7 Quick Takes Friday (vol.11)

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It's summer - the time of year when everything slows down... in theory.  My life really hasn't.  It occurred to me this morning, reading this article by Anne Lamott, that "manic" is no longer just Monday's adjective - my schedule is packed (entirely too much so), and finding time to slow down in ways that are truly, deeply restful has been so difficult.  But Anne's right - we only get one life, and I don't want to look back on it and only see how hard I worked.  I want to look back on moments of beauty and wonder, great conversations, and time spent doing things I loved.  So instead of tackling the 10-12 hours of work ahead of me today, I am blogging.  Because I love it, because writing is something that makes me happy, and because if I spend an hour here at my keyboard now, I won't be spending the rest of the day wishing I could be writing instead of doing all the other things that need to get done - and my attitude about all of it will just be so much better.

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A handful of friends shared this video on Facebook yesterday.  Jessica Rey presents the history of the swimsuit, and paints the advent of the bikini as a scandalous and objectifying item of clothing.

I really appreciated what she had to say on so many levels.  It's heartbreaking when women dress in ways that aren't comfortable for them because society and fashion say they should, and wrestle with shame unnecessarily as a result.  But towards the end of the video, she gets a little accusatory towards parents who buy "immodest" swimwear for their kids, and I'm not going to lie - that really bugged me.  Ladies, the only thing that makes a bikini immodest (no matter what age you are when you're wearing it) is the attitude and the mindset behind why you're wearing it.  If you're wearing it to be provocative, then yes, it's likely immodest.  But if you're wearing it because you're comfortable in your own body, and you feel fantastic in it, more power to you!  I wouldn't personally wear one, because it wouldn't be comfortable for me, but I think we need to be careful about how we think about modesty.  Jessica says, "Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad; modesty isn't about hiding ourselves.  It's about revealing our dignity.  We were made beautiful, in His image and likeness."  Yes.  And if a one-piece swimsuit helps you express that, that's awesome.  (I really love mine.  And the one I bought this year in all honesty is the first swimsuit I've owned in years in which I feel completely comfortable.)  But if you're comfortable in a bikini, then go for it.  Because modesty isn't about covering up.  It's about an honest and vulnerable expression of who you are.  And that's what we should be teaching our kids.

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I had the privilege of hearing Jonalyn Fincher talk about modesty at the Bold Boundaries conference in April, and I was thrilled when she posted her response to Jessica's talk.  She did a little research into the Princeton study Jessica cited, and presents some really helpful perspective:

You can read more about Jonalyn's perspective on modesty on her blog, Ruby Slippers.

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Yesterday, I found myself studying up a storm at the library in preparation for a message I'm preaching next Sunday on what "loving one another" really means - in the very same carroll in which I spent an afternoon six years ago coming to terms with my inner Donna Reed.  I've come a long way over the past six years.  ;)

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I also had a really fun moment while I was studying when I looked out the window and got completely distracted by a squirrel.  #SQUIRREL!  I actually started laughing.  Which probably seemed really odd to the other people studying in that section of the library...

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And to continue with the non-sequiturs: I picked up Spindle's End for the I-don't-know-how-manyth time again last night, and am really looking forward to spending a couple of hours just lazing about and reading tonight, once all my work is done.  And next up on my reading list: The Ordinary Princess.  (If you've never read it, you are missing out.  Just sayin'...)

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I've loved fairy tales for as long as I can remember.  The first one I remember reading when I was very small is Beauty and the Beast - we had a pop-up book version of it with a green cover, and it had these laces so you could tie the covers together and the whole story was told in three pictures with so much detail.  It is still my favorite fairy tale, but Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are close seconds.  There's so much to be learned from good stories, and the ones that have endured are so rich.  I'm working on a post about Cinderella's glass slippers - and am loving what I'm learning along the way.  Stay tuned!  And have a great weekend.  :)

(For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!)

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 10) - the Costa Rica edition

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Best.  Birthday.  Ever.

I know a lot of really amazing people, and one of them decided to let me tag along on a relatively spontaneous trip to all-inclusive resort in Costa Rica.  I did very little aside from reading, sleeping, swimming, and eating for five straight days, most of it right here:

I'm not sure I even remember the last time I spent one day doing nothing, much less five.  This trip was SUCH a gift, on so many levels, and "thank you" (to my friend, AND to God) still feels so inadequate.  I came home feeling more deeply rested than I've felt in a really, really long time.

--- 2 ---

Costa Rica is an incredibly beautiful country - no matter what the weather's doing.  We were there towards the beginning of the rainy season, but the weather was ever so kind as to be warm and sunny (if occasionally overcast) for most of the day.  Afternoon thunderstorms rolled thru fairly predictably around 4pm (giving us just enough time to shower and change and get ready for dinner).  and the weather even contrived to be sunny and pour buckets at the same time one afternoon, producing this fantastic view from the balcony of our suite:

--- 3 ---

We flew into the airport in San Jose, and our resort was in Playa Conchal, so we rented a car to drive across the country.  (We also rented a GPS, which turned out to be totally worth it.)  One of the first things I happened to notice in the rental car agency was a very large warning sign posted on the way, which read something to the effect of "DO NOT CROSS RIVERS WITHOUT BRIDGES, OTHERWISE THE DAMAGES WILL BE CHARGED TO YOUR ACCOUNT."

"What on earth would warrant the need for such a sign?" I wondered.

Well... a week later it became evident that "rio" (river) is loosely applied to everything from actual rivers to small rivulets attempting not to look like puddles.  I suppose if you needed to get somewhere and the bridge was out, it might be tempting.  We did not break the rule.  But I may have had a small panic attack on the way back to San Jose when the GPS suddenly warned "EXTREMELY DANGEROUS BRIDGE AHEAD."  (Turned out it was not at all dangerous, having just been reconstructed.)

