walking towards spring

Today was an incredible day.  Good friends, good stories, good food - beautiful weather (warm and sunny!) - a 15-mile trek thru a nature preserve on my bike, and a 2-mile walk.  I am rested for the first time in I'm not really sure how long.  And it feels amazing.  I can tell I am still not yet where I need/want to be - but a day off was a great step in the right direction.

It was a long, hard winter.  Juggling two jobs that hit busy seasons at the same time was no easy task, but the real truth is that in addition to that, there's just been a lot of "hard stuff".  Things I can't really talk about.  Things I can't do anything about.  Things that weren't my fault, but affected me deeply....

It's been a long, hard season, and I feel battered and bruised - and exhausted to the core.

But I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, who was sharing a little  about the metaphorical winter season she's been in - watching objectively as God has blessed her family amazingly, yet feeling very disconnected, and wanting to feel the joy she thought she should - and she said something incredibly profound.  It was something to the effect of: "I was looking out my window the other day, and there's this field that in the summer, you can't really see much of except for the trees, but right now, you can see everything.  And it occurred to me that this is what God is doing, even if I don't understand it right now.  We need these winter seasons in order to see anything clearly.  He's as much at work now as He is in any other season, and what He's doing will bear fruit later on."

Her words gave me so much peace and consolation, knowing that it's true: in the midst of all the sorrow and heartache of the past few months, God has been at work - and I don't know what He's doing, but I know that He's good and that He knows what He's doing.  I don't have to figure it all out.  I just have to stand still in the middle of this field that is my life and look around to see what's here, and where new life might spring into being any moment.

It can be hard to imagine in the winter of our souls that spring will ever come.  But I drove through vibrant green tunnels of trees over the roads near my house today, and realized that life has come back to the world around me suddenly, and enthusiastically, and that the same thing will happen to my soul, maybe when I least expect it.  And being at rest today, caring for my soul by feeding it with things that make me whole and happy,  I saw glimpses of the summer to come.  And it is going to be glorious.

So I will keep on walking towards spring, choosing to hope even when I feel completely hopeless - because I'm not.  My hope rests in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who designed all seasons, and is no stranger to the one I'm in.

And I will continue to rejoice in every single glorious, sunny day that comes my way.  :)


Arman Sheffey said...

How Excellent!!! He is and so was this blog post!!! Great to hear that you are feeling way more rested for once. That is a profound statement your friend made. Thanks for sharing that! It is great stuff! I will uplift you in my prayers tonight!

Happy said...

Thanks, Arman! :)