - like the censer wasn't quite full, but maybe I needed a rest, or someone else was taking a turn, and now it's my turn again. Not quite sure what to make of it, but I'm re-reading Dutch Sheets' book, Intercessory Prayer, and it's helping to shape my prayers a little more boldly.
3) I really love a lot of the music from a band called Carbon Leaf, and I just found out today that they have a new album coming out. This makes me randomly very happy.
4) I am also very happy because the SUN is out today. Yay, sun! :)
5) I am without vehicle for the week, and I have to say - I am actually finding it somewhat freeing. I can't go anywhere that I can't walk or bike to, unless I hitch a ride, and I'm okay with that. Now granted, this is probably because I'm getting my car back on Saturday, and I planned ahead and went grocery shopping last weekend, but still. It's kind of nice - not being able to make commitments to go places and do things, I'm not making them. So in the midst of a really busy week, I have 15 minutes to sit down and blog, and more time to rest than I otherwise might have had, because I'll be home in the evenings instead of running around town. This was good timing!
1) This is actually not due to the "normally" busy schedule I tend to keep. This week has its own particular brand of insanity, as it is the week before Sacred Space. Sacred Space, for lack of a better explanation, is a multi-station, interactive worship event, and one of my favoritest things ever. Pictures to come, post-event - they will explain much better than I ever could.
2) I've been thinking a lot about persevering prayer lately. I have always loved the image in Revelation (I forget the reference, but I will try to look it up later) about how the prayers of the saints are like incense that fills up a censer in heaven, and when it is full, it tips, and the answer comes pouring down to earth. I poured a lot of incense into a particular censer last year, and I remember the day it just felt finished... but lately, I've been feeling like I need to pour in a little bit more - like the censer wasn't quite full, but maybe I needed a rest, or someone else was taking a turn, and now it's my turn again. Not quite sure what to make of it, but I'm re-reading Dutch Sheets' book, Intercessory Prayer, and it's helping to shape my prayers a little more boldly.
3) I really love a lot of the music from a band called Carbon Leaf, and I just found out today that they have a new album coming out. This makes me randomly very happy.
4) I am also very happy because the SUN is out today. Yay, sun! :)
5) I am without vehicle for the week, and I have to say - I am actually finding it somewhat freeing. I can't go anywhere that I can't walk or bike to, unless I hitch a ride, and I'm okay with that. Now granted, this is probably because I'm getting my car back on Saturday, and I planned ahead and went grocery shopping last weekend, but still. It's kind of nice - not being able to make commitments to go places and do things, I'm not making them. So in the midst of a really busy week, I have 15 minutes to sit down and blog, and more time to rest than I otherwise might have had, because I'll be home in the evenings instead of running around town. This was good timing!
alleluia!!! - call and response
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.
This is the day the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Christ is risen! He is risen indeed.
So much of my life has been shaped by these calls and responses, in ways I am still learning to see. I believe these things to the depths of my soul: God is good, and His love endures forever. He created today, and I am to rejoice and be glad in it. Christ is risen, and that matters. In fact, it changes everything. Regardless of what goes on around me, regardless of what happens in this world, regardless of what we see - these things are true - and it makes all the difference.
I love Easter Sunday. The hope that it brings. The reassurance that "all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things shall be well." (- Julian of Norwich)
Why? I think Charles Wesley said it best:
Christ the Lord is Risen Today
Christ, the Lord, is risen today, Alleluia!
Sons of men and angels say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth, reply, Alleluia!
Love’s redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
Lo! the Sun’s eclipse is over, Alleluia!
Lo! He sets in blood no more, Alleluia!
Vain the stone, the watch, the seal, Alleluia!
Christ hath burst the gates of hell, Alleluia!
Death in vain forbids His rise, Alleluia!
Christ hath opened paradise, Alleluia!
Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
Once He died our souls to save, Alleluia!
Where thy victory, O grave? Alleluia!
Soar we now where Christ hath led, Alleluia!
Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!
Made like Him, like Him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!
Hail, the Lord of earth and Heaven, Alleluia!
Praise to Thee by both be given, Alleluia!
Thee we greet triumphant now, Alleluia!
Hail, the resurrection, thou, Alleluia!
King of glory, Soul of bliss, Alleluia!
Everlasting life is this, Alleluia!
Thee to know, Thy power to prove, Alleluia!
Thus to sing and thus to love, Alleluia!
Hymns of praise then let us sing, Alleluia!
Unto Christ, our heavenly King, Alleluia!
Who endured the cross and grave, Alleluia!
Sinners to redeem and save. Alleluia!
But the pains that He endured, Alleluia!
Our salvation have procured, Alleluia!
Now above the sky He’s King, Alleluia!
Where the angels ever sing. Alleluia!
Jesus Christ is risen today, Alleluia!
Our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Who did once upon the cross, Alleluia!
Suffer to redeem our loss. Alleluia!
