I'm not sure what I expected. The words "Global Leadership Summit" were slightly intimidating. I knew I'd hear a lot of "successful business/ministry" advice. I knew I'd glean a lot of wisdom from people smarter than I am. And I did, and it was awesome, and I have a lot to process from many of the sessions.
But there was one session I will never forget.
Mama Maggie Gobran took the stage during the first session Friday morning. She was introduced by a well-done and brief documentary that explained who she was and what she does - I'm not sure you can see it anywhere, but you can learn about her work in this article or visit her website - Stephen's Children. People began clapping as she took the stage - but then, they didn't stop.
She was given a standing ovation before she even said a word.
It was mind-blowing and overwhelming. I knew within moments that I was standing in the presence of true greatness. It resonated within my spirit: this is a woman who knows and loves God, and serves Him with real humility.
Mama Maggie has been serving the poorest of the poor in Cairo for over 20 years. Day after day, she walks the streets and garbage dumps of the city, seeking out children who need someone to look after them. She gives them so much more than food and clothing - she gives them love, dignity, and hope.
She has poured her entire life - her time, her resources, everything - into caring for the poor. It is a difficult calling, but in spite of the hardship, she would not trade it. And the secret to finding the strength to face all the heartbreak that she faces every day, and to keep on, in the hardest times, doing all that she can to make a difference? "The secret is silence," she said. "Silence your body to listen to your words. Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts. Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating. Silence your heart to listen to your spirit. Silence your spirit to listen to His Spirit."
She began her message with words from Mary's Magnificat - "He has done great things for me" - and her attitude was so authentically that of Mary's. Who am I that He would call me? I am the least of all women. But He has called, and so I say yes...
Really, words can't convey what it was like, watching Mama Maggie deliver her message so humbly and so quietly. But the point hit home. You can't do what you're called to do unless you are as deeply in God as the salt is in the ocean. You need to dissolve. And the power and the strength that you find when you do is amazing. Lose everything. On purpose. And you will find Him. It isn't easy, she confessed. But it is worth it.
Even now, trying and failing miserably to communicate the awesomeness of what I know was a life-transforming experience (tho where it will lead, I don't know!), I am close to tears (again). Simply being in the presence of someone who doesn't just believe the gospel, but lives it out was incredibly humbling. Please hear me that I am not berating myself for falling so short, but the truth is, I am. I can be so selfish and stupid, and to be near someone who was once like me - someone who loved nice clothes and traveling to Europe and all the privileges of social status - but who gave them up and found something of far more substance and value in serving others- was convicting. I'm not going to sell everything I own and move to Cairo - but there's a piece of me that wants to. ;)
I know, tho, that God is writing my story differently - at least for now - and if nothing else, hearing Mama Maggie speak has sparked in me an even deeper longing to know and be known by the God who loves all He created, and to a desire to seek more intentionally after the things He would have me do with my time daily, rather than living so much on my own agenda. Who knows what opportunities I may find to share the love of Christ, if I would only pay a little more attention, and take a little more time to listen for His voice?
I spent time yesterday in the presence of true greatness: a woman after His own heart, who would not allow a standing ovation to go to her head. Instead, it brought her to her knees. God grant that I may be that kind of woman someday.
Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me. Teach me this kind of humility; create it in me. Amen.
Showing posts with label simple felicity: surrender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label simple felicity: surrender. Show all posts
a new venture
As I grow into my role on staff at Torch, every now and again, I find something new on my plate. This month, it's blogging. :) Our website's been under construction for awhile, and now that it's (mostly) finished, there are all sorts of new features, including a pastor's blog. I've been asked to contribute, and this week, my first post went up.
Let me tell you - blogging for someone else's blog is challenging! :) Writing for our church blog is way different than just coming here to my virtual "room" and sharing my heart. But it was a really good stretch for my shepherding skills and my writing.
And since it's all I've got right now - here it is. :)
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Stay Dependent On Your King
Have you ever gotten to the end of your day, only to look back and realize that you were pretty much the worst version of yourself you could have possibly been?