"But I am also somewhat comforted by the fact that a very large truck just crossed that bridge in front of us and nothing happened to it," observed my friend, grinning, as we drove over it.

--- 4 ---

Funny signs previously noted.  Rain.  Nightfall.  Four hour drive across the country to the resort after a full day of travel from the U.S. - thru Canada.  (Because that made sense...)

I admit that these factors probably played into my completely serious belief that this sign along the side of the road up to the resort meant "Brontosaurus Crossing":

No, seriously.  Squint one eye and pretend it's dark and raining, and if that doesn't work, cover up its head and think of the tail as a brontosaurus head.

I don't know what these animals were actually called, but they were some sort of raccoon/rat-like creature and they were super-cute.  For lack of a better name, they've been tagged as "Not-Brontosauri" in my Facebook photo album.

You can see how one might mistake them for small brontosauri from a distance, tho, can't you?

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Did I mention Costa Rica was beautiful?

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It also had super-fun squirrels.  (I am most excited about having my very own photo of a squirrel to use at crucial moments when wishing to create a diversion.  Squirrel!  (No, really - squirrel!)

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And last but DEFINITELY not least: the reading list.

Ruby Slippers, by Jonalyn Fincher
Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg
Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown
and Beauty, by Robin McKinley

All of which I would HIGHLY recommend.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 9) - the eclectic musical edition

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I can't say this week was completely uneventful.  It was, however, fairly quiet and low-key.  Visits to the chiropractor.  Long walks.  Lunch mid-week with one of my favorites.  Great conversations with amazing friends.  And summer.  It is finally summer!  And everyone in Illinois is happier and friendlier and has suddenly remembered why we choose to live here: summers.  They're (mostly) worth it.

--- 2 ---

So in lieu of anything truly newsworthy, I offer you a random suggestion and several You-Tube videos.  First, the randomness: There is a virus going around at our church right now which is likely some sort of flu bug, but is so rampant at the moment that people have started calling it the Torch Plague.  Someone mentioned that no-sugar-added red grape juice is a flu-stopper.  The disclaimer is: once you have the flu, good luck with that - but if you run into someone who has the flu, go home and drink grape juice and you'll be fine.  Well - I tried it, even tho I was already feeling queasy, and while my appetite still isn't really back to normal yet, I never did get truly ill.  Praying that remains true.  And highly recommend it as something at least worth trying once.

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There's not a whole lot to do when you're sitting around feeling queasy except sitting still and watching tv.  In addition to almost an entire season of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (hey, don't judge), I've also spent a fair amount of time watching videos on YouTube.   If I needed a reminder that I have extremely eclectic taste in music, my YouTube viewing this week surely demonstrated it...

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A friend from church sent me this song on iTunes yesterday.  I watched the music video today, and all I can say is: if I knew someone who could fingerpaint red light into the air, I'd consider her pretty unforgettable, too:

I think what I love best about this song is that it's like the Backstreet Boys or Savage Garden meets Daughtry - only in Spanish.  Not exactly something you hear every day....

And the background singers in this video?  Totally reminded me of the Partridge Family.

--- 5 ---

Speaking of whom...  I found this today, and it made me... ahem, Happy...  ;)

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OH!  Wait - there was a news-worthy item this week.  So, my chiropractor told me to go to a particular store (known for its low prices) and purchase a foam massage roller so I can do a new exercise at home every day.  I went today to pick one up - and was absolutely appalled.  In all honesty, I was initially appalled by the hideous color choices (red or grey, really?  ugh.  if i'm going to buy exercise equipment, it ought at least be pretty....).  But upon further inspection - both options carried a bright yellow warning tag stating that the roller was made with one or more chemicals known in the state of California to cause cancer, birth defects, etc.

Are you kidding me?!  How could I possibly buy something clearly labelled "this might give you cancer"?  And who would responsibly sell it?  I couldn't do it.  Cheap, or not, I can't make myself disregard that tag.  So I'm off to another store tomorrow.  Hoping the one I saw elsewhere that's twice as expensive doesn't come with the same sort of label.

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Back to music.  I am completely hooked on the soundtrack from Pitch Perfect.  The harmonies in some of those songs are intense.  (This one is my favorite.)  I love a capella.  I also love a good parody.  Add them together?  Even better.  I know it's totally the wrong time of year for this, but hey - if some people listen to Christmas music all year long, why not Hanukkah music, too?  :)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 8)

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It's been a somewhat eventful week here in Happy-land.  It began with attempting to get up out of a chair Sunday morning, and failing miserably.  It continued with an ongoing battle between my pride and common sense.  I finally swallowed my pride and went to a chiropractor on Wednesday - and am so very glad I did.  Am on the mend now, and have learned a lot along the way.  Kind of in awe of the complex ways in which God constructed us.  Also very grateful to have a doctor who says, "I'm going to be praying for you."  And am loving the million and one ways in which God has orchestrated my life to make sure things like that happen.

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I sort of love it that the caveat here is: "it's just a list" - but I am nevertheless honored to be on it.  (However that happened...)  And wow.  If you were looking for something to read, there you are!  (I will never again have an excuse for being bored...)

--- 3 ---

One of my top reads of the week was this post on whether or not men and women can be 'just' friends.  Written by a married man, it's a really gutsy, honest, and in-your-face kind of post, and it really makes you think.  It's a little on the long side, but it's worth it.  (Tip: stick with it thru the comments!) The post kind of speaks for itself, on so many levels, but I will say this: I am so convicted by this line: "...we...have reduced relationships to what we get out of them."  Ugh.  Yes, all too often, we have.  But it doesn't have to be that way.

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I've been thinking a lot about one of Andy Stanley's more recent podcasts: Trust vs. Suspicion.  (I may have listened to it at least three times at this point...)  I think it is so easy to let suspicion fill the gap when we fail each other - to attribute the perceived failure of another person to their character, and to consider their 'failure' grounds to call foul on 'breach of trust.'   Putting trust in that gap instead - even when the other person doesn't seem to be doing the same - can feel like such a risk.  In spite of that - I would still call trust the better option over suspicion.  Believe that the other person had your best interests at heart and isn't wounding you intentionally and suddenly the (sometimes long) road towards reconciliation can seem so much easier to travel.