- Charles Wesley, c. Public Domain
"Fought the fight, the battle won." Alleluia.
freedom
i had coffee with an amazing woman of God last night - a girl i've been privileged to "mentor" for the past few months. (i wonder if she has any idea how often she mentors me?)
among the many topics we covered was freedom. it's a glorious word, isn't it? Heather, awhile ago, asked us what we thought of when we heard the word freedom, and my mental image is running through a field of little white flowers. There was a night last winter when I was incredibly depressed, and completely broke down on a couple of good friends - one of them had a vision as he was praying for me that night, and that was the scene he described. it's (obviously) stuck with me...
freedom's an incredible thing, but sometimes it comes in stages. that's cool, in some ways, because it means that if you are trying to break free from something, there is hope that if you have not yet, you will someday. but there are times when freedom seems so elusive... when you're longing so much to just be free without all the work it takes to get there sometimes... and whether it's getting out of debt, or a sin you just can't seem to shake, or realigning the things you believe with the Truth... freedom often comes with a price, and sometimes it is steep.
but there is one kind of freedom for which the price has already been paid in full, and it is simply yours for the asking. "...it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:5)
among the many topics we covered was freedom. it's a glorious word, isn't it? Heather, awhile ago, asked us what we thought of when we heard the word freedom, and my mental image is running through a field of little white flowers. There was a night last winter when I was incredibly depressed, and completely broke down on a couple of good friends - one of them had a vision as he was praying for me that night, and that was the scene he described. it's (obviously) stuck with me...
freedom's an incredible thing, but sometimes it comes in stages. that's cool, in some ways, because it means that if you are trying to break free from something, there is hope that if you have not yet, you will someday. but there are times when freedom seems so elusive... when you're longing so much to just be free without all the work it takes to get there sometimes... and whether it's getting out of debt, or a sin you just can't seem to shake, or realigning the things you believe with the Truth... freedom often comes with a price, and sometimes it is steep.
but there is one kind of freedom for which the price has already been paid in full, and it is simply yours for the asking. "...it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:5)
a spin down memory lane
Heather over at A Deconstructed Christian posted an unusual video this week - someone covered a song and attempted to "Christianize" it, and it was... sigh. Well, anyway. Rabbit trail, and here we are, taking a spin down memory lane.
I have a very special friend whom I will simply call Little Sister (because that sums it up well). About 6-7 years ago, we were hanging out at her house one day, listening to music, and we made up a dance routine to this song. (This isn't the official video, but I found this one amusing.) :) It was fun, and one of the things I loved most about hanging out with Little Sister back then was how young I felt sometimes. We choreographed for the greater part of the afternoon and then her dad came home.
"Dad! We made up this dance, do you want to see it?!"
(I believe he grinned.) "Of course, sweetie! I'd love to!"
I stepped off to the side, intending to sit this one out. Little Sister knew the moves. She didn't need me.
I have a very special friend whom I will simply call Little Sister (because that sums it up well). About 6-7 years ago, we were hanging out at her house one day, listening to music, and we made up a dance routine to this song. (This isn't the official video, but I found this one amusing.) :) It was fun, and one of the things I loved most about hanging out with Little Sister back then was how young I felt sometimes. We choreographed for the greater part of the afternoon and then her dad came home.
"Dad! We made up this dance, do you want to see it?!"
(I believe he grinned.) "Of course, sweetie! I'd love to!"
I stepped off to the side, intending to sit this one out. Little Sister knew the moves. She didn't need me.
"You HAVE to!!! It won't be any fun without you! I might forget something. I need you! Please?!"
"Yeah, Hap! Come on, let's see it." He was thoroughly enjoying this. And I was mortified. (I suspect he knew it.)
But she would have been so disappointed... So we danced.
It was really good for my humility. Lol. No, honestly. It really was. :)
And I am happy to say we are probably somewhat gifted choreographers, as they seem to have used some of the same moves we did.... lol. :)
an unexpected gift
I was given a gift last night that I suspect I may treasure always. It isn't the kind of gift you can put on a shelf, or in your pocket. It was simply something that happened.
A couple of years ago I wrote a song for someone. It's actually a worship song, but it was inspired by his story, and it was one of those songs that sort of wrote itself, and has served as a kind of a standing stone to remind him (and our community in general) of what God has done. We've been singing it off and on for awhile, and a lot of people in our community now don't even know the story, and some of them don't even know I wrote it, which is actually kind of fun, because it means the song has taken on a life of its own - but up until now, I'm the only one who has ever led it. And up until last night, (and I know this will sound strange, but it's true) I had no idea if it even really meant anything to my friend. He never said. And I never asked.
But last night, someone else was leading worship, and my song was part of the set, and I had the immense privilege of standing in the back of the room and hearing an entire roomful of people sing my song. It was one of the most humbling and exhilarating moments I have ever experienced. But it gets even better. About halfway through the song, I looked over, and my friend that I wrote it for was standing in the back by the doors, and he had the biggest grin on his face. It was one of those smiles that you can't really give words to - but it expressed joy, and intimacy with the Father - and just knowing his story, I knew he was remembering. It was one sweet moment.
A couple of years ago I wrote a song for someone. It's actually a worship song, but it was inspired by his story, and it was one of those songs that sort of wrote itself, and has served as a kind of a standing stone to remind him (and our community in general) of what God has done. We've been singing it off and on for awhile, and a lot of people in our community now don't even know the story, and some of them don't even know I wrote it, which is actually kind of fun, because it means the song has taken on a life of its own - but up until now, I'm the only one who has ever led it. And up until last night, (and I know this will sound strange, but it's true) I had no idea if it even really meant anything to my friend. He never said. And I never asked.