- Maybe you snapped at people left and right, for no particular reason, or over-reacted to situations that would have gone better if you’d just taken a minute to think (or to take a deep breath) before dealing with them
- Maybe you cut someone off in traffic, or left that file on your desk at home in spite of the fact that you were supposed to give a big presentation - on all the info in that folder
- Maybe the printer jammed (again) and you swore in front of your boss - who isn’t a believer.
Whatever it was - the sun’s going down, and all you want is a do-over. You know you’re not going to get it, but in the midst of all the guilt you feel over the myriad of ways in which you’ve screwed up, you’re resolute: tomorrow will go better. You will make better choices; you will keep your temper; you will get it right. And maybe, somehow, it will make up for today...
Except that it won’t.
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” - Isaiah 30:15 (NIV)
Ouch.
Suddenly, that resolution you just made seems a little ... well, ridiculous. Because honestly, without His help, there isn’t a whole lot of hope that tomorrow will go much better. Most of today went the way it did because you weren’t depending on Him; you were doing it on your own, and it didn’t work. You weren’t quiet, you didn’t trust Him, you felt guilty (but you didn’t repent - you didn’t do a 180 in your heart or with your actions), and you weren’t even slightly at rest. You were anxious and tense; your tone of voice was sharp when you spoke. You were - to sum it up - knee-deep in sin for most of the day.
Trying to do better might seem like the right thing to do, but the truth of the matter is, it’s not going to go any better tomorrow than it was today if you don’t get some help. No matter how genuinely you want to go into tomorrow representing Jesus - the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, it’s not going to happen if you try to do it on your own.
So what do you do?
Well, first, you repent for your sin, and admit that you can’t save yourself. Let’s look at that verse again, this time from the Message paraphrase:
“Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me - the very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.” - Isaiah 30:15b (The Message)
Did you catch that? Your salvation requires you to turn back to God and stop your ridiculous efforts to save yourself.
The Bible says: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” - Ephesians 2:8-10
It is by grace you have been saved, through faith... not by the things you do. Better still - the very faith you have in His grace? Even that isn’t yours; God gave you that, too! Your salvation is completely a gift, and all you had to do was ask for it. It wasn’t free - it was incredibly costly - but it was given to you as a gift, completely paid for, when you asked for it.
Now as Ephesians 2:10 points out, God does have things for you to do. Being kind to your coworkers, modeling a godly character in front of your kids, and living an upright lifestyle on campus are all important - but doing those things in love and obedience doesn’t save you. Jesus does. Did. Is. Will. Salvation and sanctification (becoming like the One who saves you) go hand in hand - but you have to stay dependent on Him. Jesus promised, “You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.” (John 15:3-4)
Stay dependent on your King.
Cease striving, beloved. Be still, and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10a) He is sovereign; He is your King. And as your King, He tells you: “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength.” Don’t allow yourself to be counted among those who “would have none of it.” And if those five words convict you, then ask yourself:
- What is it that keeps me from repenting of my sin? (Is it my pride? My stubbornness? Too much self-reliance?)
- What keeps me from resting in the knowledge that it is by grace that I have been saved? (Do I still feel like I need to prove my worth somehow to God?)
- What is filling my life with noise, drowning out the still, quiet whisper of His voice to my heart? (Am I spending too much time watching movies, or reading? Is my schedule so full that I don’t have time to simply stop and wait on Him to speak to me?)
- What is keeping me from completely trusting Him? (Am I afraid that He will let me down in some way? Or am I afraid of what people will think if I follow Him more openly than I do?)