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There are only ELEVEN DAYS left until the Gurus of Tech conference at Willow Creek!!!   I am personally looking forward to spending two days surrounded by people who are (mostly) geekier than I am, to time with one of my BESTEST friends, and to possibly running into someone I met once in Germany; he was wearing a "More Cowbell" t-shirt.   As if such a thing needed lobbying...  I mean, duh.  It's a cowbell.  Of course you want more...

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This week, I succeeded in creating my very first interactive wireframe.  And it was fun!  If you actually know what that means, you should check out InVision.  Highly recommend them if you're new to web design.  They pretty much made wireframing a piece of cake.

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And since no 7 Quick Takes is complete without video and/or shameless plug - if you haven't read The Unwanteds yet - you should.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Bolder Boundaries: Re-Imagining Friendship Between Men And Women

As previously noted, the Bold Boundaries conference I attended last month was absolutely phenomenal, and I came home with soooo much to think about.  I went to the gathering with a lot of questions - and I came home with a lot more.  But I think the questions I came home with are better questions than the ones I had at first.  The questions I have now are bigger... no less personal, but definitely wider in scope.

I went to the conference thinking that the main question I was asking was: "Are Harry and Sally wrong?  Can men and women truly be friends?"  And it turns out that there are so many more related questions that play into the answer to that question.  This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, but here are a few I think worth asking:

• If men and women can be 'just' friends (tho true friends might consider the word 'just' to be an insult to their friendship), what does that look like?  What should it look like?
• What informs our beliefs about our gut answer to that question?
• How do our social and gender constructs not only influence our beliefs about friendship, but our reading of Scripture?
• What does the Bible say about friendship between men and women, anyway?
• How does marital status play into friendship?  (And what does it say that we tend to categorize people by their marital status (or lack thereof)?)
• How do complementarian and egalitarian viewpoints play into this conversation?
• How many of our relational rules are governed by fear masquerading as 'wisdom'?
• Is there anything inherently wrong with the 'rules' that govern our friendships (especially within the church), whether we're aware of them or not?
• And do the answers to any of these questions matter to God?  And if so, why?

I'm finding that I have a lot to say (finally!) about all of this, but it's going to take awhile for me to verbalize it.  I am, after all, an INFP, and the 'N' piece of that requires time to take in all this information so as to gradually recognize patterns and create future possibilities...  ;)

But in the interim, I will say this:

• I do believe that it is possible for men and women to be the best of friends, and that all true friendships are marked by honesty, transparency, openness, communication, commitment, integrity, love, appreciation, mutual encouragement and fun (among other things!) - regardless of whether those friendships exist between 2 women, 2 men, or a man and a woman, and regardless of marital status.
• I believe that cultivating cross-gender friendship is an integral part of living into the unity Jesus prayed for the night before He died, and that this kind of unity matters for 2 reasons: 1) it was one of the things foremost in His mind as He was headed towards death and this tells us that unity between us matters to God; and 2) it demonstrates to the world the grace-filled, boundary-breaking love of Jesus in a way that nothing else can.
• And I believe that re-imagining friendship between men and women, especially within the Church, is necessary in order to root up some of the core issues that dis-unify the Church and hinder her witness.

So what does it look like to have "bolder boundaries" in our cross-gender friendships?  I have a few thoughts on that - so stay tuned.  ;)

And in the meantime, I'd love to hear from you.  What do you think about all this?

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol.7)

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It's been a crazy wild ride IRL this week.  For one thing, I've discovered - thanks to Shauna Niequist (who uses this shorthand often) and a bit of internet research - that IRL means "in real life."  (I've also discovered the meaning of another important shorthand term (thanks to a friend who texted it, sure that I would knew what she meant): "IMHO" - which means (in case you didn't know) "in my humble opinion.")  In an effort to display why such things are important, might I suggest that IMHO, VR (which can mean more than 75 different things, but in this case means "virtual reality")  does have a place IRL.  And that LILABOC is an excellent shorthand for "Life is like a box of chocolates" - because you can say LILABOC a lot faster, and explain the rest of what you meant while eating chocolate later.  With friends that you met on the internet and then randomly (or not so randomly) ran into at a conference.

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Last weekend I had the privilege of spending two days at a conference called Bold Boundaries.  It was an absolutely amazing weekend.  A handful of people from very diverse backgrounds and theological perspectives spent the weekend swapping stories and asking questions about friendship between men and women, particularly in the church - exploring the ways in which our social and gender constructs have shaped our beliefs, debunking some myths, and looking towards Jesus for His perspective.  I learned a LOT.  I also found healing (I wasn't expecting that), came home with a few great questions to talk about with my friends, and felt so incredibly privileged to be a part of a group of people who embodied so much of what it means to be the church.  I'll have a lot to say about a lot of it over the next few weeks as I process thru it all, so please stay tuned!  (And join the conversation.)

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One of my personal take-aways from the conference was a new-found appreciation for the gift that it is to feel completely safe being 100% myself.  I have a handful of friends with whom this has (almost) always been true and I am so grateful for their love and acceptance - not just of my positive qualities, but of my growth edges as well.  Being truly seen and understood (without having to explain it), is an experience far more rare in the church than it should be.  And it is a gift.  Finding it among strangers who quickly became friends last weekend is a memory I will treasure for a very, very long time.

