Book Review: Sabbath by Dan B. Allender

How do you review a book that literally changed your life?

Dan B. Allender's book on Sabbath explores the Biblical mandate for Sabbath-keeping by looking at the biblical text themselves, exploring some of the history around how God's people have traditionally and creatively celebrated the Sabbath over time, and sharing his own experience with the discipline/joy of keeping the Sabbath.  His mission from the very beginning of the book is to dispel both the rule-bound, legalistic perspective and the laissez-faire, "oh-that's-just-the-Old-Covenant" perspective on the Fourth Commandment, and to transform them into a new, joyful anticipation of what the Jews have long referred to as "the Queen of days."  (And he succeeded.)

I was encouraged by literally every chapter in the book to rethink my perspective on Sabbath, and to see it not just as a day of rest in which I do absolutely nothing except whatever I feel like doing or as a day off to catch up on housework and run errands, but as a day during which God's kingdom come and coming can and should be experienced more fully.  I've taken Allender up on a number of his challenges over the past few months:  I've taken a walk with an "enemy" - I've stopped completely retreating from the world and begun to invite people over for dinner - and I've started to plan a little more carefully for the day.  Sabbath is no longer just a stopping place at the end of a long week for me, but a deliberate pause in which to celebrate with Him and spend quality time in His word and with His people, enjoying creation, freedom, and time - and looking forward to eternity.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who's willing to have their life - and perspective - rocked a bit.  My response to this book was to literally change the way I structure my time - and it's been an incredibly life-giving change.

Disclosure in agreement with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising":  I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program.  I was not required to write a positive review.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.

true greatness, part 2

maybe this says it better:

in the presence of true greatness

I'm not sure what I expected.  The words "Global Leadership Summit" were slightly intimidating.  I knew I'd hear a lot of "successful business/ministry" advice.  I knew I'd glean a lot of wisdom from people smarter than I am.  And I did, and it was awesome, and I have a lot to process from many of the sessions.

But there was one session I will never forget.

Mama Maggie Gobran took the stage during the first session Friday morning.  She was introduced by a well-done and brief documentary that explained who she was and what she does - I'm not sure you can see it anywhere, but you can learn about her work in this article or visit her website - Stephen's Children.  People began clapping as she took the stage -  but then, they didn't stop.

She was given a standing ovation before she even said a word.

It was mind-blowing and overwhelming.  I knew within moments that I was standing in the presence of true greatness.  It resonated within my spirit: this is a woman who knows and loves God, and serves Him with real humility.

Mama Maggie has been serving the poorest of the poor in Cairo for over 20 years.   Day after day, she walks the streets and garbage dumps of the city, seeking out children who need someone to look after them.  She gives them so much more than food and clothing - she gives them love, dignity, and hope.

She has poured her entire life - her time, her resources, everything -  into caring for the poor.  It is a difficult calling, but in spite of the hardship, she would not trade it.  And the secret to finding the strength to face all the heartbreak that she faces every day, and to keep on, in the hardest times, doing all that she can to make a difference?  "The secret is silence," she said.  "Silence your body to listen to your words.  Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts.  Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating.  Silence your heart to listen to your spirit.  Silence your spirit to listen to His Spirit."

She began her message with words from Mary's Magnificat - "He has done great things for me" - and her attitude was so authentically that of Mary's.  Who am I that He would call me?  I am the least of all women.  But He has called, and so I say yes...

Really, words can't convey what it was like, watching Mama Maggie deliver her message so humbly and so quietly.  But the point hit home.  You can't do what you're called to do unless you are as deeply in God as the salt is in the ocean.  You need to dissolve.  And the power and the strength that you find when you do is amazing.  Lose everything.  On purpose.  And you will find Him.  It isn't easy, she confessed.  But it is worth it.

Even now, trying and failing miserably to communicate the awesomeness of what I know was a life-transforming experience (tho where it will lead, I don't know!), I am close to tears (again).  Simply being in the presence of someone who doesn't just believe the gospel, but lives it out was incredibly humbling. Please hear me that I am not berating myself for falling so short, but the truth is, I am.  I can be so selfish and stupid, and to be near someone who was once like me - someone who loved nice clothes and traveling to Europe and all the privileges of social status - but who gave them up and found something of far more substance and value in serving others- was convicting.  I'm not going to sell everything I own and move to Cairo - but there's a piece of me that wants to.  ;)

I know, tho, that God is writing my story differently - at least for now - and if nothing else, hearing Mama Maggie speak has sparked in me an even deeper longing to know and be known by the God who loves all He created, and to a desire to seek more intentionally after the things He would have me do with my time daily, rather than living so much on my own agenda.  Who knows what opportunities I may find to share the love of Christ, if I would only pay a little more attention, and take a little more time to listen for His voice?