Take some time today and wrestle with those questions. You might be surprised by some of the answers. You might even already know them. But once you’ve gone there, all that’s left to do is to tell Him, and to settle down in complete dependence on Him, putting your faith in His incredible, unending, limitless, and amazing grace.
on being a nickel
it was announced in church yesterday that two new positions have been created to replace my old position as worship director. one of those positions is that of worship pastor, and the other is that of a creative director. it's become increasingly evident over the course of the past few months, through prayer and through plain common sense, just watching things unfold, that God is calling someone else to lead our band, and i am so excited to see the ways in which God has already grown him as a leader and will continue to do so. he's very gifted, and this role shift will only bless our church.
i'll be taking the role of creative director. my job description? well, i think it's still in process, but it includes not only helping with creative planning for our services and finding new ways to incorporate the arts into our worship, but creating "sacred space" from the moment you walk into the movie theatre until the moment you leave. this is no small task. actually... it's a bit daunting. (and if anyone has any ideas, i'll take them!)
i will miss leading worship. i will. but a dear friend wrote to me yesterday and reminded me that i will still be leading worship - just in a different way. i'll be creating a worship environment. i'll be helping artists in our congregation tap their gifts and offer them to the Lord. and as i do it, i'll be learning what Sacred Space was always meant to teach - how to worship God not just thru a song but with my whole life.
and as John Wimber once said, "i am just a nickel in God's pocket, that He can spend any way He wants to." i think it is good for me to remember that.
this new path i am on - it is a good one, because it is His path. i wanted change. i got it, lol. and i think, as i start down this road, i will only continue to see more and more of the beauty that surrounds me in this new place i am in. and there - just over there around that corner - something amazing is still waiting.
this straightly winding road
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6
God is the Way-Maker, the Path-Straightener - it's who He is - but maybe for us the key to experiencing that is simply trusting Him. Maybe it's giving up what for me feels like such a natural desire to understand what's going on. I want "the plan." I want to know where we're going, and why, and how we're going to get there. I can be spontaneous (I say defensively) - I can...!
Sometimes I wonder just how long it's going to take me to get it that He's probably not going to fill me in on all that much, and that it's probably mostly because I will try to get where we're going by myself, and that isn't the point.
This is the learning curve my path is currently taking, and in case I wasn't getting it, my friend Rob penned these words this week:
[Jesus] says to us, “Give up your life—give up your plans, your desires, your ideas of how things should be—and I'll give you something better.”
Jesus doesn't call us to stay where and what we are because he's not much of one for staying in one place; he calls us to follow. He calls us to a journey, and a relationship, and like any journey and any meaningful relationship, that means change. It means leaving things behind, and getting new things in return.
And yes, that includes the things of which we say, “God couldn't possibly want me to give that up; he can't possibly mean that I'm not allowed to do that.” In fact, it especially includes those things, because those—whether sinful in and of themselves or not—are the things in our lives that most interfere with his lordship: they are our idols. They are the things which which we must give over to him if we're to follow him; clinging to them is nothing less than idolatry....
And yes, that includes our money, and our careers, and our other family relationships, and our gifts and talents and aspirations, and all the other things that matter to us. He calls us to surrender to him everything of significance in our lives, to do with as he will. This is not the price of his acceptance, but its consequence; it's what it means to be accepted by Jesus, because to be accepted by him is to be invited to go with him, to go where he's going and do what he's doing, instead of going where we want to go and doing what we want to do.
Change. I have such mixed emotions about that word. I love change - I need it. (Hence the ongoing home renovation project, which I hope to finish next week.) I go stir-crazy if I don't have enough of it. But at the same time, I don't like it. I like knowing the status quo. I don't like having it change up on me. It means learning a new set of rules, a new set of parameters. A new way of thinking about things. I wish I understood this paradox a little better. It's right up there and tied in with another major paradox in my life: this crazy wanderlust-filled need to travel paired with a deeply-seated need for home.
I don't know what to do with any of this right now. But it's today's chapter of my story. There is change on the horizon - change I am pretty sure is ultimately coming from the Lord. I am flailing a bit against it right now, trying to find my bearings in what I thought was familiar territory, but suddenly doesn't look quite like I thought it did...
But maybe there are some things I need to leave behind that I have held onto too tightly. Maybe there are new things He wants to give me in return for letting go of my "plan-o'-life."
