Doesn't that sound trendy? ;)
Believe me, I titled this post tongue-in-cheek, thinking about how "culturally relevant" it sounded - but God willing, it's not quite as full of hot air as it could be. :)
I read one of the most incredibly profound books while I was flying to and from the East Coast over the holidays, and I hope that if you get a chance, you will go to your nearest local bookstore and order a copy (if they don't already have it in stock). It's called SHIFT, by Peter Arnell. I could summarize it for you, but I think Peter does a way better job of it himself:
For a number of reasons, towards the end of 2011, I found myself increasingly un-Happy. Part of it, honestly, was just imbalance on my part - being too busy, being busy doing the wrong things, not having enough downtime to meet the needs of my inner introvert, and accidentally but subconsciously beginning to identify myself by what I do, and not by Whose I am. Reading Peter's book was inspiring and timely and as far as I can tell, God-orchestrated. (I mean, really - what was I doing in the business section of Barnes and Noble?! How did I end up there?!) Lol.
I came away from reading this book confident of two things: 1) change is possible; and 2) I'm going to need some help.
There are a lot of things in my life that I wish would just shift by themselves.
They're not going to.
If I want to see things change, I'm going to have to do something.
Some of the negatives are circumstances that I simply cannot do anything about, except pray. Only God can move those mountains, and if/when He's ready to, He will. But there are things I can change. Things I can control. Things I can do.
So as I took my annual beginning of the year retreat to finish Peter's book and pray over this coming year, here are the things I've determined that I would like to either see shift or to see God do in me, as we stand at this year's annual crossroads, choose a path and start walking into 2012:
1) I want to be more present.
- Paying attention to the moment.
- Really listening to people.
- Enjoying what I'm eating, and stopping when I'm full.
- Noticing nature; taking time to look at the stars.
2) I want to be more silent.
- Listening to what I'm actually thinking, and what it reveals about my heart.
- Listening for His voice; learning to know Him better.
3) I want to be more intentionally grateful.
- I need to write it down: what am I thankful for today?
4) I want to make some personal shifts in how I structure my lifestyle:
- Diet: I need to eat things that are good for me, that promote health.
- Exercise: I need to try to exercise at least 2x a week (if not more).
- Image: I've always wanted to dress with a little more style. This is my year to do a little bit of shopping - to buy clothes that flatter and fit. I will always be most comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt, but as I start to eat better and exercise more, I know from experience that I will feel more confident, and I want to look it. I can't go nuts; my debt-reduction plan needs to stay in place - but I need to give myself permission to look nice. And I needed a new haircut. Which I got today. (And I feel fabulous.) :)
5) I want to read and study more. (Leadership books and stories.)
6) I want to write more. And maybe finally take the risk and see if I can sell it.
7) I want to go deeper with Jesus, and fall more in love with Him than I have ever been.
- Listen. Pray. Fast. Wait. Worship.
- Dwell in the shelter of the Most High.
- Walk into my calling.
- Live with purpose. Live with joy.
So that's the new reality; at least, it's what I'm hoping for this year. I don't know when/how/what it will all look like - but because He is with me on this journey, I know it's going to be full of adventure and fun and learning and grace, and an experience far greater than anything I can imagine now.
Please feel free to check in with me from time to time, and ask me how it's going. And go read the book. You won't regret it. :)
Happy New Year, friends. Be blessed.
Showing posts with label simple felicity: living in the moment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: living in the moment. Show all posts
it's fine
every now and again, God speaks when we are not expecting it, and i'm finding that those moments in which He "interrupts" me - mid-sentence, mid-activity, mid-prayer, mid-life - are some of the sweetest, most ordinary moments of profound depth for which i could ever ask (if i ever remembered to actually ask for them).
it isn't that i'm not trying to listen. but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing. sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say. to answer a question I've asked. to speak into a situation i want resolved. instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.
and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.
i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met. (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.) i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:
"...that everything is fine like it is..."
i burst into tears. the good kind. the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes. i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."
everything is fine like it is. i don't have to change anything. i don't have to control it. i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused. i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy. everything is fine the way it is.
