a little bit of constructive rock throwing

There's an old adage - okay, I don't know if it's old, but I've heard it in several towns, and seen it on a t-shirt - that says "Boys are dumb; throw rocks at them." (Sorry, boys. I would like to state that I neither believe you are dumb, nor do I want to throw rocks at you. Sheep, maybe. Rocks, no. ) But I have to say, there have been times over the course of my life when I have resonated with the emotion behind the saying (which, by the way, I believe was intended to be funny) - there's this whole "You hurt me, so I want to hurt you" mentality behind it. Definitively un-Christ-like. So what do we do with this emotion when we feel it? Well, some of us, I am sorry to say, throw literal or figurative rocks. This is decidedly unhealthy. Others of us scribble.

A few of my scribbles turned into a song this weekend. Ah, for that day when I own a Mac with GarageBand and have the smarts to know how to attach an mp3 to a blogpost. :) But for now, all you get are the lyrics. I wasn't going to post them. But I feel somehow that I need to - maybe that's just self-serving pride in the fact that they're mine. (i hope not!) Or maybe someone out there really needs to hear this...

This song isn't really about anything in particular. It started because of a question someone asked me last week that sent me down a sad section of memory lane that I wasn't quite as over as I thought I was, but it's turned into something much bigger than that. It started as a piece of my story, but the voice in this song very quickly became the voices of a half a dozen women I know and the hardships they've been through. There are bits that really are authentic - but there are more pieces in here that I really know nothing about; they just sort of snuck in and said "hi" and invited themselves to stay. So girls, this is for you. And boys, it's kind of for you, too. It's a song about the things we wish we would have said, or the things we were trying to say but didn't have the right words for. It's an acknowledgment of the fact that we were just as responsible as you were for messing stuff up. And yes, this is mostly for those of us who aren't yet married. May God give those of us who still need it the grace we need to get through... well, everything we need to, really... better.

Coulda Gone Better*

"take me as i am" - that's what we said
love me or leave me but don't mess with this
in-between-ness breaking me down
or so it seems to be
how did we get here again?

i didn't want to be your part-time confidante
i didn't want to be the one you left behind
i didn't want to be your angel of mercy just for the night
i didn't want to be...
well.
that coulda gone better

there hasn't been a thing to say
and the silence is deafening
bitterness long gone away
and all that's left is wondering
how did we get here again?

i didn't want to be your part-time confidante
i didn't want to be the one you left behind
i didn't want to be your angel of mercy just for the night
i didn't want to be...
well.
that coulda gone better

but what would you do and what would i say
and where do we go from here
the sky is the limit; the dream within reach
but only if we learn to say no to fear

you didn't want to be my part-time confidence
you didn't want to be the one i never really saw
you didn't want to be my happy-ever-after ending
you didn't want to be...
well,
i didn't want to be your part-time confidante
i didn't want to be the one you left behind
i didn't want to be your angel of mercy just for one night
i didn't want to be... well...
you didn't want to be... well...
i didn't want to be...
well.
that coulda gone better

*(c) 2008 Happy Records