But last night, someone else was leading worship, and my song was part of the set, and I had the immense privilege of standing in the back of the room and hearing an entire roomful of people sing my song. It was one of the most humbling and exhilarating moments I have ever experienced. But it gets even better. About halfway through the song, I looked over, and my friend that I wrote it for was standing in the back by the doors, and he had the biggest grin on his face. It was one of those smiles that you can't really give words to - but it expressed joy, and intimacy with the Father - and just knowing his story, I knew he was remembering. It was one sweet moment.
greater things are yet to come
I'm quite sure I'll have more to say when I have more time to write, but in the meantime, I would really like to direct all of you to a post that was mentioned in the comments section of my last post. Jon over at something else has written on a very similar topic, and it's sparked a great conversation. Honestly, I've probably written two posts worth of stuff over there. :)
We introduced a song at Torch last week that is so applicable to this whole conversation, too. I hope you like it as much as I do. Here's the acoustic version from Chris Tomlin:
We introduced a song at Torch last week that is so applicable to this whole conversation, too. I hope you like it as much as I do. Here's the acoustic version from Chris Tomlin:
two questions
1) What does it mean to be pure in heart?
I woke up this morning with Rich Mullins' "One Thing" in my head... "and the pure in heart shall see God" keeps playing over and over in my head. (I love being a walking jukebox...)
2) I'm thinking about possibly changing the name of my blog. Would that totally throw everyone? :)
I woke up this morning with Rich Mullins' "One Thing" in my head... "and the pure in heart shall see God" keeps playing over and over in my head. (I love being a walking jukebox...)
2) I'm thinking about possibly changing the name of my blog. Would that totally throw everyone? :)
send the rain - part 3
No, I haven't finished the bridge yet, but I just had to tell you about the really amazing experience I had this evening. It's been really stormy all day, which suited me just fine because it just seemed so appropriate to the day (more on that later) - but this evening I was dinking around with that song, and just as I got to the bit about "Jesus, send the rain" in the first section, the heavens opened up and it poured buckets. And it kept pouring until I finished the song, and there was thunder and lightning during the middle section where the music gets very angsty and stormy (the part where I don't know the words yet, but thunder and lightning fit in there somewhere). It was one of the most freaking cool things ever - and then when I got to the tail end where the music gets all peaceful again, the rain lightened up, and stopped altogether.
How cool is that?
We serve an absolutely amazing God.
How cool is that?
We serve an absolutely amazing God.
hymnsings and requiems
It was a great weekend.
Sorry for the longer silences of late and to come - between song-writing, spring weather, 3 months worth of homework crammed into 2 weeks (I have 2 papers and an exam to accomplish yet this week!), and the internal rumblings accompanying the next of the shifts that are always signified by these silences... anyway. I'll be back soon, I promise. (Maybe with an explanation!) Hoping for time for one good post on Friday for sure - but the rest of the week I'll probably be pretty much unaccounted for.
But it really was a great weekend. I took a road trip with Jesus to visit some friends, and it was so good... I got to go hear a concert last night that was really well done - Beethoven's Triple Concerto and Mozart's Requiem. Beautiful. Moving. As always, the sadness of the requiem got me thinking and tearing up about other things... somewhat appropriate, being funeral music, that I was able to just sit and mourn a loss or two in the darkness of an auditorium, but then I got turned heavenward by the more joyful ending of the piece, the company of one of my best friends, and God's Spirit just coming to comfort me.
And then I got to go to a church this morning with actual pews and stained glass windows (if you have one that you go to, just stop the next time you walk in and look around and appreciate its beauty for me, would you?!). They had a hymnsing before church - anyone could pick what hymn they wanted, and they did 2 verses. It was so cool... And then I got to sing more hymns, and participate in a liturgical service. I got to confess my sins and be reminded that I'm absolved of them. I got benedicted. :) And I got to hear one of my other best friends in the world preach for the first time in years - and he was always quite good, but he's even better now. And God really spoke to my heart through his sermon, so that was pretty sweet too.
The rest of the day was incredibly restful. Good chat with best friend in current hometown. "Spontaneous" (translation: incredibly strong hunch that turned out to be God's direction) trip to the bookstore for an excellent book. Walk in the forest preserve. Park bench with the new book. Vision meeting at church that was packed out (this was incredible) and meeting up with old friends I haven't seen in months. All in all, a good day, and a good weekend.
And definitely time to go sleep and gear up for the week. Blessings to you all, and I'll "see" you soon.
Sorry for the longer silences of late and to come - between song-writing, spring weather, 3 months worth of homework crammed into 2 weeks (I have 2 papers and an exam to accomplish yet this week!), and the internal rumblings accompanying the next of the shifts that are always signified by these silences... anyway. I'll be back soon, I promise. (Maybe with an explanation!) Hoping for time for one good post on Friday for sure - but the rest of the week I'll probably be pretty much unaccounted for.
But it really was a great weekend. I took a road trip with Jesus to visit some friends, and it was so good... I got to go hear a concert last night that was really well done - Beethoven's Triple Concerto and Mozart's Requiem. Beautiful. Moving. As always, the sadness of the requiem got me thinking and tearing up about other things... somewhat appropriate, being funeral music, that I was able to just sit and mourn a loss or two in the darkness of an auditorium, but then I got turned heavenward by the more joyful ending of the piece, the company of one of my best friends, and God's Spirit just coming to comfort me.
And then I got to go to a church this morning with actual pews and stained glass windows (if you have one that you go to, just stop the next time you walk in and look around and appreciate its beauty for me, would you?!). They had a hymnsing before church - anyone could pick what hymn they wanted, and they did 2 verses. It was so cool... And then I got to sing more hymns, and participate in a liturgical service. I got to confess my sins and be reminded that I'm absolved of them. I got benedicted. :) And I got to hear one of my other best friends in the world preach for the first time in years - and he was always quite good, but he's even better now. And God really spoke to my heart through his sermon, so that was pretty sweet too.