i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term. i am forgiven. blessed. cared for. i have rich friendships that i treasure. rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth. what He says about me is my definition. there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days). i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack. i am truly and amazingly blessed.
any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow. it is nothing of substance. not really.
everything is fine like it is.
and i am blessed.
it isn't that i'm not trying to listen. but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing. sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say. to answer a question I've asked. to speak into a situation i want resolved. instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.
and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.
i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met. (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.) i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:
"...that everything is fine like it is..."
i burst into tears. the good kind. the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes. i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."
everything is fine like it is. i don't have to change anything. i don't have to control it. i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused. i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy. everything is fine the way it is.
i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term. i am forgiven. blessed. cared for. i have rich friendships that i treasure. rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth. what He says about me is my definition. there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days). i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack. i am truly and amazingly blessed.
any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow. it is nothing of substance. not really.
everything is fine like it is.
and i am blessed.
lenten journeys: grace
It never ceases to amaze me how different my experience of Lent is from year to year. Last year's journey was very definitely about stewardship, discipline and self-control. This year? This year seems to be mostly about grace.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
It's everywhere.
One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.
I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.
But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.
I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.
But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.
You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.
Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.
But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.
So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.
random ramblings, vol. 5
it's been over a year since my last post to the random ramblings series, so here you go: random ramblings, in no particular order of importance (if any).
1) did you know chaos is actually orderly? i'm pretty sure it's true. i read part of an entire book about it for my AP Calculus class in high school. and no, i can't recall a single time i've ever used anything else i learned in AP Calculus. (actually I can't recall much of anything else i learned in that class, either.) but i did retain that random fact, and one other: cauliflower is self-similar. if you don't believe me, go look at a head of cauliflower. every little piece of the cauliflower looks like a miniature version of the larger head of cauliflower.
i am pretty sure i've remembered this mostly because cauliflower is such a cool word. and i have a vague recollection of actually writing an entire philosophy of ministry paper using the self-similarity of cauliflower as a major introductory illustration. i don't remember what i argued or why, but i remember doing it.... if i ever find the paper, i may revisit this random rambling. :)
2) those of you who have been reading my blog for some time will be happy (i hope!) to note that (drum roll, please...): there is no longer a single (basket/ container/ drawer/ bag/ box/ what-have-you) of junk mail anywhere in my flat. (insert cheering noises here.) this has, unfortunately, had a negative impact on my kitchen table. but being as how i have people over every now and again, the pile tends to be eradicated at least once every two weeks, which, as you know, is a drastic improvement over times past. it's the little things in life... :)
3) i am sorry to report that i am once again not making coffee in the mornings. :( i love coffee. i love it dearly. but even decaf is not sitting well these days. sadness. (sniff) but yay for Mayan Chocolate Tea.
4) i am reading a book entitled Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership (How To Become An Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures) by Gary L. McIntosh and Samuel D. Rima. (i'm reading it for a book-club-ish type small group.) it's actually not quite as gloom and doom as I feared from the title; lots of very interesting case studies.
but i'm about 3/4 of the way thru, and in the section you might consider "practical application," the authors are discussing the process by which you actually begin to deal with the darker side of your personality. they've gone to great lengths to explain that having a dark side is normal, and that it's just part of being human. now they're trying to take the edge off the fact that actually dealing with it can be (especially when you're starting out) a long and daunting, time-consuming, tough, emotional process - by explaining what the process doesn't entail.
And I quote:
the process does not require you to "utter cathartic screams of inner cleansing."
what does it say that I read that and felt disappointed? lol.
personally, i think sometimes all you need is one great big long cathartic scream of inner cleansing. it may not actually fix anything, but it IS actually somewhat cathartic. (read - it makes you feel better.) ;)
5) i have 22 lbs of apples in my kitchen, just waiting to be made into pies and applesauce. YUM.
6) my third annual road trip with Jesus was awesome. and it was in August. i am sorry i did not take pictures this year, but i will still try to write about it a bit - hopefully this weekend. :)
7) i sat in a chair at a local coffee shop tonight that was labelled (by my friend) as "an epic fail." who knew chairs could fail epically? but this one did. it looked like it was going to be an amazingly comfortable leather chair. the sort you just sink into and don't want to get out of. ever.
it wasn't.
reconciling with Oswald
My Utmost for His Highest.
