with a little bit of sheepishness...

So around 2:30am on Saturday, I was still up, watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, until I realized what time it was, and thought, "what am I doing?!" As I was praying before falling asleep, I believe God said something rather specific. I wrote it down in my journal, and labeled it "A Bit of Mentalness."

I want it to be true. I want to believe God said what I thought He said. Yet it seems so... improbable, if not impossible.

But there it is.

And then there's this:

As I was praying on Saturday, and again on Sunday, while walking into church to lead worship this weekend, God told me very specifically that I was going to break a guitar string at the end of the last song during the last service. And sure enough...

All I could do at that point was just grin, and finish the last few bars of the song.

And He whispered to my heart: "Hap... My sheep know My voice."

So time will tell... but I'm hanging on to Psalm 27:14 with a relatively ludicrous amount of joy and looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings. I think the next three months are going to be a lot of fun. A friend of mine reminded me last night of something I wrote on his magnetic wall a few months ago: "a merry season is near, though to get there the way may not always be easy. believe it." (hey, you do what you can with refrigerator magnets.)

looking forward to... well, Christmas. :) (and now i want peppermint pie.... sigh ... 9 more months. i can wait. really.)


jON said...

it's a very peculiar phenomenon isn't it? learning that you can "hear" god speak right to you like that. hard to put into actual words. and hard to get feedback on since most people don't really know what you're talking about. maybe in concept. but not much firsthand.

learning to believe that you indeed can hear god speak, and he wants to speak to you right now in present day time and space. THE god. the most high god. it boggles the mind, and it does always leave you wondering, "what if that's the wrong spirit?"

most of the time, in my experience, when you have a moment like the one you just had, the enemy is the one trying to plant the idea to NOT listen to that particular spirit... :-)

you can hear. and you can know. trust me.

or rather, trust him.

Happy said...

Jon - i've been thinking about what you've said off and on for most of the day. there's a sense in which i cannot imagine what it could possibly be like to have a relationship with God in which there *wasn't* two-way conversation. i talk to Him all the time, and He's always answered - sometimes with silence, mind you, but i've generally been aware that the absence of word in the moment was from Him.... i've talked to Him about everything since before i was a Christian, i think - probably not as consistently as i do now, but still it was there... and in the little things, i sometimes laugh that God would be concerned with details as small as whether or not i need a glass of water (as a result of having too much coffee) - but there are times when things like that are the topic of conversation.

but it's the "bigger" stuff - (to us, anyway) that i wonder about. why would God say "this" to "me"? who am i to know that? why do i need to? was that really You, God?

and yes, there really are times when i can tell it's just the enemy messing with my head, causing me to question... and in so many ways, it feels like this is one of those occasions, but i'm back to that whole stained-glass window thing, and the weird greens and yellows...

*sigh* if that makes ANY sense.

i spent some time praying with some friends tonight, and God's presence was SO ... present. It was really sweet. And then came doubt and fear and bewilderment all at once, almost suffocating in their strength and while I held on to truth and the moment passed, I was left wondering... how can I be so sure one moment and so unsure the next?

I do trust Him. I do... but I trust Him as much to let me fall flat on my face and get majorly comeupanced as I trust Him to speak to me...

but maybe the real trouble is I am always trying to sort this stuff out around midnight... :P

anyway. Thanks for the encouragement. :) It IS mind-boggling that the God of the universe would speak to us at all... and I suppose it really isn't at all an issue to Him whether we "get it right" or "hear right" or not - the point is to be in relationship and to be more like Him, not to follow a specific roadmap quite as much, I guess...

tho why He says anything about the roadmap...? Questions not worth asking, I guess. He's God. And I want to sit at His feet and listen with all my might, and with all my heart, regardless of what He does or doesn't SAY - just because of who He is... which, interestingly enough, includes the fact that He is the God who speaks... all of creation into existence, as a matter of fact...

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." - Isaiah 26:3-4

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." - Psalm 27:13-14


faintnot said...

Sometimes, every once in a special while, my relationship with the Lord is silent. And it is not about Him not giving me an answer at the moment or anything like that...it is more comfortable than that, like two friends or lovers walking along the beach, comfotable to not speak but to just take in the view and feel the sun and salt air on our skin. Somewhere along the way a conversation may pick up or may not but we consider it time well spent...O to be comfortable being with Him in the silence, I long for that all the time.