i am woman; hear me...what?

It was a long-standing joke amongst our group of friends, surely referenced to something long-forgotten in our (then) pop culture: "I am woman! Hear me roar!!!" Followed by: "Mreow..."

I don't remember why, but I thought of that the other day, and it totally made me crack up. Partly because it's just funny... and partially because for the longest time it was true. Ruth recently was praying for me, and felt that God used the word "bashful" in reference to me. There are a few reasons for that... one is simply that it's been so true for so long - I am ridiculously shy, but not a lot of people know that, because I've learned to overcome it (for the most part). But there's also a sense in which it is no longer quite as true as it once was...

One of the fundamental shifts that's been happening of late at the core of who I am is completely centered around this whole bashfulness thing. I mentioned yesterday that I was thinking of changing the name of my blog. If I changed the name to anything, it would be this: "A Curious Thing..." and it's because of something my friend/mentor/pastor/brother/person Mark said a couple of weeks ago.

A bunch of us were sitting around in his living room one evening, playing the encouragement game. (If you've never played, you should - it totally rocks. Basically everyone goes around and says something really nice about you, and then it's someone else's turn and you all go around and say nice things about that person...and so on. It's great.) :)

So it's Mark's turn to say something nice about me, and he kind of tips back on his chair a bit and says slowly (he's still thinking really hard about how to say what he wants to say): "You... are the most curious thing..." and then there's this pause, and I couldn't help it, I just started laughing. It was right up there with the time Veggie said I was complex person....

But Mark went on to explain it, and what he said was that I have this really tender heart, but on the outside, I'm like this really tough warrior woman...

And I kind of know what he means, tho I kind of don't... and sometimes I feel more like the flip version of that - easily wounded, but chock full of chutspa in spite of it... but maybe it's more that I'm a little bit of both. At any rate - this warrior woman side of me, whether she's more inner or outer me - she's new. And I like her. And she doesn't put up with much, and she chases Jesus in a pretty hard-core way. And if you happen to mess with her... chances are pretty good she will actually roar.

Which is probably why Stephie says I can be a ninja now. :)