I started reading it when I was in college, but found I disliked it, rather intensely. There was truth in it, but I felt so judged. So short of the mark. So I put it back on the shelf, where it collected dust, until finally I admitted to myself that I was only keeping it because it was reportedly part of any well-read Christian's library. I "wasn't ever going to read it" - so I gave it away, probably to Goodwill - maybe to a friend who wanted it - I have no idea. Either way, it's gone now.
And I'm finally, years later, a little bit sorry.
I listened to an audiobook this spring - David McCasland's Abandoned to God - a biography of Oswald Chambers. I have no idea what on earth possessed me to download it. Likely it was more that Someone in heaven prompted me to do it. It is one of the best books I have ever heard, and I am looking forward to someday owning a print copy to mark up. As the story neared the end, I found myself hoping that Oswald would not die, even though I knew he would. I was sad to come to the end of the book - it felt like losing a dear friend. I think I will likely listen to it again this summer - it was that good.
Oswald and I would have been friends, I think. He had a passion for seeing the arts restored to the church. He loved nothing better than long walks in the country and the company of good friends, talking about the Lord and His great love for us. He wrote some pretty amazing letters. He was funny. He loved music. He loved to travel. He learned to trust God through some very tight financial times. And he exercised his faith. Feeling undeniably called to it, Oswald and his wife once rented an enormous house to serve as a school - before they ever had a single student or a stick of furniture to put in it. Eventually, the Chambers and several of their students would serve overseas as missionaries in Egypt during the war. Oswald died there, of complications from appendicitis - and his wife, who had transcribed almost every message he had ever taught, devoted much of the rest of her life to publishing them. My Utmost for His Highest is actually a collection of short summaries from hour-long messages he preached to soldiers camped in Egypt. Knowing that, and knowing more of the adventurous, kind spirit behind the words, makes me want to read it again - for now I know that the man who spoke those words would never have spoken condemnation into anyone's life.
Oswald and his wife lived their life together by a very simple mission statement: "Trust God, and do the next thing." They dreamed often of what could be - prayed over those dreams, and asked the Lord for direction - but at the end of the day, even when they were certain of what God was calling them to (and when they were not), they left the future in His hands, and simply did what they knew was in front of them to do for that day. This seems to me to be a very wise way to live one's life.
My pastor told me recently that over the past few months he's watched me let go of what seemed at one time to be an almost desperate desire to know the "destination" (where are You calling me, God? and what am I supposed to do with my life?!) in favor of embracing the journey - the life lessons and joys of the here and now. It made me glad to see that what God began working in my life last fall was actually visible to someone else. I still have a lot of hopes and dreams for the future - many of which seem ridiculously unattainable - but I am less concerned than I used to be with how I will get there, or when, or even if - and much more concerned with living this life I've been given well. I do not always succeed at it; I have a remarkable gift for mucking things up sometimes. But I find myself more watchful for what today holds than I used to be. And it is good.
So today? Laundry. Dishes. Picking up a little. Going for a good long bike ride this afternoon. Cooking. Reading. Being at rest. And getting some stuff done for Torch tomorrow. It's our last week of a nine week sermon series, the staging for which involved a great many live plants, which I have been schlepping back and forth weekly. I am giving most of them away to any home that will take them, and looking forward to getting my windowsill back. It's the little things in life.... ;)
one thing i ask
"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple." - Psalm 27:4
I left home last Sunday with my Bible, a journal, a sleeping bag, a tent, a suitcase, a bunch of non-perishable groceries, and an atlas. Plus the usual number of books I would not actually read. (You would think I would learn from these experiences, but no... you see, I might have time to read that one, and I need this one, just in case... etc. You never know...)
Milwaukee was the first minor adventure of the trip - as a person with no internal sense of direction (as in, if you say words like "north" and "east," my brain freezes up and I just get stupid for a second), I was less than thrilled when the signs saying things like "interstate closed ahead" and "detour" began appearing. But somehow I managed to actually follow the signs and ended up, having driven through several small Wisconsin towns that I may otherwise have never seen, back on the interstate. Kept driving for a bit, and eventually, around dinnertime, pulled off at a rest stop somewhere in the Black Hills of Wisconsin that promised a "scenic overlook." (Sidenote: If you are driving along and see a sign that says "scenic overlook," I would highly recommend pulling over and checking it out. Unless, perhaps, you are in South Dakota...)
