simple felicity

importance

2012-01-27T08:30:00.000-06:00

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." - Luke 2:19

Every now and again, God sends someone into my life who, for whatever reason, just seems to know what to say. Some say that's the prophetic in action. I don't care what you call it - I'm just glad it happens.

I woke up early yesterday, and one of the first things I read was an email from... well, a friend, for sure - but an unexpected one. I'm not even 100% sure how we went from being people who knew the same people at church to being friends, but we're definitely there - and this morning's email was proof positive.

They were just two words in the middle of a letter, but they shaped my entire day: "You're important."

Whoa.

Can I just tell you, I really can't honestly remember the last time anyone said anything even remotely like that to me?

Importance.

From a traditional religious perspective, that word carries all kinds of danger and warning with it. The Pharisees and Sadducees - they were important, right? (Mild sarcasm alert:) So by all means, belittle yourself, so you won't be caught in that trap.

And yet...

Jesus spent His entire time here on earth walking among and ministering to "the least of these." Women, children, lepers - you name them - if they were outcasts of society, you could bet Jesus was spending time with them. And He wasn't just around - He was doing things. Like healing them. Defending them. Telling the self-righteous, arrogant people who knew how to "get it right" and therefore felt justified in judging others to take a flying leap, and to look in a mirror on the way. He gave dignity and hope to everyone He encountered (well... except maybe to the self-righteous, who didn't think they needed it).

Dignity. Hope. Importance.

I'm not sure it was possible to know Jesus and not feel valued. (Sidenote: I think even the people He yelled at were people He valued. He wanted them to get their heads out of their rule books and change their attitudes so they could actually see and know God. Even when they killed Him, His heart toward them was compassionate and forgiving...)

Maybe it's just because we don't want to risk being Pharisees, or maybe it's because no one thinks to remind us and so we forget, but I think it's possible that we don't always really understand that we're important. The Bible tells us that God knows how much hair we have (which is really impressive, when you think about it), that He knows the plans He has for us (do you know how many people there are on the planet?), that we're a part of what He's doing in the world to draw all people to Himself; theologians call mankind "the pinnacle of creation." And it's easy for me to look at other people and see their value, to see someone hurting or stressed out and take an extra 5 minutes to say, "Hey, you're not alone in this. I'm with you. I'm praying for you." But for whatever reason, I'm somewhat floored when someone does the same thing for me. I get it that "people" are valuable to God; but I don't think I always get it that I'm actually one of them.

So those two words yesterday were life to my soul. I carried them around all day - listening to God whisper their truth to my heart. I'm ... important. Not in some puffed up, obnoxious way - but in a quiet, loved-deeply and individually valued-by-God way. I think if you'd asked me if I knew I was important to Him, I would have said yes in a heart-beat, but yesterday I realized that I tend to measure my value by what I do. I have people in my life who are awesome about saying "thank you" and "great job" - but so often it's about what I've done, and not who I am. And I guess that's what was so life-giving about hearing those words from my friend. Those words, in their original context, weren't about what I could do. They were about me.

It was pretty amazing.

And I love how God took those two little words and turned them into a day-long conversation. I think it was Rob Harrison who once reminded me that even Karl Barth could sum up all his theology by saying, "Jesus loves me, this I know." Sometimes I think we really do just have to ditch all the complicated whatnot of our lives and go back to that, and like Mary, just treasure that truth, and ponder it in our hearts.

So if you've been in a season lately where you've just felt devalued, or if you feel as if you are valued more for your usefulness than for who you are, I'd encourage you: Remember that you're important. Before He created you, He knew you (Psalm 51). You were born on purpose, with purpose, yes - but the point is, you were born. The God of the universe thought you up, and made you - and He loves you tremendously. Just for who you are. As you are. With no conditions or escape clauses, no opting out, and no regrets.

Jesus loves you, this I know - for the Bible tells me so. And He is with you, always. Whatever this day may bring.

when God asked me: "...why?"

2012-01-23T22:29:00.006-06:00

Solitude and silence are two disciplines that I often practice together. They can be separated, but it takes a lot of intentionality to practice silence in a group, and solitude just lends itself to being quiet. Saturdays, as my current Sabbath day, usually have a good chunk of time built in for both these disciplines, but I try to find time during the week, simply for my sanity as an introvert, to be quiet and alone, too - and one of the easiest ways I know of doing that is turning off the radio when I'm driving, and letting my car become a sanctuary of sorts. I don't always pay attention to what's happening - or what could happen - in that silence. Sometimes it is simply a refuge from the noise of life, and I don't spend my time in silence listening at all - I spend it mentally reviewing and processing through events and conversations, and forget to ask God what He thinks about any of it. But one of the most awesome things about silence is that it creates the opportunity for Him to speak with a higher probability that I'll hear it. (Which makes the discipline of practicing solitude and silence totally worth it.)

I was driving home from my Zumba class the other day in the quietness of a cold winter's night. The stars were shining; there was snow on the ground. The YMCA where I take my class is out in the middle of ... well, I'm sure it's somewhere. ;) But it means that the drive home is on a winding road through large forested properties, and it's absolutely beautiful. As I was driving home that night, I looked to my left, and there was a large log cabin-like home just visible through the snow-covered trees, with its porch lights on, and it looked so incredibly welcoming and ... well, homey.

And out of nowhere, it hit me. This deep, intense longing:

I want that.

...oh. God... I am so sorry....

And there was like this pause in the Spirit (for lack of a better way to describe it), and then He said, "... why?"

It wasn't quite an incredulous sort of question - because He's God, and He knows everything, so He couldn't be incredulous about anything - but there was very definitely an element of kind challenge and serious questioning in the tone of His question.

I had an instant answer, of course. Ruth Haley Barton says in her book, Sacred Rhythms, that our souls have no safe places to speak - that the minute they try, we meet them with instant judgment and commentary. That was very true for me in that moment.

"It's coveting, God! It's wanting something I don't have. It's discontentment with where I am in life, with what You've given me. It's sin!"

Oh, Hap.

It's not like you want that specific house. You're not asking to trade lives with those people. You don't want their lives. You want what that house represents to you: a home. marriage, kids - a family. love. blessing. prosperity. hospitality - and the ability to offer it freely. And those are actually good things to want! They are things I made you for - things that I call "good."

Wanting them is not a sin. You are not coveting - you are longing.

There's a difference.

That was hard for me to get my head around. I'm still working on it, actually. But here's the thing:

Psalm 37:4 says that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. There are two ways I've heard that interpreted. The first (and most common) is that if you make God your One Thing - if your absolute first priority in life is spending time with Him, and putting Him first in everything, then He's going to give you your heart's desires.

But here's the second (and I think possibly a more accurate) interpretation: that if you delight yourself in the Lord - if you are happy to be with Him - then He will give your heart the very desires it has.

Do you see the difference?

It's not just about getting what you want - it's about the very things you want being from Him in the first place.

I'm not sure what to think about that conversation. It's not like there's honestly much I can do about it. But it is definitely food for thought.

What do you think?

2012: Shifting Into A New Reality

2012-01-14T20:41:00.000-06:00

Doesn't that sound trendy? ;)

Believe me, I titled this post tongue-in-cheek, thinking about how "culturally relevant" it sounded - but God willing, it's not quite as full of hot air as it could be. :)

I read one of the most incredibly profound books while I was flying to and from the East Coast over the holidays, and I hope that if you get a chance, you will go to your nearest local bookstore and order a copy (if they don't already have it in stock). It's called SHIFT, by Peter Arnell. I could summarize it for you, but I think Peter does a way better job of it himself:

For a number of reasons, towards the end of 2011, I found myself increasingly un-Happy. Part of it, honestly, was just imbalance on my part - being too busy, being busy doing the wrong things, not having enough downtime to meet the needs of my inner introvert, and accidentally but subconsciously beginning to identify myself by what I do, and not by Whose I am. Reading Peter's book was inspiring and timely and as far as I can tell, God-orchestrated. (I mean, really - what was I doing in the business section of Barnes and Noble?! How did I end up there?!) Lol.

I came away from reading this book confident of two things: 1) change is possible; and 2) I'm going to need some help.

There are a lot of things in my life that I wish would just shift by themselves.
They're not going to.
If I want to see things change, I'm going to have to do something.

Some of the negatives are circumstances that I simply cannot do anything about, except pray. Only God can move those mountains, and if/when He's ready to, He will. But there are things I can change. Things I can control. Things I can do.

So as I took my annual beginning of the year retreat to finish Peter's book and pray over this coming year, here are the things I've determined that I would like to either see shift or to see God do in me, as we stand at this year's annual crossroads, choose a path and start walking into 2012:

1) I want to be more present.
- Paying attention to the moment.
- Really listening to people.
- Enjoying what I'm eating, and stopping when I'm full.
- Noticing nature; taking time to look at the stars.

2) I want to be more silent.
- Listening to what I'm actually thinking, and what it reveals about my heart.
- Listening for His voice; learning to know Him better.

3) I want to be more intentionally grateful.
- I need to write it down: what am I thankful for today?

4) I want to make some personal shifts in how I structure my lifestyle:
- Diet: I need to eat things that are good for me, that promote health.
- Exercise: I need to try to exercise at least 2x a week (if not more).
- Image: I've always wanted to dress with a little more style. This is my year to do a little bit of shopping - to buy clothes that flatter and fit. I will always be most comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt, but as I start to eat better and exercise more, I know from experience that I will feel more confident, and I want to look it. I can't go nuts; my debt-reduction plan needs to stay in place - but I need to give myself permission to look nice. And I needed a new haircut. Which I got today. (And I feel fabulous.) :)

5) I want to read and study more. (Leadership books and stories.)

6) I want to write more. And maybe finally take the risk and see if I can sell it.

7) I want to go deeper with Jesus, and fall more in love with Him than I have ever been.
- Listen. Pray. Fast. Wait. Worship.
- Dwell in the shelter of the Most High.
- Walk into my calling.
- Live with purpose. Live with joy.

So that's the new reality; at least, it's what I'm hoping for this year. I don't know when/how/what it will all look like - but because He is with me on this journey, I know it's going to be full of adventure and fun and learning and grace, and an experience far greater than anything I can imagine now.

Please feel free to check in with me from time to time, and ask me how it's going. And go read the book. You won't regret it. :)

Happy New Year, friends. Be blessed.

Advent Love - Day 7

2011-12-24T07:51:00.000-06:00

"But when the time had fully come, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir." - Galatians 4:4-7

And this, too, is the good news of Christmas.

The baby in the manger whose birth we celebrate this weekend came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10). He came with great love to seek and to save all of us, who like sheep, had gone astray (Isaiah 53:6, 1 Peter 2:25). And He still comes, every day, to each of us, with grace and mercy, love and compassion - still seeking us in those places where we're straying, still finding us when we lose our way and bringing us home again.

"I am the Good Shepherd," He said. "I know my sheep, and my sheep know me - just as the Father knows me and I know the Father - and I lay down my life for my sheep. ... My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." (John 10:14-15, 27-30)

So rest secure, children of God. The baby whose birth we celebrate this weekend came down from heaven to rescue you, because He loves you that much - and you are his sons and his daughters, the ones who know Him, the ones who know His voice. As we gather to worship today and tomorrow, may His peace that passes all understanding guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7). And may you be filled with wonder and awe as you seek Him. Amen.

Merry Christmas!

Advent Love - Day 6

2011-12-23T19:31:00.000-06:00

"The LORD looked and was displeased
that there was no justice.
He saw that there was no one,
He was appalled that there was no one to intervene;
so His own arm worked salvation for Him
and His own righteousness sustained Him.
***
The Redeemer will come to Zion,
to those in Jacob who repent of their sins."
- Isaiah 59: 15b-16, 20

Two more days. Two more days until Christmas! Two more days until the waiting is over. Two more days until we celebrate the greatest Gift ever given...

The picture painted in the chapter we read in Isaiah today is bleak: "So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows... We look for justice, but find none; for deliverance, but it is far away." (Isaiah 59:9, 11b) But we have the advantage of looking back and knowing that God's plan was already in place. Isaiah's words prophesied the coming of a Redeemer, who would come "to those who repent" - and come He did.

His cousin, John, was confirmed by all four gospels as the one Isaiah spoke of as "the voice of one calling, 'In the wilderness prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God.'" (Isaiah 40:3, Matthew 3:3, Mark 1:3, Luke 3:4, John 1:23), and on the day John was named, his father Zechariah prophesied over him: "you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for Him, to give His people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God..." (Luke 1: 76-78a) John preached a gospel of repentance, and the Redeemer came.

And the beauty of it is that He still comes. Every time someone turns in repentance, they will find their Redeemer near. Zechariah described Him as "the rising sun" who - because of God's tender mercy - "will come to us from heaven, to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." (Luke 1:78b-79 He is the One we have waited for, all this Advent. He is the One who shines brightly against the darkness, which can neither understand nor overcome Him. He is the One who shines the light of His love and mercy and forgiveness and compassion into the darkest corners of our hearts and minds, and freely gives us grace.

There are so many places in the world that are still waiting for Him. So many places and people crying out for justice... and for righteousness (right standing with God). Reflect Him, these next two days. Allow the One whose Spirit indwells you to shine forth through you, and bring light to the darkness. Be hope, be peace, be joy, be love to the people around you, right where you are, no matter how tired or crabby or mean or uncaring they may appear to be. There's no telling what kind of miracles could take place if you do. The people Isaiah described included some who were growling like bears and some who were mourning like doves - and who knows but that the seemingly angry or desperately sad people you may encounter this Christmas season are simply looking for justice and righteousness and not finding it? But you know the One they are searching for. So do what you can to reflect His glory, and leave the rest to Him. It is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4), and He wants everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). So put your hope in Him for your friends and family and neighbors and even the strangers that you meet who still seem to be waiting for their Redeemer, and simply reflect His love to them as you celebrate your own salvation and the coming of our King, who came, and is here, and will come again.

Advent Love - Day 5

2011-12-22T18:00:00.000-06:00

Please welcome today's guest blogger, Sara Harrison. Sara is a stay-at-home mom with 3 girls -- 11, 8, and 5, and a one-year old boy. She was an English major and loves talking books. She's a Presbyterian pastor's wife and loves talking theology. She's also an INTJ and an Enneagram-5 and loves talking about life, the universe and everything, and how it all fits together (42). She's also one of my very best friends (I've known her for half of our lives), a former roommate, and once referred to coffee (quite rightly) as "lifeblood." Pour yourself a cup and get ready for some good conversation. :)

You can follow Sara's writing on her blog at http://coffeerandoms.blogspot.com/.

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Given that this is Love week, let's talk about the love of God for a few minutes. God loves you. I expect that if you're reading this, you know that. And God loved us all Soo--ooo much that he sent Jesus down as a baby to be born . . . upon a midnight clear . . . and laid in the sweet smelling hay . . . with the gentle beasts all around him . . . and we cast the scene in a sentimental soft light glow, and call that the love of God during this season. But you know what? The love of God is bigger and brighter than that. More difficult. More all-consuming. Less a 40 watt light bulb, and more of a nuclear explosion.

There's a great Old Testament word-- hesed. (It's one of my pastor-husband's favorite words to preach on.) It gets translated love, loving-kindness, mercy, faithfulness, covenant faithfulness. It's all those things and more. The Jesus Storybook Bible talks of it as God's "Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love." It's God keeping his promises to us, and finding a way to rescue us from our sin because it's who he IS, and he can no more be unfaithful or unloving to us than we can make a square circle or smell blue. It would be a nonsensical impossibility.

And this is the love of God that is being called on and celebrated in the readings this morning. Psalms 146 and 147, two of the great praise psalms, remind us that hope and salvation are in God. That he is our faithful king, that he rescues all who call him . . . and that if we look to people for the sort of salvation and faithfulness that only come from God, we're going to be disappointed every time. But Yahweh lifts up the humble and heals the broken-hearted. It is with the knowledge and assurance of the hesed of God that the psalmist of Psalm 80 calls for rescue. And then we get to Zechariah, and I'm going to steal a little from tomorrow's reading, because the canticle of Zechariah is one of the great songs of the Bible.

“Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,

for he has visited and redeemed his people

and has raised up a horn of salvation for us

in the house of his servant David,

as he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets from of old,

that we should be saved from our enemies

and from the hand of all who hate us;

to show the mercy promised to our fathers

and to remember his holy covenant,

- Luke 1:68-72 ESV

That showing mercy? That's hesed, there. But let's look just a second at just who God redeems and how and why. He redeems his people. He raised up a horn of salvation for us. He calls us and redeems us together. Now of course, there is no group that is not made up of individuals, but God doesn't leave us alone to be individuals. He puts us together with other people to . . . do hesed to each other. To love each other. Be faithful to each other. To help each other along the path of redemption.

Real love is hard. Loving real people with real problems is hard. That's one of the reasons that the soft-glow version of Christmas doesn't really do us much good. If we have a God who nicely loves people who don't actually have much in the way of problems that they need fixed, it doesn't help us in loving each other when we run facelong into the fact that really loving real people, in our church, in our marriages, with our children, in our communities, is rather horribly gritty most days. Loving my kindergartner when she's home sick with stomach flu . . . well, there's just not much you can do to romanticize that, or cast it in a 40 watt glow. But God, in his Never Stopping, Never Giving Up Love, becomes Incarnate. He detonates a bomb of mercy, grace, forgiveness and God-With-Us-ness into our world, because that's what it needs, and so that's what he's going to give.

God loves you. God loves me too. He loves my kids, more than I do. He loves the elderly lady in the pew across the aisle, and the uncooperative kid who just wants to lie on the floor during junior church. He meets us at the point of our brokenness and dwells with us and loves us, and heals us, and saves us. And by loving us this way, God teaches us how to love this way. He shows us that love starts with being present. Which he is. That is reason for praise.

The LORD will reign forever,

your God, O Zion, to all generations.

Praise the LORD!

- Psalm 146:10 ESV

-- Sara Harrison

cross-posted at Coffee Randoms

Advent Love - Day 4

2011-12-21T19:18:00.001-06:00

Please welcome today's guest blogger, my friend and fellow staff member - Arman Sheffey. :)

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Arman Sheffey is a introspective, yet fun-loving Jesus follower. He believes for the salvation of all those close to him and those that God places in his path in the coming days. Arman is a husband to a beautiful wife, Lariza, and a father to a wonderful daughter, Leila. He is an avid reader, writer and wild dreamer. He is also the Director of Torch Online, the online division of TorchChurch.tv. He currently prays that his discipline, passion, pride, and his faith reach levels that better glorify Jesus Christ.

Follow: @mrsheffey
Blog: armansheffey.blogspot.com

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"I will be his father, and he will be my son. If he sins, I will correct and discipline him with the rod, like any father would do. But my favor will not be taken from him as I took it from Saul, whom I removed from your sight. Your house and your kingdom will continue before me for all time, and your throne will be secure forever.’” ~2 Sam 7:1-17 NLT

As I read through the readings for our Advent devotional today, (http://www.crivoice.org/advent2.html), and meditate on the love of God I am brought to my own personal struggles, specifically with hope. I often feel like a man trapped in chapter one of a beautiful novel. I know that the story is to be one of triumph, that it is continually filled with victory and blessing. However, I recently find myself falling prey to the predatory thoughts of my present struggles being the plot for the whole story. It is amazing how my memory fails. It is amazing how I struggle to recall the Lord's past faithfulness in even more trying times. It is amazing how I tend to think that God is done working miracles and blessing me beyond belief.

Then I go back to the readings for today and I encounter the most meaningful word in scripture to me personally: BUT. The Lord continually infuses this conjunction throughout His holy word to show that mid chapter, mid verse, mid-sentence…he has a history of turning things around.

In 2 Samuel 7:14, I read of the discipline a father gives and feel that this greatly characterizes my life right now. Not that my life is riddled with sin, but that I strongly feel the corrective hand of the Father on me.

Then the Lord spoke to me with the first word of verse 15, But…

The story doesn't end with the correction. God speaks of the continual favor that rests with David, unlike his predecessor, Saul. This awoke a new sense of hope for me. So I continued to the next scripture.

"For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. " - Titus 3:3 NKJV
This once again had me remembering my past sins and searching within me for any of these in my present life. Then I reencountered His love in the following verse.

"But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, 5 not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us…" - Titus 3:4-5a NKJV
God intervened into my past darkness and out of LOVE, He saved me.

