I actually wrote this a long time ago, but came across it today and thought, wow. still relevant.
"Anonymous seasons afford us the opportunity to establish God as our souls' true point of reference if we resist underestimating how he treasures our hiddenness and take the time to decide whose attention and acceptance really matters in our lives." - alicia britt cole on p. 47 of "anonymous"
Ouch. And yes.
Today is one of those days when I feel like a complete nobody. I know that to God I am infinitely priceless. I know that. But too often I look to other people for affirmation of that. I look to my friends - the people that I've chosen to do life with - to be "Jesus with skin on": to reflect to me the love that God has for me. And most of the time they do it, and do it well. But then there are days like today when they are simply people, and we're all defective sometimes - "imperfect" would be the word I'm looking for here. Days when your best friends - the ones that already know all the junk you just need them to know so you don't have to explain why you're crying now -aren't home or don't answer their phones or have lives that don't include you for the moment .... The days when the sun is shining and you wish you could just feel happy instead of being technically happy (favored by the circumstances of God's love for you regardless of any other sort of circumstance you may be in).
These are the days that I need to not be dependent on anyone but God to know my value. The days when I need to know that I really am a daughter of the King, holy, and dearly loved. The days when His attention and His acceptance are all I want and all I need.
God, I'm sorry that I keep messing this up. I'm sorry that I keep looking to other people to meet the needs of my heart that only You can meet. Please help me to look to You and You alone for approval and acceptance, and to see myself clearly in light of that. May Your word about me be how I define myself - may Your view of me be the base of my self-esteem. May You and You alone be the focus of my attention, may Your Name and Your renown be the desire of my life; may You be my point of reference in all I do, all I say, and even in all I think, God. There are days like today when that seems like an incredible transformation to be made - but You've already brought me so far, and I know You will be faithful to complete the good work You have already begun in me. Help me to remember that. And help me to know how much You rejoice in this season of my life, when I truly am being "undragoned" and recreated into who You always meant me to be in the first place. Thank you, Lord. Amen.