The rest stop itself was fairly nice, and I found a picnic table in the sun and had dinner. Then I wandered off towards the part of the little park that I thought might be the overlook (as it wasn't really evident at first glance what one was supposed to be looking over). What I found was a trail, and it led up through the woods for quite a ways. I thought a couple of times about turning around and going back, but I pressed on and finally, after a bit, I came around a corner and found this lovely little spot.
This deck became, for a few moments, incredibly holy ground. I sat on the bench at the far end of the platform, and just looked at the beauty of the hills for awhile - then got out my Bible and began to read. I read Psalm 27 out loud. Have you ever done that? Just read the Word out loud when you're all by yourself? There's just something about saying the words aloud, out in the middle of nowhere - I don't know how to explain what happened, other to say that this psalm, which has been a theme psalm for me for months now anyway, became a very personal prayer for the whole trip in that moment. I genuinely prayed the words of this song up there in the hills, telling God how much I wanted to be in His presence and to be aware that I was... asking Him to make a straight path for me as I traveled, to guide me in where to go and what to do... and as I prayed, this verse jumped out at me: "My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek." (Psalm 27:8) "God, I'm seeking You."
And His answer: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (v. 14). So many things I am waiting on Him for - but it is not a sitting around, doing nothing, sort of waiting - even when it looks (and sometimes feels) for all the world like it is... For these 5 days anyway, waiting on the Lord involved driving - and driving, and driving, and... - and seeking Him out. Letting go of my agenda, my plan, my idea of what the road should even be. Taking each moment as it came. Waiting to see what happened in the course of a day. And smiling.
I was struck so often, over the course of this trip, by a sudden realization that I was smiling. Just driving along. Grinning. I was happy. And I was aware that I was happy.
I'm not 100% sure why this surprised me, but it did. In a nice sort of way. The peace and ... quietness ... that filled my heart, especially over the first couple of days, was so needed, and so welcome. I actually succeeded in driving along, being happy, and not really thinking about much of anything. It was heavenly. Kind of like this view from that bench. :)
I left home last Sunday with my Bible, a journal, a sleeping bag, a tent, a suitcase, a bunch of non-perishable groceries, and an atlas. Plus the usual number of books I would not actually read. (You would think I would learn from these experiences, but no... you see, I might have time to read that one, and I need this one, just in case... etc. You never know...)
Milwaukee was the first minor adventure of the trip - as a person with no internal sense of direction (as in, if you say words like "north" and "east," my brain freezes up and I just get stupid for a second), I was less than thrilled when the signs saying things like "interstate closed ahead" and "detour" began appearing. But somehow I managed to actually follow the signs and ended up, having driven through several small Wisconsin towns that I may otherwise have never seen, back on the interstate. Kept driving for a bit, and eventually, around dinnertime, pulled off at a rest stop somewhere in the Black Hills of Wisconsin that promised a "scenic overlook." (Sidenote: If you are driving along and see a sign that says "scenic overlook," I would highly recommend pulling over and checking it out. Unless, perhaps, you are in South Dakota...)
The rest stop itself was fairly nice, and I found a picnic table in the sun and had dinner. Then I wandered off towards the part of the little park that I thought might be the overlook (as it wasn't really evident at first glance what one was supposed to be looking over). What I found was a trail, and it led up through the woods for quite a ways. I thought a couple of times about turning around and going back, but I pressed on and finally, after a bit, I came around a corner and found this lovely little spot.
This deck became, for a few moments, incredibly holy ground. I sat on the bench at the far end of the platform, and just looked at the beauty of the hills for awhile - then got out my Bible and began to read. I read Psalm 27 out loud. Have you ever done that? Just read the Word out loud when you're all by yourself? There's just something about saying the words aloud, out in the middle of nowhere - I don't know how to explain what happened, other to say that this psalm, which has been a theme psalm for me for months now anyway, became a very personal prayer for the whole trip in that moment. I genuinely prayed the words of this song up there in the hills, telling God how much I wanted to be in His presence and to be aware that I was... asking Him to make a straight path for me as I traveled, to guide me in where to go and what to do... and as I prayed, this verse jumped out at me: "My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek." (Psalm 27:8) "God, I'm seeking You."