I spent time yesterday in the presence of true greatness: a woman after His own heart, who would not allow a standing ovation to go to her head.  Instead, it brought her to her knees.  God grant that I may be that kind of woman someday.

Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me.  Teach me this kind of humility; create it in me.  Amen.

a relatively shameless plug for Women of Faith

I'm super-excited to say that through Thomas Nelson's awesome BookSneeze blogging program, I've been given two free tickets to the Women of Faith conference in Milwaukee at the end of September.  I can hardly wait!  I've only been to a couple of their events, but I loved both of them, and I'm really looking forward to a couple of days away to listen and to pray and to worship with thousands of other women - including my good friend Mackenzie, who is going with my other ticket.  ;)

If you're a girl, and live anywhere near one of the cities Women of Faith is coming this year, I'd highly recommend it.  Here's a little picture of what you can expect:

random ramblings, vol. 10

I'm cleaning my house tonight.  (Can you tell?)  lol.  Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities, particularly for hours on end (which is what truly cleaning my apartment would entail at this point) - so while I'm procrastinating (something I'm quite talented at doing), here are seven more random ramblings from Happyland:

1)  I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group).  I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches.  I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though.   I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is.  I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves.  So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see?  What are the major themes in my life?  What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)?  I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging),  I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).

2)  My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic.  (surprise, surprise)  In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:

Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer


3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is."  I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done.  It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow.  I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be.  I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later.  Sigh.  But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide.  She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.

4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox.  ;)  There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day.  I read a good book.  I spent time outside.  I listened to great music.  I was at peace.

I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping.  I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it.  I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization).  I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes.  I cooked dinner.  I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry.  I also checked my email and did some work for church.

Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath.  And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour.  But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today.  And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun.  :)

5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud.  I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book.  It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons.  Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes.  Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones.   I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time.  I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely.  It was a good season, those five years it lasted.  I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me.  But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back.  Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears.  We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.

6)  That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia.  I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type.  Whatever happened to them?

7)  My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty.  I am reading it slowly, and taking notes.  It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up.  Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend.  I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are.  :)

Wilderness Adventures of 2011

Not that we should be surprised by this, but Happy's "wilderness adventures" are continuing in 2011.  Almost all of you are aware by now of the epic bison encounter.  (If you missed that one, you can read about it here.)  

The bison incident was only one in a long line of wildlife encounters over the years.  I freaked out a peacock once.  In a forest preserve in Michigan.  (Do peacocks even live in Michigan?)  I've met several deer in the middle of trails who have shown no indication that they planned to move.  (They didn't.  I turned around and found an alternate route.)  There was that moose in Colorado....  And I've been chased by what may or may not have been wild turkeys.  Upon telling the story later, it appears they might have been emus.  (Regardless, I would advise against making gobbling sounds at any bird in the wild.  Just in case.)

Recently, in my suburban neighborhood, I've seen a weasel, a skunk the size of a large housecat, and several of a variety of waterfowl. (No, I have not actually ENCOUNTERED any of them. Yet.)  But today, biking through gloriously wooded beauty in the middle of nowhere, I was run off the trail, not by a deer, nor a snake, nor a skunk, nor any other likely candidate - but by a fire truck.

What were the odds?!

it's fine

every now and again, God speaks when we are not expecting it, and i'm finding that those moments in which He "interrupts" me - mid-sentence, mid-activity, mid-prayer, mid-life -  are some of the sweetest, most ordinary moments of profound depth for which i could ever ask (if i ever remembered to actually ask for them).

it isn't that i'm not trying to listen.  but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing.  sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say.  to answer a question I've asked.  to speak into a situation i want resolved.  instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.

and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.

i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met.  (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.)  i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:

"...that everything is fine like it is..."

i burst into tears.  the good kind.  the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes.  i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."

everything is fine like it is.  i don't have to change anything.  i don't have to control it.  i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused.  i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy.     everything is fine the way it is.

i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term.  i am forgiven.  blessed.  cared for.  i have rich friendships that i treasure.  rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth.  what He says about me is my definition.  there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days).  i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack.  i am truly and amazingly blessed.

any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow.  it is nothing of substance.  not really.

everything is fine like it is.