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One of the funnest moments of the conference happened right when we arrived.  My friend Steve went with me.  I'd observed at one point that it was kind of lame, going to a friendship conference by myself, and Steve decided to come along.  We were greeted at the door by a wonderful lady who was absolutely thrilled that we had come together.  So much so that she summoned her husband immediately, and with great joy, announced: "This is Happy, and this is Steve.  And they're friends!!!"   Lol.  Maybe you had to be there, but it was incredibly sweet - and I think we both felt really celebrated in that moment.  We are friends - and it's awesome.  And it was fun, in that moment, to know it made someone else happy, too.  :)

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Speaking of friends, and things that make people happy - here's a shameless plug: if you are looking for a good story (or several), you really should swing by World of Shandor.  I'm privileged to know the women behind the website, and I'm really enjoying their latest story, The Levour Exhibition.  Kind of wish I could go walking around in the world they've created.

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Tomorrow is Derby Day!  I haven't picked my horse yet, but I'm looking forward to sleeping in and then just puttering around most of the day - cleaning, writing, drinking entirely too much coffee, and watching all the pre-Derby footage.  The only better way I can think of to spend the first weekend in May would to actually BE at the Derby, wearing a sensational hat.  Someday...  Maybe.

--- 7 ---

In the meantime, here's my video pick of the week.

Wil Wheaton, on "Why It's Awesome To Be A Nerd."  (It's pretty great.  We just won't ask the obvious question: what in the world is he wearing?!)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

friendship, faith, and freedom

i've been thinking a lot about friendship over the past few weeks, with the Bold Boundaries conference just around the corner.  i'm really looking forward to spending a weekend hearing the thoughts and stories of several people who have been thinking thru and praying thru the dynamics of cross-gender friendships.  much of what i've been reading over the past few months (on the blogs of some of the main speakers for the conference) has encouraged, inspired, and challenged me.

i've also just finished re-reading Two-Part Invention by Madeleine L'Engle - a re-read that has turned out to be timely in so many ways.  it is the (much-abridged, i'm sure) story of her marriage to Hugh Franklin, much of which was written as he was dying.  the stories of community within its pages are truly moving, and beautiful.

which may be why this L'Engle quote, shared by Sheila Brennan in a guest post on her husband's blog this week, leapt out at me the way it did:  "Could I keep on believing in a loving God if I had no friends?  I am not sure.  My friends are God-bearers to me."

God-bearers.
yes.

when i am lonely or confused, a long conversation with a good friend is often the vehicle by which God answers my longing for companionship or wisdom.

when i am sad, or hurting deeply over something, a good cry on the shoulder of someone i completely trust can help the sorrow abate, at least a bit.  their presence serves as a solid reminder that i am not alone in my grief.  their friendship is an icon, reminding me that God is God-with-us.

when i am deeply happy about something, being able to share that joy with someone magnifies and makes the gladness even more glorious - a gloriousness that reflects, however dimly, the glory of the One who created things that make us deeply happy.

so when i need counsel, or just want companionship - when i have prayed and prayed and have no clue what His answer might be - when i am, indeed, lonely, hurting or sad - and when my joy is too great to contain on its own - i seek out my friends.  and i want them to feel that they can do the same.

so i call them to say hello.  i ask them for time.  i send a text message to say i am thinking of them or an email to mention that i'm praying.  i try to be intentional about letting the people i care most about know that they are in my thoughts.  that they matter.  that they're important.  that i want to spend time with them.  we do not tell each other often enough that we are here.  and in truth, we are not actually here, not all the time - we can't be.  only God can be.

but i suspect this is why He gives us more than one friend.

it was suggested to me this week that having asked a friend for five minutes of time, a hug, and a reminder that everything would be okay was a possible indication that my walk with God has been suffering.

no.  it hasn't.

when God first created the world, he made Adam and decided that it wasn't good for him to be alone.  so He made Eve.  and told them to make more people.  community was His idea.

Scripture is chock-full of stories about friendship: David and Jonathan.  Ruth and Naomi.  Elijah and the widow of Zarephath.  Jesus and Mary (Martha's sister).  Jesus and John.  Jesus and Peter.  Paul and Priscilla (and her husband Aquila).  to name just a few; there are so many others.  friendship was designed by God.

the very night that Jesus was betrayed by Judas, he was in a garden with His friends, and He asked them to keep watch with Him.  He did not want to go thru what He knew He was about to go thru on His own, even while He knew He would have to.  When His friends fell asleep, He expressed His disappointment.  He loved them, in spite of their failure and betrayal.  And when He rose from the dead, He went back and spent time with them.  He made them breakfast.  And made sure they knew that any brokenness in their relationship with Him had been healed.

i cannot believe, if the God of the Universe (who is in Himself enough to meet any need) wanted His friends during one of His toughest hours, that it could possibly be wrong for me to express the same wish in one of my (significantly less significant) moments of need.

to be open and honest in our friendships about the ways in which we bear God to each other - to be grateful for it, to express that gratitude to God and to each other - to ask our friends to be God-bearers to us when we know we need them to be (because they are not mind-readers and will forget or just not think of it, in the same way that we will forget or just not think to bear God to our friends) - is not wrong.  it is not idolatry.

if we were to expect one person - a spouse, another family member, a pastor, a best friend - to be the sole bearer of God's truth or presence to us, then yes, that would be idolatrous.  but idolatry and iconography are two very different things.  i do not worship my friendships.  but i trust most of them to point me in the direction of the One i do worship.  i don't expect them to do it flawlessly.  i've experienced failure in many of my most-valued friendships, as did Jesus.  but a friendship built on mutual love, respect, and trust will weather those failures and come out stronger, and less likely to fail (or at least maybe not quite as abysmally) the next time it is tested.

and i dream of a day when we are all free to simply be ourselves, to be able to state simply and honestly - to both our male and female friends - how much we value them and how grateful we are for the ways in which they have imaged God to us, without fear of misunderstanding, accusation, or judgment of our motives.  it may not truly happen in this lifetime - we are each of us flawed representations of His glory, even on our best days - but it is a dream worth working towards, even when it's difficult.