The rest of the day was incredibly restful. Good chat with best friend in current hometown. "Spontaneous" (translation: incredibly strong hunch that turned out to be God's direction) trip to the bookstore for an excellent book. Walk in the forest preserve. Park bench with the new book. Vision meeting at church that was packed out (this was incredible) and meeting up with old friends I haven't seen in months. All in all, a good day, and a good weekend.
And definitely time to go sleep and gear up for the week. Blessings to you all, and I'll "see" you soon.
send the rain - (unfinished)
for the widow at Zarephath
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
standing here, with hearts of clay
cracked and dry, just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to flood and soak into us now
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
Holy Spirit, come
Lord, how we need Your Presence here
standing here in this desert place
it won't be long 'til we see rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
standing here, with hearts of clay
cracked and dry, just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to flood and soak into us now
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
Holy Spirit, come
Lord, how we need Your Presence here
standing here in this desert place
it won't be long 'til we see rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
send the rain - part 2
for the widow at Zarephath
so... i've never actually done this... posting songs in process... welcome to Happy-land, the unseen side. :P and a glimpse into the sort of process a lot of things go thru in my head. (tho i still claim the best songs i've written are the ones i've just sort of thrown up...) :P
verse one has amazingly stayed the same:
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
wow, look at that - so has the chorus- except for one word; i changed "your" to "the" because it sings better
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send the rain
verse 2, slightly modified:
standing here, with hearts of clay
cracked and dry just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to flood and soak into us now
i got to thinking about what happens when torrential rains hit the cracked dry ground - it pools on top. (i am well familiar with that image as i've successfully forgotten to water Stanley often enough that he is officially no longer with us. well, he is, actually, as i've been too lazy to take him out to the trash... sigh. procrastination is a rare art form, do you know that? (i'm writing my term paper right now, can't you tell?)) :)
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send the rain
now this is the bit that's giving me trouble.
it's pretty much ALL WRONG.
the ideas are right, just not the words, and I think the Lion will need his own song. it's about roaring and chasing the darkness away, and Narnia ending and all that sort of thing.
so... Send your rain! Let it pour
yes, i like that - but then what?
something about a floodtide...
and somewhere in here should be something about life coming back... clouds breaking open, blessing falling from the skies (this storm may not look like blessing at first but it is... because they've needed it so long...)
Let thunder crash and lightning flash
and mercy falls, redemption calls
and everything is right again...
raaar.... i really want to get this bit figured out! i've got the music, just not the words... *sigh* i really should go write my term paper... :P
then the last verse - (not quite the) same as the first anymore
standing here in this desert place
it won't be long till we see rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
So that's that. I hope you found it entertaining. I personally enjoyed the read about Stanley. And am trying not to read too much into the fact that he died... lol.
so... i've never actually done this... posting songs in process... welcome to Happy-land, the unseen side. :P and a glimpse into the sort of process a lot of things go thru in my head. (tho i still claim the best songs i've written are the ones i've just sort of thrown up...) :P
verse one has amazingly stayed the same:
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
wow, look at that - so has the chorus- except for one word; i changed "your" to "the" because it sings better
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send the rain
verse 2, slightly modified:
standing here, with hearts of clay
cracked and dry just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to flood and soak into us now
i got to thinking about what happens when torrential rains hit the cracked dry ground - it pools on top. (i am well familiar with that image as i've successfully forgotten to water Stanley often enough that he is officially no longer with us. well, he is, actually, as i've been too lazy to take him out to the trash... sigh. procrastination is a rare art form, do you know that? (i'm writing my term paper right now, can't you tell?)) :)
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send the rain
now this is the bit that's giving me trouble.
it's pretty much ALL WRONG.
the ideas are right, just not the words, and I think the Lion will need his own song. it's about roaring and chasing the darkness away, and Narnia ending and all that sort of thing.
so... Send your rain! Let it pour
yes, i like that - but then what?
something about a floodtide...
and somewhere in here should be something about life coming back... clouds breaking open, blessing falling from the skies (this storm may not look like blessing at first but it is... because they've needed it so long...)
Let thunder crash and lightning flash
and mercy falls, redemption calls
and everything is right again...
raaar.... i really want to get this bit figured out! i've got the music, just not the words... *sigh* i really should go write my term paper... :P
then the last verse - (not quite the) same as the first anymore
standing here in this desert place
it won't be long till we see rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
So that's that. I hope you found it entertaining. I personally enjoyed the read about Stanley. And am trying not to read too much into the fact that he died... lol.
send the rain
for the widow at Zarephath
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
standing here, our hearts like clay
cracked and dry just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to wash away the dust and pain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
Send your rain! Let it pour
Let the thunder crash and lightning flash
till everything that's Yours is drenched
and mercy falls, compassion calls
and the Lion lays down with His lambs
and everything is right again
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
I think that's how it goes, anyway.... still working on it. :)
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
there has always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
standing here, our hearts like clay
cracked and dry just like the ground
longing for torrential rains
to wash away the dust and pain
and You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You have always been enough
but still we are waiting
waiting and praying
praying, Jesus, send your rain
Send your rain! Let it pour
Let the thunder crash and lightning flash
till everything that's Yours is drenched
and mercy falls, compassion calls
and the Lion lays down with His lambs
and everything is right again
standing here in this desert place
watching the clouds roll in
and wondering if today's the day
it's been so long since we've had rain
(c) 2008 Happy Records, Inc.