and i am blessed.

this season

every year on the first of the year, i take some time to get quiet and listen, to read the Word and pray over my coming year, and ask God what He wants to do in it.  i try not to have an agenda - not to spend too much time telling Him what i want out of the year - tho we do talk about that, too - but to really listen.  and then i journal about it, so i will remember.  


today i was reading through that journal and found this, for 2011:


-------------


"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."
 - Ecclesiastes 3:1


as i read through the verses following this one today, i found myself picking out the times and seasons I'm hoping for this year:

a time to be born.  a time to plant.  a time to heal.  a time to build.  a time to laugh.  a time to dance.  (i'm not so sure about the whole stones thing...)  a time to embrace.  a time to search.  a time to keep.  a time to mend.  a time to speak.  a time to love.  a time for peace.

i know we can't pick our seasons.  they come to us as God wills them, and we learn and we grow through all of them.  but so much of the past two years have been so hard, even in their goodness, and i would so just love a year of Jubilee.  a year when debts are cancelled and work is less intense and joy and celebration abound.  it would be such a gift.

....



Isaiah 61:
there are so many things in this chapter that resonate with my spirit and give me hope.

the Year of the Lord's favor brings: healing for broken hearts, freedom, release from darkness, vengeance we don't have to take (because God handles it), God's favor, comfort, beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair.  we go on display, showing God's splendor.  things long ruined are repaired.  devastation is reversed.  we see and experience His faithfulness.  we are saved.  good things grow.

it is a beautiful season.  and i think it is what You are promising me this year.

and so my word for this year is HOPE.

God, You know all the things I am hoping for.


-------------


He does.  


it hasn't been QUITE the Year of Jubilee i'd hoped for thus far - but there have been amazing moments in it.  new friendships.  amazing conversations with some awesome women of God. bursts of sunshine every now and again between cloudy days.  today i am counting my blessings - because sometimes we just need to.  it's that whole "remembering the deeds of the Lord" thing from Psalm 77 again.  the Israelites rehearsed the story of God's faithfulness SO many times - it's told over and over in the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms.  "He came and rescued us.  we walked across the sea on dry land, but Pharoah's army drowned beneath the waves.  the Lord saved us!"


if God can part the sea and make the sun stand still and raise His Son (and a handful of other people too!) from the dead - then He can do anything.  everything broken in this world can be set right, in time, somehow.


remembering that today gives me new hope, and makes me happy.  :)

random ramblings, vol. 9

it's late, but one mocha coconut frappuccino six hours ago might seem to be responsible for that.  (there are definitely drawbacks to living largely decaffeinated.)   which could have been item number one for this week's edition of random ramblings, but it isn't.  (you just get that pointer for free.)  ;)  so without further ado - MORE random ramblings:

1) i've lately become completely addicted to YA fiction.  there are some really good books out there right now.  if i ever have the privilege of having daughters, a book i read this week (which i am ashamed to say i almost didn't bring home because of the cover picture - it's a little scary) will be assigned reading during their teenage years.  written by a children's librarian (who are, btw, some of the most under-appreciated but most influential teachers of any child's life), this book is a MUST-READ for any girl junior-high or older AND their moms.  set in feudal times and dealing with the fantasy world of mermaids vs/and islanders, it subtly but powerfully deals with coming-of-age issues, managing peer pressure, the importance of character over popularity, and self-esteem.  all while creating an incredibly believable, historically accurate picture of the feudal system.  it was amazing.  and the cause of a very short night of sleep this week.  i've GOT to stop picking up new stories at night....

(like that's going to happen...)

2) Madeleine L'Engle is still my hero.  i'm reading Walking On Water this week, and again, learning so much from her about my faith, art, their interplay, and myself.  i cannot wait to spend countless hours in eternity talking with this amazing saint, and am so grateful to her for her transparency and wisdom in all her books, both fiction and non-fiction.  her writing and what i've learned from it is part of why i dare to write anything at all, ever.  i would have given so much for one meal with her at Crosswicks.  someday...

3) i am a horrible correspondent.  this is something with which i am slowly coming to terms.  i currently have at least EIGHT people who are waiting for long newsy letters.  (some of you are among them.)   they're coming, really.  REALLY.  it's just that i can't write shallow personal letters.  i suck at them.  (and it takes a lot of emotional energy - and time - to produce a non-shallow letter.)  so when it finally shows up in your inbox, brace yourself.  and schedule at least 1/2 an hour to read it.  :)  (and if you're not on that list and want one, please leave a comment with your email address.  i suggest using the so-and-so (at) such-and-such (dot) com methodology, to avoid spam from web-crawling whatnot.  i will add you to the list.)  ;)  For those of you who ARE on the list already - I promise, I haven't forgotten!!!