God intervenes…
God interrupts…
God intercedes…

He has a history of stepping in and changing the story, just when we think the final chapter has been written.

Joseph could have given up in the pit. He could have quit in the dungeon. Instead, Joseph remembered his God and waited on His Love to be shown.

Then he could declare to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26

The truth may be that you are failing. The truth may be that you are in a world of hurt. The truth may be that you have been too low for too long.

BUT…

The truth does not end there. Keep reading the story that God is writing with your life. Don't quit in the first verse. His love will appear again and again. His love is present now in Christ Jesus and we celebrate that gift in the next few days.

You might not be feeling like that love is real for you right now, but if you have accepted that free gift of grace through Jesus then it is no less true for you than for any of the other Gospel heroes of which we read.

Let God finish telling you the story.

Wait for the "But."

Advent Love - Day 3

2011-12-20T21:57:00.000-06:00

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." - Luke 1:38a

I think those might be some of the bravest words in Scripture.

I love this part of the Story. Can you just imagine it?

Mary's going about her average, everyday life, when an angel comes to her. The first thing angels typically say when they appear in Scripture is "do not be afraid!" (which should tell us something about angels right there) - but before he says that, the angel greets Mary, likely a 13/14-year-old girl, as "you who are highly favored. The Lord is with you." - Luke 1:28

Mary's "a little (understandably) freaked out" (that's The Happy Paraphrase of "greatly troubled"), so then the angel says, "Don't be afraid" and calmly goes on to explain to her: "You're going to get pregnant and give birth to a son; you'll name Him Jesus and He'll be called 'Son of the Most High', and He's going to be the King forever."

In her shoes, I suspect I might have said something eloquent, like: "Um. ....what?!"

Mary just asks the practical question: "Ok.... But... how?"

So the angel explains (sort of) and sums it all up by reminding Mary that "nothing is impossible with God."

To which Mary responds, "I am the Lord's servant. Let it be to me as you have said."

Which seems to me to be somewhere along the lines of:
"I'm not sure I get it, but ... okay. Since He said so."

And it struck me, reading this story for the how-many-th time tonight, that Mary was highly favored because God knew she was exactly the kind of girl who would respond just that way.

And I wondered...

"Am I?"

Am I the kind of person that God knows would say "yes" in a heartbeat if He asked me to do something unusual, counter-cultural, alienating even? Am I the kind of person who would, without really understanding the particulars of how it would all actually work out in the long run and without even really having time to grasp the magnitude of what He was asking, say "Yes!! Whatever, whenever, as long as I'm with You!"?

I want to be. And, God helping me, I can be.

All God "needed" (practically speaking) to send His Son into this world was one willing heart - one heart so devoted to Him that she said "yes," even when she didn't fully understand what she was saying yes to, even when it changed everything and turned her entire life upside down. We can't even begin to grasp the cultural implications of Mary's "yes" that day - but they were tremendous. She became an outcast, and the man she was engaged to seriously considered calling it off - quietly, but definitely. But all God "needed" to protect Mary and His Son was one willing heart - one heart willing to believe a dream sent from heaven, telling him what to do.

Is my heart willing? (Am I still enough to listen for His voice?) Is yours? (Are you?)

The greatest gift of love ever given was made possible, in part - by His design - by the willing hearts of a man and a woman who, because their love for God made His will their top priority, simply said "yes." In spite of the consequences.

That blows my mind.

And it leaves me wondering - how much more could the love of God be shown forth as we, with willing hearts, follow Him even more boldly, daring to tell the greatest Story ever told - about how Love came, so faithfully, and rescued us?

"Praise the LORD, all you nations;
extol Him, all you peoples.
For great is His love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the LORD
endures forever.
Praise the LORD."
- Psalm 117

Advent Love - Day 2

2011-12-19T15:05:00.002-06:00

Please welcome today's guest blogger: Jake Winter. Jake is a good friend from my church who loves the Lord and has put a lot of time into studying God's word. I love talking about Scripture with Jake, and I'm glad you get to "listen in" on some of his thoughts today. :)

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are You so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?

My God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.
- Psalm 22:1-2

In these winter months, as the days are shorter, the nights are colder, and all that once seemed teeming with breath is now dead and lifeless, life can seem pretty dreary. Though we know in our heads that, in just a few short months, those first buds will appear on trees, robins will be frolicking on the now exposed grass as the scent of lily of the valley and apple blossoms drift through the air, when you look outside, get in your car, or gaze longingly at your bicycle, it seems nearly impossible to imagine.

Now imagine that winter lasting 400 years.

For 400 years, God was silent in Israel. The Jews knew God had promised Abraham a nation. They knew the scriptures, too. They knew other nations had once feared speaking behind closed doors against Israel, because God would expose those conversations to His prophets. Yet, for 400 years, there had been no prophets, and Israel was living under subjugation of other nations. Why had the God that had interacted with Israel so often in the past been silent? Had His love dried up? Had He truly forsaken Israel?

We know the story. He hadn't forsaken Israel. He sent His very Son to die on our behalf, the greatest gift of love the world has ever seen or will ever see again. God's silence over those 400 years served a very loving purpose -- it caused Israel to recognize their desperate situation and strain to hear the voice of the Lord. So when He spoke through the coming of John the Baptist, calling a nation to repent, people flocked to him. The promised one of Israel, the savior of the world, the greatest love offering ever made, was coming, and Israel was ready to hear.

Our God has called Himself the Alpha and the Omega because He is the same in the past as He is today. The same God who let Abraham wait a century to have his promised son, the same God who, out of His love for both Israel and David, had David wait decades before taking the throne of Israel, the same God who let Israel wait 400 years to meet her King, is the same God who may seem to be making you wait, too.

Does it seem like God has been silent, making you wait for something? Like Israel, He may be lovingly drawing you to the point of desperation, where you are straining to hear from Him. It is not an act of an angry God, it is not Him saying He's disappointed enough not to talk. It is His love for you, and His desire for your best, that brings about some of these seasons of waiting. David, the same man who wrote those verses from Psalm 22 quoted above, also wrote this:

I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.
- Psalm 27:13-14

That is our God.

Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord.

For He is good, and His love endures forever.

- Jake Winter

Advent Reflections: Love

2011-12-18T17:36:00.000-06:00

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." - John 3:16

"Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say, 'Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.'" - Revelation 12:10

"O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." - Psalm 84: 12

I'm not sure there are more fitting verses for the first day of the last week of Advent, which is all about Love. The love of God shown to us in the gift of His Son is ...well, adjective-defying, honestly. You can use words like wonderful, great, amazing, humbling, beautiful, priceless, gracious, kind... but all of them fall short and only get at part of what it really is. It's Love. With a capital L.

Love that loves us too much to leave us where we are. Love that intersects with our lives, exactly when and where and how we are. Love that transforms. Encourages. Changes. Renews. Saves.

This week, the last week of Advent - one more week of waiting for our King - what if we were on the lookout for the ways in which Love can and would and does intersect with our lives? Could it change our perspective on the things that happen to us, or on the opportunities that arise before us?

"The kingdom of this world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He will reign forever and ever." - Revelation 11:15

It's one of those beautiful and mysterious "now & not yet" things - already true (because Jesus came) and still coming true (because He's coming back). And here in the middle of it, as we're waiting, it's coming true every single day.

The way Love intersects with your life may not seem dramatic - but whenever Love interacts with us, there's going to be amazing consequences.

So look for Him this week, this come and coming King. And know that you are loved. Hallelujah!

Advent Joy - Day 7

2011-12-17T19:22:00.001-06:00

As we turn the corner today, finishing up our study on Joy and entering the homestretch of Advent (can you believe it's only a week until Christmas Eve?) I am very happy to be hosting a number of guest bloggers to wrap up this series. Each of these authors are dear friends with a deep love for the Lord and solid theology, and I'm looking forward to reading their thoughts and being inspired along with you!

Today, please welcome guest blogger Rachel Hanna! Rachel is a dear sister in Christ, a kindred spirit, a talented artist, and a gifted teacher. We've never actually met in person - Rachel lives in Australia, and we "met" several years ago in the comments section of a mutual friend's blog. Since that first conversation, Rachel and I have corresponded often, and I am dreaming of the day we will finally get to sit down and talk for hours over coffee. Rachel writes beautifully (it's one of her many talents) and I'm thrilled that she was willing to share her thoughts with us today!

grace and peace,
Hap

-----

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" - Matthew 25:40

I love listening to Christian music, especially as I prepare for Christmas! One of my favourites is a band called Newsboys who once sang “When it all comes down, everyone’s someone”.....

Ever noticed how insane the weeks leading up to Christmas are and how time suddenly becomes very valuable? I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about! Even those of us who struggle with being organised quickly develop the ability to prioritise! Especially when it comes to what events we will attend, who we will spend money on and how much. Where we may have been much more easygoing throughout the year, at Christmas we become very focused on the things and people that are most important. I know I certainly do. But in the madness, how many of us truly experience joy? Sure, on Christmas day as we gather with loved ones, go to Church and share the season with those we value there are great moments; but in the lead up?

In Matthew 25:31 – 46 Jesus tells the story of the Sheep and the Goats. He addresses the Sheep and tells them that “When I was hungry, you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me”..... and the list goes on. The Sheep are amazed! I know I would be – after all, what believer wouldn’t do that for Jesus????? But then comes the twist. They had no recollection of doing any of that for him. Jesus explained “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” It’s funny that while Jesus is the King of Kings, he wasn’t born in a palace but a barn. While He is the Prince of Peace, he didn’t feature regularly in the Judean Celebrity events pages but rubbed shoulders with lepers and prostitutes. Yes he loved his family, but his heart and passion was for those society forgot and walked over. Jesus always had time to care for those that others ignored.

In the final week before Christmas, I truly believe that we can experience incredible joy, if, as we go about our preparations we look for those we can love and bless – not because they have any special significance to us personally, but because they do to God! A kind word, helping hand, unexpected gift will no doubt bless the mother struggling to control her kids in the supermarket; the refugee family next door or the elderly man sitting alone on his park bench. The thing is, God also made sure that when we remember to care for “the least of these” we get a gift too and it brings a whole new dimension to the season. Suddenly we are not only remembering Jesus’ gift to us, we are sharing in it, and the joy that comes from living our purpose is so much greater than we could have imagined. Let’s not get too busy and focused to miss the chance to bless unexpectedly and even undeservedly! After all, to Jesus – “when it all comes down, everyone’s someone.”

- Rachel Hanna

Advent Joy - Day 6

2011-12-16T22:43:00.000-06:00

"Restore to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." - Psalm 51:12

This verse tells us two things about joy:

1) it can be lost.
but 2) God can restore it.

How's your joy level, this Advent week? I'll confess, there have been moments when mine's been just fine, but I only wish I could say it's been high all week. I wish I could say that I've remembered (even as I've been blogging every day about it) that I'm supposed to be in a season of expectant hope, inexplicable peace, and vibrant joy - but I'll confess - there have moments in every day of this season when I've just lost sight of that.

Hope, peace, joy - it can be so easy for those three things to be crowded out by the immediate demands of the day. Coworkers that drive us nuts. Sugared-up kids who have forgotten the meaning of the words "obedience" and "respect." Another day of the seemingly never-ending job-hunt that ends in unemployment (still). Not enough money. Not enough time. Stress. Errands. Too many obligations....

Whatever it is that is stealing your joy - did you know you can tell it to stop?

You can.

All you need to do is pray the words of this psalm. Ask the King of heaven and earth to restore to you the joy of your salvation. To restore to you a little bit of perspective. Yes, life was crazy today. No, it didn't all get done. But He loves you. He saved you. Your sin is forgiven. You have been made new.

Breathe for a minute. Think about that.

You need a willing spirit to sustain you. A non-willing spirit will think about all the stuff that steals your joy, that stands in your way. But a spirit willing to focus on the Lord, to remember the joy of salvation - that spirit will sustain you. No matter what.

p.s. I really loved the picture in Zechariah 8:4-8. If you didn't get a chance to read it yet today, go do that now. I love God's question: He's made a promise to His children, and He says, "it may seem marvelous to [you] - but will it seem marvelous to me?"

He knows what He's doing. He has a plan. And it's all going to work out well.

Faith says, "I believe it." And hope waits for it.

Advent Joy - Day 5

2011-12-15T23:38:00.000-06:00

"O my Strength, I sing praise to You;
You, O God, are my fortress, my loving God."
- Psalm 59: 17

"We wait in hope for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy Name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us,
O LORD,
even as we put our hope in You."
- Psalm 33:20-22

"... the joy of the LORD is your strength."
- Nehemiah 8:10

There's a beautiful connection between joy and strength.

Sometimes it takes all the strength you've got to choose joy in the midst of the worst circumstances you could have imagined - and sometimes, when you choose it, that joy goes deep and gives you the strength you need to get through those circumstances.

One of the things I so appreciate about the Psalms is their honesty. There is no sugar-coating it or taming it down for David and his fellow poets. When they lament, they lament - when they're angry, they're angry - and when they rejoice, they do it with abandon.

And one of the things that makes those abandoned moments of joy so glorious is that they exist in the context of lament, anger, confusion, betrayal, and a whole host of other emotions within the Psalms. At the end of the day, even with all of that emotion (and very real circumstances that caused it!) - the Psalmists still say of God, "But I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16) They choose to look past their situations and their feelings about their situations, and they remember Who God Is. And they praise Him.

Because when you remember Who God Is - and all He's done, all He's promised, all He's able to do - you just can't help but praise Him. And as you speak words of praise, the rest of you - your heart, soul, mind, emotions - will get in line with those words and agree - and you will find joy bubbling up in your soul. And when joy meets that "peace that transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) in your soul - suddenly situations that seemed impossible aren't as overwhelming. They may still be hard, and they may not go away for awhile - but God is your refuge, your strength, your shelter, your comforter, your healer, your provider, your redeemer.... and you're going to be okay.

So rejoice, friends. "For unto you is born...a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:11)

And that changes everything.

Advent Joy - Day 4

2011-12-14T21:39:00.004-06:00

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" - Philippians 4:4

Have you ever looked up the words "rejoice in the Lord" in the Bible?

Reading thru what comes up when you do was the sum total of my devotional time today, and it was pretty awesome. Nothing more to say today.

Just go to www.biblegateway.com and type "rejoce in the Lord" in the search box. Your day will become that much better. :)

Advent Joy - Day 3

2011-12-13T23:44:00.000-06:00

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." - Rev. 3:19-20

I can't even begin to count the number of times I heard this verse quoted between the summer of 1988 and the spring of 1993. I was part of a touring choir - (first Joy, Inc., and later Musicon Ministries) in Connecticut, for most of my junior high and high school years, and this verse was at the heart of almost every message given at the conclusion of the musicals we performed. We sang the words of this verse, and to this day, they are deeply a part of my walk with God. Earnestness marks my relationship with Him, as does repentance.

Even more so, tho, the picture painted in these verses is one of intimacy. You have to open the door - the latch is on the inside - and when you do, Jesus will come in. And then the image is: "dinner for two." Just you and Jesus.

What do you do when it's just you and someone else for dinner? You talk. You eat. You probably say things you wouldn't say if there were a dozen people there. It's close, intimate, personal, and caring.

It's wonderful.

And you go home feeling so incredibly treasured.

If your quiet time hasn't felt like that lately... it might be time to amp it up, just a little bit. I'm not saying that you should strive to make it something it isn't. In any relationship, there are going to be times when you choose to act in a certain way because the foundation of your relationship implies you should - you're not going to feel all lovey-dovey all the time. But Jesus loves you - more deeply and more truly than anyone else ever could - and you ought to feel incredibly treasured, just knowing that.

Rejoice, then - even if you have to choose to do it - knowing that He is the One you have waited for, all of Advent (and all your life). He is here: Emmanuel, God with you - and He loves you.

Advent Joy - Day 2

2011-12-12T10:30:00.001-06:00

"Therefore, this is what the LORD says: 'I will return to Jerusalem with mercy, and there my house will be rebuilt. And the measuring line will be stretched out over Jerusalem.' Proclaim further: This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'My towns will again overflow with prosperity, and the LORD will again comfort Zion and choose Jerusalem.'" - Zechariah 1:16-17

What incredibly good news this must have been to God's people, when they'd been in exile from their country for 70 years. Children who had been 10 years old when the enemy came and took them away from Jerusalem were 80 now, and had grandchildren, but they hadn't forgotten where they came from. Their elders had continued to tell them the stories of all the great things God had done for His children over the years, and of His promise that they would not always be slaves in another land. They had been waiting for deliverance for 70 years, and it was finally coming. They were going home.

And how much better the news is for us, for this story is only a shadow of what is to come. Sneak peek into Zechariah 2:

"'Shout and be glad, O Daughter of Zion. For I am coming, and I will live among you', declares the LORD." - Zechariah 2:10

"I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. Him who overcomes, I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the Name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new Name. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." - Rev. 3:11-13

God freed his people and enabled them to rebuild his temple in Zechariah's day.
God sent Jesus to live among us, to teach us, to save us - and He sent His Spirit to live in us, to make us His temple.
And He is coming back, and all things will be new.

We are living in the middle of an incredible story, with an amazing ending - an ending which is really only a beginning. And the One around Whom this whole story centers chose you.

Mark 3:13 tells of a time when Jesus "went up on a mountainside and called to Him those He wanted, and they came to Him." I remember Rich Mullins saying in an interview once how wonderful he found that verse. "Anybody can be used by God," he said, (and it's true - God can use anybody and anything to bring about His purposes) "...but to be wanted..."

God wants you.

It's the very reason Jesus was born.

So shout aloud for joy today - the King of heaven came for you, and there is no better thing we could celebrate.

Advent Reflections: Joy

2011-12-11T00:29:00.001-06:00

"Sing to the LORD a new song,
for He has done marvelous things;
His right hand and His holy arm
have worked salvation for Him.
The LORD has made His salvation known
and revealed His righteousness to the nations.
He has remembered His love
and His faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God."
- Psalm 98:1-3

Halfway there! Today is the 3rd Sunday of Advent, and this week is all about Joy.

We have a LOT to celebrate in this season, friends:

"Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits -
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
..... He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities ....."
- Psalm 103: 2-5, 10

I love the picture painted in Amos 9:11-15. After chapters of just judgment, here comes the promise: "'I will plant Israel in their own land, never again to be uprooted from the land I have given them,'" says the LORD your God." (Amos 9:15)

Our God, who never changes and whose love is unfailing, is more than able to do exactly the same thing for you. "...God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ." (2 Thessalonians 2:13b-14) He wants to take you out of the barren and exiled places of your life and plant you in new places within His kingdom - places you will find abundant life, and just the right environment for things like hope and peace and joy to grow.

So what will you do, during this Advent week of waiting with joy, to celebrate the coming of the King (who came and is here and will come again) - and to remember that you have much to celebrate?

Advent Peace - Day 7

2011-12-10T20:05:00.000-06:00

"Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him,
and in whose spirit is no deceit."
- Psalm 32:1-2

This means, children of God, that we're blessed.

If that thought doesn't fill you with peace, I'm not sure what else could. We may be in the days Jesus spoke of in Matthew 24 (and have been for generations), when there are wars and rumors of wars, and wickedness is increasing, but we have no reason to fear. God's word says we're blessed.

So stand on that today, no matter what your circumstances may say to the contrary, and allow joy to rise up in your soul as you rest in His grace and experience His deep and abiding peace.

Advent Peace - Day 6

2011-12-09T11:27:00.000-06:00

"I will listen to what God the LORD will say; He promises peace to His people, His saints - but let them not return to folly." - Psalm 85:8

"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." - Psalm 34:14

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." - Psalm 4:8

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

Reading thru the passages for today's Advent reading (which you can find here), I found myself thinking a lot, especially as I read Matthew 23 and Haggai 1, about how easy it can be to get wrapped up in our own "stuff" and forget about tending to the things of the Lord.

I don't ever want Jesus to look me in the eye and call me a white-washed tomb - but the truth is, if I'm more concerned about getting all my stuff done and meeting the zillions of (even valid) expectations there are on me than I am about slowing down and spending time with Him, searching my heart and confessing my sin and allowing Him to teach me all that He knows I need to learn, then I'm running the risk of allowing things that don't honor Him to take root and grow: little attitudes, opinions that don't quite mesh with humility. Lackidaisicalness. Maybe not big moral failures, but little ones. And those things matter.