I think that's how it goes, anyway.... still working on it. :)
accept my heart
One of my favorite things to do is read thru hymnbooks. Quirky? Yes. But there it is. I also really enjoy re-writing hymns - we're doing what I think is a pretty fun version of Just As I Am at Torch these days; of course, I'm biased, since I wrote it. :) As I was looking for a hymn to rewrite, I stumbled across this one, and I love the words:
My God, Accept My Heart This Day
words by Matthew Bridges (1800-1894) / original tune by William James (1726-1800)
My God, accept my heart this day, and make it always thine,
That I from Thee no more may stray, no more from Thee decline.
Before the cross of Him who died, behold, I prostrate fall
Let every sin be crucified, let Christ be all in all.
Anoint me with Thy heavenly grace, adopt me for Thine own,
That I may see Thy glorious face, and worship at Thy throne.
Let every thought, and work, and word, to Thee be ever given;
Then life shall be Thy service, Lord, and death the gate of heaven.
Granted, the theology of that last verse is a little questionable (death will be the gate of heaven by grace, not by works, and one could argue that we're already living into that not-yet reality tho we're still here now...) but hey, it's hard to rhyme much with "given." :)
I really love that first verse, because it gets at a reality I don't always live into - that our acceptance is based on God's favor and not our own merit - and is guaranteed because He said it was. Not straying, not declining - left to our devices, we would stray and decline, no matter how much willpower we put into it (I dislike that intensely about myself) - but by grace, we are empowered to live in a way that keeps us on God's narrow way.
We sang a song last night that I've loved for ages - Steve Fee's Madly - and the chorus says, "I'm madly in love with you." I sang it pretty objectively. I am madly in love with God - I wouldn't be walking this walk if I wasn't - but I didn't feel like I was madly in love... but I suppose we don't, always - feel it, that is. Doesn't make it less true, tho... I'm pretty sure.
(HT: ASBO Jesus)
Sometimes it amazes me that we can very authentically say all three of those things at the same time... but I love it that we can...
My God, Accept My Heart This Day
words by Matthew Bridges (1800-1894) / original tune by William James (1726-1800)
My God, accept my heart this day, and make it always thine,
That I from Thee no more may stray, no more from Thee decline.
Before the cross of Him who died, behold, I prostrate fall
Let every sin be crucified, let Christ be all in all.
Anoint me with Thy heavenly grace, adopt me for Thine own,
That I may see Thy glorious face, and worship at Thy throne.
Let every thought, and work, and word, to Thee be ever given;
Then life shall be Thy service, Lord, and death the gate of heaven.
Granted, the theology of that last verse is a little questionable (death will be the gate of heaven by grace, not by works, and one could argue that we're already living into that not-yet reality tho we're still here now...) but hey, it's hard to rhyme much with "given." :)
I really love that first verse, because it gets at a reality I don't always live into - that our acceptance is based on God's favor and not our own merit - and is guaranteed because He said it was. Not straying, not declining - left to our devices, we would stray and decline, no matter how much willpower we put into it (I dislike that intensely about myself) - but by grace, we are empowered to live in a way that keeps us on God's narrow way.
We sang a song last night that I've loved for ages - Steve Fee's Madly - and the chorus says, "I'm madly in love with you." I sang it pretty objectively. I am madly in love with God - I wouldn't be walking this walk if I wasn't - but I didn't feel like I was madly in love... but I suppose we don't, always - feel it, that is. Doesn't make it less true, tho... I'm pretty sure.
(HT: ASBO Jesus)
Sometimes it amazes me that we can very authentically say all three of those things at the same time... but I love it that we can...
tra-la-la, la-la-la... oooh! see the bunnies....
Rabbit trail!
This one is fun. :)
So someone accidentally searched my blog instead of the internet yesterday, and the search phrase was "if I were queen."
LOL! okay.... (it does, by the way, turn up some interesting results as a Google search...) :D
All questions aside as to why this person was googling that - it reminded me of a song. :) Burl Ives sang this song in an old Disney movie called So Dear To My Heart, which I am happy to tell you I just found out is being re-released on May 13th. :) The song was on a record my sister and I used to listen to, back in the days when putting on a record and lazing about on the couch listening to it was the height of indoor entertainment... It's Lavender Blue, and the first verse goes like this:
The Ordinary Princess is the story of Her Serene Royal Highness, Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne - who is given by one of her many fairy godmothers the gift of being ordinary. She is so ordinary, in fact, that not one prince can be coerced to see past it and marry her. Which really doesn't bother her all that much. :) She is, however, quite bothered by her parents' issues with all of it, and finally decides to run off. So she climbs out the window, and heads off for grand adventures in peasantry. She becomes a scullery maid in the castle of a neighboring kingdom, and meets (of course) a page boy, and the two become best of friends. But neither of them believe anything can come of it, because they both have secrets. By the end of the book, of course, all is revealed in due time, and everyone lives happily ever after, including the fairy godmother, who knew all along that true happiness comes when you are loved for simply being who you are, and not for all the frills or finery that may (or may not) accompany your lot.