4) have i mentioned lately that i'm glad it's summer?  there are so many things i am grateful for with the advent of summer:
     - a slower pace of life (Thank You, JESUS!!!!)
     - sunshine  (why do i live in the mid-west again?  oh, right.  summer)
     - road-trips.  most notably to Michigan and BFFs in Indiana.  plus a variety of others.

5)  Sabbath.  on-going learning process.  on-going revelation.  on-going quest.  i began a new phase of it today.  one of the dimensions of Sabbath which i find to be sorely lacking but incredibly important to/in my life is the dimension of community.  the Sabbath was meant to be celebrated together.  and to that end, hospitality - which is one of my gifts, but one i do not engage enough - is something i need/want to amp up, especially on Saturdays (my current Sabbath day).  so, unto that end - i am investing in new dishes.  i know that might sound silly, but the truth of the matter is, a well-set table isn't snobbery to me - it's investment.  it's visible proof to my dinner guests that "i'm glad you're here."   i'm not going all-out right away - but once a month, i've given myself permission to ditch a few more pieces of the $2 dishes i once owned (but of which i have now succeeded in breaking the majority) in favor of slightly more pricey dinner dishes.  i bought 4 dinner plates today.  June's purchase will be 4 dessert plates.  July's: a 2-tier serving dish.  etc.  until i have beautiful place-settings and serving dishes for four.  (which is all my current table can seat - down the road, that will change, too, i hope!!!)  and in the meantime, i intend to (at least once a month) have people over for dinner.  which requires cleaning my apartment.  which is also on the task list for this weekend.  ;)

6)  i'm pretty sure that frappuccino is finally wearing off...   (yay!  just in time for Saturday....)  ;)

7)  if financial stewardship has EVER been something with which you've wrestled (or especially if it's something you wrestle with now), PLEASE: check out Andy Stanley's podcasts for "Balanced" - via Northpoint Ministries (dot) org.   (also available on iTunes).  Andy's wisdom is straight from the Lord and from His Word - and most definitely worth pursuing.

So there you have it.  Random Ramblings, vol. 9.  and on that note - good night!  :)

walking towards spring

Today was an incredible day.  Good friends, good stories, good food - beautiful weather (warm and sunny!) - a 15-mile trek thru a nature preserve on my bike, and a 2-mile walk.  I am rested for the first time in I'm not really sure how long.  And it feels amazing.  I can tell I am still not yet where I need/want to be - but a day off was a great step in the right direction.

It was a long, hard winter.  Juggling two jobs that hit busy seasons at the same time was no easy task, but the real truth is that in addition to that, there's just been a lot of "hard stuff".  Things I can't really talk about.  Things I can't do anything about.  Things that weren't my fault, but affected me deeply....

It's been a long, hard season, and I feel battered and bruised - and exhausted to the core.

But I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, who was sharing a little  about the metaphorical winter season she's been in - watching objectively as God has blessed her family amazingly, yet feeling very disconnected, and wanting to feel the joy she thought she should - and she said something incredibly profound.  It was something to the effect of: "I was looking out my window the other day, and there's this field that in the summer, you can't really see much of except for the trees, but right now, you can see everything.  And it occurred to me that this is what God is doing, even if I don't understand it right now.  We need these winter seasons in order to see anything clearly.  He's as much at work now as He is in any other season, and what He's doing will bear fruit later on."

Her words gave me so much peace and consolation, knowing that it's true: in the midst of all the sorrow and heartache of the past few months, God has been at work - and I don't know what He's doing, but I know that He's good and that He knows what He's doing.  I don't have to figure it all out.  I just have to stand still in the middle of this field that is my life and look around to see what's here, and where new life might spring into being any moment.

It can be hard to imagine in the winter of our souls that spring will ever come.  But I drove through vibrant green tunnels of trees over the roads near my house today, and realized that life has come back to the world around me suddenly, and enthusiastically, and that the same thing will happen to my soul, maybe when I least expect it.  And being at rest today, caring for my soul by feeding it with things that make me whole and happy,  I saw glimpses of the summer to come.  And it is going to be glorious.

So I will keep on walking towards spring, choosing to hope even when I feel completely hopeless - because I'm not.  My hope rests in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who designed all seasons, and is no stranger to the one I'm in.