Maybe this gift He wants to give me is actually a new map - a better one than the map I had last week - the one I was pretty sure I could read and follow without needing to stop for too many directions. And maybe - just maybe - the roads I thought were winding will turn out to be straighter than I thought.
There's only one way to find out.
in accordance with the Word of the Lord... part 3
reflections on 1 Kings 17:10-16
to start at the beginning of the series, you can go here.
for 1 Kings 17 online, here.
So Elijah hoofs it to Zarephath, and lo and behold, there's a widow at the town gate gathering firewood. (I suppose he knew she was a widow by what she was wearing, but still I wonder if God didn't whisper something to the effect of, pssst. Elijah, that's her....) So he asks her for a glass of water, and some bread.
I wonder if she knew he was a prophet. Or if she was just being nice because he looked so tired and hot and obviously in need of a glass of water. And I wonder what she thought when he asked for some bread...
to start at the beginning of the series, you can go here.
for 1 Kings 17 online, here.
So Elijah hoofs it to Zarephath, and lo and behold, there's a widow at the town gate gathering firewood. (I suppose he knew she was a widow by what she was wearing, but still I wonder if God didn't whisper something to the effect of, pssst. Elijah, that's her....) So he asks her for a glass of water, and some bread.
I wonder if she knew he was a prophet. Or if she was just being nice because he looked so tired and hot and obviously in need of a glass of water. And I wonder what she thought when he asked for some bread...
What she says is interesting:
"As surely as the Lord your God lives..." (v.12) As surely as the Lord your God lives.... as in, not my God? How does she know? Well, it's just a guess, but as he's Elijah the Tishbite from Gilead, and she's the widow of Zarepath in Sidon (which is not in Israel)... he's in a foreign country.
Wait a minute - God sent him out of Israel? Well. At least Ahab can't catch him, then. But why would God do that?
Well, it turns out He has something to say.
"Don't be afraid," Elijah tells her (v. 13). Was she? Maybe. Probably not of him, but maybe of his God. I wonder what the gods of Sidon were like? Maybe they were the sorts of gods who would take the last of what you had and let you die... What she's said to Elijah then makes sense - please don't take the end of our food, it's all we've got, and we're going to die anyway. (This is, by the way, where I remind you I'm sitting at my kitchen table, speculating and interacting with God's Word, and that I'm not in a seminary library researching the text properly. Don't take any of this as if it's authoritative, please!)
Elijah tells her not to be afraid, and that the God of Israel promises that if she'll take the risk and make him some bread, "The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land."
sidenote - it's not raining in Sidon either...
So she goes home and bakes the bread. She brings it to him, and goes home. And there's flour and oil again where there wasn't any. She gives him everything she has left. And God gives it back to her. Every day. For a long time.
It reminds me of the story of the widow Jesus saw in the temple once, who put two coins in the offering, and it didn't look like much to anyone else, but He knew it was all she had. I wonder what the rest of her day was like. And what she thought as she put it in...
"As surely as the Lord your God lives..." (v.12) As surely as the Lord your God lives.... as in, not my God? How does she know? Well, it's just a guess, but as he's Elijah the Tishbite from Gilead, and she's the widow of Zarepath in Sidon (which is not in Israel)... he's in a foreign country.
Wait a minute - God sent him out of Israel? Well. At least Ahab can't catch him, then. But why would God do that?
Well, it turns out He has something to say.
"Don't be afraid," Elijah tells her (v. 13). Was she? Maybe. Probably not of him, but maybe of his God. I wonder what the gods of Sidon were like? Maybe they were the sorts of gods who would take the last of what you had and let you die... What she's said to Elijah then makes sense - please don't take the end of our food, it's all we've got, and we're going to die anyway. (This is, by the way, where I remind you I'm sitting at my kitchen table, speculating and interacting with God's Word, and that I'm not in a seminary library researching the text properly. Don't take any of this as if it's authoritative, please!)