This past Wednesday I led worship for an event at my church, and for various reasons I was a little nervous going in. It's what I love doing more than anything - this worship leading thing - and usually I'm ok (except for the inevitable "I think I'm going to puke" moment that happens 5 minutes before the service almost every time - which I have learned to just ride out because it'll go away as soon as the lights come up) - but this time around there were a couple of people there whose opinion matters a great deal to me, and I found myself fighting a desire to "perform" - which was really more about doing well and not screwing up than it was about acting/performing, honestly, but it didn't make the temptation to be "onstage" any less sin. I botched a few things in the first set. Pride and any possible shred of arrogance fled and got trampled in those moments. But the second half of the evening went incredibly well, and it was fun - because I gave up trying to impress anyone except Jesus, and I knew I didn't really need to impress Him. So I just played and sang my heart out...
And Friday, a good friend called to tell me (in response to my last post here) that on Wednesday, she had been praying that as I led worship that night, that I would simply be myself as I led.
God loves me.
I know that sounds a bit preschool in terms of theology, but every now and again I just get blown away by the reality of it, and find myself floored by it. On Thursday night, as I was praying with some friends, I had a picture in my mind of something that represented me and what God is doing in my life; and on Friday morning, one of the "picture of the day" gadgets on my homepage was almost exactly the same image. Someone googles "if i were queen" and I go hopping down a bunny trail that reminds me that I am loved by a King who loves me just as I am - and that all the trappings of "success" aren't worth much... and that story reminds me of some sermons I've been listening to, and what God's been doing in my heart as I've listened, and the transformation that I am undergoing, the shifting that's taking place at the core of who I am, and the refinement that is making me more like Him - and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time for the amazingness of this God we serve, and the love with which He showers us. "How great is our God..." "dilly, dilly..."
*wistful sigh* I think I'm in love... :)
This one is fun. :)
So someone accidentally searched my blog instead of the internet yesterday, and the search phrase was "if I were queen."
LOL! okay.... (it does, by the way, turn up some interesting results as a Google search...) :D
All questions aside as to why this person was googling that - it reminded me of a song. :) Burl Ives sang this song in an old Disney movie called So Dear To My Heart, which I am happy to tell you I just found out is being re-released on May 13th. :) The song was on a record my sister and I used to listen to, back in the days when putting on a record and lazing about on the couch listening to it was the height of indoor entertainment... It's Lavender Blue, and the first verse goes like this:
- Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, rosemary's green,
- When I am king, dilly, dilly, you shall be queen.
- Who told you so, dilly, dilly, who told you so?
- 'Twas my own heart, dilly, dilly, that told me so.
The Ordinary Princess is the story of Her Serene Royal Highness, Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne - who is given by one of her many fairy godmothers the gift of being ordinary. She is so ordinary, in fact, that not one prince can be coerced to see past it and marry her. Which really doesn't bother her all that much. :) She is, however, quite bothered by her parents' issues with all of it, and finally decides to run off. So she climbs out the window, and heads off for grand adventures in peasantry. She becomes a scullery maid in the castle of a neighboring kingdom, and meets (of course) a page boy, and the two become best of friends. But neither of them believe anything can come of it, because they both have secrets. By the end of the book, of course, all is revealed in due time, and everyone lives happily ever after, including the fairy godmother, who knew all along that true happiness comes when you are loved for simply being who you are, and not for all the frills or finery that may (or may not) accompany your lot.
This past Wednesday I led worship for an event at my church, and for various reasons I was a little nervous going in. It's what I love doing more than anything - this worship leading thing - and usually I'm ok (except for the inevitable "I think I'm going to puke" moment that happens 5 minutes before the service almost every time - which I have learned to just ride out because it'll go away as soon as the lights come up) - but this time around there were a couple of people there whose opinion matters a great deal to me, and I found myself fighting a desire to "perform" - which was really more about doing well and not screwing up than it was about acting/performing, honestly, but it didn't make the temptation to be "onstage" any less sin. I botched a few things in the first set. Pride and any possible shred of arrogance fled and got trampled in those moments. But the second half of the evening went incredibly well, and it was fun - because I gave up trying to impress anyone except Jesus, and I knew I didn't really need to impress Him. So I just played and sang my heart out...
And Friday, a good friend called to tell me (in response to my last post here) that on Wednesday, she had been praying that as I led worship that night, that I would simply be myself as I led.
God loves me.
I know that sounds a bit preschool in terms of theology, but every now and again I just get blown away by the reality of it, and find myself floored by it. On Thursday night, as I was praying with some friends, I had a picture in my mind of something that represented me and what God is doing in my life; and on Friday morning, one of the "picture of the day" gadgets on my homepage was almost exactly the same image. Someone googles "if i were queen" and I go hopping down a bunny trail that reminds me that I am loved by a King who loves me just as I am - and that all the trappings of "success" aren't worth much... and that story reminds me of some sermons I've been listening to, and what God's been doing in my heart as I've listened, and the transformation that I am undergoing, the shifting that's taking place at the core of who I am, and the refinement that is making me more like Him - and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time for the amazingness of this God we serve, and the love with which He showers us. "How great is our God..." "dilly, dilly..."
*wistful sigh* I think I'm in love... :)
it's all about You...
My dear friend-whom-i've-never-met (Linda), over at faintnot's frenzy, has written an absolutely brilliant post on worship. You should go read all of it, both for her thoughts on worship and to hear her story, but here's part of my favorite part of what she said:
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
I broke a toe leading worship this weekend. No, seriously, I think I did. And the awesome part: I was sitting down. What are the odds?