As Dan Brennan says, "Intentional friendships are hard work and messy.  But they are worth the risk...  May we all seek grace and forgiveness in our friendships.  ...we're all going to fail one another... But the beauty of grace and forgiveness is that they are wildly generous and free..."

and a future marked by that kind of beauty is definitely worth the work.

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 6)

--- 1 ---

"What's the difference between a fur and a pelt?"
"You know, at any other point in the week, I would consider that a strange question.  But it's Sunday morning.  So it's really not."

And that conversation (which did, yes, actually happen) is one of the many reasons why I love my church.

--- 2 ---

After a great deal of internet research, mostly by iPhone, we concluded that the main difference between a fur and a pelt is how much actual fur is involved.  I think.  (I'm actually still not sure.)  But along the way we discovered that furring and pelting are both verbs.  (Furring, incidentally, is also a noun.)  One of the potential meanings of the word "furring" involves clogging something with a fur-like substance (if not actual fur).

And so I ask you: what on earth would you clog with fur, and why?

These are the sorts of questions that plague me for days.  As evidenced by the fact that it has been 5 days, and I am still thinking about this...

--- 3 ---

So it's still Lent.  The fasting thing isn't going quite as fiercely as I'd anticipated (which is probably best for everyone around me, being as how fasting (still) makes me grumpy).  But I am most definitely running into my sin around pretty much every corner.  This week's highlight: covetousness.  I saw this slideshow of an amazing Lego Hogwarts set, and experienced serious envy.  I know I should repent...  But I really want one.

--- 4 ---

I've spent a ridiculous amount of time on Pinterest this week.  I will say, tho, that my favorite find of the week was a post on behappy.me.  I am truly blessed beyond measure to have a friend who instantly came to mind when I stumbled across that quote.

--- 5 ---

Speaking of friendship...  Have I mentioned recently that I am really excited about the upcoming Bold Boundaries conference?  I saw a post today on Dan Brennan's blog from a guy named Doug who's going to the conference, and I think it's spot on.  He heard someone ask, "Why do we need a conference on friendship?" And his response was essentially: "Because we could all be so much better at it."  Amen.  I have been personally challenged to rethink the way I think about cross-gender friendship over the past year, and I am really looking forward to a conference that may be ground-breaking in terms of the freedom it could bring to so many.

--- 6 ---

At the risk of being labeled a "cat lady" like the single, cat-loving person I am (in spite of the fact that I do not currently own a cat): Apple Chauncery may be my favorite cat... er, font... of all time.

--- 7 ---

And because no 7 Quick Takes post would be truly complete without at least one YouTube video, this one makes me wish my daydream of being discovered as a quintessential background vocalist would actually come true (because there's not much that makes me happier than creating awesome harmonies, and the harmonies in this song are pretty incredible):

 

 For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 5)

--- 1 ---

Someone asked me today how my week was.
"Crazy hard and super cool."
That about sums it up.

--- 2 ---

I blogged a bit earlier this week about the "crazy hard" piece of it.

Summation: I came face to face with the reality that all too often I put my trust in money - instead of in God.  Tuesday's events and my reactions to them revealed that all too clearly, and I ended up eating some serious humble repentance pie.  Plus a couple of Cadbury eggs.

I spent the next two days in mental and emotional recovery.  And in further consumption of the Best. Easter. Candy. Ever.

--- 3 ---

And in case you were not tempted by the obvious link in the words Best. Easter. Candy. Ever...

This is what you would have found:

(Logic - for the win.  (HT: xkcd))

--- 4 ---

So the "super cool" piece of this week?  (you know, beyond the fact that the God of the Universe knows the ever-so-insignificant-detail of my affection for Cadbury eggs...)

Today, a very dear friend handed me $200 and told me, "This is a gift from your heavenly Father, who loves you."  Later, she texted me to say, "You'll have to get used to receiving extravagant gifts.  I think Papa has many more in store for you."

That $200 was exactly what I needed to cover all the expenses associated with an unexpected opportunity that will equip me to be better at my job.  As of Tuesday, I thought I was going to have to turn it down, and it was heart-breaking.  And now?  I can go.  God is sooooo good.

--- 5 ---

Speaking of which: I had an unexpected opportunity last night to hang out with three of the coolest kids on the planet.  This may have included watching the middle 1/3 of the original Karate Kid movie.  (I have still not seen the new one, on principle.  And am choosing not to look too closely at why said principle did not stop me from watching the newer versions of Cheaper By The Dozen and Freaky Friday.)

--- 6 ---

I've finished the "Web Fundamentals" track at Codecademy, and moved on to the next one, and all I have to say at this point is that jQuery... is confusing.  And possibly lethal.... (in the event that your brain implodes while attempting to comprehend it).

--- 7 ---

Which is why I find it slightly surprising that spontaneous combustion doesn't play a wider role in this video:

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Lenten Lessons: fasting, integrity, and really dumb ideas

It has always seemed incredibly ironic to me that while fasting, of all the spiritual disciplines, drop-kicks me into dependence on God faster than anything else, it does, at the same time, bring out the absolute worst in me.

I suppose it's fitting - fasting being a physically cleansing activity - that it seems to do the same thing spiritually, but good golly gosh - it's neither pleasant nor pretty.

Two unexpected things (both related to finances) have happened in the past twenty-four hours that have shaken my trust - and showed some serious flaws in its foundation.  It seems I've been building my trust on the wrong things again, instead of on the solid rock of God's Word and character.  To say that God is faithful and in the next breath freak out about something that may or may not happen is to build on sand.  To choose the easy way (depending on credit) at the cost of integrity (even if no one would ever know) is again to build on sand.  And houses built on sand can't stand.