The Bible teaches that God does not dwell in a temple (like the one Haggai called God's people to rebuild). He dwells in the hearts of men. (Acts 17:23-25, 1 Corinthians 3:16, Ephesians 2:19-22) We've got to tend to our hearts, daily, if we want to be men and women who dwell in advent peace. God's word talks about peace in 2 ways: as something that grows in you, as a result of the Spirit of God living in you and producing that fruit in your life - and as something you pursue. And you pursue it by cultivating an environment in your heart that allows it room.

If there's unconfessed sin in your life, or sin you've confessed but aren't doing anything to get out of, you're not likely to experience peace. If you're walking the line somewhere, peace isn't going to follow you across it. But if you're being honest before the Lord about the true state of your heart, confessing sin as He reveals it to you, doing the things He asks you to do, trusting in who He is and what He's done for you in Christ, believing that His grace is sufficient for you - peace will take root and flourish - even when everything around you is anything but peaceful.

Take some time today and really ask the Lord to tell you about the state of your heart. And be at peace, for "once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation - if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel..." - Colossians 1:21-23a

Advent Peace - Day 5

2011-12-08T11:59:00.000-06:00

"Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him..."
- Psalm 37:5-7

"Wait for the LORD and keep His way..."
- Psalm 37: 34a

"Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace."
- Psalm 37: 37

"The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
He is their stronghold in time of trouble.
The LORD helps them and delivers them;
He delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in Him."
- Psalm 37:39-40

I think it was sometime last week that my friend Chris posted a Scripture verse in his Facebook status and followed it with the words: "nothing to add."

I'm feeling a little that way this morning. I love the way that God's Word can speak right into our lives with no interpretation needed from anyone else. So I guess the only commentary I have on these verses today is: believe it, Church.

Commit your ways to God; live an upright life as best you can and trust His grace to cover you when you don't; be confident that the way He makes your righteousness shine is that He sees you thru Jesus, who IS your righteousness. Take refuge with Him. Run to Him. Tell Him everything. And be at peace.

He's got this - whatever it is.

He's got you.

And you are safe.

The good news of the gospel - the miracle of God's coming at Christmas - is that everything really is going to be okay. So be at peace today, Church. It doesn't matter what things look like.

He is with us. (Matthew 1:18-23) And that's all we need to know to be at peace.

Advent Peace - Day 4

2011-12-07T10:28:00.001-06:00

"May Your unfailing love come to me, O LORD,
Your salvation according to Your promise..."
- Psalm 119:41

Psalm 119, which is a love letter to the Lord about His Word, is probably one of my favorite psalms. I love all the psalms - even the "I can't stand my enemy" and the "I'm in the depths of despair" psalms - because they're so honest, and they remind me that God wants my honesty, even when it's not pretty - but Psalm 119 has always given me a lot to think about.

"Loving law" might seem like a self-contradictory expression (whether you use "loving" as a verb or an adjective) - but it really isn't. God gave us His word, His law, His commandments because He loves us, because He wants us to know His ways and desire to walk in them. He also wanted us to understand on a very real level that we can't actually live in His ways on our own - that we need a Saviour, that we need Him to help us live the way we should. And then He sent Jesus, who was the very Word of God, the source of all life (see John 1), to be that Saviour. There's a mystery that I don't really comprehend in this connection between the One who created all things by speaking them into existence (see Genesis 1) and the words that He speaks throughout His Book, but I find it fascinating ... and beautiful.

There is only one verse in the entire psalm that does not say something about God's word, His precepts, His statutes, His commandments, His promise, His laws, His decrees. (And no, I'm not going to tell you which one.) The psalmist talks about how much he loves God's law, the freedom that comes from following His ways, his confidence in God's promises - and as I read along and come in agreement in my spirit with the words of this psalm, I am reminded of how essential knowing the Word of God is, and how important it is that His Word be woven into the very fabric of our lives.

His Word is reliable, true, constant, unchanging, faithful, life-giving, righteous, and good - and when we spend time in it/with Him, those attributes become ours as well. We won't often find ourselves wondering about the ethics of a particular situation - we'll know right from wrong, and will choose the right path (or we'll know for sure that we didn't, and find ourselves convicted!). When we meditate on His Word, memorizing it, speaking it aloud - we find ourselves living in His ways at a level that we just can't when we aren't spending time thinking on His words. His Word breathes life into us - and we in turn are able to breathe light and life into those around us, with words of encouragement and hope, from a spirit that is so at peace because of our confidence in Him, and in the trustworthiness of His Word.

Do you have a favorite Scripture? I'd love to hear it - and what you love about it.

Advent Peace - Day 3

2011-12-06T11:40:00.000-06:00

"My feet stand on level ground;
in the great assembly I will praise the LORD."
- Psalm 26:12

"Praise be to the LORD,
for He has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield,
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song."
- Psalm 28: 6-7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Maybe it's because I read the chapter about active waiting in Steven Furtick's Sun Stand Still this morning (about doing what you know to do in the natural while trusting God to manage the supernatural end of things when you're praying for something to happen) - but those words from Psalm 26 leapt off the page at me this morning: "My feet stand on level ground..."

Do they? Are you standing on level ground today? Are you putting yourself around people who will encourage you? Are you seeking counsel and wisdom for decisions you need to make? Are you cultivating an atmosphere within your life where peace could actually gain a foothold and not go slipping and sliding off into oblivion?

It seems to me, especially re-reading those verses from Philippians, that peace - being a fruit of the Spirit and not something we can just stir up ourselves, but something He grows in us - needs someplace to grow. It doesn't just happen. What does Paul say?

1. Don't be anxious. Okay, so that's what we need to quit doing. No worrying. None. It isn't going to solve anything anyway.

2. In everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. This is what we need to start doing, if we haven't been already. Pray. Ask. Tell God what you need/want.

And how do we do that?

With thanksgiving. "Thank You, God, for.... _____________."

And as we thank God for the good things He's already done for us, we cultivate an atmosphere in which peace can grow. The ground on which we stand becomes level - faith, confidence, and trust become our foundation, and peace transcends.

I think I could probably stand to do a little more "ground leveling" today as I pray. How about you? What are you thankful for?

Advent Peace - Day 2

2011-12-05T09:47:00.000-06:00

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know Your Name will trust in You,
for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."
- Psalm 9:9-10

"Those who know Your Name..."

Names don't really seem to mean quite as much in our culture anymore, but there was a time when a person's name was pretty much synonymous with their reputation - and I think that's the context in which the psalmist is writing in these verses. God had a reputation among His people - and among the nations - and it was a good one. Anyone who knew His Name - His reputation - would of course trust Him - because "You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."

We love and serve a God whose reputation is flawless among us. He is always good, always kind, always loving, always compassionate, always just, always.... (you fill in the word. (Seriously. In the comments.)) ;)

And because He is always who He is, He is trustworthy. And you can't trust Him and not be at peace. Sometimes trust is a choice. Your emotions may be all over everywhere and your thoughts might be going a million miles an hour and there's just stuff you can't figure out or fix - but when you stop and breathe and remember who He is - and then make the conscious choice to trust Him in your current situation, peace will inevitably follow. Your situation may not change right away - but you will.

So come on, church. Let's encourage each other. Finish the sentence, and let's put our trust and hope in God today, declaring that we are at peace, because we are confident in Him.

He is always _____________.

Advent Reflections: Peace

2011-12-04T04:47:00.000-06:00

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests." - Luke 2:14

Today is the 2nd Sunday of Advent - the Sunday we begin a week-long celebration of peace. Peace is so much more than just a lack of fighting. Sure, we want that for our world - but the peace that the Bible talks about is so much deeper than that. It's an absence of striving, a quiet confidence in God, even in the midst of great conflict.

So how do we find that peace, when everything around us is chaos? Surprisingly, one of the quickest doorways to that inner quietness can be a little noisy: it's praise.

Try reading Psalm 148 out loud, with all of the depths of joy in your voice that are there in those words, and not feeling peaceful. It's not possible! When you're calling yourself and the entirety of creation into perspective, when you're declaring with your words (and remembering as you say them) that God is GOD - that He created the entire world and is worthy of praise, and that He has raised up a Saviour (for that's what Psalm 148: 14 means by the word "horn" (or "king" or "strong one")) for the people close to His heart (that's us) - you can't remain stuck in anxiety. You can go back to it if you want to (but why would you?) - but you can't truly praise Him without cultivating peace and confidence. Peace will pervade your soul as you fix your mind on Christ, remembering Who He is, and what He's done/is doing/will do.

Whatever your situation is this morning, remember the Greater Story that you are a part of, and be at peace:

"Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. .... The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the shadow of death, a light has dawned. .... For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace, there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this." - Isaiah 9:1-9

No more gloom. No more darkness. Light. Justice. Righteousness. Peace. These are the hallmarks of the kingdom in which we now live.

So then:

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD." - Psalm 150:6

"Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has come and has redeemed His people." - Luke 1:68

"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 1:2

Advent Hope - Day 7

2011-12-03T13:40:00.001-06:00

"Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you."
- Psalm 116:7

Saturdays are my Sabbath day (hence the later posting - I slept in!), and while there are so many things I could say about the amazingness of the Sabbath, today I am simply thinking about the deep rest that comes to our souls simply from knowing the goodness of God to us, and celebrating it:

"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy." (Psalm 116:1)

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." (Psalm 126: 3)

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing that is in Christ." (Ephesians 1:3)

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." (Psalm 118:1)

"By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life." - Psalm 42:8

Wherever you are today, whatever's going on in your life, take some time to remember and celebrate the truth - that you are dearly loved by a God who moved heaven and earth to rescue you, and in Whom you can confidently hope.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God." - Psalm 42:11

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen." - Jude, v. 24-25

Advent Hope - Day 6

2011-12-02T08:59:00.000-06:00

"I call on You, God, for you will answer me;
give ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show the wonder of Your great love,
You who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes."
- Psalm 17:6-7

If that's not a verse for Advent, I don't know what is. Is there anything in life that shows the wonder of God's love for us more than the very fact that He sent His Son to rescue us?

Let's celebrate that today. The words of this psalm reminded me of a Christmas hymn: Joy To The World. (You can download a pretty rockin' version of it here.) Rejoice, with great hope, friends - the Saviour of the world knows you by name. Doesn't it just fill you with wonder? There are how many billions of people on the planet? And yet He knows and cares about every detail of your life. Emmanuel, God with us, has come - and "...because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ, even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:4-5)

Advent Hope - Day 5

2011-12-01T10:20:00.000-06:00

"You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light....
He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him."
- Psalm 18:28, 30b

Have you ever had one of those days when absolutely nothing seems to go right? I'm thankful that I haven't had one of those this week (yet!) but I've had plenty of them. And it's in times like that when I'm aware that I need to cling to the truths of Scripture like those found in Psalm 18 - truths like "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1), or "we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37) It's the days when everything's going well and there's nothing really to write home about that it's easier to forget that I'm still in the midst of a battle, and I still need Him to be my shield.

What if we took this Advent season to cultivate a deeper awareness of the hope that we always have? Romans 5:1-5 says this: "Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

I love the picture of hope Paul paints here. It's joyful - not desperate. I think it's totally okay to hope desperately - I mean, desperation drives us to God, right? And the psalms are packed chock full of desperate prayers, so we know that it's okay with God when we come to Him in desperation, and that He'll answer when we do. But what if we chose to hope joyfully - to pay attention daily to the fact that He is our hope - when things are going well? I wonder if it would change/deepen the confidence with which we'll hope when things aren't going well at all...

So here's my question: what can you (or what are you) going to do to cultivate hope in your heart today?

Advent Hope - Day 4

2011-11-30T08:55:00.001-06:00

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I put my hope."
- Psalm 130:5

The thing about waiting is that there's nothing to do - except wait. You can't make what you're waiting for get here faster. Depending on what you're waiting for, you can probably fill your time with other things, but even doing things that relate to whatever you're waiting for still leaves you waiting...

And waiting can be hard, especially in our day and age, when "quick" and "easy" and "ready in just 5 minutes!" are the status quo. We become impatient when we have to wait, forgetting that even if we're in the coffee shop drive-thru for 7 minutes, there was a time not too long ago where to get a cup of coffee, you had to build a fire and wait for the water to boil (not to mention fetching the water and fuel for the fire). We pop leftovers in the microwave for lunch, forgetting that in some corners of the world, women still begin cooking in the morning, just to have dinner on the table by that evening. Bread dough takes time to rise, so why make our own bread, when we can buy it? We don't feel like cooking (or don't have time to) - so we run to the grocery or thru a drive-thru, because it's quick and easy...

Waiting isn't something we really think of as being a part of the natural rhythm of our lives... but I think it should be. And that's another thing I love about Advent: it makes us slow down a little. Sure, there are things to do - trees to decorate, presents to buy and wrap, parties to plan and attend, cookies to bake - but at the end of the day, whatever we've done with our time, we're still just waiting... Waiting for Christmas to get here. Waiting for Jesus to come back. And nothing we've done or could do will hasten either of those timelines. We have to wait for it.

And it's good for us.

So the question is, this Advent, how will we wait? Will we wait impatiently? Or will we embrace the waiting? Will we allow ourselves to slow down enough to notice that we're waiting, to focus a little more intentionally on the story unfolding as Mary and Joseph start packing their bags for Bethlehem, amidst the scorn and derision of their community, and the rumors running wild about them? Will we look for the ways that God is speaking to us in this Christmas season? Will we embrace the 4 pillars of Advent - hope, peace, joy and love - and let them work their way deeper into our lives this year? Or will we let ourselves stay swept up in the tide of busyness that characterizes our world?

This season, I want to take the time to remember that no matter how crazy life gets, I am waiting for something bigger and better than any of the little things that demand my time and attention. I am waiting for Jesus. Waiting for Him to come and rescue me - waiting for Him to come back, as He said He would. Sometimes it seems like it is taking so long.... and it can be easy to lose hope when it feels like we're waiting forever.... but we need to remember that even the very act of waiting is a gift.

"...do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." - 2 Peter 3:8-9

If waiting a little longer means more people get to come Home with us, I'll be glad to wait. I just don't want to forget that that's what I'm doing: waiting - hopefully - and putting my trust in His Word as I wait.

Advent Hope - Day 3

2011-11-29T09:58:00.000-06:00

"And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit." - 2 Peter 1:19-21

I love how Eugene Peterson phrases v.19 in The Message (which isn't a translation, but is an excellent paraphrase of Scripture): "We couldn't be more sure of what we saw and heard - God's glory, God's voice. The prophetic Word was confirmed to us. You'll do well to keep focusing on it. It's the one light you have in a dark time as you wait for daybreak and the rising of the Morning Star in your hearts."

One of the things that I find most awe-inspiring to reflect on during Advent is how much of the Old Testament points towards Jesus. There are so many Scriptures that talk about Him - what He'll be like, what He'll come to do, where He'll be born... God told his people, hundreds of years in advance, all about His Son, so that when He came, there could be no real question about it, in the hearts of those who were open to seeing Him at work. There was certainly no question in Peter's mind as to who He was - Peter had been on a mountain with Jesus and heard the very Voice of God saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased." (Matthew 17:5, Mark 9:7, Luke 9:35 and 2 Peter 1:17)

This picture Peter paints of what it's like to wait for Jesus - being in a dark place and waiting for daybreak - reminds me of two other passages about Jesus that give me so much hope:

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn." - Isaiah 60:1-3

"In Him was life, and that life was the light of all men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." - John 1:4-5 (Some translations read "the darkness has not overcome it.")

In the midst of the ever-encroaching darkness of winter as the days become shorter, and in the midst of a world than can sometimes seem darker every day as wickedness maintains a foothold in the hearts of men who are far from Him - we're waiting. Waiting for the Light. Waiting for Daybreak. Waiting for the One who came - to come back. It's part of the beauty and the mystery of this Advent season - waiting for Christmas, waiting for the day we celebrate the birth of the One who came to save us - yet knowing He's already come, He's here now, and He's coming back again someday. Darkness will never have the final word. And so we wait, and hope, and light candles to remind ourselves that He is the Light of the World (John 8:12) and that no matter how dark it may seem - the Light born in a stable one night so long ago still shines, and the darkness cannot overcome it.

Advent Hope - Day 2

2011-11-28T09:42:00.001-06:00

"From the Lord comes deliverance.
May Your blessing be on Your people."
- Psalm 3:8

Sometimes you'll hear something in a message, and it'll stick with you for life, because it is the word of the Lord for you in that moment, and He knows you'll need it again later. That is certainly true for me about Psalm 3:5 - "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." A chaplain named Paul Boersma taught on this psalm over a decade ago at a Chapel service at Hope College, and he highlighted for us the pattern in this verse: I lie down, I sleep, I wake again - because the Lord sustains me. I lie down, I sleep, I wake again - because the Lord sustains me. I lie down, I sleep, I wake again - because the Lord sustains me....

Over and over again. Day after day. Regardless of circumstance. Regardless of what happens between waking and sleeping. Regardless of tragedy. Regardless of the great joys we've experienced. We lie down, we sleep, and we wake again - because the Lord sustains us. David wrote these words in the middle of a psalm expressing how overwhelmed he was, surrounded by enemies, but also expressing how confident he was in God's ability to come through on His behalf: "To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill." (Psalm 3:4) He knew that God could and would deliver him.

And so do we.

David's story, his life, was a foreshadowing, a type - illustrating the Greater Story of what God is doing in all of human history. Years later a prophet named Zechariah would write:

"Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your King comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey. I will take away the chariots from Ephraim and the war-horses from Jerusalem, and the battle bow will be broken. He will proclaim peace to the nations. His rule will extend from sea to sea and from the River to the ends of the earth.
As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.... The Lord your God will save them on that day as the flock of His people. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. How attractive and beautiful they will be!" - Zechariah 9: 9-12, 16-17a

And hundreds of years after that, Jesus rode into Jerusalem, exactly as Zechariah had foretold.

They didn't get it, that day. They thought Jesus was going to spark some sort of revolution and free them from the oppression of Roman rule. But God had an even better plan in mind. He was going to free them from the oppression of sin, and give them a new and better way to live. And this freedom - it wasn't just for Israel. It was for the entire world.

And it is for you.

Do you feel like a "prisoner of hope" sometimes? Are you hoping for a shift in your circumstances, for something to change, for things to be different, before you rejoice? God's word says that He is coming to rescue you, and He will, tho it may not look exactly like what you're hoping for - but He is already at work, rescuing you, and giving you a new way to live. The passage we're reading from 2 Peter today gives us a picture of what that can look like. And in the midst of this new life, we lie down, we sleep, and we wake again, confident that the Lord sustains us - no matter what.

Advent Hope - Day 1

2011-11-27T17:05:00.002-06:00

"Even in darkness, light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man."
- Psalm 112:4

I'll confess. I've been studying Scripture since I was sixteen, and I had to look up Amos in the table of contents to find it. ;o)

It was an interesting gamut of Scripture for today's reading, wasn't it? I love how all of the selections balanced each other out to present the "big picture" of how God is at work in the world, and to give us a glimpse into how He's been at work throughout history.

* First there were the morning psalms, that talked about how the God who created the entire universe and knows the very stars by name, knows His people, too - and heals them, and provides for them, just as He provides for all of creation, and those psalms called us to begin our day by worshiping our great and mighty God, along with all of creation.

* Then there were the dark words of Amos - words that could terrify us if they were the only words we heard... but did you catch God's heart for justice in those words? There was never condemnation without cause under the law. The sins He speaks of in these verses are sins that harm people, and He is not okay with that happening. (He's still not okay with that, and we shouldn't be either.) Justice demands a penalty for sin... and while this may not be good news if you're the person sinning, it is good news when you're being sinned against. Justice is coming, and you can hope for it, with the expectation of having your hope met, because justice is His heart for the oppressed and marginalized.

But what about when we sin? In all fairness, justice should be demanded of us, too, for "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)...

* But check it out - the next words we read from 1 Thessalonians 5:9 say this: "...God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." Grace paid the penalty demanded of us by justice. "He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him." (v. 10)

* I love how the end of that passage ties into the last verse of the gospel reading in Luke, too: "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thess 5:11) "By standing firm you will gain life." (Luke 21:19) Isn't it so true that when we encourage each other, standing firm in our faith is so much easier than when we're going through tough and sometimes even scary things on our own?

* And then we're back to the psalms again, ending the day in praise - celebrating the truth that "He provided redemption for His people...." (Psalm 111:9)

Wherever you are today, whatever the circumstances of your life - your story is wrapped up in the greater story that God is writing - a story that promises: no matter how dark things get here on earth, there is always hope.