I have this weird quirk - I used to mock (in love and good fun, of course) an old friend of mine for a very similar quirk - and I am now paying for it. (There is justice...) :) When I'm playing guitar, I can't dance around, but as a worshiper I just tend to move a lot, so I've developed this sort of stomp thing I do with my left leg when I'm leading. Most of the time, this works out just fine, and it's not even all that distracting because I lead sockfoot, so it's not like there's this loud thumping or anything from the stage... but this weekend... well, apparently I do the stomp thing a bit when I'm sitting down too, and I must've hit the rung of the barstool on which I was sitting at just the right angle, because my second toe and the entire top of my foot are a series of absolutely glorious shades of black and blues, purples, and greens. I didn't even notice when I did it. (I noticed when I stood up to head off the stage, tho!)
It hurts a bit. Not much, but a bit. And I find it rather ... ironic.
We launched a new sermon series this weekend entitled "Greatness: Discovering Your Incredible Potential" - a seven-week series on the life of John the Baptist. Jesus called John the greatest man that ever lived - on his absolute worst day. (The story is in Matthew 11:1-11.) Our pastor's message was excellent, tho extremely...lengthy. And it blew me away how the songs I'd chosen actually had some of the exact phrases he used in his message. It was pretty cool. I planned it two weeks ago, and I designed the set to point to God's greatness. They were songs that recognized our ... gift... for screwing things up, for failing. Songs that recognized our need for grace. And songs that said thank you for this amazing grace and expressed a heart-felt desire to have our lives reflect His glory to a world that needs to see it.
The pastor concluded his message by reminding us that if we're willing to simply lay down our lives, and say, "here I am, Lord - take my life, and make of it what You will" - the potential for what God can do with that kind of surrendered life is simply incredible.
So here I am, limping into a tomorrow that has limitless potential... and Monday happens. The fever I had all weekend comes back. It's a long day. I could use a nap, but don't get to take one. I go to leave for our young adults group, and my car absolutely refuses to start. A friend kindly loans me hers, and I go to church, and I fall apart on the first person I see because I don't know what to do about the car and the concurrent lack of finances and it's the third time in four weeks it'll be in the shop (hence the current financial issue). I hit a "God, how much do you think I can take?!" moment. And the worship set tonight ended with "Jesus, Lover of My Soul."
This is the song with which I spent the first of what I've come to call my "Geneva" days. A "Geneva Day" is a day away, dedicated to the Lord, solely His to do with as He likes. I was supposed to sing this song for church one weekend years ago, and I nailed it vocally in rehearsal, but there was something missing. Matt asked me, "Do you mean it when you sing it?" and I was forced to admit that no, I didn't. Not really. I meant it, but.... I believed it, but.... So I went away for a day, and asked God to help me mean it. I learned a lot about surrender that day.
Our pastor this weekend challenged us to stop believing God only up to a point. To lay aside our "practical atheism" and truly trust God with our entire lives - and to see what God would do with our surrendered hearts.
Well, the chorus of the song says that it's all about Jesus, His glory, and His fame, and that it's not about me, as if He should do things my way... and that's where I get stuck so often - in that I really do think God should do things my way, as if I actually know better than He does. (Whatever...) I know He knows better. And so I will say with Job, in the face of things far less dire than what he faced, that "though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." (Job 13:15) And I will sing again, that He alone is God, and I surrender to His ways.
Even when they include brokenness. (Literal and metaphorical.) Even when they include the going-wrong-nesses I feel I'd be better off without. I will remember the deeds of the Lord (Psalm 77). (Again.) I will take heart, because I know it gets better. (I've read the end of the Book.) :) And I will worship. Because (and thank you, Linda, for these words):
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
I broke a toe leading worship this weekend. No, seriously, I think I did. And the awesome part: I was sitting down. What are the odds?
I have this weird quirk - I used to mock (in love and good fun, of course) an old friend of mine for a very similar quirk - and I am now paying for it. (There is justice...) :) When I'm playing guitar, I can't dance around, but as a worshiper I just tend to move a lot, so I've developed this sort of stomp thing I do with my left leg when I'm leading. Most of the time, this works out just fine, and it's not even all that distracting because I lead sockfoot, so it's not like there's this loud thumping or anything from the stage... but this weekend... well, apparently I do the stomp thing a bit when I'm sitting down too, and I must've hit the rung of the barstool on which I was sitting at just the right angle, because my second toe and the entire top of my foot are a series of absolutely glorious shades of black and blues, purples, and greens. I didn't even notice when I did it. (I noticed when I stood up to head off the stage, tho!)
It hurts a bit. Not much, but a bit. And I find it rather ... ironic.
We launched a new sermon series this weekend entitled "Greatness: Discovering Your Incredible Potential" - a seven-week series on the life of John the Baptist. Jesus called John the greatest man that ever lived - on his absolute worst day. (The story is in Matthew 11:1-11.) Our pastor's message was excellent, tho extremely...lengthy. And it blew me away how the songs I'd chosen actually had some of the exact phrases he used in his message. It was pretty cool. I planned it two weeks ago, and I designed the set to point to God's greatness. They were songs that recognized our ... gift... for screwing things up, for failing. Songs that recognized our need for grace. And songs that said thank you for this amazing grace and expressed a heart-felt desire to have our lives reflect His glory to a world that needs to see it.
The pastor concluded his message by reminding us that if we're willing to simply lay down our lives, and say, "here I am, Lord - take my life, and make of it what You will" - the potential for what God can do with that kind of surrendered life is simply incredible.