And I will continue to rejoice in every single glorious, sunny day that comes my way.  :)

random ramblings, vol. 8

How is it possible that it's been a month since I've written anything?  I knew it had been awhile, but wow.  The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy - lots of demands on my time at work (and outside of work!), with very little down time that has corresponded with coherency.  But that season is almost over.  Three more weeks, and summer officially begins.  My days will still be full, but not quite so crazily paced, and I am grateful for the coming respite.  In the meantime, another edition of random ramblings:

1)  It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day.  Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing.  I like "Twice the Appeal."  Hoping he wins.  :)

2)  I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana.  It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup.  Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy.  Ah.....

3)  My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend.  Yay!

4)  I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight.  I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry.  I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.

5)  Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk.  There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration.  Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet.  The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks.  Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go.  But more on that in another post...

6)  I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously.  I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved.  I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down.  It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well.    It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.

7)  All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect.  I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories.  A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order.  It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to.  (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.)  Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered.  I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare.  For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been.   (Though both would have been awesome.)  ;)

waking up

It's been an incredible journey, writing a daily devotional.  They say it takes 21 days to form a habit...  I'm on Day 29, and wondering what on earth I will do will all my free time after Lent.  (j/k....mostly.)  ;)

Some of these evenings, tho, have turned into really sweet times of worship and study, and I wanted to share a glimpse into my quiet time tonight, simply because it was so powerful for me - and because I think it might encourage you.

The epistle reading for tomorrow is the beginning of Romans 8.  For the devotional study, I'm mostly using the new NIV translation, but every now and again, I like to look into other translations, because reading something that means the same thing but is phrased slightly differently can help me understand it a little more fully.  Tonight I turned to the Message paraphrase.  I actually started reading a little further back in Romans 7, and I love the imagery that Peterson uses to explain this crazy relationship between the now and the not yet of having victory over sin and death and yet struggling with it still on a daily basis.  And as I read, I was reminded of a song - and a video.

As the Creative Experience Director for my church, one of the most fun parts of my job is spending hours on the internet, looking for videos that will complement the worship service we're designing.  I believe that there are times when the creative artistry of music and video and poetry can express far more than mere words ever could, and every now and again, I come across a video that completely captures my attention, and to which I come back, again and again.  This is one of them.  It encourages us to put our hope in Christ - for it is He who has won the victory over sin and death - and in Him, that victory is ours as well.

Sometimes we just need to wake up enough to remember it.

So here's the Scripture: Romans 7:21-8:11 - and the video is below.  But seriously, start with the Scripture.  :)  And have an awesome few moments of worship!

Blessings,
Hap

lenten journeys: grace

It never ceases to amaze me how different my experience of Lent is from year to year.  Last year's journey was very definitely about stewardship, discipline and self-control.  This year?  This year seems to be mostly about grace.

It's everywhere.

One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis.  There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day.  And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace.  Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.

I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis.  It's been a long time.  It usually consists of giving something up.  And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core.  I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier.  And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.

But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it.  All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.

I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices.  But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good...  and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.

But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.

You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me.   It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know.  I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it.  At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed.  It fed my body and my soul.

Yes, it's Lent.  Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list.  But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it.  I should have asked for more specific direction.

But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.

So enough with legalism.  This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation.  I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year.  And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.

flunking Lent...

FLUNKING LENT

Obviously, once upon a time, there were a few more fries...






It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, right?  ;)

random ramblings, vol. 7

This poor blog has been so neglected of late...  Time for a little bit of rambling, I think!  Maybe a few updates too.  So without further ado:

1.  I haven't actually not been blogging.  I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point.  :)  Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing.  Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!

2.  I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment.  Actually, craving might be an understatement...

3.  The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well.  I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring.  But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog.  If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.

4.  Spring is finally springing.  Can I just tell you how happy this makes me?  I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.

5.  After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up!  :)  There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!

6.  I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus.  The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down.  It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story.   The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever.   I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon!  The ending was terrible.  Not unexpected - but still.  I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened.  :(

7.  I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins.  Definitely looking forward to reading it this week!  I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first.  And that was the end of that plan...  :)

joy in the wilderness: a closer look at Lent

Forty days is a long time.

Almost 6 weeks.

But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.


There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about.  But then there are seasons like these:

 - "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah

- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses

- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot

- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah

- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead


And then there was Jesus:

"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil.  He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)

"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive.  He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)


Forty days can be amazingly significant.