Today had some really tough moments.  Moments when the fruits of the Spirit were scarcely visible and the muck of my sin, pride, and extreme lack of faith dominated the scene.  It was horrible.  I cried - a lot.  I cried because I felt abandoned and unheard, because I could not see how God would come through.  I cried because the consequences of past sin (in regard to how I've handled/viewed my finances) justly affect my present reality even though those wrong choices are covered by grace, and it feels unfair, although it isn't.  And I cried because I know that God is faithful and true to His word and His promises, because I know that trying harder isn't what earns grace - that you can't earn it; it's a gift, and you have to receive it, and that sometimes life is just life and you can't control it and it is - somehow - all going to be okay, and that accusing God of not caring enough about you to give you what you want is one of the dumbest ideas ever.

And God, in His goodness and His grace, waited until I was done with my fit, and then spoke quietly:  "Go buy yourself some Cadbury eggs."

Permission to splurge.  To do something kind for myself.
To stop dwelling in the negative, and to choose hope.

So I bought the eggs.

They are sitting here on my table - Easter eggs: a symbol of life - and better still, chocolate, which inevitably makes me happy.  They remind me that the God of the Universe, who knows the deepest cries of people who live in far worse circumstances than I do, heard my cry and answered in a way that He knew I'd understand.  He knows me.  He sees.  He hears.  He cares.

And He waited until the muck of my sin was out in the open and then patiently began cleaning it up.  "You can't control everything.  But there are things that you can."  So I folded my laundry and did the dishes.  Sorted thru the junk mail and recycled a ton of clutter.  And caught up on a few of Andy Stanley's leadership podcasts - including one on Integrity (from July 2012).

A woman of integrity doesn't take the easy way out.  She does what is right, and God blesses it.  By the end of the podcast, I had chosen not to take the easy way.  And within minutes, a solution to one of the problems presented itself.  Whoa.  The other one (if it even exists) is more complicated.  It'll take time.  But it is not impossible - not for God.

And I don't have to see how He will be faithful to know that He will be.

Ironic, that I could forget that, while practicing a spiritual discipline that is meant to bring me closer to Him.  And yet - in the end,  I guess it did.  And I shed some things along the way that will leave my spirit lighter, provided I don't try to pick them up again.

Andy Stanley tells of a prayer he's prayed daily for years, and I think it's one worth adding to my personal liturgy:  "Lord, give me the wisdom to know what it right, and the courage to do what is right, even when it's hard."

It just goes so much better that way.

And this Cadbury egg I'm having for dessert?  It's seriously sweet.



Related posts: 
Fasting Makes Me Grumpy - February 2008
Fasting, Repentance, and Freedom - February 2008
Lenten Journeys: Learning to Breathe - February 2010

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 4)

--- 1 ---

Happy Lent!  I know that sounds weird - Lent involves giving stuff up, right?  Usually stuff we love.  It can feel less than exciting, and more like a chore.  Something we're supposed to do.  (How many days are there left in Lent?)  No other season invokes in me the desire to whine at Jesus, "Are we there yet?" than Lent.  And yet - Lent is typically the time I spend the most time focused on dying to myself and drawing closer to God.  So ... happy Lent.  With all its hardships, it is still going to be an amazing season.

--- 2 ---

This year's Lenten journey, for me, is likely going to involve a good deal of fasting - not just from one thing, but from entire meals.  Not because I like it, not because it's fun, not because it's super-holy - but because I don't know of a single other spiritual discipline that drives me to God as quickly.  Fasting puts me in touch with how want-driven I can be.  It also gives me a colossal headache, which in turn gives me the opportunity to practice displaying things like patience and joy - against all odds.  It reminds me that how I feel in any given moment is not necessarily indicative of reality.  And it puts me in touch with how very much I need God's presence and intervention on a daily basis.  (This is no less true when I'm not hungry, but I sure do remember it a lot more often when I am!)

--- 3 ---

One of the fun things about my job is that I get to go fishing on a lot of church websites for ideas and new inspiration.  It's fun seeing what different churches are doing to make an impact in their communities.  This year it looks like at least three lucky people are walking away from Valley Family Church with a new car on Easter Sunday.  What a creative way to bless families in need!

--- 4 ---

Speaking of creativity, one pastor built a drop box - for babies.  He's making a difference one life at a time, and his story is absolutely inspiring:

I am so looking forward to seeing this documentary this summer!  Visit The Drop Box website for more information on how you can help build a new orphanage for these little ones.

--- 5 ---

This week has held a lot of ups and downs; one of the ups was a spontaneous coffee chat with a dear friend who showed up while I was working on Valentine's Day to buy me a cup of coffee and chat.  He brought me an entire bag of Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups.  Happy day!

--- 6 ---

One of the downs?  My work week felt something a little (er... a lot) like this:

--- 7 ---

Which is why I'm sure that going to Codecademy is a brilliant idea.  Surely on the far side of a bit more education,  I will sound smarter guesstimating that something might take a couple of hours.  Give or take.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 3)

It's been a very diverse week here in Happyland.  I took an inordinate amount of time off this week, mostly by accident.  Ish.  I mean, I meant to take time off.  Just maybe not quite so much of it...

It was worth it, tho!  

-1-

Monday was the 2nd session of a 3-session virtual conference for pastor's wives and women in ministry.  It's called JustONE, put on by Leading and Loving It, and I have to say, I'm really glad I signed up for this.  It's just an hour and a half each week, and there are eight different showings of each session, so it's easy to find one that works with your day.  I've learned so much from the speakers so far.  Like with any good conference, there's a little bit for everyone, so not all the sessions have resonated in the same ways - but I've had the chance to hear from some very strong female voices that I'd previously never even heard of.  The conference is free, so I'd highly recommend popping on over to their website and registering for Week 3, which begins on Monday morning.

-2-

My favorite speaker by far this week was Michelle Meeks.  Michelle spoke on finding freedom within busyness - something I'm still trying to figure out on a day-to-day basis - but her talk challenged me to look at how easily I forget, in the midst of the chaos that is my life, that He is with me; that I am not alone.  (And then I promptly forgot, again, as soon as the chaos resumed.  But writing about it has reminded me, so maybe there's hope?)