Elijah tells her not to be afraid, and that the God of Israel promises that if she'll take the risk and make him some bread, "The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land."
sidenote - it's not raining in Sidon either...
So she goes home and bakes the bread. She brings it to him, and goes home. And there's flour and oil again where there wasn't any. She gives him everything she has left. And God gives it back to her. Every day. For a long time.
It reminds me of the story of the widow Jesus saw in the temple once, who put two coins in the offering, and it didn't look like much to anyone else, but He knew it was all she had. I wonder what the rest of her day was like. And what she thought as she put it in...
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This is necessarily vague, but the long and the short of it is that I'm in yet another season of surrender. Right now I feel as though a part of my heart is about to shatter. But God never breaks anything He can't mend, and I guess - no, I know - He knows what He's doing. I just wish I did...
But I, like the widow, will hold nothing back. If He wants the last of my flour and oil, He can take it. And I will trust Him (Psalm 77 again) to give back what I need, remembering the deeds of the Lord, and how He has always been faithful. He's a good Daddy - and just like any parent, sometimes says, "No" to things I really want because it's better. And I don't need to know why for it to be true.
I really do want to know why. I want to know why something that has brought so much joy and gladness and wealth in the truest sense of the word - something that really did feel like a gift from God - is something He wants back. And I really do want to know why it doesn't seem like I can have even one week lately where I'm not completely broken about something... you guys have walked it with me, in vague detail; you've seen it - but I did say I wanted to be like Jesus, and I guess there's an awful lot in me that isn't like Him at all that God just needs to root out, and this is probably part of that. It doesn't look much like blessing at all to me right now - any more than it probably looked like blessing to the widow to be given the opportunity to give up the last of what she believed she truly needed to survive - but it worked out alright for her, and my God is a good God.
So here we go, I guess...
This is necessarily vague, but the long and the short of it is that I'm in yet another season of surrender. Right now I feel as though a part of my heart is about to shatter. But God never breaks anything He can't mend, and I guess - no, I know - He knows what He's doing. I just wish I did...
But I, like the widow, will hold nothing back. If He wants the last of my flour and oil, He can take it. And I will trust Him (Psalm 77 again) to give back what I need, remembering the deeds of the Lord, and how He has always been faithful. He's a good Daddy - and just like any parent, sometimes says, "No" to things I really want because it's better. And I don't need to know why for it to be true.
I really do want to know why. I want to know why something that has brought so much joy and gladness and wealth in the truest sense of the word - something that really did feel like a gift from God - is something He wants back. And I really do want to know why it doesn't seem like I can have even one week lately where I'm not completely broken about something... you guys have walked it with me, in vague detail; you've seen it - but I did say I wanted to be like Jesus, and I guess there's an awful lot in me that isn't like Him at all that God just needs to root out, and this is probably part of that. It doesn't look much like blessing at all to me right now - any more than it probably looked like blessing to the widow to be given the opportunity to give up the last of what she believed she truly needed to survive - but it worked out alright for her, and my God is a good God.
So here we go, I guess...
fasting, repentance and freedom
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." The mouth of the LORD has spoken. - Isaiah 58:6-14
The first time I fasted was about a year after I came to the Lord... so I was probably, I don't know, 17? Young, anyway. :) I didn't have a clue what I was doing or why I was doing it - the camp where I'd come to Christ held a few retreat weekends throughout the year, and they'd asked us to fast at least a meal that weekend - I (in a fit of maturity, I'm sure) decided to fast the first one and get it over with. (Just kidding... I think...) :) I'm honestly not sure now what the motivation was exactly, but there I was, at the first dinner of the weekend, smelling all that good food and listening to all my friends catch up on the past couple of months' news - and I was "starving." So I went and camped out on the stairs around the corner with my Bible and looked up fasting, trying to figure this thing out...
And God gave me His vision for my future.
I read Isaiah 58 that day, and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. Do this. This is who I'm making you to be. These are the things that are to mark your life... I'm sure those weren't His exact words, but that was the jist of it.
