well, today's the big day! i've been informed that this is not the first time i have preached, but it is definitely the first time i've done it on purpose without a guitar to hide behind. i am the slightest bit nervous, and i have absolutely no idea how this will go. when i lead worship there are eighteen million things to think about and i generally, after years of doing it, catch about five of them. (lately i've been forgetting to tape my music together and put it in a binder so i don't have to worry about page turns as much - that's hard when you're playing straight thru to the next song on your guitar, but most of the time, i manage it.) still, there's almost always something that comes up on stage that makes me think, gosh, i wish i'd thought of that earlier - this would go so much better if... i can't imagine it's much different with preaching.
what do you do with your notes? do you just read off the page where you wrote it all out? that might work from a pulpit, but i've got a music stand and stage space to pace around in. what if i forget what i was saying? (this happens in conversation, and i am not a "let's stand up in public and give a speech" type of person.) and what if i miss it? what if i accidentally say something that isn't true? i've studied, and i've sought counsel, but what if? this is extremely serious business, sharing God's word, and telling people how to apply it to their lives... stepping into a position of authority and assuming the responsibility that comes with being given that authority is no small task. it's... exciting, terrifying, a zillion things i can't even define.
and yet... as Rachel said, months ago - it's like i'm standing on the edge of the promised land, looking out over it, and all i have to do is believe that God has given it to me, and put feet to my faith. it's time to go get it.
last May, i finally realized that God had given me something to say; i just didn't know what it was. i'm still not 100% sure, but i'm going to show up and start talking tonight, and i guess we'll find out. :)
prayers appreciated!!!! :)