Hope - Day 1

2011-11-27T17:04:00.000-06:00

Advent Reflections: Hope

2011-11-26T22:59:00.001-06:00

“Here is my servant whom I have chosen,
   the one I love, in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
   and he will proclaim justice to the nations.
He will not quarrel or cry out;
   no one will hear his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
   and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,
till he has brought justice through to victory.
In his name the nations will put their hope.”
- Matthew 12:18-21

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent. "Advent" means that something - or someone - important is coming, and it's the word that the Church uses to describe the season leading up to Christmas day.

Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joy, hope, peace, love, wonder... and a season of waiting - expectantly - for something to happen. It's the pathway - the journey - to Christmas. And with Christmas comes radiant, amazing, overwhelming love - in the form of a baby boy, born in a stable... the very Son of God, laid in a manger: the hope of the world.

For these four weeks of Advent, we wait. We remember. We hope, dream, imagine, wonder, experience the mystery that is the gift of God's Son, born in the city of David: Christ the Lord. We sing special songs. We celebrate. We give gifts that echo, tho they could never compare with, the Gift that we've been given. We light candles, and decorate trees.

And we wait... with great hope. Because the One who came is coming again. He is coming back to rescue us, to save us, to redeem us - and to take us home to live with Him forever.

Advent is by far my favorite season of the year. There's something magical about shifting out of Ordinary Time into Advent. Things are no longer ordinary... something extraordinary is about to happen.

And one of those extraordinary things, this year, could be an even deeper walk with God.

I'd like to invite you to join me over the next few weeks as we dive into God's Word - and this season! - with intentionality and expectation. (We'll be following the daily reading plan found here.) I would love to hear your thoughts as well as share some of my own as we go along.

If you're in, you can read any or all of the Scriptures in the reading plan every day, at any time you choose. They recommend a few psalms in the morning and a couple at night, plus readings from the Old and New Testament and from the Gospels at some point during the day. If it feels overwhelming, just pick one passage a day and stick with that. Don't be legalistic about trying to read everything. Just get in God's Word every day. :) It's the Letter your Rescuer wrote you - and it tells you what to hope for, and in Whom you can always put your hope, being sure that you will not be disappointed. (Isaiah 49:23)

Looking forward to an awesome Advent season!

Grace and peace,
Happy

reposted in part from this post last year

i may have a new favorite song....

2011-11-13T20:58:00.000-06:00

monkeys, purpose and hope for the future

2011-11-12T17:55:00.000-06:00

I guess it isn't often you think of monkeys and hope in the same 2 seconds, but trust me, there's logic to it. :)

First, my apologies to Thomas Nelson and Women of Faith for the ridiculous delay in posting. I initially wanted to take a couple of days to process and actually have something substantial to say, aside from "It was awesome!" (which it was) - and then my grandmother passed away and there was the flurry of the unexpected trip out east for the funeral, and the craziness of trying to catch up on work, and the odd paralyzation of my usual bent towards productivity that came with all the emotions involved with all of that - and I've just been procrastinating. I don't really have an excuse at this point. Just... I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you for a life-changing weekend.

The Women of Faith conference was exactly what I thought it would be. I met with God. He had some things to say that I needed to hear. It was fun - I laughed a lot. And I came away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.

I also came away feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, emotionally speaking anyway. Friday was awesome - it was relatively light-hearted most of the day (tho definitely not without depth), and fabulous to just be away. We had seats in the second row, and were seven feet from Natalie Grant at one point. It was pretty amazing. And then Saturday - wow. Saturday was one big long emotional haul. I could write for days about everything we saw and heard, but honestly - to all the ladies who read my blog, I will just recommend that you go. Listen to the stories these women have to tell. You won't regret it.

But here are my three big takeaways:

1) Without a doubt, my two favorite speakers over the weekend were Sheila Walsh and Henry Cloud. Henry was a very good sport about being one of the only men in the building. They tag-teamed beautifully all day on Friday, and I learned a lot from both of them. Henry asked an unusual question during one of his talks, tho: "Who's your monkey?" - and it really made me think.

The premise of his question is that in stress-test experiments with monkeys, a monkey who has company during the stress-test will inevitably be less affected by the stressors in his/her environment than the monkey who is left alone in a room with those same stressful factors. And so it is with people. We're wired for community - we need it to survive. Something that's come to mind often since that weekend is that, while Adam (before the Fall) walked and talked with God all the time, God still looked at him and said, "It isn't good for man to be alone." I find that interesting, in the context of American Christianity, where we're so fond of saying that Jesus is enough. He is - and yet. I haven't come to any conclusions about that, except that I want to study this idea more, and read a bunch of commentaries on the subject, and see what smarter people than I am have to say about it. And in the meantime, I think Henry Cloud is right - we all need a monkey. Sometimes we need twenty.

And so I've taken a good long look at the relationships in my life, and realized that I've been incredibly blessed with very good friends, several of whom have stepped up in some pretty awesome ways over the past few weeks and just been there to cry with me as I've been grieving. It's been pretty amazing, and I've felt far less alone these past few weeks.

2) One of the themes I heard in every talk throughout the weekend is that God has a purpose in every thing He allows into our lives, good, bad or indifferent. Each woman who took the stage (and both of the men as well) had stories to tell about some of the tough places they've been - and the way God worked through those situations to bring them to a place of healing and wholeness and then used their stories to impact hundreds of thousands of people every year, giving them hope for their own situations.

and 3) This very fact gave me hope for my own future - that all I've been through, all I'll go through - will somehow bring Him glory. I've felt a number of my dreams start to die these past few years; there are so many obstacles, so many things that just haven't worked out the way I thought they would, so many reasons why "I can't" seems the logical conclusion - and yet. And yet. Just because a dream lies fallow for a very long time doesn't mean there's no life in it. Hearing the stories of ordinary women who have been given extraordinary opportunities to share their stories with the world, and to impact the world for the kingdom of God on an international level gave me hope that God can use my stories to change lives as well. That is no small thing. It's extremely humbling, actually. But it's exciting, too - and leaves me wondering - what's next?

And glad for a handful of monkeys who will be there to see it.

Torch... online!

2011-10-02T20:18:00.000-05:00

Hey, check it out! My church is launching, for the very first time TONIGHT, a new ministry that we call Torch Online. The message will be streaming 24/7, but on Sundays at 8:00pm, and Wednesdays at 9:00pm, you can chat live with a host (or hostess) from our church while watching the video. This is only the beginning - can't wait to see what God will do with this! :)

anticipation

2011-09-29T21:24:00.001-05:00

At long last, everything that absolutely had to get done is done, and I am finally free to pack. At 7:30am tomorrow morning, my dear friend Mackenzie and I are hitting the road for a 2-day retreat from our lives, and attending the Women of Faith conference in Milwaukee. (For more about what that is, please see my earlier post.) I can't wait!!!

I've been to two other Women of Faith conferences over the years; the 2nd one I will never forget, because it involved a road-trip to Nashville on the heels of a tornado! We weren't even sure when we left Michigan that we could even get there - but we did, and the conference went on, and we survived our hotel experience by candlelight. It was awesome. ;)

Because of my prior experiences, there are three things I know I can expect over the next 2 days:

1) I am going to meet with God, and He'll have some things to say that I'll need to hear.
2) It will be FUN. I am going to laugh - a lot.
3) I will come away refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to re-imagine the possibilities of what God could do in and through my life.

So, thanks, Women of Faith, and Thomas Nelson Publishers, for making it possible for me to go. You couldn't have known it 2 months ago when you picked me, but I really need this weekend. I have no idea yet what God will do in it, but I know He has it perfectly planned. And I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Book Review: Sabbath by Dan B. Allender

2011-09-10T13:09:00.001-05:00

How do you review a book that literally changed your life?

Dan B. Allender's book on Sabbath explores the Biblical mandate for Sabbath-keeping by looking at the biblical text themselves, exploring some of the history around how God's people have traditionally and creatively celebrated the Sabbath over time, and sharing his own experience with the discipline/joy of keeping the Sabbath. His mission from the very beginning of the book is to dispel both the rule-bound, legalistic perspective and the laissez-faire, "oh-that's-just-the-Old-Covenant" perspective on the Fourth Commandment, and to transform them into a new, joyful anticipation of what the Jews have long referred to as "the Queen of days." (And he succeeded.)

I was encouraged by literally every chapter in the book to rethink my perspective on Sabbath, and to see it not just as a day of rest in which I do absolutely nothing except whatever I feel like doing or as a day off to catch up on housework and run errands, but as a day during which God's kingdom come and coming can and should be experienced more fully. I've taken Allender up on a number of his challenges over the past few months: I've taken a walk with an "enemy" - I've stopped completely retreating from the world and begun to invite people over for dinner - and I've started to plan a little more carefully for the day. Sabbath is no longer just a stopping place at the end of a long week for me, but a deliberate pause in which to celebrate with Him and spend quality time in His word and with His people, enjoying creation, freedom, and time - and looking forward to eternity.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who's willing to have their life - and perspective - rocked a bit. My response to this book was to literally change the way I structure my time - and it's been an incredibly life-giving change.

Disclosure in agreement with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising": I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

true greatness, part 2

2011-08-13T23:15:00.002-05:00

maybe this says it better:

in the presence of true greatness

2011-08-13T16:28:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what I expected. The words "Global Leadership Summit" were slightly intimidating. I knew I'd hear a lot of "successful business/ministry" advice. I knew I'd glean a lot of wisdom from people smarter than I am. And I did, and it was awesome, and I have a lot to process from many of the sessions.

But there was one session I will never forget.

Mama Maggie Gobran took the stage during the first session Friday morning. She was introduced by a well-done and brief documentary that explained who she was and what she does - I'm not sure you can see it anywhere, but you can learn about her work in this article or visit her website - Stephen's Children. People began clapping as she took the stage - but then, they didn't stop.

She was given a standing ovation before she even said a word.

It was mind-blowing and overwhelming. I knew within moments that I was standing in the presence of true greatness. It resonated within my spirit: this is a woman who knows and loves God, and serves Him with real humility.

Mama Maggie has been serving the poorest of the poor in Cairo for over 20 years. Day after day, she walks the streets and garbage dumps of the city, seeking out children who need someone to look after them. She gives them so much more than food and clothing - she gives them love, dignity, and hope.

She has poured her entire life - her time, her resources, everything - into caring for the poor. It is a difficult calling, but in spite of the hardship, she would not trade it. And the secret to finding the strength to face all the heartbreak that she faces every day, and to keep on, in the hardest times, doing all that she can to make a difference? "The secret is silence," she said. "Silence your body to listen to your words. Silence your tongue to listen to your thoughts. Silence your thoughts to listen to your heart beating. Silence your heart to listen to your spirit. Silence your spirit to listen to His Spirit."

She began her message with words from Mary's Magnificat - "He has done great things for me" - and her attitude was so authentically that of Mary's. Who am I that He would call me? I am the least of all women. But He has called, and so I say yes...

Really, words can't convey what it was like, watching Mama Maggie deliver her message so humbly and so quietly. But the point hit home. You can't do what you're called to do unless you are as deeply in God as the salt is in the ocean. You need to dissolve. And the power and the strength that you find when you do is amazing. Lose everything. On purpose. And you will find Him. It isn't easy, she confessed. But it is worth it.

Even now, trying and failing miserably to communicate the awesomeness of what I know was a life-transforming experience (tho where it will lead, I don't know!), I am close to tears (again). Simply being in the presence of someone who doesn't just believe the gospel, but lives it out was incredibly humbling. Please hear me that I am not berating myself for falling so short, but the truth is, I am. I can be so selfish and stupid, and to be near someone who was once like me - someone who loved nice clothes and traveling to Europe and all the privileges of social status - but who gave them up and found something of far more substance and value in serving others- was convicting. I'm not going to sell everything I own and move to Cairo - but there's a piece of me that wants to. ;)

I know, tho, that God is writing my story differently - at least for now - and if nothing else, hearing Mama Maggie speak has sparked in me an even deeper longing to know and be known by the God who loves all He created, and to a desire to seek more intentionally after the things He would have me do with my time daily, rather than living so much on my own agenda. Who knows what opportunities I may find to share the love of Christ, if I would only pay a little more attention, and take a little more time to listen for His voice?

I spent time yesterday in the presence of true greatness: a woman after His own heart, who would not allow a standing ovation to go to her head. Instead, it brought her to her knees. God grant that I may be that kind of woman someday.

Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me. Teach me this kind of humility; create it in me. Amen.

a relatively shameless plug for Women of Faith

2011-08-13T15:20:00.000-05:00

I'm super-excited to say that through Thomas Nelson's awesome BookSneeze blogging program, I've been given two free tickets to the Women of Faith conference in Milwaukee at the end of September. I can hardly wait! I've only been to a couple of their events, but I loved both of them, and I'm really looking forward to a couple of days away to listen and to pray and to worship with thousands of other women - including my good friend Mackenzie, who is going with my other ticket. ;)

If you're a girl, and live anywhere near one of the cities Women of Faith is coming this year, I'd highly recommend it. Here's a little picture of what you can expect:

random ramblings, vol. 10

2011-06-18T22:04:00.001-05:00

I'm cleaning my house tonight. (Can you tell?) lol. Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities, particularly for hours on end (which is what truly cleaning my apartment would entail at this point) - so while I'm procrastinating (something I'm quite talented at doing), here are seven more random ramblings from Happyland:

1) I have about a week to put together a "life vision" presentation for JAA (a leadership/learning "book club" sort of group). I'm contemplating presenting it creatively - a map of Happyland, complete with playgrounds, diners, and churches. I'm not sure I can draw it very well, though. I also honestly am not sure I know what my life vision is. I know bits and pieces of who I am and where I'm going, but if there's anything I've learned over my past few years of blogging, it's that life is a journey, and who we are is as much about who we're becoming as who we've been - and we don't always see it clearly for ourselves. So here's an invitation to the peanut gallery (lurkers and regular commentators alike): what do you see? What are the major themes in my life? What are my gifts, my focuses (foci?)? I have some ideas (I will share them later, when I'm done writing/drawing my vision) - but from those of you who don't know me in "real life" (aka we've only met through blogging), I'd love to know what you see, just from what I write (and I'd love to hear from those of you who do know me in real life as well!).

2) My current playlist on iTunes is pretty eclectic. (surprise, surprise) In no particular order, I'm currently hooked on these songs:

Stuck Like Glue - by Sugarland
What If: Celtic Mix - by Emilie Autumn
and pretty much everything Chris Ayer ever wrote, but especially Lost and Found, The Revealing, Pretty Poison Things, and Warmer

3) Lauren Winner, in Mudhouse Sabbath, writes about hospitality as welcoming people into your life "as is." I still find this challenging - but on the evening before a friend arrives to visit for half a week, I am looking around my disaster of an apartment, and realizing that it's just not all going to get done. It's almost ten, and I have to get up at five tomorrow. I'll have a few hours between church and the time I have to leave to pick her up from the airport, but chances are good that not all the cleaning that "ought" to be done will be. I'm going to have to settle for getting the dust bunnies out of the corners, and worry about the dust on the bookshelves later. Sigh. But this is a friend of my heart, and she knows firsthand what it's like to be a working single woman - and that I have two jobs - so things that can slide (like dusting) tend to slide. She's going to love me whether I remember to dust or not.

4) Update on the on-going Sabbath journey: today was definitely unorthodox. ;) There were very real elements of "traditional" Sabbath present: I slept in a bit (rested), shared a meal with a good friend, celebrated the reality that everything broken will be set right some day. I read a good book. I spent time outside. I listened to great music. I was at peace.

I also took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and went grocery shopping. I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it. I wiped down a bunch of storage bins that have been collecting dust in the garage and loaded them into my car to donate to my church tomorrow (the creative planning team has acquired a lot of odds and ends over the past two years, and is in need of organization). I did a couple loads of laundry, and my dishes. I cooked dinner. I started cleaning my room, and organized my linen closet and my pantry. I also checked my email and did some work for church.

Everything in that last paragraph is "work" - which is forbidden on the Sabbath. And I wouldn't recommend it as normal Sabbath-keeping behaviour. But on the eve of a week-long stay-cation when I know I will be getting a good deal more rest than I usually do, and in the wake of a long stretch of insane busyness where lots of my own personal stuff (things like cleaning out my car and my linen closet) has fallen by the wayside - getting that stuff done was incredibly freeing today. And the best thing about it was that it wasn't "work" - it was fun, being productive - kind of like not being productive right now is also fun. :)

5) I'm reading a book for JAA called Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud. I'm developing a bit of a love/hate relationship with this book. It's good stuff - but challenging - and I'm finding as I read that I have a really hard time letting go of things/people/seasons. Some of it is loyalty taken to extremes. Some of it is just clinging to good memories and not allowing myself to create new ones. I remember Chris calling me out a few years ago on being too attached to my memories of The Vine to fully embrace what God was doing in me and in our ministry at the time. I think there's a degree to which I still haven't let that go entirely. It was a good season, those five years it lasted. I learned a lot, grew a lot, met a lot of people who are still very dear to me. But this season I'm in now is also good - and I need to embrace it without looking back. Maybe that's one of the lessons we're to learn from Lot's wife - crying over what's past won't leave us with anything but a pillar of salt, once the water's evaporated from our tears. We need to look forward, and embrace our futures, however unknown they may currently be.

6) That said - there's something to be said for meaningful nostalgia. I am currently listening to Hootie and the Blowfish as I type. Whatever happened to them?

7) My current read is Sarah Ban Breathnach's Peace and Plenty. I am reading it slowly, and taking notes. It's the first book on finances I've ever read that deals with the emotional component of becoming financially responsible after you've completely screwed it up. Chock full of good advice and quotations and practical applications, it's become one of those books I can't help but view as a friend. I'm finding a lot of life in its pages - and learning to appreciate things like cucumber water as the luxuries they are. :)

Wilderness Adventures of 2011

2011-06-06T20:37:00.002-05:00

Not that we should be surprised by this, but Happy's "wilderness adventures" are continuing in 2011. Almost all of you are aware by now of the epic bison encounter. (If you missed that one, you can read about it here.)

The bison incident was only one in a long line of wildlife encounters over the years. I freaked out a peacock once. In a forest preserve in Michigan. (Do peacocks even live in Michigan?) I've met several deer in the middle of trails who have shown no indication that they planned to move. (They didn't. I turned around and found an alternate route.) There was that moose in Colorado.... And I've been chased by what may or may not have been wild turkeys. Upon telling the story later, it appears they might have been emus. (Regardless, I would advise against making gobbling sounds at any bird in the wild. Just in case.)

Recently, in my suburban neighborhood, I've seen a weasel, a skunk the size of a large housecat, and several of a variety of waterfowl. (No, I have not actually ENCOUNTERED any of them. Yet.) But today, biking through gloriously wooded beauty in the middle of nowhere, I was run off the trail, not by a deer, nor a snake, nor a skunk, nor any other likely candidate - but by a fire truck.