For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent.  Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday.  It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.

6 days of repentance.  1 day of celebrating.  6 days of repentance.  1 day of celebrating.  (etc.)  - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.


The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent.  If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it.  Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.

Fasting alone isn't enough.  It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity.  But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead...  Well.  Just imagine what could happen.  (Read Isaiah 58!)


The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.


Are you willing to journey with Him through them?  Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it?  And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace?  Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...




----


If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday.  We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day.  To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.

(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)

the fine art of procrastipreparation

It occurred to me a few days ago that it's almost Lent.  How did that happen?!   Where have the past two months gone?!   Wasn't it just Christmas?  My tree is still up...

One of the things I'm trying to focus on as I slowly shift into a new way of viewing the Sabbath and adjusting my life to make it a more central practice is preparation.  This can be... challenging.  Procrastination is something at which I am relatively talented, and it extends to everything from doing my dishes and shredding my junk mail to writing sermons and catching up on correspondence.  Being prepared  - ahead of time?! -  takes a little forethought.

Grocery shopping has generally become something relegated to Saturdays.  I confess that since last Lent's discipline of using up the food in my cupboards before buying more, I have become very lax in my attitude and practice towards groceries.  I have slipped back into "go to the store and get dinner" mode, instead of planning ahead to what I will eat later this week and shopping for it ahead of time.  Cravings often dictate my shopping, rather than discipline.  I am not okay with this.  I have been - but I'm not.  Especially in light of Lent, and in light of longing to experience true Sabbath rest and joy more fully.

Since my Sabbath is on Saturday, I need to find a way to do my shopping on another day.  My goal is to have my first Sabbath meal (Friday night) ready and waiting at the end of the day - no preparation required, just coming home and sinking into Sabbath the way you sink into slumber at the end of a good (but long) journey - with joy, relief, celebration, anticipation, and contentment.  This past weekend, it just barely happened.  I gave up my plans to make a big long trip to the grocery store at which I really ought to be shopping, and spent a lot more money at a closer store buying mostly just what I needed.  Dinner went in the crock pot at 11:00am - it was ready by 7:30pm.    An hour late, but hey, it's a start, right?  ;-)  And it was amazing.  But shopping on Friday morning felt like the fine art of procrastipreparation.  I knew all week I need to shop.  I could have dragged myself off the couch and to the store in the middle of the week, but I didn't.  I was tired, and I was lazy.

This week, I will not procrastinate in my preparations.  I'm actually putting it on the calendar.   Tuesday, 7pm:  Go grocery shopping.  With a list.

Why start with food, on this journey towards keeping the Sabbath better?  Well, Sabbath is a celebration - a celebration of the goodness of creation, the creativity of our amazing God, and the beauty of redemption. All good celebrations should involve some sort of a feast - and on the Sabbath, traditionally celebrated by God's people as the "queen" of all days - we should be eating the best meals of the week.  Healthful, extravagant, shared.

I'm working on building a balanced schedule of sharing that first Sabbath meal with friends versus simply sharing it with Jesus.  And with Lent coming up, it's time (again) to give up all those foods that don't help me at all and to move into a more healthful style of living anyway.  So here's to giving up the fine art of procrastipreparation in favor of planning for the Sabbath, and a more healthy lifestyle in general.

when one falls down: dealing with sin together

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone? 

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiates 4:9-12)

You hear these verses a lot at weddings, and rightly so, but its applications are so much more universal.  This principle is true in marriage, yes, but also in our friendships and in the Church.  We (all of us: you and me, Torch as a whole, and every church in our county, state, country, the world) are one body. (1 Corinthians 12:12-14)  Each one of us, individually, is a part of something greater - we were meant for community, and a community we are - so, if one part of our community suffers, we all suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26).  Just as having a broken arm affects the rest of our body via our central nervous system, the whole Church suffers when anyone within her suffers.  We're not always aware of it  - our toes don't generally seem to notice if we have a migraine - but the truth is, while our toes may not be aware that they're not being called on to bear our weight as much because of the migraine keeping us flat on our back, it is affecting them.  And so it is with the Church.

I was really blessed this week, reading the post Pastor Carter wrote and emailed to our church, detailing his personal struggles with lust, and recommending some practical steps to take for those of us who deal with it as well.  I appreciated his transparency, and I know that God is using his story to help others.  But as I read, I found myself in the same camp as his wife:  I don't quite get it.