-3-

Lent is quickly approaching.  I had a really humorous conversation about this with someone last weekend.  She was planning to give her heart to God for Lent.  "Never mind about the rest of the year," I said without thinking.  (Filter, Happy, FILTER!!!!)  Fortunately she found it funny - and is now considering a different approach.   ;)

-4-

Many thanks to the Unvirtuous Abbey (whom I discovered this week via a friend who shared a FB post of this retweet) for retweeting a relatively funny, if slightly sarcastic prayer, on behalf of those who will be giving up chocolate for Lent this year - considering it starts the day before Valentine's Day.  Hahaha.  Whoops.

-5-

I registered this week for a conference called Bold Boundaries, which is coming to Chicago in April.  I've been reading the blogs of some of the speakers for this conference for awhile now, and am looking forward to hearing them in person!  Gender roles within the church have experienced a great deal of confusion over the past few decades, and I think that many of the voices at this conference are speaking into that creatively and wisely.  This post from Kathy Escobar really got me thinking this week.

- 6 - 

We got 8 inches of snow yesterday.  It was the first real snowfall of the season, and the world is beautifully white.  I love snow.  It's so pretty.  :)

As the first one home, I took the first shift for shoveling - about 4 inches altogether at that point, plus the three foot pile at the end of drive from the plows.  It was great exercise.  I'll confess tho - I think there were only about 6 square feet of snow left to shovel off the driveway when I finally registered that the shovel I was using had, yes, been laying on top of a snowblower in the garage...

- 7 -

Music is such an interesting thing.  I'm always fascinated when I hear a new (or new-to-me) cover of a song, especially when it's a song I really liked.

This, however, was not a song I liked.  At all.

I almost didn't listen to the cover because of the original.  Now?  I might actually like this song.

Worship Leading 101: Condensed

This is truly amazing.

You may need Kleenex.  ;)

Compassion - Checkpoint #1

At the beginning of January, I joined the OneWord365 Community and chose "compassion" as my one word for the year.

I knew it was going to cost me something.
What I didn't really register is that one of the things it will cost is my pride.

The first thing I've learned about compassion is how little of it I seem to have for myself.  I can have a tough day, or screw something up, or say the wrong thing, and my instant response is to berate myself for it (sometimes for days) - whereas a friend can tell me with tears in her eyes about how tough her day was, or how she made a poor decision, or said the wrong things, and my instant response will be one of grace and compassion, calling out what's true about her as a person over and against the facts of her day or a situation, and reminding her who and Whose she is.

I can read verses like Psalm 103:8, which says: "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love" - and know that a Christ-like attitude imitates this - but to have this perspective towards myself is challenging.  To be compassionate and gracious towards myself, to not be mad at myself when I "get it wrong" (especially if I knew better!) - wow.  Not my first response.

Admitting it out loud means acknowledging that this needs to change.  It means that on a tough day, when I'm not succeeding in holding it all together or "getting it right," I need to be able to walk in grace without arguing with it.  I know that His grace covers all my sins and shortcomings, and that I am a work-in-progress - but all too often I expect justice when what's mine is gracious compassion.

One of the things the Lord has been whispering so often to my heart this past month is that He understands me far better than I understand myself.  He knows every thought, every motivation - and He knows where they came from.  He is in the business of taking the broken and making it whole - and He is doing that with me.  And He sees past the flaws to the beauty He's bringing out of me.

So a little over a month in, I can already say that "compassion" was a good word for the year.  I don't think I realized how much I really need it - especially from myself.

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol.2): The Fighting Buffalo Edition

Well, I'd meant to blog this week, I really did - but hey, 7 Quick Takes it is.  (Thanks again for hosting, Jen!)

1.)  I've learned a lot this week about conflict resolution:

    a) I am still really bad at it.  but...
    b) I'm better than I used to be!

So on the upside - I actually chose to confront someone when I was angry this week.

On the downside - I did it really badly.

So please allow me to present you with a few Happy Guidelines To Better Fights:

2.)  Never fight over email.  Your tone-of-voice in an argument matters - and no matter how clear and logical you think you're being,  the truth is that if you are in any way, shape, or form irritated, it will come off that way.  In person, no matter how difficult, will always be better.  Your facial expressions, classic tells, and your heart will come thru sooooooo much better in person.

3.) Don't assume your perspective is accurate.  You're mad.  So of course you're right.  (and, um, no.... you're not.  Your perspective is only half of "what just happened there"...

4.) Ask questions.  Seek to understand.  So something someone said torqued you off...  Why?  And why did they say it?  Did they mean what you think they meant?  Or are you having a bad day?  (All of a sudden.  Which can happen.  Usually because there's something going on under the surface of which you weren't aware.)

5.) Assume good intent.  If the person you're fighting with is a good friend, it's likely there's been some kind of miscommunication at the heart of whatever the "real" issue appears to be. Again - ask questions.  Have the guts to say to his/her face: "This is what I heard you say, and this is how I feel about it."  But be prepared to hear that you heard wrong in the first place.

6.) At the end of the day, what matters is unity.  Not being right.  Not being wrong.  Just... getting it right.  Back to good.  Back to the way it's supposed to be.

and  7.) Never underestimate the power of a good, well-timed, and heart-felt laugh.  It can make or break your day, no matter what's happened in it.

So, say... for an extremely random example...  you were once chased by a bison.  But you later found out that other people have tamed them, and had adventures while riding them that inspired songs.  Which may or may not be available for purchase on iTunes.

You could find yourself spending more time that it's worth watching videos like this one, and laughing hysterically (which is always good for you):

Who knew buffalo were so handy against (were)wolves?