What were the odds?!

it's fine

2011-05-29T16:09:00.001-05:00

every now and again, God speaks when we are not expecting it, and i'm finding that those moments in which He "interrupts" me - mid-sentence, mid-activity, mid-prayer, mid-life - are some of the sweetest, most ordinary moments of profound depth for which i could ever ask (if i ever remembered to actually ask for them).

it isn't that i'm not trying to listen. but sometimes i'm listening for the wrong thing. sometimes i'm waiting to hear Him say something i want Him to say. to answer a question I've asked. to speak into a situation i want resolved. instead of simply waiting to see what He wants to talk about.

and in His grace, and maybe sometimes with a slight degree of amusement at my inability to get it yet, He speaks anyway.

i had an email this week from a dear friend i've never actually met. (we are friends because we ran into each other in the blogosphere, but our real lives have yet to intersect anywhere offline.) i'd written to her a few days before - poured out some of my troubles in vague detail, and written cheerily about some of the things that are going well - and there were seven glorious words in the middle of a sentence in her reply letter that were the word of the Lord to me this week:

"...that everything is fine like it is..."

i burst into tears. the good kind. the kind that come from that deep-seated place of "yes. i needed to hear You say that, and i had no idea it was true or how much i needed it."

everything is fine like it is. i don't have to change anything. i don't have to control it. i don't need so-and-so to repent for the harm they've caused. i don't need such-and-such to happen in order to be happy. everything is fine the way it is.

i am loved by an amazing God, who knows the plans He has for me, and who will not allow those plans to be thwarted, long-term. i am forgiven. blessed. cared for. i have rich friendships that i treasure. rejection does not define me, nor determine my worth. what He says about me is my definition. there is food on my table, a roof over my head, gas in the tank of the car that is still actually, miraculously starting (most days). i am able to give to others without experiencing too much lack. i am truly and amazingly blessed.

any shadow over this blessing is simply that: a shadow. it is nothing of substance. not really.

everything is fine like it is.

and i am blessed.

this season

2011-05-28T13:23:00.002-05:00

every year on the first of the year, i take some time to get quiet and listen, to read the Word and pray over my coming year, and ask God what He wants to do in it. i try not to have an agenda - not to spend too much time telling Him what i want out of the year - tho we do talk about that, too - but to really listen. and then i journal about it, so i will remember.

today i was reading through that journal and found this, for 2011:

-------------

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

as i read through the verses following this one today, i found myself picking out the times and seasons I'm hoping for this year:

a time to be born. a time to plant. a time to heal. a time to build. a time to laugh. a time to dance. (i'm not so sure about the whole stones thing...) a time to embrace. a time to search. a time to keep. a time to mend. a time to speak. a time to love. a time for peace.

i know we can't pick our seasons. they come to us as God wills them, and we learn and we grow through all of them. but so much of the past two years have been so hard, even in their goodness, and i would so just love a year of Jubilee. a year when debts are cancelled and work is less intense and joy and celebration abound. it would be such a gift.

....

Isaiah 61:
there are so many things in this chapter that resonate with my spirit and give me hope.

the Year of the Lord's favor brings: healing for broken hearts, freedom, release from darkness, vengeance we don't have to take (because God handles it), God's favor, comfort, beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. we go on display, showing God's splendor. things long ruined are repaired. devastation is reversed. we see and experience His faithfulness. we are saved. good things grow.

it is a beautiful season. and i think it is what You are promising me this year.

and so my word for this year is HOPE.

God, You know all the things I am hoping for.

-------------

He does.

it hasn't been QUITE the Year of Jubilee i'd hoped for thus far - but there have been amazing moments in it. new friendships. amazing conversations with some awesome women of God. bursts of sunshine every now and again between cloudy days. today i am counting my blessings - because sometimes we just need to. it's that whole "remembering the deeds of the Lord" thing from Psalm 77 again. the Israelites rehearsed the story of God's faithfulness SO many times - it's told over and over in the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms. "He came and rescued us. we walked across the sea on dry land, but Pharoah's army drowned beneath the waves. the Lord saved us!"

if God can part the sea and make the sun stand still and raise His Son (and a handful of other people too!) from the dead - then He can do anything. everything broken in this world can be set right, in time, somehow.

remembering that today gives me new hope, and makes me happy. :)

random ramblings, vol. 9

2011-05-28T00:08:00.003-05:00

it's late, but one mocha coconut frappuccino six hours ago might seem to be responsible for that. (there are definitely drawbacks to living largely decaffeinated.) which could have been item number one for this week's edition of random ramblings, but it isn't. (you just get that pointer for free.) ;) so without further ado - MORE random ramblings:

1) i've lately become completely addicted to YA fiction. there are some really good books out there right now. if i ever have the privilege of having daughters, a book i read this week (which i am ashamed to say i almost didn't bring home because of the cover picture - it's a little scary) will be assigned reading during their teenage years. written by a children's librarian (who are, btw, some of the most under-appreciated but most influential teachers of any child's life), this book is a MUST-READ for any girl junior-high or older AND their moms. set in feudal times and dealing with the fantasy world of mermaids vs/and islanders, it subtly but powerfully deals with coming-of-age issues, managing peer pressure, the importance of character over popularity, and self-esteem. all while creating an incredibly believable, historically accurate picture of the feudal system. it was amazing. and the cause of a very short night of sleep this week. i've GOT to stop picking up new stories at night....

(like that's going to happen...)

2) Madeleine L'Engle is still my hero. i'm reading Walking On Water this week, and again, learning so much from her about my faith, art, their interplay, and myself. i cannot wait to spend countless hours in eternity talking with this amazing saint, and am so grateful to her for her transparency and wisdom in all her books, both fiction and non-fiction. her writing and what i've learned from it is part of why i dare to write anything at all, ever. i would have given so much for one meal with her at Crosswicks. someday...

3) i am a horrible correspondent. this is something with which i am slowly coming to terms. i currently have at least EIGHT people who are waiting for long newsy letters. (some of you are among them.) they're coming, really. REALLY. it's just that i can't write shallow personal letters. i suck at them. (and it takes a lot of emotional energy - and time - to produce a non-shallow letter.) so when it finally shows up in your inbox, brace yourself. and schedule at least 1/2 an hour to read it. :) (and if you're not on that list and want one, please leave a comment with your email address. i suggest using the so-and-so (at) such-and-such (dot) com methodology, to avoid spam from web-crawling whatnot. i will add you to the list.) ;) For those of you who ARE on the list already - I promise, I haven't forgotten!!!

4) have i mentioned lately that i'm glad it's summer? there are so many things i am grateful for with the advent of summer:
- a slower pace of life (Thank You, JESUS!!!!)
- sunshine (why do i live in the mid-west again? oh, right. summer)
- road-trips. most notably to Michigan and BFFs in Indiana. plus a variety of others.

5) Sabbath. on-going learning process. on-going revelation. on-going quest. i began a new phase of it today. one of the dimensions of Sabbath which i find to be sorely lacking but incredibly important to/in my life is the dimension of community. the Sabbath was meant to be celebrated together. and to that end, hospitality - which is one of my gifts, but one i do not engage enough - is something i need/want to amp up, especially on Saturdays (my current Sabbath day). so, unto that end - i am investing in new dishes. i know that might sound silly, but the truth of the matter is, a well-set table isn't snobbery to me - it's investment. it's visible proof to my dinner guests that "i'm glad you're here." i'm not going all-out right away - but once a month, i've given myself permission to ditch a few more pieces of the $2 dishes i once owned (but of which i have now succeeded in breaking the majority) in favor of slightly more pricey dinner dishes. i bought 4 dinner plates today. June's purchase will be 4 dessert plates. July's: a 2-tier serving dish. etc. until i have beautiful place-settings and serving dishes for four. (which is all my current table can seat - down the road, that will change, too, i hope!!!) and in the meantime, i intend to (at least once a month) have people over for dinner. which requires cleaning my apartment. which is also on the task list for this weekend. ;)

6) i'm pretty sure that frappuccino is finally wearing off... (yay! just in time for Saturday....) ;)

7) if financial stewardship has EVER been something with which you've wrestled (or especially if it's something you wrestle with now), PLEASE: check out Andy Stanley's podcasts for "Balanced" - via Northpoint Ministries (dot) org. (also available on iTunes). Andy's wisdom is straight from the Lord and from His Word - and most definitely worth pursuing.

So there you have it. Random Ramblings, vol. 9. and on that note - good night! :)

walking towards spring

2011-05-20T23:05:00.001-05:00

Today was an incredible day. Good friends, good stories, good food - beautiful weather (warm and sunny!) - a 15-mile trek thru a nature preserve on my bike, and a 2-mile walk. I am rested for the first time in I'm not really sure how long. And it feels amazing. I can tell I am still not yet where I need/want to be - but a day off was a great step in the right direction.

It was a long, hard winter. Juggling two jobs that hit busy seasons at the same time was no easy task, but the real truth is that in addition to that, there's just been a lot of "hard stuff". Things I can't really talk about. Things I can't do anything about. Things that weren't my fault, but affected me deeply....

It's been a long, hard season, and I feel battered and bruised - and exhausted to the core.

But I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, who was sharing a little about the metaphorical winter season she's been in - watching objectively as God has blessed her family amazingly, yet feeling very disconnected, and wanting to feel the joy she thought she should - and she said something incredibly profound. It was something to the effect of: "I was looking out my window the other day, and there's this field that in the summer, you can't really see much of except for the trees, but right now, you can see everything. And it occurred to me that this is what God is doing, even if I don't understand it right now. We need these winter seasons in order to see anything clearly. He's as much at work now as He is in any other season, and what He's doing will bear fruit later on."

Her words gave me so much peace and consolation, knowing that it's true: in the midst of all the sorrow and heartache of the past few months, God has been at work - and I don't know what He's doing, but I know that He's good and that He knows what He's doing. I don't have to figure it all out. I just have to stand still in the middle of this field that is my life and look around to see what's here, and where new life might spring into being any moment.

It can be hard to imagine in the winter of our souls that spring will ever come. But I drove through vibrant green tunnels of trees over the roads near my house today, and realized that life has come back to the world around me suddenly, and enthusiastically, and that the same thing will happen to my soul, maybe when I least expect it. And being at rest today, caring for my soul by feeding it with things that make me whole and happy, I saw glimpses of the summer to come. And it is going to be glorious.

So I will keep on walking towards spring, choosing to hope even when I feel completely hopeless - because I'm not. My hope rests in the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who designed all seasons, and is no stranger to the one I'm in.

And I will continue to rejoice in every single glorious, sunny day that comes my way. :)

random ramblings, vol. 8

2011-05-07T12:27:00.001-05:00

How is it possible that it's been a month since I've written anything? I knew it had been awhile, but wow. The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy - lots of demands on my time at work (and outside of work!), with very little down time that has corresponded with coherency. But that season is almost over. Three more weeks, and summer officially begins. My days will still be full, but not quite so crazily paced, and I am grateful for the coming respite. In the meantime, another edition of random ramblings:

1) It's Kentucky Derby Day, and while I generally prefer sunshine to cloud cover, I'm actually almost glad it's not a beautiful sunshiny day. Staying indoors to watch/listen to pre-race coverage is harder when the weather's amazing. I like "Twice the Appeal." Hoping he wins. :)

2) I was unexpectedly given a gift yesterday: a canister of Azteca Fire tea from Teavana. It's chocolate and decaf and tea = bliss in a cup. Just opening the canister and smelling it makes me happy. Ah.....

3) My favorite farmer's market (here, anyway) opened last weekend. Yay!

4) I'm seriously looking forward to dinner tonight. I bought bok choy and spinach and zucchini and squash and baby broccoli at the grocery store last night, and am making a ginormous stir-fry. I realize that in true Sabbath keeping, I would have done the shopping Thursday night, and the cooking last night - but it didn't happen, and I like cooking (tho I don't like washing all the dishes that inevitably result from it), so it doesn't feel like work.

5) Sabbath keeping remains an ongoing, positive challenge in my spiritual walk. There a piece of it that might be slightly legalism-tainted - I want to figure out how to do it, and do it well, all the time - but it is so much less about rule-keeping than it is about communion and fellowship and rest and celebration. Preparation is key - remembering to order my days in a way that makes the Sabbath fully possible is one of the challenges I'm not meeting well - yet. The end of this busy season and the beginning of summer will help - and it is my hope to establish a new and better pattern that is sustainable long-term over the next few weeks. Falling into Sabbath so exhausted that it takes most of the day to start feeling like a real person again isn't the way this is supposed to go. But more on that in another post...

6) I have been reading, in the midst of this insane season, often when I ought to have been sleeping - somewhat voraciously. I've discovered new authors that I absolutely love - Julie Berry, E.D. Baker, and others - and picked up books I hadn't read yet from authors I already knew I loved. I haven't been able to bring myself to read Sunshine yet - I've never been comfy with vampire stories - but I read Robin McKinley's Deerskin this week, and it was hard to put down. It's sad - there's some really tough stuff in it, and years ago, I wouldn't have liked it at all - but it is also a story of hope and healing and love, and it ends justly and well. It may not make the re-read list as often as The Hero and the Crown or Spindle's End - but it's definitely one I will read again.

7) All the reading I've been doing is having a very positive effect. I am so much more me when I'm reading good stories. A good story is so much more than words on paper or a set of ideas in a logical order. It's art, and as such, demands that you interact with it, and becomes a part of your story - affecting you, influencing you, challenging you to define what you think and feel and why, and sometimes pushing you to understand things you didn't or didn't want to. (Deerskin did that for me - I think that's why I liked it so much: I learned some things about healing as I read.) Stories have always been central to how I learn and think and spend my time - and if I am reading, I find I am more centered. I don't know how to explain that, or why it is, but it is what it is - and I have felt, in spite of my tiredness, more myself over the past two weeks as I've been plowing through fantasy and faerie stories in time I didn't really have to spare. For all that I can logically say that getting a good night's sleep would have been a "wiser" use of time... I'm not 100% sure that it would have been. (Though both would have been awesome.) ;)

waking up

2011-04-05T22:00:00.000-05:00

It's been an incredible journey, writing a daily devotional. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit... I'm on Day 29, and wondering what on earth I will do will all my free time after Lent. (j/k....mostly.) ;)

Some of these evenings, tho, have turned into really sweet times of worship and study, and I wanted to share a glimpse into my quiet time tonight, simply because it was so powerful for me - and because I think it might encourage you.

The epistle reading for tomorrow is the beginning of Romans 8. For the devotional study, I'm mostly using the new NIV translation, but every now and again, I like to look into other translations, because reading something that means the same thing but is phrased slightly differently can help me understand it a little more fully. Tonight I turned to the Message paraphrase. I actually started reading a little further back in Romans 7, and I love the imagery that Peterson uses to explain this crazy relationship between the now and the not yet of having victory over sin and death and yet struggling with it still on a daily basis. And as I read, I was reminded of a song - and a video.

As the Creative Experience Director for my church, one of the most fun parts of my job is spending hours on the internet, looking for videos that will complement the worship service we're designing. I believe that there are times when the creative artistry of music and video and poetry can express far more than mere words ever could, and every now and again, I come across a video that completely captures my attention, and to which I come back, again and again. This is one of them. It encourages us to put our hope in Christ - for it is He who has won the victory over sin and death - and in Him, that victory is ours as well.

Sometimes we just need to wake up enough to remember it.

So here's the Scripture: Romans 7:21-8:11 - and the video is below. But seriously, start with the Scripture. :) And have an awesome few moments of worship!

Blessings,
Hap

lenten journeys: grace

2011-03-26T16:17:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how different my experience of Lent is from year to year. Last year's journey was very definitely about stewardship, discipline and self-control. This year? This year seems to be mostly about grace.

It's everywhere.

One of the benefits to leading the devotional study our church is doing for Lent is that I am most definitely in God's Word on a daily basis. There is a LOT of Scripture in the daily lectionary we're following - and I'm reading all of it, every day. And the one thing that is becoming clear as I'm reading is the pervasiveness of God's grace. Every single set of readings thus far has pointed me to grace.

I don't know how long I've actually been observing Lent on a yearly basis. It's been a long time. It usually consists of giving something up. And in recent years, I've been pretty hard-core. I've given up coffee, chocolate, bread, ice cream, anything with high fructose corn syrup in it, caffeine, etc. - or (to put it more positively) I've started eating healthier. And I've been strict - oh, so strict! - about sticking to what I've set out for myself.

But this year - I haven't been that hard core about it. All it turns out that I've really given up is coffee, and I actually gave that up before Lent, because as much as I love it, it was a healthier choice to give it up for a season.

I had good intentions when I started - and I have - for the most part - been a lot more healthy in my food choices. But those no-bake cookies just sounded so awesome, and fountain Coke is so good... and yes, on Thursday, I went through the drive-thru on the way home from rehearsal and got a double-cheeseburger.

But I prayed about it before I went, and I believe God said yes.

You see, a double-cheeseburger is WAY more than a double-cheeseburger to me. It is one of the fastest entrances into Presence I know. I realize it sounds silly, but there's a backstory to it, a good one - and I needed it. At the end of a ridiculously long and emotionally trying day, a double-cheeseburger was exactly what I needed. It fed my body and my soul.

Yes, it's Lent. Yes, bread is on my personal no-no list. But it's a man-made tradition, giving things up for Lent, not a biblical mandate, and I'm realizing, even as I joke about flunking Lent, that I probably should have prayed a little more before diving into this season about what God wanted to do in me through it. I should have asked for more specific direction.

But there's grace for that, too - and so much freedom to make a course correction now.

So enough with legalism. This year is about grace, and I am celebrating my freedom to pray daily about what to eat or not to eat in any given situation. I am recognizing that it is completely okay that I don't have the emotional bandwidth to pursue a more disciplined fast right now - that maybe the time I'm putting into leading this study is the only sacrifice God really wanted from me this year. And I am resting in the love and the grace of a God who loves me tremendously, and guides me as graciously as He does.

flunking Lent...

2011-03-24T22:32:00.000-05:00

FLUNKING LENT

Obviously, once upon a time, there were a few more fries...

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, right? ;)

random ramblings, vol. 7

2011-03-21T09:23:00.000-05:00

This poor blog has been so neglected of late... Time for a little bit of rambling, I think! Maybe a few updates too. So without further ado:

1. I haven't actually not been blogging. I have a half-dozen unpublished posts/ideas of posts that I would really like to finish at some point. :) Most of them about Sabbath and/or healing. Stay tuned - one of these days I really will finish writing them!

2. I am craving bacon and feta cheese at the moment. Actually, craving might be an understatement...

3. The Lenten Daily Devotional Study that I'm doing with my church is going really well. I think I'm glad in retrospect that we didn't try to do the Lenten Supper thing along with it - as awesome as that would have been, it would have been one thing too many this spring. But the devotional itself has been getting a lot of good press - and in fact, morphed from being an email sent to people on a daily basis to also being posted on our pastor's blog. If you're interested in joining us, you can hop in at any time here.

4. Spring is finally springing. Can I just tell you how happy this makes me? I spent part of my Sabbath on Saturday walking in the woods, and it was wonderful.

5. After a few adventures (I believe it might have gone pseudo-missing at least twice), the podcast from the sermon I preached in February is finally up! :) There are a few little audio blips (sorry about that) - but most of the message made it!

6. I stayed up ridiculously late last night, finishing Robin McKinley's new book, Pegasus. The first couple of chapters were a little slow, but once I got into it, I could hardly put it down. It is an incredible, well-written, beautiful and insightful story. The protagonist is probably one of my new favorite characters ever. I really hope there's going to be a sequel, tho, and soon! The ending was terrible. Not unexpected - but still. I kept waiting for the last-minute save, and it never happened. :(

7. I also bought Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. Definitely looking forward to reading it this week! I intended to read it on Saturday, but I started Pegasus first. And that was the end of that plan... :)

joy in the wilderness: a closer look at Lent

2011-03-08T00:00:00.001-06:00

Forty days is a long time.

Almost 6 weeks.

But they could be forty of the most significant days of your life.

There are some days in life that you really wouldn't write home about. But then there are seasons like these:

- "And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights." (Genesis 7:12) - Noah

- "When I went up on the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord had made with you, I stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water." (Deuteronomy 9:9) - Moses

- "For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand." (1 Samuel 17:16) - right before David showed up with his slingshot

- "....he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (1 Kings 19:8) - Elijah

- "Jonah began by going a day's journey into the city, proclaiming, 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.'" - (Jonah 3:4) - but all in the city of Nineveh repented during that time instead

And then there was Jesus:

"...for forty days He was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them He was hungry." (Luke 4:2)

"After His suffering, He presented Himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God." (Acts 1:3)

Forty days can be amazingly significant.

For centuries, the Church has celebrated (yes, celebrated! ) a season called Lent. Lent is the 40 (actually 47) days before Easter, beginning today, Ash Wednesday. It is a season of repentance, a season of wilderness wandering, a season of remembering that without Christ we would still be completely lost and dead in our sin - and celebrating (on those seven extra days especially!) the reality that our sin has been forgiven, our debt has been paid, and we have - if we've proclaimed Jesus as our Lord and Saviour - been made right with God.

6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. 6 days of repentance. 1 day of celebrating. (etc.) - until Good Friday - the darkest day of the Christian year - gives way to the glorious light of Easter Sunday.

The idea of fasting during Lent might be totally new to some of us, but many of us have either come from or heard of traditions that encourage "giving up" something for Lent. If you're tempted to do it just because you think you "ought" to - I'd challenge you to go ahead and give up something anyway - but re-evaluate why you're doing it. Fasting is a very appropriate form of worship and repentance - but God makes it clear in Isaiah 58 that the state of our hearts when we fast is what matters to Him.