Pornography isn't a hard-core issue for me, so there are other things that simply aren't an issue either: I can view some forms of art and see beauty, where others would simply find a stumbling block.  I can wear certain clothes and feel completely decent, while others dream of the early 1800s and all those high-necked and long-skirted dresses women used to wear.  There are doorways to sin for men that are NOT a doorway to sin for me.  

So what do I do?

How can I best be a part of this community that is the Bride of Christ, exercising my freedom in Christ to be who I am - while respecting that fact that there are people - in this body - who wrestle with things that I don't find to be a problem?

In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul discusses an issue that may seem a bit foreign to us.  In his day, there were all kinds of temples that honored many different gods and idols, and people were free to worship wherever they wished.  Worship, in those days, included the sacrifice of various animals - but after the sacrifice was made, the actual (essentially barbequed) meat sometimes ended up on the tables of the various priests of each god/idol, but also sometimes ended up being sold at the market (since there was only so much each priest's family could eat).  For a Christian in this environment, it could pose a bit of a problem.  It was forbidden for the Jews to eat meat sacrificed to idols - and most early Christians still followed Jewish laws... but did it count if you bought a steak at the market and didn't know it was previously sacrificed to somebody else's God?  And what if it was?  You knew the truth: The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it! (Psalm 24:1)  Thank God for the steak, and eat it, for heaven's sake!  But at the same time... this steak was offered to a demon, not to God.  So wasn't it tainted, somehow?...

Paul very wisely said this: "'I have the right to do anything,' you say - but not everything is beneficial.  'I have the right to do anything' - but not everything is constructive.  No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).  The steak is fine - you're free to eat it - but if it makes your brother stumble, for the sake of his conscience - opt to be a vegetarian today!  It's not going to hurt you, and it will only help your brother if you don't.

So how do I help my brothers (and sisters) when they wrestle with something I don't? I choose not to exercise the freedom I have in Christ - for their benefit.  I choose to care more about them than I do about myself.  I make choices that will help them.  I choose to enter into their suffering, as if it were mine.

And if I don't get it?  If I have no idea what makes them stumble or what helps them stand?

I ask questions.  Not because I need to, or because it's required - but because I care.  I care too much for my brother to send him a link to an awesome Katy Perry song because the album cover artwork might be an issue for him.  I care too much for my sister to loan her this really great book I just read because there's that one scene in the middle that might cause her to stumble.  I care too much to just let this all slip by as if it didn't matter.  Is pornography an issue for me?  Nope.  But it is for my sister in Christ.  It is for my brother in Christ.  So it will become one for me, so that when my brother or sister falls down, I will know (at least a little) how to help them up - and how to help them not fall down again.

And so it should be - not just with this sin, but with every sin.  Because sin causes us to suffer, and when one of us suffers, we all do, whether we know it or not.  Thanks be to our God-with-us, who understands this intimately.  For "because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18)

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  (Hebrews 4:14-16)

And let us approach that throne of grace together - holding each other up when we cannot stand alone.

Amen.

an adjective-defying experience

i realize there's a bit of irony in using the compound adjective "adjective-defying" to describe my experience this weekend...  but i'm not sure there really is just one word that would work.   "awesome" doesn't quite touch it - tho it's close.

i went "home" this weekend.  home to a place where i now know very few people, home to a place that still brings me so much comfort and safety just by being in it.  i cheered (literally, out loud) when i crossed the Michigan border, and i kid you not, at one point about an hour later, i suddenly realized that i'd been grinning like an idiot for awhile... :)

i spent two glorious days in a luxury, eco-friendly hotel.

i ate - and ate - and ate! - amazing food: scrambled eggs, bacon, roasted potatoes, rye toast, flatbread pizza LOADED with feta and kalamata olives, chicken corn chowder, minestrone, fish and chips.

i had red wine and orange juice and hot buttered rum (my favorite espresso drink at the best coffee shop in the world).  i had an amazing cup of french-press coffee.

i spent time with two dear friends i haven't seen in years.

i worshiped with them and with some other friends at a church that has grown astronomically since the last time i was there.

i listened to beautiful music - classical, pop, worship, Irish (in the Irish pub where i had the fish and chips), and folk.

and i read.  an entire book.  cover to cover.  and it changed my life.  is changing.  will change.

there are no words that could ever completely describe these two days spent doing all these amazing, blessed and life-altering things with the Lord - but here are a few that just begin to get at it:

beautiful.  wonderful.  tough.  amazing.  unexpected.  lovely.  abundant.  peaceful.  right.  true.  dangerous.  blessed.  intimate.  challenging.  restful.  pure.  long.  short.  (far too short.)  lonely.  communal.  lush.  restorative.  informative.  formative.  social.  sweet.  transformative.  