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 1)

One of my favorite bloggers hosts a bit of weekly fun called 7 Quick Takes Friday - which can, as far as I can tell, be summed up as "Quick everybody - 7 things.  Go!"  It's actually what inspired my random ramblings series a few years ago - I wasn't sure I could commit to a weekly post, or that I'd have seven whole things to say - but I'm finding that the first excuse is something I just need to call an excuse and ditch altogether, and the second is actually untrue (how do I pick only 7 things?!).

So belatedly, I am joining the bandwagon.  And looking forward to meeting some new friends along the way.  :)

So without further ado:

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 1)

1.)  I am that geek.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be learning about BSP trees and reading books on web/graphic design for fun, I would have looked at you blankly and wondered if you'd hit your head.  Recently, I've been doing both, and actually asking friends for book recommendations.  I'm also ridiculously excited about helping the Professor (who is probably going to regret saying I could help) design a website for the serving ministry of our church.  I am learning a ton - and looking forward to the day when I understand why all of these t-shirts are funny...

2.) It's gonna be worth it.
There have been some tough moments (mostly as a result of that bicycle accident) over the past few months.  Tonight, I was reminded as a dear friend led us into worship, that it really will all be worth it someday.  Thanks, Steve.  And thanks, Rita Springer, for writing this song.

3.)  Of course, the minute I started to search YouTube for that song, I thought instantly of Debbie, the Internet Dater, who may actually someday inspire me to download Songify...

(It may be possible that I am personally responsible for somewhere between 50-75 of those millions of views... and that I may or may not have downloaded this song from iTunes...)

4)  And as long as we're still on YouTube, you might as well know that if you're going to write a song about something, it might as well be about this:

5) Nothing is ever wasted.

Which is why I don't really mind about the bison.  Who may or may not have a twitter feed.

6) Speaking of Twitter... a friend recently inadvertently posted a series of links via her twitter feed, which inadvertently led me to start reading Seth Godin's blog.  This interview he did with Krista Tippett is worth your time.

7) So about that One Word Resolution... 

Who knew I was going to spend most of January learning to be compassionate towards myself?  More on that soon.

Because it's 11:55pm.  Which means it's almost no longer Friday, so I need to wrap it up.  ;)

My One Word Resolution

For the past several years, I've taken New Year's Day as a sort of retreat day, a day to be quiet and listen, to reflect on the past year and look towards the new year and all of its possibilities.  I don't really make resolutions - but I usually spend some time thinking about the victories and shifts I'd like to see the next year hold.  Looking back at my New Year's post from last year,  I am pleasantly surprised to tell you that all the things I wrote about wanting to see happen last year did.  So that's pretty fantastic.

I have all sorts of hopes and dreams for the coming year, too, but this year I want to try something a little different.  A few weeks ago I came across a website called OneWord365.  The basic idea is to pick a word - one word - that will shape your year, and then write about it throughout the year.

There are so many amazing words to choose from, but when I started praying about it a few days ago, one word came to mind almost immediately and wouldn't go away.

My OneWord365 for 2013

On the surface it seems like a really nice word - but I'll confess, I have a sneaking suspicion that this word is going to cost me something.  But it's the word I feel like He's speaking over this year, so it's the word I'm going to focus on.  I will let compassion shape me and change me and make me more like Jesus -  and probably end up with some really good (if possibly heart-breaking) stories along the way.

So here's to a year full of compassion  - and to learning all this word will teach me.

What's your one word for 2013?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!

Join the OneWord365 community

Life Lessons from Zumba - #4: Never Underestimate The Power Of Sheer Determination

I'm telling you, sometimes determination is all it takes.

There's this one routine we've been doing in Zumba this semester that I have absolutely detested from the first time we did it.  It has jumping jacks in it.  Not just ordinary run of the mill jumping jacks, either.  These are jumping jacks that require you to cross your feet, and there are 4 or 5 of them in very quick succession, in between these hoppy little knee lifts, and if you miss one, it's hard to catch up.

Can I just tell you that at 37, jumping jacks - especially tricky little fast ones - are a lot harder than they were when I was 7?

(Ok, you can stop laughing now.)

I'm not kidding, I have not once made it all the way through this routine all semester and actually accomplished all the jumping jacks.  And it's been soooo frustrating.  I can be a bit of an  overachiever (the first step is admitting the problem, right?) - and it can drive me a little nuts when I run into something that I can't do (but think I should be able to do).  And this routine is so demanding that by the end of it I am usually dripping with sweat and feeling like the most uncoordinated person on the planet.

Until today.  I made my usual protest at the beginning of the song.  Was outvoted by a roomful of women who can actually do jumping jacks without feeling like they're going to fall over.  And decided that today was the day.

I missed a couple other things in the routine here and there, but I nailed every single jack today.  And it felt amazing.

Never underestimate the power of sheer determination.

Now granted, there are going to be days when it isn't enough.  Days when you can will yourself to accomplish something all you want, and yet fail utterly.  I lucked out.  Today wasn't that day.  But there have been other days when I've thrown myself at a problem or a task, determined to conquer it - and fallen very, very short.

But here's the thing.  It's better than not trying.

Because at least if you tried - you did something.  You didn't just sit by passively and let life happen to you.  You went out and did something.  And maybe even learned something along the way from your mistakes and failures.

Determination was the key to getting thru that routine today - but eight weeks of showing up to class and trying (even on the weeks when it didn't go well) was the discipline that made me strong enough for determination to finally win out.

Where do you need to "show up" and put in a little more discipline to build the strength you need for your life?  (And how rewarding will it be the next time you throw a little sheer determination at something you want to but aren't sure you can do - and succeed?)

"You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race.  Everyone runs; one wins.  Run to win.  All good athletes train hard.  They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades.  You're after one that's gold eternally.

I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line.  I'm giving it everything I've got."
- 1 Corinthians 9:24-26 (The Message)



Other "Life Lessons from Zumba" Posts:
# 3 - It Doesn't Always Go Well
# 2 - Don't Think About The Six-Step
# 1 - The Five Minute Rule of Survival