everything's changing...

an object in motion will stay in motion until it is stopped by an equal and opposite force.

i’m discovering it is possible to have the metaphorical wind knocked out of you when you are that object…

one of my friends just got engaged, and i’m really excited for her. another one of my friends has been in Africa on a missions trip for a few months, and she wrote yesterday to say that she isn’t coming home until January now. another friend is in Fiji and while he is coming home next week, he won’t be here long before he’s off to new adventures as a result of this trip. two of my friends are moving to Minnesota. another just up and quit his job in pursuit of what God has for him, tho he has no idea what that might be.

and i’m still here. i’m still in this very flat state (which has its share of nice people, but just isn’t West Michigan), and i’m still living paycheck to paycheck, in a friend’s basement. and i feel like, just for a minute, i’ve been totally winded by something. it isn’t jealousy or envy, i don’t think - i don’t want their lives - i want mine; it’s just - i don’t know - life. i feel like i just got sucker-punched - but not by anyone… maybe by my own choices, or a false idea of what my life “should” have looked like and doesn’t? i don’t know exactly. all i know is that just for a minute there, i couldn’t breathe.

but i’m better now.

and i’m excited for these friends and for their futures… and for whatever mine might be. i wouldn’t know any of these people if I didn’t live here, and i’ve been blessed to know them - and… well. at least there’s email and whatnot. sigh…

7 comments:

Cathy H said...

I've found that sometimes God highlights things to make me start to not be quite so attached to my life.

Usually right before a big change, dissatisfaction sets in. I think because if I was truly content and happy I would never actually go.

Start looking for the opportunity.

Delirious said...

I think times like these make us take inventory of our life. For me, that event if age. I am getting ready to celebrate another birthday, and I'm looking at my life wondering what I should have accomplished that I didn't, and thinking about what I would like to do before I am too old to do it. Taking inventory is painful, but I do think it gives us an opportunity to dream and set goals. My Uncle once told me a saying that has stuck with me. He said, "Sometimes things are a means to an end.". I think that is true. Sometimes we are in the middle of an exciting part of our life, and other times we are in preparation for those exciting times. :)

Ruth said...

I hear your lament and I feel for you but I can't help but think that something great is around the corner. It's like that dream you had in the train. It's a time of parting with the old and being ready for the call to the new. It's the agonizing pause of waiting on the Lord.

I remember being in that same place once. Knowing that I was somehow made for something more but I wasn't willing to wait and trust God. I took things into my own hands and made my own destiny. I beleive that God has weaved a tapestry of my life and it has all worked out for the good. However, I always wonder what if..........

Erin said...

I'd be willing to bet you have an exciting future too. It may not be exciting in the same exact ways as your friends, but it will likely suit you just fine.

Tara said...

Happy, i am feelin ya here. This is the year of 'many changes' that God told me to prepare for. Just this year alone: my twins will graduate high school, i ended my engagement, i became a new grandma, i went back to ministry and then quit again, and it is only July!!!Seasons are just that...seasons. How can i measure anything? By what standard? I find myself asking the Father "what's to become of me"....and ya know what? I will have to wait to find out what His plan is. You have encouraged me so much recently...perhaps this is where you belong for this season? There are many to come for you dear sister! Being content is tough for me most times. Life isn't going on wiithout you...you are very much a part of it all. Remember what He said? "I want you to trust me Hap..no matter what"....Hugs!

Bethany Belisa said...

hey hap! i really do believe that God has something for you...something huge is coming. and all of these changes He is bringing about in others lives, right now for your viewing pleasure, is birthing an enduring trust in you for whatever it is that God has for you...He is a God who makes us ready, a God who prepares us, always producing in us an expectancy and radical trust that will enable us to move when He says move. i love you so much and i am so excited for your life,darling sister of my heart:)

Happy said...

Cathy!!! Hi! How are you? :) I found your blog recently and have been skimming back ove some of your latest posts - woman, you are one talented artist. Thanks for putting all those pictures up. :) Love what you did with your IKEA inspiration. (i am staying far, far away from IKEA because i'm totally in the mood to re-decorate myself... lol.)

you have a VERY good point... a little bit of dissatisfaction isn't such a bad thing... i dunno, sometimes I feel guilty for feeling it - like i'm not being grateful enough for the lot i've been given/chosen... but it's just as true that if i WERE perfectly content, i might not be as willing to walk away to something new. tho i hope i would be... if God said, "Go." hm. more food for thought.

delirious - Happy Birthday! (whenever it is) :) i'm familiar with that birthday inventory...

Ruth - thank you. Your words reminded me of something our dear friend Rachel told me a few months ago - about the promised land being just around the corner. it still is. i need to hold out for that.

what if... i wonder if there even is a "what if" sometimes... i wonder it a lot myself - but i *didn't* choose that other path, and God always knew what i would choose... so "what if" (for all my wondering) wasn't ever going to be... maybe? (this is why i did NOT pursue philosophy in college - it turns my brain into a pretzel... all I remember from philosophy is that the phenomenal world is like a chocolate chip cookie - but i have NO IDEA what that statement actually means...lol). I know what you mean tho... what if we HAD chosen something different. I wonder what God's word says about crossroads like that... might make for an interesting study.

Thoughts, Rob? Wayne? Robert? (and any other pastoral types?) I know you guys are lurking around here somewhere. :) or anyone else, really... this is an interesting tangent...

Erin - thank you. you're right. it WILL be fine. i think the "tension" or whatever it is that i'm feeling is that these friends of mine are all off to the things i thought i'd be off to by now - marriage, missions... but you're right. He knows what will best suit me... "whom of you, when your child asks for a fish would give him a stone?" etc... *sigh* I just need to be PATIENT... that particular fruit of the Spirit needs a little more cultivation, apparently. :P

Tara - "Life isn't going on without you." I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. I actually burst into tears, because it was so perfectly worded. Thank you, my friend. Thank you. Hugs to you, too!!

Bethany Bella - I didn't even know you were reading my blog, chica! Thanks for speaking into my life yet again... looking forward to a good long chat sometime soon. i love you!!