Fasting alone isn't enough. It's just a ritual, empty of meaning, if we're not bringing our hearts into our activity. But if we give up something we love - be it television, social media, or some sort of food - for Lent, and we do it as an act of worship, and seek Him instead... Well. Just imagine what could happen. (Read Isaiah 58!)

The next 47 days of your life are packed with promise.

Are you willing to journey with Him through them? Are you willing to take a good hard look at your own sin and repent for it? And are you ready to receive a new revelation of the depth, height, breadth, and length of His grace? Because this is what we celebrate, as we willingly enter a season of wilderness, fasting from things we could have but choose not to, because we know there's something so much better on the other side of this season, if we will wait on Him for it...

----

If you'd like to explore this season of Lent a little more intentionally, or even just add a little more structure to your quiet times, we would love for you to join us in a daily online devotional study from now until Easter Sunday. We'll send you an email every day with a list of suggested Scripture readings and a devotional thought for the day. To sign up, just email me at happy (at) torchchurch (dot) tv.

(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)

the fine art of procrastipreparation

2011-02-28T09:13:00.002-06:00

It occurred to me a few days ago that it's almost Lent. How did that happen?! Where have the past two months gone?! Wasn't it just Christmas? My tree is still up...

One of the things I'm trying to focus on as I slowly shift into a new way of viewing the Sabbath and adjusting my life to make it a more central practice is preparation. This can be... challenging. Procrastination is something at which I am relatively talented, and it extends to everything from doing my dishes and shredding my junk mail to writing sermons and catching up on correspondence. Being prepared - ahead of time?! - takes a little forethought.

Grocery shopping has generally become something relegated to Saturdays. I confess that since last Lent's discipline of using up the food in my cupboards before buying more, I have become very lax in my attitude and practice towards groceries. I have slipped back into "go to the store and get dinner" mode, instead of planning ahead to what I will eat later this week and shopping for it ahead of time. Cravings often dictate my shopping, rather than discipline. I am not okay with this. I have been - but I'm not. Especially in light of Lent, and in light of longing to experience true Sabbath rest and joy more fully.

Since my Sabbath is on Saturday, I need to find a way to do my shopping on another day. My goal is to have my first Sabbath meal (Friday night) ready and waiting at the end of the day - no preparation required, just coming home and sinking into Sabbath the way you sink into slumber at the end of a good (but long) journey - with joy, relief, celebration, anticipation, and contentment. This past weekend, it just barely happened. I gave up my plans to make a big long trip to the grocery store at which I really ought to be shopping, and spent a lot more money at a closer store buying mostly just what I needed. Dinner went in the crock pot at 11:00am - it was ready by 7:30pm. An hour late, but hey, it's a start, right? ;-) And it was amazing. But shopping on Friday morning felt like the fine art of procrastipreparation. I knew all week I need to shop. I could have dragged myself off the couch and to the store in the middle of the week, but I didn't. I was tired, and I was lazy.

This week, I will not procrastinate in my preparations. I'm actually putting it on the calendar. Tuesday, 7pm: Go grocery shopping. With a list.

Why start with food, on this journey towards keeping the Sabbath better? Well, Sabbath is a celebration - a celebration of the goodness of creation, the creativity of our amazing God, and the beauty of redemption. All good celebrations should involve some sort of a feast - and on the Sabbath, traditionally celebrated by God's people as the "queen" of all days - we should be eating the best meals of the week. Healthful, extravagant, shared.

I'm working on building a balanced schedule of sharing that first Sabbath meal with friends versus simply sharing it with Jesus. And with Lent coming up, it's time (again) to give up all those foods that don't help me at all and to move into a more healthful style of living anyway. So here's to giving up the fine art of procrastipreparation in favor of planning for the Sabbath, and a more healthy lifestyle in general.

when one falls down: dealing with sin together

2011-02-09T14:15:00.000-06:00

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiates 4:9-12)

You hear these verses a lot at weddings, and rightly so, but its applications are so much more universal. This principle is true in marriage, yes, but also in our friendships and in the Church. We (all of us: you and me, Torch as a whole, and every church in our county, state, country, the world) are one body. (1 Corinthians 12:12-14) Each one of us, individually, is a part of something greater - we were meant for community, and a community we are - so, if one part of our community suffers, we all suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26). Just as having a broken arm affects the rest of our body via our central nervous system, the whole Church suffers when anyone within her suffers. We're not always aware of it - our toes don't generally seem to notice if we have a migraine - but the truth is, while our toes may not be aware that they're not being called on to bear our weight as much because of the migraine keeping us flat on our back, it is affecting them. And so it is with the Church.

I was really blessed this week, reading the post Pastor Carter wrote and emailed to our church, detailing his personal struggles with lust, and recommending some practical steps to take for those of us who deal with it as well. I appreciated his transparency, and I know that God is using his story to help others. But as I read, I found myself in the same camp as his wife: I don't quite get it.

Pornography isn't a hard-core issue for me, so there are other things that simply aren't an issue either: I can view some forms of art and see beauty, where others would simply find a stumbling block. I can wear certain clothes and feel completely decent, while others dream of the early 1800s and all those high-necked and long-skirted dresses women used to wear. There are doorways to sin for men that are NOT a doorway to sin for me.

So what do I do?

How can I best be a part of this community that is the Bride of Christ, exercising my freedom in Christ to be who I am - while respecting that fact that there are people - in this body - who wrestle with things that I don't find to be a problem?

In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul discusses an issue that may seem a bit foreign to us. In his day, there were all kinds of temples that honored many different gods and idols, and people were free to worship wherever they wished. Worship, in those days, included the sacrifice of various animals - but after the sacrifice was made, the actual (essentially barbequed) meat sometimes ended up on the tables of the various priests of each god/idol, but also sometimes ended up being sold at the market (since there was only so much each priest's family could eat). For a Christian in this environment, it could pose a bit of a problem. It was forbidden for the Jews to eat meat sacrificed to idols - and most early Christians still followed Jewish laws... but did it count if you bought a steak at the market and didn't know it was previously sacrificed to somebody else's God? And what if it was? You knew the truth: The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it! (Psalm 24:1) Thank God for the steak, and eat it, for heaven's sake! But at the same time... this steak was offered to a demon, not to God. So wasn't it tainted, somehow?...

Paul very wisely said this: "'I have the right to do anything,' you say - but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything' - but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." (1 Corinthians 10:23-24). The steak is fine - you're free to eat it - but if it makes your brother stumble, for the sake of his conscience - opt to be a vegetarian today! It's not going to hurt you, and it will only help your brother if you don't.

So how do I help my brothers (and sisters) when they wrestle with something I don't? I choose not to exercise the freedom I have in Christ - for their benefit. I choose to care more about them than I do about myself. I make choices that will help them. I choose to enter into their suffering, as if it were mine.

And if I don't get it? If I have no idea what makes them stumble or what helps them stand?

I ask questions. Not because I need to, or because it's required - but because I care. I care too much for my brother to send him a link to an awesome Katy Perry song because the album cover artwork might be an issue for him. I care too much for my sister to loan her this really great book I just read because there's that one scene in the middle that might cause her to stumble. I care too much to just let this all slip by as if it didn't matter. Is pornography an issue for me? Nope. But it is for my sister in Christ. It is for my brother in Christ. So it will become one for me, so that when my brother or sister falls down, I will know (at least a little) how to help them up - and how to help them not fall down again.

And so it should be - not just with this sin, but with every sin. Because sin causes us to suffer, and when one of us suffers, we all do, whether we know it or not. Thanks be to our God-with-us, who understands this intimately. For "because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18)

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

And let us approach that throne of grace together - holding each other up when we cannot stand alone.

Amen.

an adjective-defying experience

2011-02-06T20:39:00.002-06:00

i realize there's a bit of irony in using the compound adjective "adjective-defying" to describe my experience this weekend... but i'm not sure there really is just one word that would work. "awesome" doesn't quite touch it - tho it's close.

i went "home" this weekend. home to a place where i now know very few people, home to a place that still brings me so much comfort and safety just by being in it. i cheered (literally, out loud) when i crossed the Michigan border, and i kid you not, at one point about an hour later, i suddenly realized that i'd been grinning like an idiot for awhile... :)

i spent two glorious days in a luxury, eco-friendly hotel.

i ate - and ate - and ate! - amazing food: scrambled eggs, bacon, roasted potatoes, rye toast, flatbread pizza LOADED with feta and kalamata olives, chicken corn chowder, minestrone, fish and chips.

i had red wine and orange juice and hot buttered rum (my favorite espresso drink at the best coffee shop in the world). i had an amazing cup of french-press coffee.

i spent time with two dear friends i haven't seen in years.

i worshiped with them and with some other friends at a church that has grown astronomically since the last time i was there.

i listened to beautiful music - classical, pop, worship, Irish (in the Irish pub where i had the fish and chips), and folk.

and i read. an entire book. cover to cover. and it changed my life. is changing. will change.

there are no words that could ever completely describe these two days spent doing all these amazing, blessed and life-altering things with the Lord - but here are a few that just begin to get at it:

beautiful. wonderful. tough. amazing. unexpected. lovely. abundant. peaceful. right. true. dangerous. blessed. intimate. challenging. restful. pure. long. short. (far too short.) lonely. communal. lush. restorative. informative. formative. social. sweet. transformative.

i'm sure there are others that describe it as well.

i hope to be able to unpack some of it over the next few weeks. stay tuned.

and in the meantime: go buy yourself a copy of Dan Allender's Sabbath... i won't tell you that it will change your life. but it did change mine. and it's a good book.

prayer and fasting and faith on the earth - part two

2011-01-31T10:21:00.003-06:00

I've been on a bit of a journey, off and on over the past few years, periodically fasting and praying for the healing of a good friend. I am still confident that God has said "yes" - I actually have a sticky note on my refrigerator detailing the day it happened - but we haven't seen it yet. For awhile I felt like it was time to cease praying and simply wait for God's yes to come - but lately I've been feeling a little more urgency to start praying again. And I've found myself in unexpected conversations with people about healing, and I feel that once familiar stirring to pray for "greater things" again... but I'm still not quite sure what to do with all of it, intellectually, anyway.

You may want to backtrack a bit and read the first post in this series so you can follow my train of thought as I continue to process all of this. Here's the link:

prayer and fasting and faith on the earth - part one (you'll want to read the comments too)

Okay, so fast-forward to this weekend. I have some friends who recently have been experiencing a degree of success in praying for people to be healed. On Saturday, they were hanging out with some other friends of theirs who had a prophetic word that there was someone with a left shoulder that was bothering them, and God wanted to heal it. They asked people they met all day, but they never found anyone.

Sunday morning, I woke up early in a ton of pain. Somehow in the night, something had happened to my left shoulder, and I could hardly move it. The muscle behind my shoulder blade just ached, and reaching for things was intensely painful. This did not bode well, as I was leading worship yesterday. So I emailed some of the prayer warriors in our church and asked them to pray for me. All morning long, people prayed - and when it came down to it, there were two kinds of prayers being prayed.

The first type made sense to me - "God, we know You can heal, and we want that - but if you choose not to, then please just give her the strength to carry on and lead well this morning." Yep. Believing that I would be able to lead was no problem - but believing that I'd do it pain-free came harder. So this was a prayer with which I could easily agree. I wanted to be healed - don't get me wrong - and I believe with all my heart that my God who once made the sun stand still, and once even made time go backwards is certainly able to heal my shoulder - but there was an intellectual assent that He might not. Was that faithless? Or practical? I'm not sure.

Then there was another type of prayer prayed over me. The sort of prayer that went more along the lines of "Shoulder, we command you to be healed in the Name of Jesus, to be restored to the way God created you to be." Now theologically I don't have a problem with that prayer at all. As I explained in part one of this series, I believe that it is entirely biblical to tell someone to be healed. But it didn't happen.

It hasn't caused a crisis of faith - I still believe (possibly irrationally, but I don't care) that God can heal, that He wants to heal, and that it's entirely likely that I may one day finally screw up the courage to practice healing, embracing success and failure alike as my friends are doing, and learning from the process. I'm not in the least upset that I woke up this morning with my shoulder still aching. But I do sort of wonder why He said "no."

It's possible that it's simply to grow my faith. Leading worship from that place yesterday was difficult, but it was also one of the sweetest runs I've had in a long time. I don't often feel God's presence when I lead - it's a much more intellectual and practical experience that most would expect - but yesterday He gave me the grace to actually feel engaged in worship, and it was a joyous morning. I wasn't pain-free, but it was bearable while I was on-stage, and that was an answer to prayer. But I wonder. I'm encouraged that He told people I don't even know, so that my friends would be on the lookout for an opportunity to pray for healing, and so that I'd feel incredibly loved by a God who was thinking of me before I even knew what the day would hold. But with all of that - why wasn't I healed yesterday?

Praying on the way home, I felt like He said it would be a while. I'm okay with that - tho I'll be honest and say that I'm kind of hoping (er, wishing...) for a short while as opposed to, you know, months. It's a muscle ache - it will eventually sort itself out. I'm not worried about it, just uncomfortable. But I wonder what it is that I'm to learn from all this, and if it is a matter of needing more faith - not very strongly wishing God would heal me, but being 100% positive (hoping, believing, confidently trusting) that He will.

And how does all of this affect (or should it affect?) the way I pray for other people in need of healing?

I'm not sure. More reflections to come in a day or two. But in the meantime - thoughts?

a shameless plug for what looks like a GREAT movie

2011-01-29T18:00:00.001-06:00

Some friends from an era of my life which feels much longer ago than it actually was have been involved in the production of what looks like an INCREDIBLE movie. I will definitely be looking for it when it comes out.

You can check out The Frontier Boys on Facebook or on the official website. :)

random ramblings, vol. 6

2011-01-29T17:50:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've written a rambling post, so since I'm procrastinating on any number of other things I ought to be doing, here you are. :) Seven random facts that have relatively nothing to do with anything.

1. Today was one of the most decidedly non-Sabbathy Sabbaths I've had in a really long time. I'm actually strangely glad to say that - mostly because it means that I've had a Sabbath on a weekly basis for a while now. But I'm feeling it this evening, the lack of Sabbath. I had literally a dozen errands to run today, things I just haven't had time to do; I managed to fit in nine of them before deciding the other three could wait. And actually, now that I've said that, I can't even remember what one of the remaining three was.... Anyway. All of that is to say that life has been incredibly fast-paced of late. Which makes me really happy about Random Rambling #2.

2. I'm going on vacation. :) Totally impromptu (well, somewhat planned, as I made reservations two days ago, but still... it wasn't on the calendar until last week!). It's just for a weekend, but I can't wait. Two days, mostly me and Jesus, in one of my favorite places. I have a rare Sunday off from Torch next week, and I'm looking forward to spending time in worship with some dear friends I haven't seen in far too long.

3. You know you're involved in church service planning when you evaluate the risk of buying a movie you've never seen before by factoring in whether or not the production company is included under your church's CVLI license... just in case there's a sermon illustration in there somewhere.

4. I haven't seen "Ladies in Lavender" or "A Room with a View" in far too long. I should fix that...

5. I have entirely too many unread books on my shelves. I wish I had time to fix that, too....

6. I'm looking for a really good Lenten devotional guide. Does anyone have one to recommend?

7. I'm sorry to say that my kitchen table is, once again, cluttered with unopened mail, mostly of the unwanted variety. I'm hoping to get to it tomorrow, but the good news is, I have a good friend coming over on Thursday, which will necessitate cleaning before then. :) One of these days, I really am going to get a handle on this.... And okay, I will just confess. I started a new box for that sort of thing somewhere around Christmas. But it is GOING DOWN by the end of February. Really. Mostly because I need that box for other things...

So there you have it. Seven random ramblings. Merry Christmas.

I suppose one of these days I should also take down my tree.....

full circle

2011-01-16T14:09:00.001-06:00

It's been an amazing journey these past few years. In May of 2007, I spent a few hours in the seminary library, studying commentaries for fun, and wrestling with a certain but still somewhat ambiguous calling - coming to terms with my inner Donna Reed and realizing that in spite of my hesitancy to find out what it was, God's call on my life was much different than I'd dared to dream. In July of 2008, I preached my first official sermon on a Monday night at a young adult group - using a sermon illustration that has become Torch quasi-legend. (Remember that time I got chased by a buffalo? lol. So does everybody else...)

And today? Today I am headed back to the library to begin research for my first ever Sunday morning sermon.

(AHHHHH!!!!!!) I am excited and terrified all at once.

It's a little surreal, looking back, and still feeling a tiny shred of that old reluctance to step out - but feeling at the same time, in spite of that little bit of sheer terror, so incredibly confident that God has called me to do this.

Nonetheless, I am very grateful that I have a month to write, re-write, and re-write again. :)

Wish me luck! Or better yet - pray that I get out of the way and am quiet enough to hear what He's speaking thru the text, and can relay it effectively. :)

Thanks!

a new venture

2011-01-12T19:00:00.001-06:00

As I grow into my role on staff at Torch, every now and again, I find something new on my plate. This month, it's blogging. :) Our website's been under construction for awhile, and now that it's (mostly) finished, there are all sorts of new features, including a pastor's blog. I've been asked to contribute, and this week, my first post went up.

Let me tell you - blogging for someone else's blog is challenging! :) Writing for our church blog is way different than just coming here to my virtual "room" and sharing my heart. But it was a really good stretch for my shepherding skills and my writing.

And since it's all I've got right now - here it is. :)

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Stay Dependent On Your King

Have you ever gotten to the end of your day, only to look back and realize that you were pretty much the worst version of yourself you could have possibly been?

Maybe you snapped at people left and right, for no particular reason, or over-reacted to situations that would have gone better if you’d just taken a minute to think (or to take a deep breath) before dealing with them

Maybe you cut someone off in traffic, or left that file on your desk at home in spite of the fact that you were supposed to give a big presentation - on all the info in that folder

Maybe the printer jammed (again) and you swore in front of your boss - who isn’t a believer.

Whatever it was - the sun’s going down, and all you want is a do-over. You know you’re not going to get it, but in the midst of all the guilt you feel over the myriad of ways in which you’ve screwed up, you’re resolute: tomorrow will go better. You will make better choices; you will keep your temper; you will get it right. And maybe, somehow, it will make up for today...

Except that it won’t.

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” - Isaiah 30:15 (NIV)

Ouch.

Suddenly, that resolution you just made seems a little ... well, ridiculous. Because honestly, without His help, there isn’t a whole lot of hope that tomorrow will go much better. Most of today went the way it did because you weren’t depending on Him; you were doing it on your own, and it didn’t work. You weren’t quiet, you didn’t trust Him, you felt guilty (but you didn’t repent - you didn’t do a 180 in your heart or with your actions), and you weren’t even slightly at rest. You were anxious and tense; your tone of voice was sharp when you spoke. You were - to sum it up - knee-deep in sin for most of the day.

Trying to do better might seem like the right thing to do, but the truth of the matter is, it’s not going to go any better tomorrow than it was today if you don’t get some help. No matter how genuinely you want to go into tomorrow representing Jesus - the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, it’s not going to happen if you try to do it on your own.

So what do you do?

Well, first, you repent for your sin, and admit that you can’t save yourself. Let’s look at that verse again, this time from the Message paraphrase:

“Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me - the very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.” - Isaiah 30:15b (The Message)

Did you catch that? Your salvation requires you to turn back to God and stop your ridiculous efforts to save yourself.

The Bible says: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” - Ephesians 2:8-10

It is by grace you have been saved, through faith... not by the things you do. Better still - the very faith you have in His grace? Even that isn’t yours; God gave you that, too! Your salvation is completely a gift, and all you had to do was ask for it. It wasn’t free - it was incredibly costly - but it was given to you as a gift, completely paid for, when you asked for it.

Now as Ephesians 2:10 points out, God does have things for you to do. Being kind to your coworkers, modeling a godly character in front of your kids, and living an upright lifestyle on campus are all important - but doing those things in love and obedience doesn’t save you. Jesus does. Did. Is. Will. Salvation and sanctification (becoming like the One who saves you) go hand in hand - but you have to stay dependent on Him. Jesus promised, “You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.” (John 15:3-4)

Stay dependent on your King.

Cease striving, beloved. Be still, and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10a) He is sovereign; He is your King. And as your King, He tells you: “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength.” Don’t allow yourself to be counted among those who “would have none of it.” And if those five words convict you, then ask yourself:

What is it that keeps me from repenting of my sin? (Is it my pride? My stubbornness? Too much self-reliance?)

What keeps me from resting in the knowledge that it is by grace that I have been saved? (Do I still feel like I need to prove my worth somehow to God?)