And in the 17 years I've been chasing Jesus, I have never forgotten it. It's always been there, in the back of my head, as some future thing...
Sometimes I am so incredibly daft...
This Lenten fast I've been doing has largely been an act of obedience - I knew I was supposed to do it. I know on a practical level that it will help me physically and bring healing, as I stop eating foods that harm and start eating foods that heal. I know that there are things that fasting has always done in the lives of God's people - biblically, fasts are ordered for purification, repentance, and discernment.* Lenten fasts in particular tend to be for repentance...** tho I wasn't sure what I was repenting for aside from eating a whole lot of junk and thereby choosing to be less than whole on purpose. I suppose on some level I was fasting for all three things - I have been in the midst of what feels like one of the most major shifts I've ever been through over the past four or five months, and while I have ideas of what He's doing and where this process is going, I've been wanting more clarity, and longing for holiness more than ever as I've taken one faltering step after another down this path on which I currently find myself (as the ground continues to heave unpredictably, and I still distrust my ability to walk it even when the ground is behaving...).
When God first gave me this passage as a calling, I thought of it mostly in terms of how I would live in regards to other people, and I did not anticipate this verse being true of me:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
And yet, last night, this is exactly what happened...tho it is my sense that it was only the... well, beginning isn't quite the right word, because it began awhile ago, but it's not the end either... hm... it was only a step, then - but it was a significant one for all that. Some things have happened over the course of my life that have been terribly unjust. Because of those things, I learned some patterns of thought that were neither healthy nor true. I became intellectually and emotionally bound by them, and the harshness of the judgment with which I have learned to look at myself has yoked me to an unrealistic standard - and worse, an even more unrealistic expectation of how to achieve it. I have been wrestling for weeks now with three major issues: my temper, my rebelliousness, and my issues with failure/perfectionism. They tie into everything - and I have been increasingly convicted of my need to surrender those things to the Lord - and, true to form, I've tried to do it on my own. *sigh* what was that about being daft?
And last night, as someone prayed over me, I realized that a) there's been a spiritual component to those three struggles that I have not acknowledged, and over which God alone has authority; and b) that I cannot on my own overcome them - that what I need is the Holy Spirit at work in my heart and mind to transform me into His image. Jesus said to be perfect (Matthew 5:48) and then He sent us a Counselor to aid us in that task. I have been treating my life, and even holiness, as a project at which I can succeed or fail on my own - and yes, I bear responsibility - but surrender is ultimately the key to getting anywhere, and all I've surrendered to is a false belief that I am going to mess it up...
The chains have been loosened - I felt them start to slip last night. The cords have been untied - truth is unknotting the veil of deception through which I've been seeing for far too long. I am slightly more free today - and the yoke is about to get smashed.
It is going to be a good day.
*Mudhouse Sabbath, by Lauren Winner - p. 86
** p. 85
no man's land
Rachel has tagged me in an original meme entitled "No Man's Land." I'd attempt to explain it, but I think Rachel says it best:
"Ever feel like there's no end in sight? I can remember countless times where I feel like I've set off for somewhere.... somewhere good and exciting and adventurous, only to find myself staring at a seemingly never-ending nothingness!
I don't do no-man's-land well. What I mean by that is that feeling you have of not being able to charge forward, but not being able to throw in the towel either. I want all or nothing. What do we do when we have to just ride out the 'nothingness'?"
Good question! The challenge of the meme is to share four things that God wants you to learn in "no man's land." Here are mine, from my current location: live, right-smack-in-the-middle of it...
1) "Your vision isn't big enough." God said that to me once at a conference in Indiana - I think it was in 1995. And I keep coming back to it. My vision isn't big enough. I don't see the big picture; I don't know the plan. What I've yet to figure out is that I don't need to. So maybe the alternative phrasing of the first thing that God wants me to learn out here in no man's land is: "Let it go."