And His answer: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (v. 14). So many things I am waiting on Him for - but it is not a sitting around, doing nothing, sort of waiting - even when it looks (and sometimes feels) for all the world like it is... For these 5 days anyway, waiting on the Lord involved driving - and driving, and driving, and... - and seeking Him out. Letting go of my agenda, my plan, my idea of what the road should even be. Taking each moment as it came. Waiting to see what happened in the course of a day. And smiling.
I was struck so often, over the course of this trip, by a sudden realization that I was smiling. Just driving along. Grinning. I was happy. And I was aware that I was happy.
I'm not 100% sure why this surprised me, but it did. In a nice sort of way. The peace and ... quietness ... that filled my heart, especially over the first couple of days, was so needed, and so welcome. I actually succeeded in driving along, being happy, and not really thinking about much of anything. It was heavenly. Kind of like this view from that bench. :)
better late than never...
My first syncroblog (and if I finish it before midnight and it actually makes it in, I'll be impressed, but better late than never, right?)! Glenn over at re-dreaming the dream suggested this one, and I like it - and I have time - so here we are. :)
The questions are:
1) How are you doing?
2) What are you doing?
3) What are you learning?
4) What are you dreaming about?
How am I doing?
Alright, I guess. It's been a relatively quiet couple of days, and that's been nice. I'm tired (this is nothing new) but I'm also staying up late blogging instead of going to sleep on time... having the ability to stay up and embrace my nightowl tendencies because I can rather than because there's tons of work looming over my head that must be done is really nice, and I'm enjoying it. I also got to go to Torch and just chill tonight - no responsibilities, just good hang out time with friends, and the chance to come and worship barefoot in the back of the room - a rare gift for worship leader, and one I treasure greatly when I get it. :)
What am I doing?
Staying up late, blogging... :) Eating tortilla chips. Unwinding at the end of a good day. Processing through some things - some of which are really good and some of which, well, I'd like to not be processing through them, but there it is, and I'll learn from it, so... :P
Life in general: working a lot, but i love my job in the summer, so it's mostly cool. thinking about maybe getting around to cleaning out that last box of junkmail. organizing things for Torch. leading worship a lot... got to be in the band for a women's retreat this weekend, and it was really, really fun. NOT studying. YAY!!! Catching up on my reading - for fun.
What am I learning?
How to hear His voice clearly. How to be still and wait. How to trust. The beauty to be found in brokenness and humility. How to truly love someone. How to truly love God. Confidence. The truth of God's amazing love for me. How many lies I've believed for too long - and God's truth over and against them. To value His truth above all else. A love for His Word. This could go on forever... (the list, and the things on it...)
A lot of lessons I've learned before. But kind of like algebra, there always seems to be a new level, or a new kind of something that replaces it- new things to learn based on the things from the first lesson. I'm getting it. Slowly but surely. Better late than never, right?
What am I dreaming about?
Honestly? Someday. The Someday when everything is better. The Someday when the lion and the lamb truly do lay down and sleep in the same meadow. The Someday when all is restored to what it was meant to be.... There are microcosmic levels on which I am dreaming about that... but I want the Big Someday, too - the day when Jesus has come back and reigns on the earth, and everything has gotten all sorted out.
On a much more personal level- I am dreaming about another Someday - the Someday when God has finally sorted me out - and I know who I am and how I'm wired, and I'm doing exactly whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing....
lol... look at that. 10 minutes to spare. I could have said so much more...
The questions are:
1) How are you doing?
2) What are you doing?
3) What are you learning?
4) What are you dreaming about?
How am I doing?
Alright, I guess. It's been a relatively quiet couple of days, and that's been nice. I'm tired (this is nothing new) but I'm also staying up late blogging instead of going to sleep on time... having the ability to stay up and embrace my nightowl tendencies because I can rather than because there's tons of work looming over my head that must be done is really nice, and I'm enjoying it. I also got to go to Torch and just chill tonight - no responsibilities, just good hang out time with friends, and the chance to come and worship barefoot in the back of the room - a rare gift for worship leader, and one I treasure greatly when I get it. :)
What am I doing?