What is filling my life with noise, drowning out the still, quiet whisper of His voice to my heart? (Am I spending too much time watching movies, or reading? Is my schedule so full that I don’t have time to simply stop and wait on Him to speak to me?)

What is keeping me from completely trusting Him? (Am I afraid that He will let me down in some way? Or am I afraid of what people will think if I follow Him more openly than I do?)

Take some time today and wrestle with those questions. You might be surprised by some of the answers. You might even already know them. But once you’ve gone there, all that’s left to do is to tell Him, and to settle down in complete dependence on Him, putting your faith in His incredible, unending, limitless, and amazing grace.

It is yours. All you have to do is ask.

(cross-posted on the pastor's blog at www.torchchurch.tv)

Epiphany

2011-01-06T22:23:00.001-06:00

The church in which I grew up did actually celebrate Epiphany. No matter what night of the week it was, we went to church on January 6th. The sanctuary was still decked out in all its Christmas splendor, and the candles were lit in the stained glass windows. The service was quiet, reflective, beautiful. It was about journey, discovery, revelation, seeking, and finding. And it was one of the avenues by which God taught me to seek Him.

Much of the church calendar is simply a journey through the Scriptures, with pauses for reflection, repentance and celebration at appropriate moments. Today, Epiphany, is a reflective celebration day, and centers around the story of the wise men from the east who came to worship Jesus.

Reading their story again tonight, I was awestruck. These men - however many there actually were - travelled a really long way to give Jesus some rather unusual presents. They came, they worshiped - and then they went home.

(I wonder what they talked about - or if they even talked at all - on the way home...)

There is so much to learn from these wise men. They were God-seekers; they were people who paid attention to the signs of the times. They were faithful, determined, persistent. And they were worshipers.

There may have been days when they were tired - desperately tired - but they kept on, and they reached their goal. They sought Him - and found Him - and worshiped Him.

May we do the same this year.
Amen.

Book Review: The Heart Mender, by Andy Andrews

2011-01-05T22:30:00.000-06:00

Andy Andrews' The Heart Mender is an inspiring story about the power not just of love, but of forgiveness, community and faith. Intertwined with the love story of an American woman and a German soldier during World War II (and with the stories of their friends and neighbors) is a bit of the author's own story, as he uncovers the clues that lead him to discover the romance.

Andrews is a skilled storyteller, and weaves dialogue and description to create vivid and believable characters. The issues with which the characters struggle are real, and the answers to which they come are hard-won - but throughout the book is a firm and unyielding hope and confidence that love will, in the end, triumph. From beginning to end, the storylines illustrate the truth that bitterness and resentment do nothing but continue to wound, while making the choice to forgive can do everything towards bringing healing and hope to a broken heart.

One of the things I most appreciated about this story is that while it is a love story, it doesn't happen in isolation. It blossoms in the context of a community, and affects - and is affected by - that community. I love that. It makes the entire book feel even more true - because in real life, relationships do inevitably happen in the context of community.

I absolutely loved this story. I have actually read it twice now, and already loaned it to a friend. So I am happy to say that Thomas Nelson actually sent me an extra copy to give away on my blog! :) If you're intrigued and would like to read it, please let me know by commenting below. Your names will be entered in a drawing, which will take place a week from Saturday.

Disclosure in agreement with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising": I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Christmastide reflections

2010-12-30T05:17:00.000-06:00

It is four o'clock in the morning on the sixth day of Christmas, and I am up - against my will and against my better judgment. I can't sleep, and I can't figure out why - but as I've been sitting here, reading, thinking, trying to get past my frustration, I have realized some things.

Christmas, as I've shared before, has always been my favorite time of year. Even before I truly understood the gift that this holiday is, there was something about the lights and the quietness and the colors and the smells and the hope (even on an ocean coast) of snow - that was simply magical. Mysterious. Right. It was special; it was different; it was something I waited for all year.

I was so hopeful this year that the magic and the mystery would still capture my soul - and it has, in moments, here and there. But the pervading sense of joy and peace and happiness that filled my soul on December 23rd has gotten lost somewhere in the craziness of the past few days. The rest of the world has moved on past Christmas, and to a degree, I feel like I've been moving on right along with it.

But I'm not of that world, and as I've come in the past half hour to realize all the ways in which I've forgotten that this week, I have made a decision. I refuse to be swept by that tide any longer. It is Christmastide yet, and it is only half over. There is still waiting and watching to be done. There is still worship to offer. Praise to bring.

And so here I am, at what is now almost five o'clock in the morning, watching and praying, enjoying the lights on my tree and a cup of chai, and thanking God that He's stopped me in my tracks for this moment. I am, at last, putting down all the things that have distracted me all week, and am instead kneeling in my heart beside a manger, in awe of the tiny, quiet, perfect miracle that was actually the beginning of the greatest thing that has ever happened in the whole world. The very Son of God was born - to us, the Scripture says.

To us. For us. With us.

He was here.

He is here.

...and He is coming back.

In this quiet moment, there is nothing more real or more true, and I am filled with gratitude and wonder.

Merry Christmas, friends.

comfort and joy

2010-12-15T10:34:00.002-06:00

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him; and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song, I praise Him." (Psalm 28:7)

As we've been reading along in God's word and in The Uncluttered Heart this week, reflecting on joy, there is one idea that I've felt God driving home to me all week: whether or not you have joy is not dependent on whether or not you feel joyful.

It started with the reminder from Monday's reading about joy being a fruit of the Spirit. "Hap, you have my Spirit; therefore, you have joy." It isn't something I can produce on my own - it's something He grows in me. I may not experience the emotional benefits of it all the time, anymore than I experience the benefits of wearing my favorite (and very warm) sweatshirt while it's in the laundry - but just because I'm not aware of it, doesn't mean I cease to have it.

Because Jesus is my Saviour, I have the Spirit of God in me (John 14:16-17).
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).
Therefore, I have joy.

Awesome, right? But it gets even better. The Bible also tells us two other things about joy:

1. that the joy of the Lord is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
and 2. that joy replaces sorrow. (Esther 9:20-22, Isaiah 35:9-10, Isaiah 51:11, Jeremiah 31:12-13)

And this is a part of the good news of great joy that we wait for in this Advent season. (Luke 2:10). Emmanuel, God with us - Jesus - came to this world for a little while, experienced first hand what life is like for us, paid the price for our sins, and rose from the dead. Then, when He went back to His Father, He asked Him to send us His Spirit to help us - and one of the things the Spirit does is produce joy in our hearts - joy that strengthens us when we are weak and beaten down by the sorrows of this world; joy that foreshadows and is a promise of the lasting joy that will be ours, when all things fade away, and we are finally Home with Him.

Sorrow - no matter how deeply felt - is only temporary. Joy will come. Indeed, it is already here!

There is so much comfort in that.

"God rest ye merry, gentlemen" (and women). It's been my favorite Christmas carol for ages, and I love those words.

"God rest ye" - may God cause you to rest. "God rest ye merry" - may God cause you to rest with gladness in your heart.

Wherever you are today, friends, whatever the sorrows that burden your heart - my prayer for you is that you will remember the deeds of the Lord and His kindness toward you, that joy will flood your soul as you do, and that you will find at the end of this day that God really has rested ye merry.

on seeking peace

2010-12-11T18:50:00.000-06:00

All week long, the Spirit has been whispering the same half of a verse, over and over again, to my soul: "Seek peace and pursue it." (Psalm 34:14b)

Seek peace and pursue it. Seek peace and pursue it.

I've been trying. In this week of Advent Peace, I've been pursuing peace as if it were the elusive White Stag of Narnia. Every now and again, I've glimpsed it. I've found it in some unlikely places: Christmas shopping, driving around in my car, cleaning the house, charting Christmas carols. I've found it in likely places, too: the quiet moments when I've paused to worship, decorating Christmas cookies with our Tuesday night Advent group, having dinner with one of my best friends. But then something would happen, and I would find myself wondering where that peace had gone.

Seek peace and pursue it.

I will not go into the details of why this week was so incredibly difficult. I will simply say that I am so glad for the respite that this morning brought. Saturday is my Sabbath day - a day to worship and rest and simply be. For the first time since last Saturday, I did not roll out of bed with a task list. There are things to do today - grocery shopping for the holiday dinner I'm cooking tomorrow, Christmas shopping, etc. - but they can happen whenever I get to them, and it doesn't really matter to anyone else. Today there are no pressures, no demands, no responsibilities. Today I am free to finish decorating my tree, and to be my introverted self. Today... I can rest.

I am so glad God built Sabbath into our lives. He knew how desperately we would need it. A day to stop. Breathe. Remember Him. Reorient. Reprioritize. Oh, wait - life isn't actually about all that stuff that seemed so important last week. It's about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. Right. Okay, let's try that, then.

And again, I find myself so grateful for Advent, and a week that forced me, by its liturgical rhythms, to remember peace. I needed the daily reminder to be a shalom-bringer, and to look for the ways in which God was at work in the seeming chaos that was this week. I needed that constant whisper: "seek peace and pursue it."

One of the things I am learning (again) is that peace and rest go hand-in-hand. It is possible to be at peace in the midst of insanely busy seasons, to be internally at rest in the midst of complete craziness. I don't always live that way - and at the end of weeks like this past one, I am extremely grateful for mercy and grace and the promise of a new day! But if God tells us to seek peace and pursue it, it is because peace is something we need... and it is because peace is something that will be found for the seeking.

Our responsibility is not to "achieve" peace somehow - but to simply pursue it. And as we seek it, peace will come. For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14), and it is His promise that if we seek Him, He will be found (1 Chronicles 28:9).

There is so much comfort and joy in that. So God rest ye merry, friends - as we, with Hope and Peace, lean into Joy this coming week.

love, hope and habit

2010-12-03T10:08:00.001-06:00

"May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you." - 1 Thessalonians 3:12

I read this verse this morning, and I'll confess - my first thought was, "what does this verse have to do with Advent?" But as I reflected on this verse a little longer, it became clear to me that it might actually have everything to do with Advent. And here's why.

This week, we're thinking about Advent hope, right? The hope that we have because Christ was born - because "the Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood" (John 1:14, The Message). Now think for a minute about the people you know who know this hope. What kind of people are they? What adjectives would you use to describe them? (What adjectives do you think should describe them?)

People of hope have a positive outlook. They're the staff you meet in the store in the middle of the Christmas rush who take the time to smile at you, and make you feel like you're their only customer, even tho there's ten people in line behind you. They're the people who ring bells for the Salvation Army on street corners and wish all the people who don't seem to care a merry Christmas anyway. They're the people who get really bad news and yet try their level best to find a bright spot in the middle of complete horrible situations. They're the non-complainers. They're the people with whom you find yourself wanting to spend time because just talking to them is incredibly life-giving. They love you.

Are you a person of hope?

I'll admit it. I am - but I don't always act like it. But my attention was captured today by the words in the prayer from today's Uncluttered Heart post. The idea that hope is something that I actually need to practice hit home. When you practice something, you usually tend to get better at it over time.

So what will it take for me to practice hope today? And in so doing, will I "increase and abound in love" for people, as so many people of hope have abounded in love for me? Yes.

So that Scripture really does have everything to do with Advent...

One of the things I love most about Advent is that it isn't just about waiting for Christmas and remembering the Story. It's also about remembering that the Story isn't over yet. Here's another passage, written by the apostle John, that has everything to do with Advent, too:

I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: "Look, look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making His home with men and women! They're His people; He's their God. He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone - all the first order of things gone." (Revelation 21:3-4, The Message)

This gives me so much hope. And today, I'm going to remember it, and with His help, try to love Him and love people better simply by practicing a positive, hopeful outlook - no matter what this day may bring. And if I keep at it, one day being hopeful will simply be habit. (I'm hoping for it, anyway.) ;)

advent: stillness

2010-11-30T07:42:00.000-06:00

The verses for our devotional study today are Isaiah 2:3-4. In Verse 2, God says that "He will teach us His ways so that we may walk in His paths." The Message paraphase of this verse says that "He'll show us the way He works so we can live the way we're made."

There's so much security in that, isn't there? We were created to live life God's way, and He's promised to teach us everything we need to know to do that. No more running around, trying to figure out what it is we're supposed to be doing that we're not doing that's leaving us with this empty, unsettled feeling that there's got to be more to life that "this" (whatever it is). It is far more simple than that. All we need to do is follow the directions that He's given/gives/will give us.

But here's the thing about directions: you actually have to listen to them and do what they say for things to go well. I have a set of bookshelves I've put together myself, and let me tell you - the one I didn't read the instructions for is extremely unstable! And life works the same way - if we're going to live it well, there's a set of instructions to follow, and we need to listen to them.

Listening for God's voice takes time, patience and practice. It's possible to read His Word without actually understanding a word of it on the heart level where it's meant to instruct us. It's possible to pray frantically for help in a situation for which we need specific direction and then rush off without waiting for an answer, still trying to figure out what we're supposed to do, on our own.

But God's Word says there's a better way:

"...In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength..." - Isaiah 30:15

We need to get quiet.

Quite some time ago, a good friend of mine picked up the phone and made a reservation for me at a retreat center. I was leading a song at church that weekend, but there was something in the way - something that was blocking my ability to lead it from my heart. And so my friend packed me off to a retreat center for 5 hours, to sit quietly with God, and find from Him the wisdom and instruction I needed.

The first 1/2 hour was painful. I had about eighteen million things I was thinking about other than the task at hand. Getting quiet, internally, seemed like an insurmountable task. But my friend, far more seasoned in this sort of thing than I was, had warned me it would be like that, and I'd taken with me, on his advice, a notebook. Every time something came into my head that could be labelled as a "distraction" (for example: things to add to the grocery list, emails I needed to write, phone calls to make, etc.) - I just wrote it down, so I could deal with it later. And finally, all the head chatter faded, and I moved into silence, and waited.

And He spoke. Through His Word, through the beauty of creation all around me, directly to my heart - and even through the nap I ended up taking that day. And 5 hours later, I was so at peace, and knew what I needed to do to live the way I was made to live, instead of the way I'd been trying to live instead. I'd confessed the sin I needed to, and walked straight out of the barren wilderness of it into the rich, full mercy of God. It was beautiful.

And it began with being still.

Sometimes life can be so overwhelming. It's busy, frantic, fast-paced, and loud. It's tough to hear anything in an environment like that. But if we could just be still...

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - of whom shall I be afraid?.... I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:1, 13-14

But how do we do that? How do we "be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"?

Well, we repent for what we need to. We slow down and rest (even when there's a million things to do, because they will still be there later). We get quiet. We choose to trust Him (no matter what). And we listen. We listen for the Voice that will always speak truth, whose words are life and light to all who hear them, and who promised us that all we see is not all there is.

And we keep on waiting on Him, day after day, because we know, no matter how dark things may seem some days, that there is always hope.

"Do not be afraid, for I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be for all the people. Today in the town of David, a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10-12)

waiting. quietly, but with great joy...

2010-11-27T15:17:00.003-06:00

It's almost here!

Tomorrow is the first day of Advent, and I have been waiting for this moment for almost two months. No, actually, more like eleven and a half months.... I love Advent.

Some of my best childhood memories are centered around Advent. Decorating the banisters of our New England church sanctuary with real evergreens and red ribbons and candles and a Christmas tree so tall you could barely see the top from the floor. Replacing the green banners of Ordinary Time on the pulpit with the rich purple hues of Advent. Taking a break for soup and crackers with the church family, and eating out of the church's fine china dishes. (Washing and drying all those dishes after lunch!) Making wreaths to take home and hang on our doors. Waking up every morning to open the next little door on the Advent calendar that hung on the cabinet in the kitchen. Watching the colored lights twinkle in our tree. Setting up the Nativity scene on the bookshelf. Putting out our Christmas decorations. Listening to Kenny and Dolly and Amy Grant and Alabama and Bing Crosby and Manheim Steamroller and countless others sing Christmas carols, back in the days when we had actual records and cassette tapes. Wrapping Christmas presents. Popping popcorn and watching Christmas movies. Lighting a candle every Sunday on the altar at church, marking one more theme celebrated, one week closer to Christmas. Wondering why the third candle is pink.

And FINALLY - Christmas Eve. Dressing up, leaving home in the dark. Caroling outside the church for an hour before service for the people passing by and coming to church. Caroling some more indoors. The beauty of the Christmas story read aloud. Hearing a soloist sing "O Holy Night" and hoping that someday I'd get to sing it (one day, finally, I did). Lighting the Christ candle, and then passing the light of Christ's love from candle to candle through our historic church sanctuary and singing Silent Night together acapella. Watching the familiar faces of friends and family shine with the mystery and beauty of it all as we ended our service in quietness, peace, and candlelit wonder.

And now that I'm older, this season has become even more special than the magical memories it held in my childhood. For now I understand, in a way I didn't then, what this season is really all about.

Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joy, hope, peace, love, wonder - and waiting, expectantly, for something to happen. It's the pathway, the journey to Christmas. And with Christmas, comes radiant, amazing, overwhelming love - in the form of a baby boy, born in a stable. The very Son of God, laid in a manger, here to experience all that we do - and to make a way back to God for us.

God waited a long time to send His Son. He waited for the perfect moment. But while He was waiting, He did some things. He wrote it in the stars, that this baby was coming. Remember the Magi, following that star? Think about the fact that light takes time to travel, and that what you see in the sky is actually something that happened a really, really, REALLY long time ago - and think for a moment: God put a star in the heavens that would point the way to His Son AGES before His Son would be born. Does the wonder of it floor you, even just a little bit? He also promised us that a Saviour would come - His prophets foretold His coming, and His people waited, too. And then, finally - He came. And He is coming again.

For these four weeks of Advent we wait. We remember. We hope, dream, imagine, wonder, experience the mystery that is the gift of God's Son, born in the city of David: Christ the Lord. We sing special songs - songs we sing once a year. We celebrate. We give gifts that echo, tho they could never compare with, the Gift that we've been given. We light candles.

We wait. Quietly, but with great joy.

Last year for Advent, my friend Amanda and I did a devotional study together with a book and a website called The Uncluttered Heart, by Beth A. Richardson. We loved it so much that we've invited our church family to go through it with us this year. Nineteen people have signed up so far! We are super-excited about this. :)

And if you want to join us, we'd love that, too. The Uncluttered Heart website has all the info you need to get started.

Hope to see you there!

and Happy Advent-Eve. :)

you're welcome

2010-11-21T19:38:00.001-06:00

Have you ever been in an ordinary run-of-the-mill conversation and found yourself suddenly floored by something you just said?

This happens to me frequently when I'm with close friends, but it's usually in the context of saying something I probably should have run thru the filter first, or saying something to be funny and then joking about, "oh, did I just say that out loud?" But today it happened with two simple words that I've said thousands of times before without thinking about them at all:

"You're welcome."

It's just what you say, when someone says "thank you," right? But think for a minute about what those two words mean when you put them together outside of the generic, rote conversation in which you usually find them. "You're welcome."

You - are welcome. You're welcome.

Wow.

What does that mean? In French, it's "bienvenue," which translates literally to "good coming." You've come well; it's well that you came? I was glad to do what you're thanking me for because I'm happy you're here, that you're a part of my life.

You're welcome here.

My heart's posture toward you is one of welcome.

We say it to a lot of people, strangers and friends alike. But do we mean it?

Food for thought. :)

honesty, prayer, and the power of song

2010-11-14T23:20:00.001-06:00

Quite some time ago, I worked as a nanny for a family who had a little girl (who is now grown up and has graduated from college). Sometimes, at the end of the day, if her parents were away or working late, I had the privilege of tucking her in and listening to her prayers. They inevitably began one of two ways:

"God, thank You so much for this day!" (followed by an explanation of why said day was so awesome)

or

"God... (pause) ...this has not been the best day in the world." (followed by an explanation of why, but often followed by:) "BUT...."

and anything could happen then. "BUT - thank You that tomorrow is another day." or "BUT - thanks for being there with me anyway." or "BUT - i know You have a plan for this."

She taught me a lot about prayer. about God. and about being honest with God in prayer.