So here I am, limping into a tomorrow that has limitless potential... and Monday happens. The fever I had all weekend comes back. It's a long day. I could use a nap, but don't get to take one. I go to leave for our young adults group, and my car absolutely refuses to start. A friend kindly loans me hers, and I go to church, and I fall apart on the first person I see because I don't know what to do about the car and the concurrent lack of finances and it's the third time in four weeks it'll be in the shop (hence the current financial issue). I hit a "God, how much do you think I can take?!" moment. And the worship set tonight ended with "Jesus, Lover of My Soul."
This is the song with which I spent the first of what I've come to call my "Geneva" days. A "Geneva Day" is a day away, dedicated to the Lord, solely His to do with as He likes. I was supposed to sing this song for church one weekend years ago, and I nailed it vocally in rehearsal, but there was something missing. Matt asked me, "Do you mean it when you sing it?" and I was forced to admit that no, I didn't. Not really. I meant it, but.... I believed it, but.... So I went away for a day, and asked God to help me mean it. I learned a lot about surrender that day.
Our pastor this weekend challenged us to stop believing God only up to a point. To lay aside our "practical atheism" and truly trust God with our entire lives - and to see what God would do with our surrendered hearts.
Well, the chorus of the song says that it's all about Jesus, His glory, and His fame, and that it's not about me, as if He should do things my way... and that's where I get stuck so often - in that I really do think God should do things my way, as if I actually know better than He does. (Whatever...) I know He knows better. And so I will say with Job, in the face of things far less dire than what he faced, that "though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him." (Job 13:15) And I will sing again, that He alone is God, and I surrender to His ways.
Even when they include brokenness. (Literal and metaphorical.) Even when they include the going-wrong-nesses I feel I'd be better off without. I will remember the deeds of the Lord (Psalm 77). (Again.) I will take heart, because I know it gets better. (I've read the end of the Book.) :) And I will worship. Because (and thank you, Linda, for these words):
"Worship is what pours out of me when I lift my voice to Him with the greatest joy, or the deepest sorrow. As I sing and play I know it is because He is Who He is. It has nothing to do with what I want Him to do for me. It has nothing to do with the way I may be feeling. He is God, He changes not and if He never did another thing, He has done more than we ever deserved anyway. He is magnificent, faithful, kind, generous, powerful, and He has decided to allow me to benefit from all this. Worship happens when I reach beyond what I know I am capable of because God is calling me to do it and find a way to trust Him when all of me wants to be scared, or unsure, or just not getting it at all. It is all about Him, this worship thing."
somewhere between hell and Jesus
My friend Josh Schicker is an incredibly gifted songwriter. If you get a chance, check out his website or his myspace page sometime. (His latest album, Moonlighting, is also available on iTunes, and with that, I will cease and desist from this shameless plug.)
Years ago, before his solo career, Josh was part of a band that went through a series of names, and I'm sorry you will probably never get to hear any of their stuff, because it was and still is incredible music. One of my favorite songs off their last album was called "View From St. Peter's" - here are a few of the lyrics to that song:
the rain came down despite all of our pleas
we came inside soaking
and we had an important appointment to keep
with a young man who looked at me and said
"i'm somewhere between hell and Jesus"
looks like we found some common ground
what are we waiting here for
i'm going to miss this place*
somewhere between hell and Jesus. That really sort of sums it up some days. And some days I feel a heck of a lot closer to hell than I do to Jesus, although I know that in reality I'm really not... "Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Colossians 1:27) Makes me think of Louie Giglio's Tupperware Sermons. (which if you haven't heard, I hope you get to some day...)
Music is an incredibly powerful art form... words that would have been good poetry become great poetry with the right melody. Songs get stuck in your head, become part of your story. I heard a song just today that struck a chord somewhere deep in my soul, and it's resonating with this whole idea of being somewhere between hell and Jesus... I haven't quite figured out why this song is impacting me so deeply yet, but I've listened to it so many times tonight I've lost count... It's by Bebo Norman, called "I'm All Right." Lyrics are here.
(HT: Jake)
*lyrics by Josh Schicker, (c) 2000 fgcb music
Years ago, before his solo career, Josh was part of a band that went through a series of names, and I'm sorry you will probably never get to hear any of their stuff, because it was and still is incredible music. One of my favorite songs off their last album was called "View From St. Peter's" - here are a few of the lyrics to that song:
the rain came down despite all of our pleas
we came inside soaking
and we had an important appointment to keep
with a young man who looked at me and said
"i'm somewhere between hell and Jesus"
looks like we found some common ground
what are we waiting here for
i'm going to miss this place*
somewhere between hell and Jesus. That really sort of sums it up some days. And some days I feel a heck of a lot closer to hell than I do to Jesus, although I know that in reality I'm really not... "Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Colossians 1:27) Makes me think of Louie Giglio's Tupperware Sermons. (which if you haven't heard, I hope you get to some day...)
Music is an incredibly powerful art form... words that would have been good poetry become great poetry with the right melody. Songs get stuck in your head, become part of your story. I heard a song just today that struck a chord somewhere deep in my soul, and it's resonating with this whole idea of being somewhere between hell and Jesus... I haven't quite figured out why this song is impacting me so deeply yet, but I've listened to it so many times tonight I've lost count... It's by Bebo Norman, called "I'm All Right." Lyrics are here.
(HT: Jake)
*lyrics by Josh Schicker, (c) 2000 fgcb music
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