Staying up late, blogging... :) Eating tortilla chips. Unwinding at the end of a good day. Processing through some things - some of which are really good and some of which, well, I'd like to not be processing through them, but there it is, and I'll learn from it, so... :P
Life in general: working a lot, but i love my job in the summer, so it's mostly cool. thinking about maybe getting around to cleaning out that last box of junkmail. organizing things for Torch. leading worship a lot... got to be in the band for a women's retreat this weekend, and it was really, really fun. NOT studying. YAY!!! Catching up on my reading - for fun.
What am I learning?
How to hear His voice clearly. How to be still and wait. How to trust. The beauty to be found in brokenness and humility. How to truly love someone. How to truly love God. Confidence. The truth of God's amazing love for me. How many lies I've believed for too long - and God's truth over and against them. To value His truth above all else. A love for His Word. This could go on forever... (the list, and the things on it...)
A lot of lessons I've learned before. But kind of like algebra, there always seems to be a new level, or a new kind of something that replaces it- new things to learn based on the things from the first lesson. I'm getting it. Slowly but surely. Better late than never, right?
What am I dreaming about?
Honestly? Someday. The Someday when everything is better. The Someday when the lion and the lamb truly do lay down and sleep in the same meadow. The Someday when all is restored to what it was meant to be.... There are microcosmic levels on which I am dreaming about that... but I want the Big Someday, too - the day when Jesus has come back and reigns on the earth, and everything has gotten all sorted out.
On a much more personal level- I am dreaming about another Someday - the Someday when God has finally sorted me out - and I know who I am and how I'm wired, and I'm doing exactly whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing....
lol... look at that. 10 minutes to spare. I could have said so much more...
"i am SO sayin'... " : a bit of late night philosophy
Back in our college days (which are now further away than I care to admit), my friend Tim would randomly ask people (by way of conversation starter), "What's your philosophy of life?" I have no recollection whatsoever of my answer to that question at the time. His, upon return of the question, was almost inevitably "Run long, [something], and punt..." (note to self: ask him in next email...) And no, I have no idea what he meant by that.
I asked another friend that question once, and his answer was "No regrets." And when I asked him the follow-up question: "what do you want to do when you grow up?", his answer was (years later still) amazing: "I'm already doing it."
That's just cool, and I hope, Dan, that wherever you are, those answers are still true for you. Times have changed, and things did not go quite the way anyone envisioned them - and yet...
It's a philosophy of life worth taking into consideration, isn't it? I want to live with no regrets. I want to be doing now what I want to do someday - or actively working toward it, anyway.
There's a song I've heard quite a bit lately, and it has worked its way into my soul. It's by the wonderfully talented John Mayer, and goes a little something like this:
What would life be like, if we lived it with this sort of philosophy?
John Mayer Lyrics
I asked another friend that question once, and his answer was "No regrets." And when I asked him the follow-up question: "what do you want to do when you grow up?", his answer was (years later still) amazing: "I'm already doing it."
That's just cool, and I hope, Dan, that wherever you are, those answers are still true for you. Times have changed, and things did not go quite the way anyone envisioned them - and yet...
It's a philosophy of life worth taking into consideration, isn't it? I want to live with no regrets. I want to be doing now what I want to do someday - or actively working toward it, anyway.
There's a song I've heard quite a bit lately, and it has worked its way into my soul. It's by the wonderfully talented John Mayer, and goes a little something like this:
What would life be like, if we lived it with this sort of philosophy?
John Mayer Lyrics
hymnsings and requiems
It was a great weekend.
Sorry for the longer silences of late and to come - between song-writing, spring weather, 3 months worth of homework crammed into 2 weeks (I have 2 papers and an exam to accomplish yet this week!), and the internal rumblings accompanying the next of the shifts that are always signified by these silences... anyway. I'll be back soon, I promise. (Maybe with an explanation!) Hoping for time for one good post on Friday for sure - but the rest of the week I'll probably be pretty much unaccounted for.