i'm sure there are others that describe it as well.

i hope to be able to unpack some of it over the next few weeks.  stay tuned.

and in the meantime: go buy yourself a copy of Dan Allender's Sabbath...  i won't tell you that it will change your life.  but it did change mine.  and it's a good book.  

prayer and fasting and faith on the earth - part two

I've been on a bit of a journey, off and on over the past few years, periodically fasting and praying for the healing of a good friend.  I am still confident that God has said "yes" - I actually have a sticky note on my refrigerator detailing the day it happened - but we haven't seen it yet.  For awhile I felt like it was time to cease praying and simply wait for God's yes to come - but lately I've been feeling a little more urgency to start praying again.  And I've found myself in unexpected conversations with people about healing, and I feel that once familiar stirring to pray for "greater things" again...  but I'm still not quite sure what to do with all of it, intellectually, anyway.

You may want to backtrack a bit and read the first post in this series so you can follow my train of thought as I continue to process all of this.  Here's the link:

prayer and fasting and faith on the earth - part one (you'll want to read the comments too)

Okay, so fast-forward to this weekend.  I have some friends who recently have been experiencing a degree of success in praying for people to be healed.  On Saturday, they were hanging out with some other friends of theirs who had a prophetic word that there was someone with a left shoulder that was bothering them, and God wanted to heal it.  They asked people they met all day, but they never found anyone.

Sunday morning, I woke up early in a ton of pain.  Somehow in the night, something had happened to my left shoulder, and I could hardly move it.  The muscle behind my shoulder blade just ached, and reaching for things was intensely painful.  This did not bode well, as I was leading worship yesterday.  So I emailed some of the prayer warriors in our church and asked them to pray for me.  All morning long, people prayed - and when it came down to it, there were two kinds of prayers being prayed.

The first type made sense to me - "God, we know You can heal, and we want that - but if you choose not to, then please just give her the strength to carry on and lead well this morning."  Yep.  Believing that I would be able to lead was no problem - but believing that I'd do it pain-free came harder.  So this was a prayer with which I could easily agree.  I wanted to be healed - don't get me wrong - and I believe with all my heart that my God who once made the sun stand still, and once even made time go backwards is certainly able to heal my shoulder - but there was an intellectual assent that He might not.  Was that faithless?  Or practical?  I'm not sure.

Then there was another type of prayer prayed over me.  The sort of prayer that went more along the lines of "Shoulder, we command you to be healed in the Name of Jesus, to be restored to the way God created you to be."  Now theologically I don't have a problem with that prayer at all.  As I explained in part one of this series, I believe that it is entirely biblical to tell someone to be healed.  But it didn't happen.

It hasn't caused a crisis of faith - I still believe (possibly irrationally, but I don't care) that God can heal, that He wants to heal, and that it's entirely likely that I may one day finally screw up the courage to practice healing, embracing success and failure alike as my friends are doing, and learning from the process.  I'm not in the least upset that I woke up this morning with my shoulder still aching.  But I do sort of wonder why He said "no."

It's possible that it's simply to grow my faith.  Leading worship from that place yesterday was difficult, but it was also one of the sweetest runs I've had in a long time.  I don't often feel God's presence when I lead - it's a much more intellectual and practical experience that most would expect - but yesterday He gave me the grace to actually feel engaged in worship, and it was a joyous morning.  I wasn't pain-free, but it was bearable while I was on-stage, and that was an answer to prayer.  But I wonder.  I'm encouraged that He told people I don't even know, so that my friends would be on the lookout for an opportunity to pray for healing, and so that I'd feel incredibly loved by a God who was thinking of me before I even knew what the day would hold.  But with all of that - why wasn't I healed yesterday?

Praying on the way home, I felt like He said it would be a while.  I'm okay with that - tho I'll be honest and say that I'm kind of hoping (er, wishing...) for a short while as opposed to, you know, months.  It's a muscle ache - it will eventually sort itself out.  I'm not worried about it, just uncomfortable.  But I wonder what it is that I'm to learn from all this, and if it is a matter of needing more faith - not very strongly wishing God would heal me, but being 100% positive (hoping, believing, confidently trusting) that He will.

And how does all of this affect (or should it affect?) the way I pray for other people in need of healing?

I'm not sure.  More reflections to come in a day or two.  But in the meantime - thoughts?