Surrender
2) "Patience is genius." - Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon. Again there's an alternative phrasing to this: Psalm 27:13-14. "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be still and take heart and wait for the Lord." (NIV) Other translations begin, "I would have lost heart unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord..." or "I would have despaired unless I had believed..."
Believe
3) "You don't need to have everything all figured out." Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." or this paraphrase from the Message: "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track."
Trust
4) ?
I'm still impatiently trying to figure it out on my own.
Shhhhh....
I tag the following:
Josh
Jake
Jon Birch
Linda (Faintnot)
Bethany
and the entire state of California, in honor of the fact that you're the only ones who have even half a chance of reading one of my 5:00am devos at 5:00am. :)
Let me know when you've posted - and pop over to Rachel's blog and let her know you've participated, too! :)
"Ever feel like there's no end in sight? I can remember countless times where I feel like I've set off for somewhere.... somewhere good and exciting and adventurous, only to find myself staring at a seemingly never-ending nothingness!
I don't do no-man's-land well. What I mean by that is that feeling you have of not being able to charge forward, but not being able to throw in the towel either. I want all or nothing. What do we do when we have to just ride out the 'nothingness'?"
Good question! The challenge of the meme is to share four things that God wants you to learn in "no man's land." Here are mine, from my current location: live, right-smack-in-the-middle of it...
1) "Your vision isn't big enough." God said that to me once at a conference in Indiana - I think it was in 1995. And I keep coming back to it. My vision isn't big enough. I don't see the big picture; I don't know the plan. What I've yet to figure out is that I don't need to. So maybe the alternative phrasing of the first thing that God wants me to learn out here in no man's land is: "Let it go."
Surrender
2) "Patience is genius." - Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon. Again there's an alternative phrasing to this: Psalm 27:13-14. "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be still and take heart and wait for the Lord." (NIV) Other translations begin, "I would have lost heart unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord..." or "I would have despaired unless I had believed..."
Believe
3) "You don't need to have everything all figured out." Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." or this paraphrase from the Message: "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track."
Trust
4) ?
I'm still impatiently trying to figure it out on my own.
Shhhhh....
I tag the following:
Josh
Jake
Jon Birch
Linda (Faintnot)
Bethany
and the entire state of California, in honor of the fact that you're the only ones who have even half a chance of reading one of my 5:00am devos at 5:00am. :)
Let me know when you've posted - and pop over to Rachel's blog and let her know you've participated, too! :)
prayer for a winter's day
There is a poem by John Donne that I have loved since the first time I read it, over a decade ago in a literature class I took in college. You should go here first to read the entire poem.
It begins this way:
Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.*
I love that imagery. Sometimes I really do need God to come at me like a battering ram and just take me down. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. And He, in His amazing love and faithfulness, does exactly that.
I love the contrast, too, between the violence of words like "batter," "o'erthrow me," "break," and "burn," and words like "breathe," "shine," "seek to mend." And all for the purpose "that I may rise and stand." There's a point to the battering, to the taking down of our self-centeredness, our self-sufficiency. At the far end of what feels like getting totally beat up, we rise and stand. The city falls but is rebuilt into something far better than it once was...
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.*
Oh, Jesus... enthrall me. I want to fall more in love with You than I have ever been. Amen.
*from "Batter My Heart" by John Donne, found on The Literature Network
It begins this way:
Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.*
I love that imagery. Sometimes I really do need God to come at me like a battering ram and just take me down. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. And He, in His amazing love and faithfulness, does exactly that.
I love the contrast, too, between the violence of words like "batter," "o'erthrow me," "break," and "burn," and words like "breathe," "shine," "seek to mend." And all for the purpose "that I may rise and stand." There's a point to the battering, to the taking down of our self-centeredness, our self-sufficiency. At the far end of what feels like getting totally beat up, we rise and stand. The city falls but is rebuilt into something far better than it once was...
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.*
Oh, Jesus... enthrall me. I want to fall more in love with You than I have ever been. Amen.
*from "Batter My Heart" by John Donne, found on The Literature Network
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