But it really was a great weekend. I took a road trip with Jesus to visit some friends, and it was so good... I got to go hear a concert last night that was really well done - Beethoven's Triple Concerto and Mozart's Requiem. Beautiful. Moving. As always, the sadness of the requiem got me thinking and tearing up about other things... somewhat appropriate, being funeral music, that I was able to just sit and mourn a loss or two in the darkness of an auditorium, but then I got turned heavenward by the more joyful ending of the piece, the company of one of my best friends, and God's Spirit just coming to comfort me.
And then I got to go to a church this morning with actual pews and stained glass windows (if you have one that you go to, just stop the next time you walk in and look around and appreciate its beauty for me, would you?!). They had a hymnsing before church - anyone could pick what hymn they wanted, and they did 2 verses. It was so cool... And then I got to sing more hymns, and participate in a liturgical service. I got to confess my sins and be reminded that I'm absolved of them. I got benedicted. :) And I got to hear one of my other best friends in the world preach for the first time in years - and he was always quite good, but he's even better now. And God really spoke to my heart through his sermon, so that was pretty sweet too.
The rest of the day was incredibly restful. Good chat with best friend in current hometown. "Spontaneous" (translation: incredibly strong hunch that turned out to be God's direction) trip to the bookstore for an excellent book. Walk in the forest preserve. Park bench with the new book. Vision meeting at church that was packed out (this was incredible) and meeting up with old friends I haven't seen in months. All in all, a good day, and a good weekend.
And definitely time to go sleep and gear up for the week. Blessings to you all, and I'll "see" you soon.
Sorry for the longer silences of late and to come - between song-writing, spring weather, 3 months worth of homework crammed into 2 weeks (I have 2 papers and an exam to accomplish yet this week!), and the internal rumblings accompanying the next of the shifts that are always signified by these silences... anyway. I'll be back soon, I promise. (Maybe with an explanation!) Hoping for time for one good post on Friday for sure - but the rest of the week I'll probably be pretty much unaccounted for.
But it really was a great weekend. I took a road trip with Jesus to visit some friends, and it was so good... I got to go hear a concert last night that was really well done - Beethoven's Triple Concerto and Mozart's Requiem. Beautiful. Moving. As always, the sadness of the requiem got me thinking and tearing up about other things... somewhat appropriate, being funeral music, that I was able to just sit and mourn a loss or two in the darkness of an auditorium, but then I got turned heavenward by the more joyful ending of the piece, the company of one of my best friends, and God's Spirit just coming to comfort me.
And then I got to go to a church this morning with actual pews and stained glass windows (if you have one that you go to, just stop the next time you walk in and look around and appreciate its beauty for me, would you?!). They had a hymnsing before church - anyone could pick what hymn they wanted, and they did 2 verses. It was so cool... And then I got to sing more hymns, and participate in a liturgical service. I got to confess my sins and be reminded that I'm absolved of them. I got benedicted. :) And I got to hear one of my other best friends in the world preach for the first time in years - and he was always quite good, but he's even better now. And God really spoke to my heart through his sermon, so that was pretty sweet too.
The rest of the day was incredibly restful. Good chat with best friend in current hometown. "Spontaneous" (translation: incredibly strong hunch that turned out to be God's direction) trip to the bookstore for an excellent book. Walk in the forest preserve. Park bench with the new book. Vision meeting at church that was packed out (this was incredible) and meeting up with old friends I haven't seen in months. All in all, a good day, and a good weekend.
And definitely time to go sleep and gear up for the week. Blessings to you all, and I'll "see" you soon.
presence
sweet Jesus, thank You
for the gift of Your Presence
for being Emmanuel
for being with us
in this moment of fear and bewildered distress
when nothing makes sense and my heart longs to break because
then, at least, all of this tension would cease...
You are present
and that is a gift
sweet Jesus, thank You
for being so good
for being so faithful
and being so true
in this moment of hurt and betrayal and madness
You are the one who speaks peace
to this sadness and joy
will come - maybe this morning? - but definitely one of these days
in Your presence
and that is a gift
sweet Jesus, thank You
for not promising things
would be easy
but for promising You would be in them
I love You, God
and I will follow You
i will follow
for the gift of Your Presence
for being Emmanuel
for being with us
in this moment of fear and bewildered distress
when nothing makes sense and my heart longs to break because
then, at least, all of this tension would cease...