And tonight, listening to the Tallis Canon for about the 25th time today (because I've needed it that much - this song centers me, re-orients me to the Truth and to Life and to the way things should be) - I find myself praying:

"God, this was really not the best day in the world. There are so many things about it that I would go back and fix if I could. But I know You are good, and Your timing is perfect, and I will wait on You. I will to wait on You. I choose it. I will do this. I will wait, and I will trust You, and I will be honest and I may yell and rage and tell You exactly what I think, but at the end of the day, Lord, You are GOD and You can do anything You like with me and with this day and with my life. So here it is - and Glory to Thee, my God, this night, for all the blessings of the light - for there are so many, and they are all from You. Forgive me, Lord, for Thy own Son, the ill that I this day have done... I messed it up a lot today; I've messed it up a lot for ages. But You are good, and Your love endures forever. Your mercy knows no bounds. Your grace is sufficient for me. I trust You, Jesus."

Praise Him above angelic host; praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost - for He is worthy to be worshiped and honored and praised and extolled and loved and adored and trusted.

Somehow, it will all work out okay. And I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. So be still, o my soul, be still. Be still, and take heart, and wait for the Lord.

Be still, and take heart, and wait for the Lord.

prayer request

2010-11-08T09:45:00.000-06:00

it's been a crazy couple of days. my mom is in the hospital. two days ago she was at work, and she just coughed - and her lung collapsed. she was in surgery within hours. the surgery was successful, but she's going to be in the hospital for a few days, and is in a good deal of pain. and my poor mom - she dislikes hospitals even more than i do.

it's been tough to be so far away. my dad and my sister are there with her, but it's my mom, you know? i just want to be there, even if all i can do is sit and read while she's sleeping, and just keep her company while she's awake.

please pray for my mom. it's going to be a few weeks of recovery, and she's usually such an active person. this is going to be - this IS - really hard for her.

thanks.

meditation for worship and communion on All Saints Day

2010-11-02T07:15:00.004-05:00

I had the privilege of teaching last night at worship and communion, and thought I'd share my thoughts with you as well. :)

On the table next to my bed is a collection of things that are very special to me. I half-jokingly refer to it as an altar, because most of the objects on this table are actually icons - objects that, at least for me, point past themselves to God.

There are a lot of things on this little altar, but here are just a few:

There's a birthday card from a friend and mentor. On the inside, he wrote, "God does have a plan for your life, Happy, and it is greater than your dreams." This card came at a time when I really needed to hear that, and he had no idea how timely his words were. And now, every time I see it, I am reminded that it's true - that God's dreams for me are greater than my own, and that His plan is perfect and can be trusted. The card is an icon that leads me into His presence and inspires me to worship Him for who He is: Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.

Another icon that reminds me of God's provision is a car key. My senior year in college, I took a job - the only job I could find - but it was across town, and I had no way to get there. I was telling a friend about my dilemma, and right then and there, he just gave me his car, for the whole year. His generosity reminds me to be that ridiculously generous, and this key reminds me that even when I can't see a way, God always has a plan and will provide exactly what I need.

There's also a nickel - which reminds me of something a man named John Wimber said once. He said, "I am just a nickel in God's pocket, and He can spend me any way He wants to." That quote really hit me the first time I read it - and comes to mind often (usually when I don't want to be spent the way I'm pretty sure God wants to spend me...) The quote reminds me that I belong to Jesus, not to myself, and that acknowledging His sovereignty - His Lordship over my life - is always the best way to live, and that surrendering my life is actually an act of worship. Again, it's an icon, connected to a story that points me to Jesus.

There are a lot of icons that the church has turned to over the years as well: things like the cross, stained glass images of Bible stories, sometimes even actual church buildings... We have to be careful with icons - it can be easy to turn an icon into an idol if we're not careful. How can you tell if you're doing this? The minute an icon becomes more important to us than the One to whom it is supposed to point us, we're in trouble - but icons can actually be very helpful in assisting us, as His word tells us in Psalm 77, to remember the deeds of the Lord.

It occurred to me as I was thinking about communion this weekend that Jesus gave us an incredible gift in this sacrament that we celebrate. This loaf of bread and this cup are icons that point past themselves to Jesus, and remind us of what He's done. We come to the Table, we see these two things, and we instantly remember that we are saved solely by grace through faith in Christ, and not by anything we've ever done.

This is the story: God's word tells us in Matthew 26 that "while they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, and gave it to His disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then He took the cup, gave thanks, and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

We know from Scripture, especially passages like 1 Corinthians 11, in which Paul gives instructions to the church as to how to celebrate it rightly, that the church very early on began to celebrate what God had done for them in Christ by eating bread and drinking the cup together. Communion is a centuries-old feast of remembrance, and in coming to this Table tonight, we do, as Paul says, "proclaim the Lord's death until He comes." We remember the amazing grace that was given to us as Jesus went to the cross for OUR sins, and we give thanks. And we come together, as Christians have always done, because this gift was for ALL of us.

So tonight, as you come to the Table, I simply want to encourage you to stop for a moment and remember. This is a serious moment. We come to this Table with great joy and gratitude, but Paul also warns us to come with a proper mindset. He says, "...whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself." (1 Cor. 11:27-29)

So let's take a few minutes to pause and reflect. What is it that Lord has done for us? What has He saved us from? Is there any sin in our hearts that we haven't confessed to Him yet? Let's clear that up now, confess what we need to, and receive His forgiveness where we need it. And then come joyfully, together, each of us as we're ready, to celebrate and remember the mercy and the grace that was given to us through His broken body and shed blood, represented by this loaf of bread and this cup - icons that remind us of a very simple, but very profound truth: God loves us.

In the Reformed church, where I spent a lot of time in college, at this point in the service, they say, "come, for all things are now ready." I love that - because the truth is, Jesus HAS prepared this table for you, in the presence of your enemies, and because of His death and resurrection - surely goodness and mercy WILL follow you, all the days of your life, and you will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

So come, for all things are now ready.

rest in peace

2010-10-27T22:37:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine died on Monday. It was an automobile accident, late at night, very sudden, very unexpected.

I didn't know him super well, not nearly as well as many of my friends did, but he was a great guy. Shy. Quiet.

Completely in love with the Lord.

And now he's home.

It's a little unreal.

My heart is breaking for the people who knew him best. Who will miss him more than I can imagine missing anyone. Who will need to say Kaddish.

Rest in peace, Rylan. We are so very glad for you that you are home with Him, but you will be greatly missed.

random ramblings, vol. 5

2010-10-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

it's been over a year since my last post to the random ramblings series, so here you go: random ramblings, in no particular order of importance (if any).

1) did you know chaos is actually orderly? i'm pretty sure it's true. i read part of an entire book about it for my AP Calculus class in high school. and no, i can't recall a single time i've ever used anything else i learned in AP Calculus. (actually I can't recall much of anything else i learned in that class, either.) but i did retain that random fact, and one other: cauliflower is self-similar. if you don't believe me, go look at a head of cauliflower. every little piece of the cauliflower looks like a miniature version of the larger head of cauliflower.

i am pretty sure i've remembered this mostly because cauliflower is such a cool word. and i have a vague recollection of actually writing an entire philosophy of ministry paper using the self-similarity of cauliflower as a major introductory illustration. i don't remember what i argued or why, but i remember doing it.... if i ever find the paper, i may revisit this random rambling. :)

2) those of you who have been reading my blog for some time will be happy (i hope!) to note that (drum roll, please...): there is no longer a single (basket/ container/ drawer/ bag/ box/ what-have-you) of junk mail anywhere in my flat. (insert cheering noises here.) this has, unfortunately, had a negative impact on my kitchen table. but being as how i have people over every now and again, the pile tends to be eradicated at least once every two weeks, which, as you know, is a drastic improvement over times past. it's the little things in life... :)

3) i am sorry to report that i am once again not making coffee in the mornings. :( i love coffee. i love it dearly. but even decaf is not sitting well these days. sadness. (sniff) but yay for Mayan Chocolate Tea.

4) i am reading a book entitled Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership (How To Become An Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures) by Gary L. McIntosh and Samuel D. Rima. (i'm reading it for a book-club-ish type small group.) it's actually not quite as gloom and doom as I feared from the title; lots of very interesting case studies.

but i'm about 3/4 of the way thru, and in the section you might consider "practical application," the authors are discussing the process by which you actually begin to deal with the darker side of your personality. they've gone to great lengths to explain that having a dark side is normal, and that it's just part of being human. now they're trying to take the edge off the fact that actually dealing with it can be (especially when you're starting out) a long and daunting, time-consuming, tough, emotional process - by explaining what the process doesn't entail.

And I quote:

the process does not require you to "utter cathartic screams of inner cleansing."

what does it say that I read that and felt disappointed? lol.

personally, i think sometimes all you need is one great big long cathartic scream of inner cleansing. it may not actually fix anything, but it IS actually somewhat cathartic. (read - it makes you feel better.) ;)

5) i have 22 lbs of apples in my kitchen, just waiting to be made into pies and applesauce. YUM.

6) my third annual road trip with Jesus was awesome. and it was in August. i am sorry i did not take pictures this year, but i will still try to write about it a bit - hopefully this weekend. :)

7) i sat in a chair at a local coffee shop tonight that was labelled (by my friend) as "an epic fail." who knew chairs could fail epically? but this one did. it looked like it was going to be an amazingly comfortable leather chair. the sort you just sink into and don't want to get out of. ever.

it wasn't.

leaving the sidelines

2010-09-18T08:10:00.006-05:00

I had an unusual dream a couple nights ago. In a lot of ways, it was just one of those standard, wow, my brain just super-imposed a lot of different things from my normal day-to-day life in a really strange way sort of dreams. But as I've been thinking it over the past couple of days, it seems to me that God was actually speaking through it.

I dreamed that a very good friend of mine from another church came to lead worship for Torch one day, but we weren't in a theatre; we were in a small stadium, complete with tiered seats, sections, and seating along the sides of the stage. Rehearsal was going well. I remember being extremely happy as conversations took place, watching friends from two distinct parts of my life connect and become friends and serve the Lord together. I also remember being extremely busy, running about, getting things done, answering questions, managing details - you know, all the stuff that usually makes up my pre-service Sunday mornings. :)

And then it was time. People were filling the seats, the lights were about to come up, and the service was about to start. The band walked onstage, and I took a seat at the side of the stage, expecting a birds' eye view, and wanting to be close to the action.

And then this gigantic tent popped up and covered the entire stage, and I couldn't see anything. I could hear the music, and I could see the packed room erupting in heart-felt worship, but I couldn't see a thing except the side of this ridiculous tent. It was so disappointing. A friend from the band came to sit with me when they were done, but she sat where she could see and we talked across a gap of a few chairs. She was sympathetic, which was nice, but it didn't help me see, or connect to anything that was going on in the room.

And then my alarm went off.

Weird, I thought - and laughed a little at some of the strange superimpositions. The tent in particular amused me because I knew where it came from in real life (it's small and plastic, lol). And I didn't really think anything of it, at first - but the dream kept re-surfacing in my head all day, and I found myself thinking about it again last night as we were praying at a leadership meeting.

And I feel like what the Lord is saying to me through it is this: I have a choice about where I sit.

How often do I choose to sit on the sidelines, watching what's going on around me, instead of getting smack in the middle of it? I'm not saying this is always a bad choice - as an introvert and a wallflower, I rather like it, and it's emotionally healthy to be there... sometimes. But how much do I miss, when I choose the sidelines? Where do I need to take a risk and sit right in the middle of things, becoming an active participant instead of a passive observer?

I'm not 100% sure what the answers to those questions are, but I think mostly it's the principle of the thing - simply being aware that, while heaven knows I'm knee-deep and in the center of a lot of things, there are probably areas where I need to step out a little more. Maybe I need to be a little more intentional about talking to people I don't know very well and asking them to tell their stories. Maybe I need to comment a little more often (instead of being a silent reader) on the amazing blogs that my friends (both those I've met and those I haven't) write. Maybe I need to be a little more proactive about just telling people how good God is, without waiting to be asked to tell my story.

Maybe? No, I do.

What about you? Where do you sit? And where do you want to?

leading worship and learning to fly

2010-09-05T15:24:00.010-05:00

I remember a night not so long ago, back in my rookie days of being a worship leader, walking out to my car one night after leading worship for our young adult group, and pretty much just weeping with frustration. There was (and is) little else I love more than leading worship, whether I'm doing it from stage or behind the scenes, with music or without - but on that particular night I felt like I'd failed so miserably. It wasn't that things had gone poorly or that people hadn't met with God - they had. But I felt so disconnected from everything that was going on, and it just seemed so... off.

How could I lead people in worship when I had absolutely no awareness or understanding of what God was doing in the room? And it had always been that way, every single time I'd ever led. I felt so... detached. I was certain there was something I was missing, that I was doing something wrong, and I began to question whether or not I was even really called to do this. I longed so much to help people connect relationally with the Lord in worship, but if I couldn't model it - if I couldn't connect - then how in the world could I ever expect to lead worship well?

My mentor, Matt, told me something that night that's stuck with me. "Hap," he said, "Leading worship is kind of like riding a bike. Once you take off the training wheels, you've got your hands full just trying not to fall off. There are so many things to think about - balance, speed, destination, where the brakes are, how and when to shift gears to make it up that hill - and it takes a ton of concentration. You don't see a whole lot of what's going on around you. But if you keep at it, if you keep practicing, there will come a day when you won't have to think about it quite so much. And you'll be biking along, and all of a sudden you'll feel the wind in your face, and you'll look up and there before you will be the most glorious sunset you've ever seen, and you'll take your hands of the handlebars, and you'll fly."

(I'm sure he said it much better than that, but that was the gist of it.) And it's given me so much hope.

I led worship this morning for the first time in awhile, and I walked into church rather wondering if today would be the day. There were moments in rehearsal this week when that metaphorical sunset was glorious; His Presence was so sweet. And every time I've played through this set over the past two weeks, joy has just bubbled up in my soul. It seemed so clear that there was going to be a moment to fly...

And from all reports, there was - and people did. And I'll be honest and say that I did sense His leading as I led, in a way that I haven't always - but it still wasn't quite the soaring I'd hoped for. It was still a lot of thinking about balance and timing and wondering if people were with us or if we'd lost them somewhere during that instrumental back there, and was I going to whack anyone with my guitar if I turned to signal our drummer to bring it down for the next verse? And why, oh, why hadn't I thought to bring a notebook for my music this morning like I usually do, and did we really have time to do both of those songs at the end of the service or should I cut one out on the fly, and.... Well. I'm sure you see where this is going. Lots of thinking, quite a bit of emotional detachment.

Oh, well. There will be other days. And honestly, I'm actually pretty happy that I can walk away from this morning knowing that in spite of the fact that there's still a constant stream of mental chatter when I'm leading, I did actually lead well today, and there's a sense in which I've finally grown up into this calling, however much growing I still have to do. I may not have felt the wind in my face - but I knew it was there.

Mark's told me more than once that he thinks God often doesn't let me see what He's doing when I lead in order to keep me humble and dependent on Him. And if that's what it takes, then I'm so okay with that. But I do have to say - those moments this week when I did fly? They were pretty amazing. Mostly because He's so amazing. And because there, in those moments, I caught the slightest glimpse of His glory.

And it was breathtaking...

so, about that "next thing"....

2010-08-01T16:48:00.005-05:00

This morning marked the beginning of a whole new season in my life.

I have become an associate pastor at my church.

!!!!!!!

I feel suddenly and unexpectedly grown up.

(tho I will probably get over it...)

My actual tasks from week to week probably won't change much at first, tho there will undoubtedly be a few new things added over time. As Mark pointed out (in one of the many conversations we had this summer, leading up to this decision), becoming an associate pastor is - in many ways - simply giving a name to something God was already doing in my life. He's given me a shepherd's heart, and a lot of leadership gifts that I have slowly (and, at times, fitfully) grown into over the past few years. This morning, my pastor and my church acknowledged that, and they prayed and cheered me into a new season of stepping out into those giftings more fully.

I am... excited. terrified. humbled. joyful. I am certain that I will learn a lot, and that I will grow in ways I can't even imagine. And I am confident that this is "the next thing" in which I am to trust God and simply follow Him.

It's going to be an amazing season.

Happy Birthday, Torch Church!

2010-07-18T19:37:00.005-05:00

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year already. It's been a wild ride, and full of God's favor. Here are a few fun facts in honor of Torch's first birthday:

1) 80 people gave their lives to Jesus this year at Torch.

2) We have gone from being a young adult ministry to being a multi-generational and ethnically diverse community in only a year.

3) We STILL have new people coming almost every week. (They don't always come back, but sometimes they do!) We began with a core group of about 40 people - some of whom are no longer with us - and our weekly attendance now averages 70-100 people per week.

4) It has not rained or snowed in any significant way during load-in or load-out AT ALL for an ENTIRE year of Sundays. (What are the odds of that?!)

For all its trials and tribulations, it has been one amazing year. We've all grown up a lot, I think - there was so much we didn't know when we started, and some of the learning curves were tough. We've learned - sometimes by fire - the importance of community, of intentionality in relationship, of sometimes setting aside the never-ending task lists to just hang out and have fun - and we have seen the glory of God on display in our services and in the refining He's done in our lives as we've brought our hearts and our giftings and offered them to Him. It's been a truly incredible year.

Next year looks to be pretty exciting, too... I'm looking forward to new adventures in simply trusting God, and doing the next thing. ;)

reconciling with Oswald

2010-07-02T22:41:00.007-05:00

My Utmost for His Highest.

I started reading it when I was in college, but found I disliked it, rather intensely. There was truth in it, but I felt so judged. So short of the mark. So I put it back on the shelf, where it collected dust, until finally I admitted to myself that I was only keeping it because it was reportedly part of any well-read Christian's library. I "wasn't ever going to read it" - so I gave it away, probably to Goodwill - maybe to a friend who wanted it - I have no idea. Either way, it's gone now.

And I'm finally, years later, a little bit sorry.

I listened to an audiobook this spring - David McCasland's Abandoned to God - a biography of Oswald Chambers. I have no idea what on earth possessed me to download it. Likely it was more that Someone in heaven prompted me to do it. It is one of the best books I have ever heard, and I am looking forward to someday owning a print copy to mark up. As the story neared the end, I found myself hoping that Oswald would not die, even though I knew he would. I was sad to come to the end of the book - it felt like losing a dear friend. I think I will likely listen to it again this summer - it was that good.

Oswald and I would have been friends, I think. He had a passion for seeing the arts restored to the church. He loved nothing better than long walks in the country and the company of good friends, talking about the Lord and His great love for us. He wrote some pretty amazing letters. He was funny. He loved music. He loved to travel. He learned to trust God through some very tight financial times. And he exercised his faith. Feeling undeniably called to it, Oswald and his wife once rented an enormous house to serve as a school - before they ever had a single student or a stick of furniture to put in it. Eventually, the Chambers and several of their students would serve overseas as missionaries in Egypt during the war. Oswald died there, of complications from appendicitis - and his wife, who had transcribed almost every message he had ever taught, devoted much of the rest of her life to publishing them. My Utmost for His Highest is actually a collection of short summaries from hour-long messages he preached to soldiers camped in Egypt. Knowing that, and knowing more of the adventurous, kind spirit behind the words, makes me want to read it again - for now I know that the man who spoke those words would never have spoken condemnation into anyone's life.

Oswald and his wife lived their life together by a very simple mission statement: "Trust God, and do the next thing." They dreamed often of what could be - prayed over those dreams, and asked the Lord for direction - but at the end of the day, even when they were certain of what God was calling them to (and when they were not), they left the future in His hands, and simply did what they knew was in front of them to do for that day. This seems to me to be a very wise way to live one's life.

My pastor told me recently that over the past few months he's watched me let go of what seemed at one time to be an almost desperate desire to know the "destination" (where are You calling me, God? and what am I supposed to do with my life?!) in favor of embracing the journey - the life lessons and joys of the here and now. It made me glad to see that what God began working in my life last fall was actually visible to someone else. I still have a lot of hopes and dreams for the future - many of which seem ridiculously unattainable - but I am less concerned than I used to be with how I will get there, or when, or even if - and much more concerned with living this life I've been given well. I do not always succeed at it; I have a remarkable gift for mucking things up sometimes. But I find myself more watchful for what today holds than I used to be. And it is good.

So today? Laundry. Dishes. Picking up a little. Going for a good long bike ride this afternoon. Cooking. Reading. Being at rest. And getting some stuff done for Torch tomorrow. It's our last week of a nine week sermon series, the staging for which involved a great many live plants, which I have been schlepping back and forth weekly. I am giving most of them away to any home that will take them, and looking forward to getting my windowsill back. It's the little things in life.... ;)