You are present
and that is a gift
sweet Jesus, thank You
for being so good
for being so faithful
and being so true
in this moment of hurt and betrayal and madness
You are the one who speaks peace
to this sadness and joy
will come - maybe this morning? - but definitely one of these days
in Your presence
and that is a gift
sweet Jesus, thank You
for not promising things
would be easy
but for promising You would be in them
I love You, God
and I will follow You
i will follow
exchanging glances
Eye contact is a weird thing, have you ever noticed that? Cool, but weird. You can say so much just by looking at someone... you can also read a lot, just by making eye contact.
I've had three rather interesting encounters over the past few weeks. A couple weeks ago I was in a department store shopping for Christmas things for Sacred Space, and an old lady was sitting in an armchair next to the aisle I was walking down. I met her eyes and smiled, thinking to myself, how nice that she feels comfortable doing that in this store. it's pretty crowded... i'll bet she's tired and needed that chair. i wonder if she's waiting for someone to finish their shopping? and so I smiled, thinking to share a little Christmas cheer in the midst of this crowded store... and she glared at me and muttered something. I kept walking, and it took me a minute to work out what she'd said. "I don't need your looks, missy."
She thought I felt sorry for her. How sad that a little bit of compassion would make her angry...
The other day I was in the restroom at a mall, and another old lady came in, muttering under her breath, something about the train, and the detectives not doing a thing. I looked at her reflection in the mirror, but she did not meet my eyes. She looked down and kept muttering, louder and louder, and by the time I left the restroom she was shouting about the courts and the unfairness of it all. She wasn't homeless. Or if she was, she'd found some very nice clothes somewhere. Nicer than mine for sure. She didn't meet my eyes at all - and her grip on reality seemed less than strong...
Today I was sitting in a restaurant, having a bowl of chicken noodle soup and writing an email to someone I care about, and I must have had "That Smile" on my face. You know the one.... the secret, "I'm really happy about something, and it's just nice" smile. People who are falling in love have That Smile. People who just got a really great present have That Smile. And people who just heard God's Word and it's changed them... they have That Smile. There are all kinds of moments in life that cause That Smile, and I was smiling - and I looked up, and an old man was walking past my table. Our eyes met. He grinned, and walked on.
It was a good moment. :)
I've had three rather interesting encounters over the past few weeks. A couple weeks ago I was in a department store shopping for Christmas things for Sacred Space, and an old lady was sitting in an armchair next to the aisle I was walking down. I met her eyes and smiled, thinking to myself, how nice that she feels comfortable doing that in this store. it's pretty crowded... i'll bet she's tired and needed that chair. i wonder if she's waiting for someone to finish their shopping? and so I smiled, thinking to share a little Christmas cheer in the midst of this crowded store... and she glared at me and muttered something. I kept walking, and it took me a minute to work out what she'd said. "I don't need your looks, missy."
She thought I felt sorry for her. How sad that a little bit of compassion would make her angry...
The other day I was in the restroom at a mall, and another old lady came in, muttering under her breath, something about the train, and the detectives not doing a thing. I looked at her reflection in the mirror, but she did not meet my eyes. She looked down and kept muttering, louder and louder, and by the time I left the restroom she was shouting about the courts and the unfairness of it all. She wasn't homeless. Or if she was, she'd found some very nice clothes somewhere. Nicer than mine for sure. She didn't meet my eyes at all - and her grip on reality seemed less than strong...
Today I was sitting in a restaurant, having a bowl of chicken noodle soup and writing an email to someone I care about, and I must have had "That Smile" on my face. You know the one.... the secret, "I'm really happy about something, and it's just nice" smile. People who are falling in love have That Smile. People who just got a really great present have That Smile. And people who just heard God's Word and it's changed them... they have That Smile. There are all kinds of moments in life that cause That Smile, and I was smiling - and I looked up, and an old man was walking past my table. Our eyes met. He grinned, and walked on.
It was a good moment. :)
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